Cleaning the fish tank - June 21st, 1999 - Allan Milligan
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)
I love poetry. Tomorrow is going to be poetry day at Double Agent. Send in your best poems, and I will respond to each one with a rhyming couplet. My recently use of narcotics have nothing to do with this decision, and I resent your accusation. I feel like I'm a feather torn from the wing a black dove as it glides over mountaintops. There's no such thing as too pretentious. | Who nose? | hey just checking out Quest's webpage recently, found something interesting. Those people who thought Final Fantasy Tactics' noseless people were creepy are gonna get the jigglies looking at Ogre Battle 64's character designs. Not only do they lack noses, but they also lack mouths and look like lego polygons. Check it out. |
I've seen these pictures before, and I have but one question for all of you readers: When these guys get colds, how in the world do they expel mucus? And on that pleasant note, we get into the meat of the day's letters... | Anthology music and Lunar EB | hey Double Agent, I've heard the music in FF Anthology sucks,but I read in a recent Gameprothat it will have its music redone to sound better on the Playstation. Isthis true or are they just uninformed again? And on another note, what madeLunar: Eternal Blue so much better than Silver Star? Spuzzz |
The music for the FF Anthology, on balance, sounds about as good as the original, IMO. Some tracks sound better, some sound not as good, and especially in FFIV, there's some adjustment needed. But all in all, only the diehards will notice a difference, and even then, it's not that bad. Or good, for that matter. As for Lunar: EB, tastes vary. Between the Sega CD versions, the differences were more clear-cut: EB had better and more colorful graphics, better and more voice and anime cutscenes, more complex battles, more characters, yadda yadda. EB was developed later, and is thus technically superior in every single way to the original. Between SSS and the EB remix, it's purely up to taste. I prefer EB because I find the cast generally more interesting - Jean is the perfect mix of sexiness, style, and effect, Ronfar's the most original healer in RPG history, and... it really depends on who you ask. | Questions | I've got a couple of questions for ya pal. 1) When will this FF movie be out in theaters? I know with movies like Toy Story ti took years to do all the animation. have they even started that much with the FF movie? |
Development of the FF Movie is well underway at Square Honolulu, and it should see theatrical release in the summer of 2001. 2)Do you think DQ7 will be released in America? I heard that if Enix doesn't translate it, Sony will. (and don't say it depends on the success of this stupid Star Ocean game because they are totally diffrent) |
Well, let me think. They're games in the same genre developed by the same company, with prospects to be translated by the same US branch of the same company, and released on the same system in the same fiscal year, delays pending. Yeah, Star Ocean 2 and Dragon Quest VII are totally different. The situations are totally dissimilar, you bet your sweet bippy. Enix is testing the waters with Star Ocean 2. If it nets a decent profit, they'll be more open to letting companies port their games to the US market. If it bombs, they'll be more stingy. You may not want to believe that this is the situation, but it is, so deal with it. 3) Is there any progress with this Parasite Eve movie? I heard Madonna bought the movie rights. |
There is no news regarding a possible Parasite Eve movie. 4) How about the Resident Evil movie? Is that on the horizon anywhere? |
Resident Evil will be a direct-to-video porn movie, released only in the two westernmost provinces of Canada. John Rhys-Davies stars. 5) Is the new Legend of Mana going to be multiplayer like the SNES game? It would be fun to play and beat it together with my little brother like I did with the SNES game. |
Legend of Mana supports two-player gameplay. 6)Do you think all these rumors of Chroonotrigger 2 have any foundation fo truth in them? Do you think Square is actually in the makings of a new Chronotrigger game? |
They're developing it, will print off seventy copies, and then destroy them on international television, just to piss you off. To close out I'd like to say that a group called Partial Translations is almost done with making a totally English translated Dragon Quest 5 (the sequel to Dragon Warrior 4) and they should be done around July. So everyone rush and get your SNES emulators roaring because this is a must play game for anyone who likes RPGs!!! Pendy (who will go totally balls out bitchin ballistic if DQ7 is not released in America!) |
For the record, I still think Dragon Quest V is highly overrated, and the absolute nadir of the series thus far in terms of innovation, musical composition, fun factor, and gameplay. I'd suggest that everyone go and find a ROM of DQVI or either of the SFC Remixes if they're in the mood for a good Dragon Quest game. | Private actions | DA, Is it just me, or does Private Action sound like a euphimism for an unscrupulous activity where the participant rubs his genitals vigorously with the palm of his hand? |
Get your mind out of the gutter. It's starting to collect mucus. | Review fairness | Hey Allan, I had a good feeling. Well, actually, after reading Fritz's review of SO2,I didn't feel too well at all. Now, I'm not saying the review wasn't fair.Everyone has the right to an opinion. My opinion is that Star Ocean 2 isone hell of a game. Yes it has tons of flaws, but so has every other gameever created. (Just go ahead and try to name a game that can't be pickedapart by someone). Getting to the point. Why not let a few or the staff in on the review foreach game that comes out? The GIA seems to have the man (oops...person)power to accomplish that task now. Even if it was just one person doing themain review, and a few of the others adding their thoughts on to the end ofthe review. RPG's tend to inspire wildly different opinions from people, Ilike to have heard a few before I invest in a game. Just an idea, Taloon "Mister Roseanne Barr living it up in spray cheese" |
Well, most of our reviews are conducted using review copies, so only one staffer will have played the game when we post the review. In special circumstances, we could have extra viewpoints at the end, and considered the option at one point. The problem is twofold. First off, we've got nine staff members, and especially with popular games, secondary reviews could chew up a LOT of space. More to the point, if we're doing our jobs right, we should be covering all the bases in the review text itself, and it should be something the site, as a group, stand behind. It should be to the point, intelligent, and incisive. If the review is good, second reviews should basically amount to "I liked this more/I thought this sucks", and a different score. A difference of opinion, rather than quibbling over facts. My advice is to read the text of the review, and base your judgements on that. All that aside, we're not totally opposed to change, and if enough readers can propose an alternate system to reviewing that's realistic (we can't get multiple reviews from a single review copy, remember), I'd be glad to hear it. | Change the fricking name already | Ok, this is for all of you out there who keep complaining about theFinal Fantasy V character names...you can change them yourself.Remember? Every time you get a new character in ANY Square game, you,yes YOU can change their name. Don't like the name Bartz? Change it toButz! Hell, change it to whatever your little heart desires. Just cuzSquare gives a name to a character doesn't mean they'll come 'n rip yourthroat out if you don't like it. Primus |
I suggest renaming your cast to be Buck (Bartz), Dirk (Garuf), Lolita (Reina), Muffy (Faris), and Popo. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you do. | Battles | Dear Double Agent, This is in response to an earlier letter about how characters in RPGsare becoming bland in battle. I derive most of my RPG enjoyment from battle. FF7's materia andequipment system was inexcusably poor. You know what? Let's go to thenext town ... They have weapons here for all of us, just like they didat the last town! They all raise our attack about the same amount, too!And the materia slots are suspiciously similar in arrangement! Oh, bythe way, don't forget to buy those new BRACELETS to protect you from thebad meanies we're going to face. No, silly, you don't need armor - justone bracelet. That's all it takes. It must be some kind ofsuper-bracelet. Now if only Cloud wasn't stronger than everyone else invirtually every category, we could REALLY all be the same. A Wierd Alsong comes to mind ... "I think I'm a clone now ... and every chromosomeis a hangin' around ..." I'm not even going to talk about Suikoden. I think I vomited whileplaying that game. It was that sickening. I defy you to make 108characters refreshingly unique. I guess in a way I can't blame them, canI? The first time I ever screamed when playing in an RPG was when I castPeep on a zombie in FF2. "WEAK VS. SACRED POWER? GOOD GOD!" (Hell, theywere even weak vs. fire.) I stayed at Mt. Ordeals forever leveling upPalom so that I could shred Kainazzo with one blast of Lit-3. I leveledcharacters all the way to 99 to see how stats, weapons, armor, and HP/MPall affected each other. I found the rare Dragon spear and the evenrarer Dragon whip, allowing me to shred dragons with ease. I got thePink tail. I also wanted Edge to become stronger than Cecil and Kain ...I fought through the Sealed Cave with only Edge, Rydia, and Rosa, andleft the other two dead. I killed Zeromus by repeatedly throwingExcalibur at him (I had 99 of them of course). I had to cast Wall onAsura! I actually had to use Blink and Image! Psych! Besrk! That gamehad a great system. EVERY CHARACTER WAS STRONG AND IMPORTANT, ANDUNIQUELY SO. (in the final party) All of the SNES FFs followed suit(more or less ...) Why did they take such a huge step backwards in FF7?CG and plot only do so much. - I'm not phlegm, yellow bile, or black bile P.S. WHY doesn't Zelda 64 have the original theme music? I might haveactually enjoyed the game if it did. |
Zelda 64 lacks the original theme music because Nintendo was smocking crack that day. It's the only explanation for leaving such a great, classy tune out of an otherwise superb game. It's like they made a sundae, poured on chocolate syrup, added whipped cream, and then tossed the cherry into the garbage. It's just not right. It's just not humane. As for wanting more individuality in characters, I doubt many people are going to rise up and disagree with you on that point. I actually feel that Lunar: Eternal Blue has better balance of characters than FFIV does, but the principle is the same. | Too late | Too late. I have found AV's stash of gay porn and am currently sending itto all immediate members of his family. - The Secret |
Silly person. Where do you think he got his gay porn from in the first place? | Distinctiveness | In response to the guy who wrote in with the "more characterdistinction" suggestion, I think it is a great idea that should beconsidered. One of the more disappointing aspect of FF7 was this lack ofdistinction, although the fault with FF6 were that there were too manycharacters! With the steady decrease of characters though this problemwould be mended. I've got a suggestion as to a new form of magic/skillsystem: - The skills/magic that an individual has is directly intertwined withhis vital stats e.g. Str, Mag or maybe even HP for some spells. Commonspells like Cure would be available to most people, but his startingstats and strengths will largely determine his skills/types of magicavaiable to him (or her). - Maybe a person can only cast summon spells, if he has thecorresponding element "equipped" in weapons, armor or relic. - The most powerful spells would require a special relic to be equipped. What do you think? |
Sounds good to me. I also like the trend of having each character have a few kinds of weapons that they can use - not just one type, which is ridiculous, but a few that they can choose from, and potentially share with fellow party members. However, skill levels with a given weapon can increase with use, so you can further distinguish the characters if you choose, within reason. Anyone else care to share?
Closing Comments *twang* - Allan Milligan
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