Turtle droppings, my dear Watson - June 18th, 1999 - Allan Milligan
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)
Another week, another batch of arguments. As always, Square is top of the topic list, but we also had some looks at vocabulary expansion, bias in reporting, and I did a Nintendo rant. Not too shabby. In the keep-quiet category, there were a lot of behind the scenes events that have got me seriously pumped for the next three months of GIA in particular, and will have long-lasting, and very positive, effects. The obvious ones are the mentions of GIA in Famitsu (the Bible of video game reporting), and us being sourced on Ain't-It-Cool-News for the FF Movie story. The less obvious ones, well, just trust me... Oh, and if you haven't done so yet, please take the time to fill out the reader survey. Just trust me that it's a good thing, and gets Kup all hot and bothered when he thinks about collating the results. | The truth of the disclaimer | I got bored(yes, really bored) or maybe I was really tired. In any case, Itranslated your disclaimer(minus the smiley) into several differentlanguages and then back into Enlglish via Alta Vista. The result issomewhat Daravonish. Therefore FFT must have been translated by AltaVista! Anyways, here are several version of the disclaimer: English ---> German ---> English Renouncement: The opinions, which are expressed within this column, arethose the user and the moderator and not neccessarily reflect those of theGIA. There is possibly rough language and insulting material under way. Donot say that I did not warn you. English ---> French ---> English Refusal: The opinions expressed in this column are those of theparticipants and the president, and do not reflect neccessarily those ofthe GIA. There is rough language and of under development hardwarepotentially wounding. Do not say that I did not inform you. English ---> Italian ---> English (this one seems almost surreal) Diniego: The opinions expressed to the inside of this column are those ofthe participants and of the moderator and neccessarily they do not reflectthose of GIA. There is language of principle and in potentially offensivecourse of material realization. Not to say that I have not perceived them. English ---> Portugese ---> English Disclaimer: The expressed opinions inside of this column are those ofparticipants and the moderator, and those of the GIA. do not reflectneccessarily Have a coarse language and afoot material offensive potential.It does not say that I did not warn it. And finally... English ---> Spanish ---> English Negation: The opinions expressed within this column are those of theparticipants and the adviser, and neccessarily does not reflect those ofthe GIA. Hay heavy language and in potentially offensive course of materialaccomplishment. It does not say that I did not warn to him. Enjoy! P.S. The power you hold is only superficial, there is only one true power! |
I kinda like the disclaimer a friend of mine suggested to me, since she didn't think the current one really captured the essence of the column: Warning: Allan Milligan is heartless, vicious, uncaring bastard. He takes perverse pleasure, mocking the ideas and opinions of his readers and close friends in public view.He swears, he snorted, he judges and he picks on hardcore gamers without mercy. He's pure, compressed Evil, and you risk your sanity by reading past this disclaimer. And if THAT wasn't enough, he has a small penis and still fantasizes about fellating Jonathan Brandis in a submarine. He's a sick one. I warned you. She's a very nice person in real life. Really. | Preferred Star Oceans | Which Star Ocean game do you like more? I think the one for playstation is better. Yet the one for SFC is pretty damn good. tri-Ace should have left the items in sprite format. The polygon items in SO2 are atrocious. So.....which game will it be? Now tell me before i eat your brains. |
I prefer Star Ocean, on the basis that I've played it. I haven't played SO2, so I have no opinion about it either way. Simple question, my friend. Then again, some others have more... fervent... opinions on the matter. | SO2 review disputes | After reading the pile of incorrect facts that seems to constitute areview of Star Ocean 2, I felt I had to write in. First and foremost,there are 12 NOT 11 characters in Star Ocean 2, Claude Kenni, Rena,Celine, Ashton, Opera, Ernest, Bowman, Precis, Dias, Leon, Noel, andChisato. Furthermore, had Mr. Fraundorf played slightly more indepth hewould have found the galaxy and universe mode which increases thedifficulty significantly requiring a good deal moreintelligence/strategy. Also Mr. Fraundorf makes the most wild stretchesto compare this to other RPGs while ignoring all of the positive ororiginal points of the story. Finally skills ARE explained (albietslightly vaugely, but it becomes quite intuitive shortly) and you CANtell how friendship levels change by noticing changes in speech andother things in and out of battle. Thank you for your time and pleasebe more careful when reviewing a game. |
Again finding myself at a loss of experience with the topic, I turn to Fritz Fraundorf himself to defend his review. Fritz? After reading the pile of incorrect facts that seems to constitute aStar Ocean2 defense, I felt I had to respond. First and foremost, the assertationthatitem creation is "intuitive" is akin to stating that Aya Brea "runsreallyfast." Consider this actual incident: My party worked together as ateamto write a book for Rena. When it was completed, the book waslabelled a ?BOOK and nobody in the party knew what it was, despitehaving written it ten seconds ago. I used some spectacles to identifyit, but the spectacles vanished as soon once they were used once. I didmanage to identify the book, however -- it was actually a crumpled pieceof paper (apparently nobody in the party can tell the difference betweena book and crumpled paper without placing them under close scrutiny).If you can still claim that's intuitive and completely logical, then youhave a bright future ahead of you writing IRS manuals. I'm sure many people will enjoy the game, and if you do, more power toyou -- I don't care if you disagree with me. However, I can'tpersonallyoffer more than a lukewarm recommendation, hence the review score (3).Neglecting the other difficulty levels was an unintentional oversight inthereview; I had intended to mention this, but simply forgot. I'll admittomaking an error there, but it still wouldn't have changed the overallscore.It's an average game -- great graphics and music, lots of innovative butpoorly-executed ideas, and an extremely derivative storyline (sadly,thereisn't a single positive or original points of the story that I couldhave mentioned).Finally, there are only 11 characters available in any one character'squest, andthere are no hard, numerical Emotional Level stats, which is what I washoping for. The GIA stands by its review. Thank you for your time and please bemore careful when sending flames. The best part of this is that, if anyone wants to dispute this issue further, it's now Drew's problem. Hee hee. :) | Making sense of Square translations - FFT ending spoiler that only makes sense in context | Hoiya~DA. Yes, FFT's translation is fookin' huckin' crappy. I had a chance to read awonderful translation book of FFT in Korean (Korean and Japanese are very similar, so it's much easier to translate stuff from Japanese toKorean than from Japanese to English). Dilita's last words, "what did youget?" sounded very meaningful in the original Japanese text (refering to mytranslation book, actually ^^). It should have been like, I suck attranslating, but something like this: "What did the fate give you?"(indirect translation, but this is what it's supposed to mean) Another big translation flaw in another Square game, Xenogears. When Feifaces two gears alone at Kislev, he says "Only two enemies, huh?" Thetranslation TOTALLY changed the tone there. In Japanese text (this is fromthe original Japanese game, not from any translated book), he says "Enemiesare two." The tone in the English version is pretty smug; it sounds like Feigot enough confidence to handle two enemies alone. But in Japanese text, Feishows some kind of fear/anxiety and need for a comrade (so that the battlewill be two VS two instead of one VS two). Then Rico appears. A comrade -what Fei exactly needed. But in English version, it looks SO much lessdramatic because of the way Fei comments about the number of enemy gears. Itlooks like Fei is unhappy because he could handle those enemies but Ricocame there to get in the way. -_-;;; "Only two enemies" "Enemies are two" They mean the same, but man, they reflect two totally different attitudes inthat situation. What is wrong with Square? BTW, I read the letter asking if Square ever cared. I heard that Squaresoftwas originally a group of students who loved video games. I really don'tknow if that's true, but if it is, they were once passionate gamers if theystill aren't. At the very least, they did care. ^_^ -Keiiii |
Keiiii, I want to thank you for relaying that information about the original text for the last line of FFT. We've debated the issue many a time in this column before, but "what did Fate give you?" makes a lot more sense. It's still a somewhat ambiguous ending, but not the floating question mark that the English-language FFT was. As for the errors, it seems to be a combination of not having enough room to literally translate things properly, and not enough time allocated to re-edit and make sure that the text makes sense in context, and communicates the ideas appropriately. | SPOILED (but no spoilers) | Thanks for the FF8 WARNING!!! regarding potential spoilers. Iquickly passed that letter up. =) Whether the spoilers were large orsmall, I'd rather learn in-game than via any other source. /\\/ Dave2 |
As would I. Little did I suspect. Little did I know what I have sowed, and would later reap. You see, I now know the name of the last boss of FF8. I know some plot developments from the game. When I printed that spoiler-light FF8 letter yesterday, a few people took it as a signal to open the floodgates and barrage me with questions about FF8, and my opinions thereof. I say this right now: I HAVE NOT PLAYED FINAL FANTASY VIII. I have had it spoiled for me pretty badly now, and am really pissed off about it. No more. Do not send me letters that have any specific discussion of the game, or I will throw them away, unpublished and unanswered, as soon as I come across the faintest trace of a spoiler. All right? Am I making myself perfectly clear? | FF Movie! Woo! | Oh... my... God. They got Alec Baldwin and Ving Rhaimes. Top of the line actors. When I saw that, I expected some weird fruity French person like Gerard Depardieu. I have to admit, I'm impressed by that list. I hope it's not an embarrassment to them. You know, like this... (Some kid walks up to Alec Baldwin in the steet.) Kid: Hey, you're Alec Baldwin. AB: Yes. Yes I am. Kid: Wow, you were great in such blockbuster hits as the Hunt for Red October, Malice, and Mercury Rising! Ab: Why, thank you. Kid: Weren't you in that stinker of a movie Final Fantasy? AB: (crying) Hold me... Kid: What are you? A fruit? (Kid runs away, Baldwin running after him grasping for a hug.) If this movie bombs, it will surely seal the fate of video game movies (which would not be a bad thing), but if this movie is a horrendous flop, how much would Square be affected? Also, don't you feel a dark pleasure, that after a decade of being ridiculed by the Japanese, they finally get the shaft. I say to the Japanese: Ha! Enjoy your dubbing! -Legion007, Some large-breasted warthog who downloads gay porn off of his bad self |
Malice? Mercury Rising? Someone actually bothered to see those duds of their own free will? Ye gods. It's a sad thing that the high point of Alex Baldwin's career was schlock like that. As for the FF Movie, I'm impressed by the calibre of the voice actors. Whether or not this will transfer into being a successful movie is anyone's guess - I've seen higher-calibre casts turn in flops before, and it's questionable whether the FF Movie can break out of the niche market it's in - non-Disney animated movie based on a video game series. Neither of those genres have had much commercial success over the years. The FF Movie is either going to be a break-out, or it's going to be a total disaster. It won't seal the fates of game-related movies for all time, any more than Superman IV doomed comic book movies, but it'll certainly make Square think twice. | Bad words | Why is Square going with the WRONG names for FF5?. I purchased the FF5/6 artbook of Yoshitaka Amano called DAWN and I have verified the real names of the characters for FF5. Their names are clearly written in English above the japanese writing next to those godly pictures. Here they are: Butz Clauz(spelling?)-not Bartz!!!!! Lenna Tycoon-Reina???Oh god... Faris-okay, at least they are correct here. Galuf Bal- correct again. Exdeath- not X-Death which sounds like a cartoon villain! Kukuru-no name yet but I though the FF5 Emulation English Trans Cara was better There you have it. Case closed. Square has already messed up translation this game! We must fix this transgression before it's too late! |
You're welcome to try, but honestly, what do you suggest? Unless you feel like flying down to Square EA's offices and re-entacting the storming of the Bastille, I don't think you're going to accomplish much. The work is probably mostly done by this point, and no amount of fan outcry is likely to change anything. I think the name changes are really stupid, X-Death in particular, but I'm not seeing any methods for "fixing the transgression." | Closing comments revisions | I think you should close down the Closing Comments section and in its placepost pictures of scantily clad females in suggestive positions. :) Reno. |
I second the motion, and put it to a vote. Sure, it's a bit PCXL-ish, but hey, might as well exercise the latitude that disclaimer gives me, non? | Assorted commentary | Even tho you didn't print my other letter, I'm sending this. Now the FF6 Omake is on the CD, unless they changed it from the Japanese release (yes, I was stupid enough to import it). All it is, considering I don't know like ANY Japanese, is just a movie veiwer, it has something not opened until you beat the game, and a complete monster index. Next, If Square changes Exdeath ot X-Death, I will fall over on my chair, laughing my ass off it they do it. I played through the ROM version and the PSX import at the same time, and I liked the ROM WAY better. The colors were brighter, the music was better, and even though the text was running off the screen at times, I enjoyed it. And on the Star Ocean 2/Lunar SSSC debate, I have both games and like them in different ways. SO2 has much better battles and more abillities for some-what of a customization. Lunar has a better translation and much better text. It's funny. Yeah, it is, I enjoyed the girl in Meryod screaming, "When yeer runnin' reel fast and yer droppin' liquid gas, diareah, direah." That was funny, IMO. But if you can't buy both, rent them both at least, or burn them. I AM NOT ENCOURAGING YOU TO DO THIS. And for Xenogears, leave it alone, it was goodly translated. I read it along with a book called Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. They are actually quite intergrated. Read it and you'll find out what I mean. If you think it's Anti-Christian, then don't buy it. That's about it covering the recent topics. Any questions? *~Nameles~* |
Yeah, I've got a question for you. Who took my pants THIS time? | Assorted stuff, including Lunar spoilers (SSS and EB) | I have a few questions, but first I wanted to say what I think of thisveritable plethora (I like the word too) of comments about Square notrespecting US gamers. I at first agreed with this, pissed off by thingslike the admission of FFIV, etc. But then I decided that it wasn't thatSquare didn't like us, it was the fact that the quality games they madegave us a false sense that they truly cared about what we liked and whatwe wanted, almost on a personal level. But when you step back and lookat it, they are, as Allan put it, "just a company, out to make money,like any other." Now, a few questions: 1) I heard that a few story changes where made from the original lunarand SSS. What were they? (I never played the original, due to a longstanding hatred of sega and all things related to them) 2) How does eternal blue link to the SSS? I just read in a magazinethat it has some of the same characters. 3) Any word yet on if/how Vandal Hearts 2 will continue from the firstone? 4) I like the opening song for Lunar, despite it's odd lyrics ("oursouls intertwine when we do"?). Is that a bad thing? Miro |
In order, 1) is very correct. You get some inklings of the changes by watching the Making of Lunar CD. I'm sure a reader can provide a much more complete list of changes, but off the top of my head, Luna doesn't get on the boat with you in Meribia, there's a fetch quest of sorts at the start to get a bridge built for you, most of the characters are a lot less distinct, and the three Vile Tribe sexpots, Phacia, Royce, and whatsername, don't exist at all in the original TSS. And... ah, I'll leave this to real Lunar experts. Write in. My memory fails me. Second, Eternal Blue is set some years after the conclusion of SSS. It contains some characters in common. I won't give it away for you, since that's half the fun, but let's just say that dragons are long-lived creatures... Third, we've got minimal information on Vandal Hearts 2, so I'm afraid I don't know how, if at all, it ties to the original. And lastly, I sort of like the opening song to Lunar SSS. I think the boat song is superior, and the TSS opening song sucks ass, but the SSS opening isn't bad, if a bit on the generic side.
Closing Comments Go write Drew a letter, ye bastards. I've got a Cosmic Fantasy 2 Vault to put together. - Allan Milligan
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