Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

AGAIN I run into a shipping delay, again preventing me from getting Lunar. I'm starting to believe this game is an elaborate hoax, the world's biggest April Fool's Joke, organized across international boundaries, executed just to piss me off. I've always joked that Ottawa is the land that mail forgot, but this is just bizarre. I may end up just buying Star Ocean 2 tomorrow instead.

In other news, today's column is dominated by letters about Christianity, religion in RPGs, and other touchy topics. Thankfully, almost all of them are accurate, well-written, and articulate, and pretty darn inoffensive, so don't be afraid. Everyone represents themselves and their views very well, as far as I'm concerned.

It was denied US release by SCEA/SCEI, whom I hereby dub as being Poopy Heads.

If you've got the cash, all reports place it as being a sound investment. I expect it to be the RPG sleeper hit of the year. Universally good reviews, good gameplay, and mounds of replay value. I haven't heard any hard numbers for length, but I do know the gist of the endings thing. I'm not sure if 86 is the exact count, but there's a lot of ending sequences to be seen in the game. Depending on which main character you choose, what choices you make, and what characters you have with you, different sequences will be played at the end of your game, usually ranging between 8-12 of the sequences for one completion of the game. Sounds pretty nifty.

Of course not. We've gotta fly you to Ottawa first, so I can personally beat you for being a blasphemer. Then you go to Hell. :)

Other readers suggested checking out Funcoland for good deals on used games. I also suggest watching for garage sales, which tend to be great sources of cheap-ass games.

FFIX could be a viable launch title for the PSX2. It wouldn't sell as well as FF8 did, but Sony would be very, very happy to have such a clear-cut system seller like FF as a launch title for the PSX2. I wouldn't put it out of the realm of possibility. Launch titles can do well, sales-wise, despite the obvious lack of pre-existing audience base: Mario 64 made a pretty penny.

As for FF8's reviews, I'm receiving mixed reports. Generally, the trend seems to be lower than previous FF games, averaging closer to 75% than 85%, even dipping into the 60s. On the flipside, Famitsu rated it at 37. And I've seen scanned copies of at least three reviews that gave it 90% or 97%. So yes, the reviews are relatively low overall, but not universally so.

It sounds the same, doesn't it? Well, Ruby was voiced by Jennifer Stigile in Lunar: Eternal Blue for Sega CD. Nall is voiced by Jackie Powers in SSS. It's just an uncanny resemblance.

As an aside, I once saw Jesus breathmints, and I laughed my ass off. Yes, make your breath minty fresh with the help of the Son of God. What a concept. How did Mentos miss that one?

All that said, you're completely right, and if I put any other impression across, I apologize. That wasn't my intention. I kid around a lot, and that often confuses undue confusion and lumps people together unfairly. But let me make this clear: Christians are like everybody else. Most are normal, rational people. A small, sadly loud portion are the blithering idiots I take great pride in lambasting. Never get the two confused. If not explicitly said otherwise, always assume I'm poking fun at the loonies, not the majority. Most of my readers are Christians, I'm betting, and if I really believed all Christians were fools, would I print their letters all the time? Not bloody likely. Would I be concerned about being inadvertantly insensitive, and offending them by accident? Nope. But I do, and I am.

The only two groups I hate unquestionably are idiots and assholes. Everybody else, I judge on a case-by-case basis. Hokay?

Though every Chrono Trigger fan in the world will now kill me for printing this letter, and thus denying them their coveted sequel, I felt we needed to clarify the Jehovah thing.

As an aside, I do think it's possible that Jenova was based off Jehova, back in the development stage. Accurate or not, it's a known name for a supreme being ("In the Latin alphabet, Jehovah is spelled with an I"), and might have been used with that in mind, just slightly altered. I do stand by my statement that it's been Jenova for its entire tenure in the public spotlight, however. It's not a mistranslation. The Japanese katakana translate pretty damn accurately to "jenova", not "jehova". There'a a world of difference there, and if Jenova did spring from Jehova, it wasn't simply a translation error.

Collectability

DA- Digging in to my brand new copy of Lunar:SSC the other day, juxtaposedwith watching some news piece about the insane prices people are willing topay for original Star Wars toys in good condition, I had the followingthought: Will there ever be a market for original games in their originalpackaging? In other words, will there ever arise a bunch of middle-aged guys withlarge incomes who, in a vain attempt to relive their lost youth, would paylots of money for a copy of Super Mario Bros. 3 or Final Fantasy 2 in theoriginal box, with the instructions etc.? How about a mint condition NES orGenesis? Or will the fact that gamers are more interested in playing thanowning (coupled with the fact that cart batteries die out) prevent such amarket from arising? What's your opinion? -coldjones

There already is a market for that sort of thing, to an extent. Classic arcade games, classic games in the original packaging, and the like can often cost a pretty penny. Especially with the advent of widespread emulation, the collectability of older video games is for the hardware, the item itself, not the game.

However, these have limits. It depends on the rarity of the item in question. Games like Super Mario Bros 3 will never be collector's items. Nor will Final Fantasy VII. Demand sets value, and it's hard to build up massive demand for a game whose print run was as massive as FF7 or SMB3's were. It's going to be the smaller-run, unrecognized classics that will rack up secondary market value, as the Turbo Duo has done, and I'm willing to bet that the SNES Ogre Battle will be worth quite a lot on the secondary market before too long.

Sounds like a nifty little mini-game. Thanks for the tip.

As for Dex Drives, they do indeed rule, and for our Dexy and delicious users, we've got plans to add a library of Dex Drive saves on GIA, so you can share your favourite and most interesting saves with one and all, and see what others have done.

Okay, okay, wrong choice of phrase. I'll stop using the phrase "it's only a game" from here on in. The idea I was trying to get across is that it's very, very unlikely that any game manufacturer would actively seek to piss off a sizeable portion of their consumer base. Sometimes, when arguing about a piece of entertainment, it's useful to step back and get a little distance, a little perspective on things, and remember that they are intended first and foremost to entertain. Educate, enlighten, argue are all secondary concerns.

My assessment of the original letter is that the writer was reading far too much into a relatively innocuous and common practice, and that reminding themselves that it IS a game, and is therefore intended to be entertainment, as opposed to anti-Jewish propaganda. I was not intending to say that games should be stupid and treated as lesser creations, and really should know better than to use phrasing like that. Mea culpa.

First off, yes, RPGs often draw from a wide variety of mythological sources, often making bizarre changes (where DID the Shiva/ice thing come from?). Another letter-writer noted that nobody ever seems to use Egyptian mythology in RPGs. Which is a shame, I agree. I mean, if you're going to draw on mythology, let's use really fascinating ones like ancient Egypt. Anubis would make a great boss, I think. I do give props to Square for using Quetzalcoatl, though. That's, what, Aztec? Mayan? Inca? I always get them confused.

As for the Double Agent "system", it's not that complex. It was originally named Double Agent simply because it sounded cool and appropriate for the secret agent theme of the site. Drew came on, doing the column on the weekends or when I'm out of comission, several months later, though you're right, it does make the name even more appropriate. Some day, we're going to do a true Double Agent column, with both of us collaborating on the column. Double the agents, double the letters, double the snide remarks.

As for answering letters, it depends. I select especially appropriate, amusing, intelligent letters for the column each day. I try to get any popular (i.e. stated by multiple letter-writers) sentiments represented, but also try and get a balance of weight and length. Variety is key. Beyond that, I try and respond to as many letters as possible, with an emphasis on requests for advice or direct questions, rather than opinion letters, where I usually end up saying "thanks for writing, ciao", which is kinda lame. I don't have time to answer every letter, but I try and make sure as many voices are heard as possible. That's the system.

As I said earlier, on reflection, Jenova probably found its original roots in Jehovah, though it's a creative decision, not a translation issue.

There was another letter that I cut for space reasons that brought up a tangent idea from my mythological resonance rant. Namely, most of us seem to agree that Square isn't actively seeking to do deep social commentary, but rather using icons and known names for effect. It's all in the service of telling a good story, above all, not an advocacy statement.

My apologies go out to any Christians I've offended by printing this letter. Or women. Or atheists. Or Buddhists. Or men. Or...

Okay, I admit it. I haven't the faintest idea what the hell this letter means. All the sentences are grammatically correct, yet as a whole, they don't form a coherent thought or idea. It's impressive, in a way. I gather that it's intended to insult and/or offend me (the Assmaster bit is clear), but beyond that, I'm quite lost.

Closing Comments

Not sure how tomorrow's column will pan out. We had a surprisingly uniform and relaxed batch of letters today, despite the subject matter. As was reiterated earlier, not all Christians are gung-ho and ultra-touchy about their faith, but it is a very personal issue, and should always be handled with care. Which, as response to my past few columns indicates, I didn't always do as much as I should. I'll watch for that in the future. I'm not afraid to step into controversy, but neither do I seek to offend with flip comments. It's a tightrope, and I hope all of you understand that, even though I pride myself on being offensive, I really do make a conscious effort to be sensitive on these sorts of issues.

Okay, all that aside, I've got some work to take care of, so enjoy your night, hopefully I'll have *a* game to play tomorrow, and be back tomorrow for... something. Who knows, maybe the "will games be collectibles" letter will be the hot topic. Wait and see.

- Allan Milligan