I see this a _lot_ in the DA column:

"I hate when they screw up the translations of RPGs. I wish they were written in english. It's too bad American RPGs suck and/or are non-existent."

Just a reminder, folks. Consoles come from Japan, ergo console games are japanese. Baldur's Gate and Betrayal at Krondor readily come to mind as two excellent, excellent North American RPGs, the former being programmed just 5 blocks from my Canadian dwelling, and the later being blessed with a stunning story written by none other than Raymond Feist, author extraordinaire. There's no shortage of quality PC RPGs, either. They represented a larger proportion of PC games than console RPGs ever did in NA for years n' years n' bloody years.

Thare _are_ many great english RPGs out there. They just happen to be on the PC. Not that I'm shooting down consoles, 'cause I love 'em, but you have to look at the source. If you want North American, then go to the NA market, which happens to be on the computer.

-- Rumor

I played FF2e, I liked FF2e, FF2e was my friend. Now am I the only person whodoesn't really mind that it was the easy version that was ported over to theUS? Granted, I found FF2 relatively easy (except for that one battle againstPlague on speed 1, and forcing my party through the cave to the land ofSummoned Monsters and the Sylph cave without using the float spell, somethingthat is rather painful and requires a hell of a lot of cure2spells/potions...)and while I do have objections with the fact that square cut out certain plotbits (such as the implication that Cecil and Rosa've been sleeping together),certain items (such as the ice equivalent to the fire bomb and lightningbolt),and certain skills (such as Cecil's dark wave attack and Rosa's pray command)but as for the game itself, it wasn't as bad as people say.

In contrast, I've also played large portions (but not all) of Final Fantasy 4,hard mode and frankly, I didn't find it to be any harder, just more annoying. Sure, you have all those nice side-quests cut out of FF2e (all one or two ofthem) and a whole slew of more items to waste your money on, and things aren'tso easy as simply using a heal potion to curepoison/toad/blind/paralysis/pig/small/whatnot, but I didn't find much addedchallenge. In the hard mode, most or all of the characters have more hitpointsthan before. Take for example those needle-rat things that are in the forestsaround Toroia. In the FF4 hard version, they've got approximately 200 morehitpoints, and they're a little harder to kill. Whoop de do. That simply meansthat you need to cast cure on yourself a few more times than you would forFF2e. I do have to admit that it was rather novel to see Kainazzo do morethansimply sit around and wait for you to fry him with Lit3, but for most of therest of the monsters, added button smashing does not constitute addedchallenge.

Concerning the issue on censorship in FF2, while I don't agree with it, I dounderstand why it was done. For one thing, there is a huge cultural gapbetween Japan and the United States, and some matters are considered moretaboohere. More important than that, FF2 was among the debut RPGs of the SuperNintendo, and at that time, the RPG market in America was, approximately, twobrothers and their pet dog. I would think that more than anything else, FF2was an experiment of sorts, and it's only natural that a company would dotheirbest to avoid offending anyone when entering into virgin territory.

Do I like most of the changes they made? No, not particularly. Am Isupporting censorship? Hell no. However, I do think the point needs to bemade and stressed, that RPG companies such as Squaresoft don't go aroundmakingarbitrary changes to popular games, just to piss off the gaming community herein America. Although they might skimp out on translations and dub jobs to gettheir products over to the states in a more timely fashion, I highly doubtthatthey would do anything spiteful, just because they can. So FF8 will bemarketed under a different slogan in the US than it was in Japan, so what? Does anyone seriously think that Squaresoft will spend the manpower andresources to completely revamp the game, gearing it more towards "action andadventure with a little romance" than "love"? These companies are wellestablished corporations run by some rather highly intelligent people. Givethem a little credit, please.

The One and Only Secret Asian Man

Well, now I see it's the appropriate time to jump on the bandwagon andbash something/someone "popular" (Mr. Double Agent aka Alan Milliganbeing the current case) I thought I'd jump on before it takes off and Ihit the dirtroad with my face.

First off, who exactly _is_ Mr. Double Agent? If you or I saw him onthe street (an appropriate place for him if you ask me) we'd see him asan average Joe Schmoe from Canada. But after finding the little key tothe lock which secures his foo-foo diary, there seems to be a darkerside to this one-man travelling freak-show. This garrish lad isn't evenCanadian. Oh no...he's formely a wandering gypsie who'd spout off snideremarks to the common working man WHO COULD ACTUALLY HOLD DOWN AFREAKING JOB! Jealousy at work? You bet. Apparently, a lot of the peoplewanted him dead (surprise surprise) so he fled up North with stolenobjects from the local appliance store. Alan sets up his equipment afterhearing stories of the "internet" from the bigwigs who lived in thegutter. Alan currently resides in a shack which is located in the middleof a tundra, so he has to use gerbils and a wheel to generate anyelectricity (HD problems? Gimme a break).

So one day Alan thinks to himself "Hmmmm....how can I poison thenation's young minds from the comfort of my own home?". WELL, lo andbehold, as if on cue, Dennis "Satan is my sugar-daddy" Miller (The manstarred in Bordello of Blood for cripe's sake which I'll bet is Alan'sfave movie. Hell, the movie was shot in Canada, I wouldn't be surprisedAlan had a supporting role in the bomb which is masked by being called a"movie", but I'm rambling) sticks out his pointy nose and hisirritating-as-hell voice shed some dark, sinister light into youngMilligan's black heart. Alan jumped up with a shout "I know! I'll usereally bad sarcasm, disgustingly putrid looks and bad career choices tolead me into the right direction!" And before you know it, Alan is acolumnist for RPLamer and he's poisoning minds faster than RichardSimmons, Shania Twain, Alanis Morissette, and Celine Dion put togetherwith his "witty" criticisms and annoying habit to actually try to answerthe damn letters.

One day, Alan actually has a moment of sanity (gasp, shock, horror) andprofesses human emotion towards some chick from Wild Arms. Never mindthe fact that Wild Arms sucks rotten eggs, Alan was doing everyone afavor by not doing any more letters AT ALL.

Then the Lord said "Let there be peace". But no. Satan wouldn't hear ofit. His most devoted (only) successor must once again rise from theashes with a god-awful gas mask on (whatcha hidin there, Milli?) and ahidden agenda to wipe out what sanity the net-users had left bydescribing sexual escapades and his latest in animal torment whilstproclaiming that the Lord of the Dance is his greatest enemy (his evildeity image is threatened, I'm sure)

Well, I've ranted long enough for everyone to realize the real truthversus the "Alan" truth. And remember, I'd make a better two-facedtwo-timing double-standard double-agent than Miss Alan Milligan, futuregossip queen of some tabloid rag.

--Hawkeye

nmcgarrity@hotmail.com

first letter

u suck

second letter

u really suck.

Hello, Allan.

In response to yesterday's letter(s), I have three words. What the hell? Reading Thoreau's Walden was less confusing than that! Now, on to my questions.

1. What the hell is obfuscation?

2. How long do you think it took to get those letters written?

3. "That which is built inextricably into the laws of the universe cannot be totally irritable." Now, I know Fritz is the resident Daravonese expert, but doesn't that mean something like "This was the darkened items won't appear"?

4. You were mugged?

Well, since I don't have vassals to put gloss on my anecdotes, I think I'll end this letter on a high note. Later.

-Euleduc

I've recently imported Chocobo Racing, and so far I've found it to be anexcellent game. While it is blatantly similar to Mario Kart, it providesmore graphical variety (detailed tracks, some of which contain a plethoraof FF references for fans to enjoy,) good music (each stage has its ownlighthearted and catchy tune, unlike the standard N64 "could've beenbetter" music,) and simple yet interesting game mechanics (in a refreshingchange from green shells and bananas, the equivalent magic spells are funto use and watch.) It is in no way a clone of Mario Kart; in most ways, itrises above it.

Chocobo Racing also tries very hard to be more than the standard racer. Ithas a story mode which Square apparently spent loads of time on; an amusing plot is presented in the form of a pop-up book. Winning the story mode allows theplayer to customize one of the game's existing characters by changing color andproperties; this character can then be saved and used in the game's othervenues. Other such elements include two secret characters, a relay racemode, and the ability to save a winning FMV for each character.

I agree that Chocobo Racing suffers from some problems (graphical whitenoise, somewhat grainy multiplayer mode graphics, the imbalancing power of the magic system, and a slight lack of challenge) but it more than makes up for them in providing great fun for Square fans. I've actually enjoyed this game morethan any RPG I've played since FF Tactics was released! While it isunderstandable that critics seek to decry Square for butting in on yetanother genre, the game is completely worthwhile. I hope this provides acounterpoint to past instances in this column in which the game has beenuncategorically and needlessly decried.

- Dark Behemoth

The reason why F is often used in place of E is that F is short for'Fail'. If you get any grade above an E (which is usually below 60% not50% as asked in the question) you pass (even a D- is a passing grade!).Sometimes E is actually used instead of F. It depends on the school oreven the teacher. Heck, I had one professor in college who used everyletter in the entire alphabet from A to Z and then started over usingtwo letters (ZA, ZB, up to ZZ) based on losing one letter grade for eachgrammatical error. It was more of a humiliation thing than anything ashe then gave you a 'real' grade too.

--The Bad Guy