Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. It's an artificial lake - hence the water isn't real and you aren't really wet! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Well. It's definitely Monday. Were this Wal-Mart and not the Double Agent column, I'dve called in sick by now. But, hey, for no immediately obvious reason, I feel a lot more responsibility to this gig, despite its paying less - although not much less.

Anyone wanna hear about my cold in all its mucus-dripping glory? Nah, didn't think so. You wanna talk about this Game Boy Advance thing, I'm sure.

Very well - let's go.

The blood of David Lynch films course through his veins

Mistress Erin, Be sure to laugh at Drew for going senile (the whole write to Brooke thing). Errr, wait a minute... unless you are Brooke in disguise and Drew just let the secret out. Ah hah! Ugh, too many David Lynch films coursing through the veins. Anyways, on to the topic. The GBA will never become a premier system. There, I said it. 99.9% of what's released on the GBA is sheer and utter garbage (much like it's predecessors). Ports of games that do NOT belong on a portable and oodles upon oodles of absolutely awful movie and TV licensed games are the main offenders. That fact doesn't make the few shining stars any less, uhhh... shiny, but the game libraries of Nintendo portables have always been about climbing through haystacks looking for the proverbial needle. Oh, and not being backlit, no matter how cost-effective, is a pain in my ass. Or neck, I suppose, if you want to get technical. However, there is hope for the GBA, in my humble opinion. Already, we've seen Golden Sun and are waiting on BoF 1+2, Lunar, and Magical Vacation. Who knows... perhaps there's hope for the little bugger. Besides, it's not like there's a single RPG coming for either of the other two systems that came out this year. [sigh] Griffin, who isn't in to S+M. Honest. No, really.

Drew's as good as laughed-at, my friend.

Not making the GBA backlit drastically reduced Nintendo's chances of selling me a GBA. As things stand, I give the little guy the occasional longing look in K-Mart, thinking how ravenously I might devour the likes of Golden Sun and C:CotM, but then recalling how heinously the GB and GBC hampered the enjoyment of some of my favorite franchises yanks me back to heel. Outside perfect lighting conditions, the thing is just as hard as its predecessors on old, dimming eyes like mine.

Not to mention....

That's why they sell M&M Minis in tubes, my friend

Erin, do you ever see the GBA becoming a premier platform? Or was Golden Sun just a shiny coin in the bottom of an otherwise murky fountain? Hrm. GBA has a lot of potential, especially in the 'traditional RPG' corner since anything that comes out for GCN or PS2 will probably be needlessly graphically complicated *wry smile*, but I think it's inherently limited by one really simple fact: IT'S TOO SMALL FOR GROWN-UPS TO HOLD COMFORTABLY. Now, Sega Game Gear--THERE was a decent-sized hand-held. Even Game Boy Ver. 1.0 was a good handful. But GBA? Too small. Too slim. No love handles to grab. Sorry, but until they come up with an adaptor that beefs it up a bit, my hands are going nowhere near the Game Boy Advance. For the record, though, the instant that adaptor hits stores (and the price goes down a little) I'm planning to gobble up not only GBA, Golden Sun, but Iridion 3D as well. And probly a few others. My knowledge of the GBA software lineup is sketchy, but I think Golden Sun alone would make it worth it. *grins* Chris Watson occasional reader

While I wouldn't say the GBA is exactly maimed by its physical size, it isn't exactly comfortable for me to hang onto, either. Not that I've actually gotten enough play time in on one to safely rule out its simply requiring a little getting used-to.

Drew Cosner: Senile god among men

Agent - I've learned firsthand the woes of composing an e-mail in one's head before actually writing it. For a fleeting moment, yesterday's column ended with Drew saying that we should contact Brooke to satiate our desire to participate in the discussion about the GBA. I had a pithy comment about it worked out (for the record, it was "Well, last I heard Brooke had moved on a glorious life of not staring at a computer screen every waking hour, so I hope you don't mind if I bother you with this instead"). Then I reloaded the page, and the unusual phrase had been amended to "contact Erin." Yes, Drew is not only a destroyer of pithy comments, but he can't get your name right. Or if you want, you could choose to see Drew a master of great speed, a noble one always ready to set right what's gone wrong, and a god among men. Whatever. Anyway, the GBA is pretty much the handheld system; no real competition anywhere. What that means is that the GBA's market depends entirely on the market for handheld games as a whole. And I really have no clue what that market looks like. I was going to say that I wasn't sure whether there was really a market for portable gaming anymore; I see lots of gamers, but no one who carries a GBA around. Not like ten years ago when there was always at least one kid in every group ready to pull out his Gameboy at a moment's notice. Then it occurred to me that ten years ago I was around kids, whereas now I'm around college students who spend all of their sober time in classes that people actually take seriously or in their dorm rooms, so of course I don't see many people playing portable games. Hopefully, you or someone else has an idea of how the GBA is doing amongst the kids and the frequent-flyers that portable gaming is usually marketed towards. I mean, the system itself is technologically the Mecca of handhelds, and it has such stuff as Shining Soul The Sega Action RPG on the way. I just don't know how big a place handheld consoles have in the gaming industry nowadays. -Toma Levine

I must admit that I don't have many adult compatriots IRL that own or plan to buy a GBA anytime soon. The maggot youngsters I have fleeting contact with, however, are very keen on getting their grubby mits on one. The promise of pokémon, mayhaps?

Simply put

Of course it will. It shall have Pokémon. It connects to the GC. It has no direct competition. Kids love it. And so do I. Cheers ~ Pikafoo

A nice, succinct letter such as this is deserving of an equally nice, succinct reply, wouldn't you say?

Too bad I'm hosting.

The GBA's lack of competition nullifies any debate as to the future success of Nintendo's runty progeny as far as I'm concerned. In the States, at least, one Game Boy or another has pretty much been King of all that he surveys since 1989. The GB line was only briefly challenged by the GameGear, really, and despite such nifty pros as a color display, Sega's upstart was slapped down relatively quick.

For my part, I don't feel a North American WonderSwan is much of a likelihood as this point no matter how many strippers you send Bandai, so if you're looking for something to do on those long, grueling cross-country night flights where your only other entertainment option is counting the seconds between your neighbor's spine-rattling snores, Nintendo is pretty much the only show in town.

Making a fool of one's self

Hey Erin, Well, this is the first time I'm writing in so I hope I don't make a complete fool of myself. Anyways, I think the GBA will be pretty much like the original game boy. When I go to my local Walmart and look at the shelves, I see the same calibur games that were on the original GB. Nothing too fancy. Don't get me wrong, I think Golden Sun looks kick-ass, but just one game won't help a handheld system become a major player. In my opinion, I don't think there is all that much drive for good games in the handheld market since Nintendo owns it, and games like Pokemon will ensure high sales. I don't own a GBA, by the way. (My PS2 ate the money for that, along with MGS 2, and Soul Reaver 2, and RE: Code Veronica... You get the point.) I might buy one when the price drops 25$ or so, but unless there are any big games announced for it, (Zelda, A suprise appearence of Final Fantasy) I'll be waiting for this one to appear in the Electronic Botique bargain bin. J.C. --Wondering how many times will I have to listen to 30 min long segments of dialog in MGS 2.

Welcome to the elite ranks of published readers, dear sir! Next time don't neglect to make the ritual offering. (I accept children and small cakes.)

Actually, I find the GBA's price tag to be pretty reasonable.

Well, reasonable for other people. As I've said in the past, I personally can't afford toothpaste.

"Here is a sentence fragment! It may be useful if you, the master of abrupt endings, take it with you."

Erin - Hey! Bet you're not even gonna open this one... But now to look at things objectively and from outside my personall obsessions. I fail to see how Drew could refer to the GBA as a "murky fountain", when it already has some great titles, both in GIA's field of coverage and out. I'd like to point out that 4 or 5 GBA games have been reviewd by the GIA, and all have recieved a 4. That's one shiny, murky fountain. Anyway...with Breath of Fire and it's sequel, as well as the Lunar port, the GBA won't be suffering for a lack of qaulity games any time soon. But what about NEW stuff? Well, I own Golden Sun, Mario Kart Advance, and Castlevania, and have been pleased with all three, both graphicly, gameplay wise, and just in general. So in short, yeah, I see the GBA becoming a platform which will recieve it's share of garbage, and then some, but will also see a good amount of qaulity, original titles Megaman Battle Network comes to mind. Besides, on top of all that jazz, Magical Vacation comes out soon! Come on, it's the Secret of Mana 2 that we never had!!! Peace, Ray Stryker, master of abrupt endings....

I see the GBA's library ultimately evolving much like the GB/GBC's: vast, with comparatively few diamonds in the rough, but enough for a respectable repertoire.

I'll have what he's having

Hey there Erin. Yesterday, Drew the shoe mentioned that todays topic would involve whether or not we thought gameboy advance was destined for the porcelain platform of judgement or the toilet of death. I must say that it has the makings of quite a sledgehammer, being that it's like Super Nintendo on 'roids and that it uses less batteries for a longer period of time than my Gnome Clock. It has a killer list of developers (I never knew Camelot was actually good at making games...) and is backwards compatible with....what is it, 4000 previously released gameboy games? I mean good lordy! That's more than enough portable gaming to keep me busy. Oh yeah, I'm anxiously awaiting that new Tactics Ogre game since I foolheartidly stumbled through endless hours of jap-text only to have the japs confuse the almighty corn beef out of my ears in that SNES one. It's good to be an Jojo american race car driving yum yum clown monkey. Banzai! -Ed Jones, editor of "Boing" Magazine

Uh...?

Surprised more of you didn't mention the GBA's backwards compatibility, especially considering what a big to-do is generally made of the PS2's. The GB heritage is considerably more ancient and venerable.

So in addition to what I predict will be a vast and largely mediocre library of its very own, the GBA is host to the mind-bogglingly vast and largely mediocre library of its forebears. Over a decade's worth of gaming on one system so small it's difficult not to over-reach in going for the start button.

An evening of quiet music, meaningful discussion and random simile

Ahh, we have again the age old argument - can a handheld such as the GBA, in the words of Rodney Dangerfield, "get some respect"? I'm mixed about it, to be honest. On the side of the GBA actually being respected comes the production of top-notch titles from respected series (Megaman Battle Network, Final Fight One, Breath Of Fire, Castlevania: CotM, Advance Wars, Mario Kart, etc.) and also some stellar original titles (Golden Sun comes to mind here). As all gamers know, the lineup of a system, regardless of whether it's handheld or console, is a major factor in that system's survival (though not the only factor, and rightly so.) All systems that have good games have been afforded a modicum of respect. Also, the fact that the GBA is as powerful and versatile as it is (it is the bastard child of the PlayStation and the Super Nintendo, who then used the Gameboy as a surrogate parent) is a major aid in getting legitimacy - something this powerful must be good. But on the flip side, the nature of portable gaming itself hinders the design of solid games, thus hurting legitimacy. Handhelds on the go are played in bursts that can be interrupted at any time, so handheld games must either provide short bursts of entertainment that would lose little if interrupted (i.e. Tetris) or a game that can be 'paused' to allow for the gamer to stop and come back later to the exact point where he was (i.e. FFL series) Games that fall in the middle tend to hurt their playability on the go by making it hard for players to stop at any given time - case in point, Castlevania: CotM forces players to backtrack to save points in order to stop playing and retain their status, which is neither quick or easy, and can be a bother. Enix somewhat addressed this concern in DWIII GBC with a single slot state save that was erased when it was used, but the fact remains that a game on the scope of a FF or DW is a poor fit on a handheld, where entertainment may only be acquirable in short bursts rather than marathon playing sessions. Thus, certain genres may be limited in scope because of the inherent 'stop-and-go' nature of portable gaming. But the biggest obstacle I see is the lack of talent developing for the GBA. Why? The media, my friend, the media. The reason that Square went to Sony and the PlayStation was the fact that it's easier to develop for CD-ROM based systems than cartridge systems. First off, cartridges are smaller in dataspace size than optical media - N64 carts topped out around 620-640 MB, compared to the 650 MB size of a CD-ROM. Second, CD-ROM based systems allow for multiple discs, allowing theoretically unlimited space for a game (though I doubt a gamer would tolerate a game larger than Riven (5 CD-ROMs) in terms of media), whereas cartridge systems as they are now are single-cartridge limited. (There are some ways to enable multi-cart games (a variant of the Aladdin system developed for the NES a LONG time ago could pull it off), but they would most likely be prohibitively expensive to actually produce.) So, developers have limited space. How do you solve that? By tight, clean code that optimizes the space that you DO have. Sadly, most modern devs have been spoiled by the bountiful space of CD-ROMs - when's the last time YOU heard of "code bloat"? I haven't in a while, and for the simple fact that EVERYONE has code bloat in their games now. Who cares about optimizing an algorithm to take less code when space is cheap? Well, on the GBA, space is worth its weight in gold. So programmers that work on GBA games have to unlearn bad habits learned on other consoles, and write optimized, clean code that has been put on a diet. Some may suggest that we could just roll over the cadre of GBC programmers, but if one looks at the current crop of GBC games, one realizes that it's a 5%/95% wheat/chaff mix in terms of quality. We want the guys that made FF, MGS, and other top games making games for the GBA - not the stellar minds that have brought us the uninspired licenced drivel that has been the staple of the GBC these past few years. But how many programmers will be willing to unlearn bad habits? Not many, I think, and a dearth of talent will be crippling for the GBA. So, in closing, the GBA may have the potential for greatness, but the limitations of portable gaming and cartridges may reach up to drag The Little System That Could (TM) back to mediocrity. Sincerely, Angelknight, who believes that "hardcore gamers" are to gamers as audiophiles are to music lovers.

Hoo! Heavy arguments you got there, son.

The only thing I really feel the need to comment on is programmers having to "unlearn bad habits learned on other consoles." I would have to guess that among Nintendo's own armada of first party developers, there are quite a few teams that never learned these bad habits, so to speak. Quality software was continuously packed into the GBC's little carts to support the system in style right up until the day of the GBA's succession. Zelda, Mario and Pikachu have all had quite the quality presence on the GB, if you ask me.

Beyond a Joke

Ern Anderson, I like to think of the GBA as a giant joke, and spend long days standing in front of the GBA game section in EB pointing and laughing. Who needs a portable system? You can't use it at work, or at school, you're too busy either doing work or talking to friends there. Unless you're 12 you no longer have long car rides on which to distract yourself. Let's face it, unless you're an anti-social boob who refuses to talk to people in public the only time you have to play games is when you're home, and then you can play better games on your teevee. As for Golden Sun that was altogether too much like Beyond the Beyond for me. All those annoying "shuddering" characters who take 3 days to SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME PLAY! -Adam

Alas, I must confess a portable system is more or less impractical from my standpoint, as well. When I'm away from the confines of my own spartan little corner of hell, it's usually because I have something to do or somewhere to be. And if I'm home... well... why would I sit hunched under a lamp squinting at a phone card-sized display when I could be playing something cinematically splendid on my big, enormous 19" TV.

Samus is gonna be there, dude!

EM, Hey, Metroid 4 is making its debut on the GBA. Isn't that enough? -Red Raven

For some, surely.

Samus admirers have gone entirely too long playing wistful bouts of Super Smash Bros.. As for me, I'm a lot more interested in a GCN incarnation.

Setting new standards with old crap

Dear Agent Erin They're porting over a pile of SNES RPGs to the GBA (woah, that's an annoying sentence) and not making many new ones. However, if they sell, then the likelihood of there being more original Golden Sun (not being released here until March - ARGH) standard new games is going to be much higher. At least, that's how I'd like to imagine it.... DarkJodi - escaping in a stolen ambulance

I'm forced to wonder if various players in the industry aren't getting just a little arrogant in their assumption that we're going to want to play their gems over and over and OVER on every conceivable platform...?

But I digress... because I've just gotten an idea for another half-baked topic!

Closing Comments:

First there was Lunar: Silver Star Story. Then there was Lunar: SSSC. Now we get Lunar Legend.

We're living in a remake renaissance. FFs IV, V and VI were all neatly groomed and sent to the PSX. Dragon Warrior IV's gotten a makeover. Countless titles are getting cleaned up for a re-release on the GBA.

So... how does that make you feel?

Are you happy that something you may have missed has found its way to a console near you? Or are you raging with righteous indignation (Anyone remember Cpt. Bucky O' Hare?) at the sacrilegous dredging up of these old bodies for some quick cash? Does Kain's complimenting Cecil on his drag in the revamped IV even begin to atone for the load times, grievous slowdown and embarrassing mistakes like "ind Song" that plagued VI?

Lay all your re-release resentment at my feet, brethren, and lighten your cosmic burdens.

-Erin Mehlos