Fell On Black Days -
October 11, 2001 - Brooke Bolander
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed
within this column are those of the participants and the
moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the
GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive
material afoot. I can almost feel my neural transmitters shutting down. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Well, I was kinda hoping to get a nice discussion in about the TGS today, but not that much information has come out, and not that many folks seem to care. So we'll just discuss whatever the heck we want. Hurray for free days!
The new Harvest Moon game comes out soon!! Wooooooo!
| Any Means Neccessary, dude. |
| I hope that the three unannounced games that Enix will show at the TGS will be remakes of the Soulblazer trilogy. Soulblazer with updated graphics and sound....Illusion of Gaia with a better translation.... An American release of Terranigma....It makes me all happy just thinking about it. Too bad it's not gonna happen. Dammit.
As for the rest of the show, I always like the surprises. I like new info on the hottest games yet to come out, but nothing's better than the "surprise game announcement" that nobody seems to expect.
Well, it there's neither of those things, I (at least) hope it won't suck.
- Anchor Glue, a monkey who deserves no praise!
|
A stateside release of Terranigma would be nice, but like you said, that's probably never going to happen. I actually find it kind of funny that it didn't get released here - for once the PAL players got something we did not, instead of things working the other way around.
I mean, if you really want to play it that bad, just download the ROM, unless you're morally against playing it on an emulator. HA.
| It's really subliminal marketing, truth be told. |
| Ms. Bolander of the Chapeau de Colander...
Explain to me the logic here: I was at a Kay-Bee toy store today, and there
was an Xbox box (That sounds funny when verbalized) in the window. No
"coming soon" sign. No poster. No hype. The implication was that the machine
was up for sale. Three reasons that's screwed up:
1)It ain't released yet.
2) It ain't released yet, and..
3) It ain't released yet.
Just lookin for
answers, but they're elusive little buggers. So here I am calling the
exterminator.
-Jabberwocky, not witty enough for an epithet
|
I'm guessing that was just supposed to serve the same purpose as a 'coming soon' sign, but they thought the X-Box was so seckzey that it didn't even need a petty poster to back it up. Maybe MS sent them an early model or something for publicity - anyone want to help us out here? I know about as much as you guys do, probably less in fact, so any knowledge about this sort of thing would be appreciated.
| Set phaser to 'Sarcastic.' |
| Brooke:
How would you know that either of those two games make Nintendo's Seal
worthless? You haven't played them, have you? Honestly, you don't strike me
as the type to like *any* hunting or fishing game, no matter if it was the
hunting/fishing genre's version of the second coming of Christ.
The plain fact is that those games weren't made for you. Surely you're not
trying to say that Nintendo can only put its Seal on games that are both
good and the sort of game that Brooke Bolander likes? I probably wouldn't
play a sports game if somebody paid me, no matter if it was the best. sports
game. ever. Does this qualify me to say that Sega (or whoever) sucks because
it condescends to make such obvious horrors, or allow them to be played on
their consoles? Of course not.
Also, it may be trendy to make that tired
gun-toting/hunting/fishing/hick-incest connection, but it's really just as
stupid as the misogynistic comments you seem to be so dead-set against. It's
not your style. At least, it shouldn't be.
--DarkLao
|
As a matter of fact, one of the first games I ever played for the NES was Black Bass - I loved that game to death. Coincidentally, the fishing mini-games in the BOF series are absolutely addictive for no reason I can understand. So yes, there are a few fishing games I can stand. Whoops!
But I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings when I dismissed "Mary-Kate and Ashley's 'Get a Clue!'" and "Billy-Bob's Huntin' and Fishin." Just because a game's cover art features a gap-toothed hick is no reason to make fun of it, oh no. I'm sure it's the Citizen Kane of huntin' and fishin' portables, and to make sure I never forget this most important of lessons, I'm going to go flog myself with bull nettles.
In other words, I can tell those games are going to suck because I have eyes in my freaking head.
| Maybe Chibi-Kuja would actually wear pants. |
| I’m hoping and praying that they’ll show off Chibi-Kuja, Chibi-Golbez, and Chibi-Chocobo. Now THAT would be the ultimate in cuteness (well, at least for Chocobo perhaps…)
- Oberon
"We test it so you don't get bugged!"
|
So Bobby Corwen wasn't a chibified chocobo? Big eyes, cute noises, disgustingly adorable - sounds pretty chibi to me. If he had gotten any cuter my teeth would have rotted out; as it was 50% of the people who played FFIX have become diabetics. Why they made stuffies of Oglops and not Corwen is beyond my reasoning.
| "Mrs. Mario?" |
| "Wait, wait wait - you mean there were games they put out that didn't have 'the Seal?"
Remember the Tetris incident, where Nintendo/Bulletproof (whatever happened to BP, anyway, out of curiosity?) had a version (which was only okay, the controls just weren't right...and then Tengen [AKA Atari] had their version, which I recall, was a close port of the Atari version arcade game. If you do an Ebay search , you'll find it fetches insane prices (last I checked, anywhere from at least $20-35+) Anyway there was a giant fiasco over it; I don't even remember all the details, but let's just say it was pretty ugly. Of course Tengen also published a few other titles for the NES, including some older SEGA arcade ports (After Burner, Alien Syndrome, Shinobi, etc.) which came in both standard gray and the trademark Tengen black carts)
Of course there's also those 89237489736789234789238902340892341-in-1 pirate carts, boy I wish I had one! (Super Invisible Mrs. Mario Turbo III 567 Peoples? I wonder if the guys who came up with those crazy names for what's just a hack of SMB where you start at the minus world used to work for Capcom or something?) but that's a topic of a different color...
- JR
|
And there you go. I know the infamous Bible Adventures wasn't a liscensed Nintendo game, but I honestly can't remember if they just painted a Seal of Quality on it anyway or what. Oh those tricky Wisdom Tree workers!! Just think of how many grandmothers were fooled!!
I've actually seen those pirate carts for sale on QVC. It's amazing they've got the yarbles to blatantly sell this stuff on national television, but I've witnessed it with mein own eyes - Mario, Duck Hunt, and a plethora of cheap rip-offs, crammed into one funfun cart. Just watching made me feel all dirty and illegal, like I had somehow helped. Yuck.
| Yeah baby, yeaaaah! Bring on the sexy swingers! |
| Hi Brooke,
How come no one has said the obvious? Certain game
machines are just damn sexy (okay, okay, I'm a stupid
boy and all ... but still ... ) & I enjoy having them
on display, if not to actually play with them.
Dragging your grandkids over to stare at sexy plastic
is probably even more loserish than inflicting the Nth
game of Warlords on them (whether emulated on DC or
the
2600 port ... or the actual cabinet).
Case in point: the Odyssey 1 (circa 1972) I picked up
last year at a flea market for $10 is possibly the
neatest-looking system I've ever seen, but I've never
played the games - I have no real desire to be chasing
blips around the screen when I could be bashing ATACs
in Vanguard Bandits.
Of course, bad hardware design doesn't necessarily
preclude great games - I dislike the Saturn's looks
but absolutely adore the software - none of the PSX
RPGs I've played measure up to PDS, but I have to
admit
that Skies *might* be better ...
So what's your vote on the sexiest machines (hardware-
wise)? My current faves are the N64, GCN, and PS2 ...
the XBox is wildly overgrown (mutant growth hormone?).
Cheers,
Mike
(who has a Shenmue file saved just so that I can play
the forklift stages again ... and again ...)
|
Sexiest game machine? I'm partial to the Genesis myself. All those round curves, a sleek and shining black surface, the way the cart stuck right up out of the slot - oh baby! You can keep that clunky SNES - the good ol' Sega Genesis is Curve E. Voluptuous in my book.
Closing Comments:
Tomorrow is Friday, thank god, so I'll keep it light - what do you this is the sexiest, best-looking/designed console on the block? From that rennisance lady Atari to the nubile and childlike GameCube, which do you think is the most shagadelic?
- Brooke Bolander, who thinks the GameGear was pretty damn flashy herself.
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