Dignity For Sale - September 5, 2001 - Brooke Bolander
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Twenty percent of the gross goes stright to The Man. Don't say we didn't warn you. When I got up this morning, I was a little depressed. I'm a little unsure about what kind of job I'm doing on this column so far, you see, and some of the e-mails and comments on message boards were grating on me. I've only been here - what, three days? - and some folks are ready to tear me a new asshole for not pleasing them. So yeah, I got up annoyed and ready to bite some delicious chewy heads off. There was only a trickle of e-mails in my box about today's topic, and that just gnawed at me more. Then, out of the blue, I got an email from a former UGP staffer. And Jesus GOD you should have seen my face light up. You have to understand, I worshipped the GP/UGP staff. Like I said yesterday, they were the reason I got interested in journalism and tried out for this gig. Getting an e-mail from one of them was like getting a letter from Thom Yorke telling you to keep up with your guitar practise (which, by the way, would be a good thing - if I ever got any sort of recognization from Yorke I'd go into a comatose state.) Oh, but it doesn't end there, oh no. Enclosed in this Magic E-mail was the e-mail address of one man - Bill Donahue. I love this job already. If I can do a good job, it will be even better. Topic, topic, right. Excuse me while I try not to giggle like a schoolgirl every time I think of that e-mail. | Oh bitch bitch bitch! | | I read yesterday's column. I read it again. Again. Again. Why didn't I write in? I thought somebody else could handle it... they are obviously some of the finest moments of tragedy ever in an RPG series, surely someone must have written in... surely there must be one letter printed... I read it again. Again. Something inside me started burning, fiercely, with a rage too strong to be denied. How could she? Doesn't she know? Wait... maybe it's not her fault. Maybe nobody wrote in about it. I'll kill them. I'll kill them all. No, it can't be. It's her fault. HERS. Doesn't she KNOW? I read it again. I've got two words for your black heart, you demon wench. Phantasy Star. I can think of no finer moments in all of RPG history that have moved me. You were there, with me, when NeiFirst struck down my beloved Nei, weren't you? You, too, let the rage consume you during the fated battle against NeiFirst... you were there... you shed the same tears I did when she couldn't be resurrected, didn't you? And what of Tiem? And what of the Earthmen at the ending? The heroic poses, the remarkable last words of people tired and weary of battle, outnumbered a hundred to one... what of them? You were there, when Palm/Palma/Parma blew up, weren't you? How many games involve a solar system in full glory, how many actually dare to permanently blow up a planet? You must have been there, when Alys lay dying in Chaz's arms, as Zio laughed in the background of your mind. When Gryz was stereotyped beyond belief. When Demi lay hostage in the lair of evil. When the precocious Kyra was fighting for her life, you rushed to rescue her, didn't you? As your world slowly degenerated around you, you were there. When Chaz picked up the Elsydeon, I cried. I did. Even moreso when it shattered, trapping the profound darkness. I physically cried out for Rika to jump in the ending, and felt so calm after she did, and yet so excited at the same time. Did one person write in about this? Probably. I'll even go out on a limb and say more than one did. But did you dare print a single one, with the general unpopularity of the Phantasy Star series? I read the column again... it seems not. What is this? The pretty bland, typical romance novel story of Lufia II, the wanton fantasy novel/dominatrix crossover of Lunar, even the gorish horror movie called Silent Hill... to add insult to injury, you threw in SimAnt. I mean, why not say the scene where you are fighting Jaws on the boat in "Jaws"? But perhaps you weren't there, with me, looking at all of this. How could Chris abandon me to somebody who doesn't even bring up a whit of Phantasy Star on a "Moving Moments" type of topic? How could he? I'm going to strangle him. Oh, and on topic for today, I don't have enough bloody money to buy all the games and systems that are coming out, so merchandise is really annoying to me. Especially when a game has a REALLY good soundtrack. ~arc | Arc, keep whispering sweet nothings like 'demon wench' and people will say we're in love. If you don't like the way I do things, I'm sure Google will keep you company - Hell, give him enough games and you may even get to host the damn thing, and then think how many Phantasy Star letters you could post!... Seriously thought, there were a lot of game moments I didn't print - I don't have endless time and space to do this thing, so I post whatever letters jump out at me the most. If you don't get a letter posted, try again - eventually you will get one up. Maybe. | Ewww... | | .....Hmm, I looked up overmarketing yesterday and found the word "pokemon" as the definition. Period. Truthfully though, it really depends on the form of marketing a game takes. If companies cash in just for selling random objects under a popular name (example: the "Hello Kitty!" Vibrator) ........I was going to finish my sentence....but, well, icky! Now from where I left off: then it's just wrong. It takes away from the original game in a way that nothing else could, at least in the eyes of someone who could see it happening. However, the games which are less marketed are usually the games which become less well-known, or "underappreciated", which is one of the reasons that makes those kinds of games often appealing. The only problem with basically everything I just said is that it really only applies to the US cause in Japan, everything is marketed in a huge way. ~Subtle Silence | I dunno......it depends on what's marketed and how much, I think. If there's a lot of hard work put into the soundtrack, figurine, etc, then it'll probably be high quality, and that's a good thing. On the other hand, none of us want to see Xenogears whored out like Pokemon - if you think it's annoying seeing Pikachu slapped on everything from t-shirts to condoms, just imagine Chu-Chu staring back at you. The bigger something gets, the less quality is put into it, for mass marketing reasons. So it's a fine line to walk. Oh, and for those of you who think the Hello Kitty vibrator is a myth....I've got news for ya - It's not. There are also comdoms, evidently...I think this is a fine example of marketing gone horribly, horribly WRONG. | The hunt - is on | | First off, I'm *so* glad there is a female DA now. Huzzah the gaming chix, there are a hell of a lot more of us than most people think. Anyhoo, about the topic at hand. Putting aside the somewhat incredulous feeling I have about complaining about something which is inherently commercial (gaming *is* a business), I honestly have a mixed opinion about the rampant commercialization of gaming these days. I scream like a she-Moogle in heat whenever I tear open the shrink wrap and crack open an Amano artbook for the first time, pick up a particularly rare or filthy FF doushinji at an anime con, or listen to another Yoko Shimamura soundtrack. This shyte turns me on. OTOH, I'm also a broke-assed college student with the misfortune of having picked the four most expensive hobbies on the planet (anime, gaming, computers, and comics, not necessarily in that order). This stuff is expensive. I lived on Rice-a-Roni for a month in order to afford my statue of Cloud on a motorcycle. But dammit, I was one happy nerd girl. It was really inevitable that this would happen. As gaming has become more and more popular in this consumerist hell we call the United States, it's only natural that gaming companies would seek new and more sordid ways to get us to fork over our hard-earned cash. I welcome it, because maybe we'll be deemed worthy to get stuff that would ordinarily never make it here from Japan. I also loathe it, because of the "eBay Mentality" that goes with it. ("OooO look, I'm so much better than yoo cuz my copy of FF Tactics doesn't have a green stripe on it!! Even though I paid $300 for it!! UR LAME") BTW, I'm a squealing, yaoi-writing bishounen-chaser who also loves blowing people up in Quake. Do I still get a cookie? ^_^ --Celestra, whose name is synonymous with Dirty Anime Boysex(tm). | This letter got me to thinking...when things become more avalible, do they lose some of their mystique? Is it the thrill of hunting down that 75 dollar Xenogears book that makes us want it so bad? And the prices on some of these things, of course - admit it, you get a dirty little thrill from bragging about how much that Cloud statue cost, don't you? We've all become so incredibly steeped in our geekiness that it's fun to show how geeky we are. "Hey look! I got the limited edition Bahamut figurine with the gold paintjob!" "So? I have a life-sized Rinoa doll. It cost me 350 bucks, and I had to pawn my mom's wedding ring, but daaaaamn it was worth it." "Whoaaaaaaaa." And so the hierarchy of the nerd is established. I'm as guilty of it as anyone - touch my Perfect Works book and I'll skin every damn one of you - but it's just something interesting to think about. Oh, and you get no chicken cookie. You scare me, so into The Box with you, fellow female or no. | Silence Is Golden | | Hey Brooke! Haven't had a chance to welcome you to your new position as DA, so .. hi. :] Moving along to the topic at hand, toys? Yes! I vote for the Nall plushie .. and if it comes with a little voice box that spurts out some of Nall's more amusing lines at random, I'll be all the happier. Anyway, I don't see a problem with game companies having 'toys' made based on their games. I mean, they're companies after all, and one of their goals is to make money. So, it makes sense. It promotes the game, gives fans a little piece of it all for themselves and brings in a bit of extra revenue as well. Cons? Well, sometimes companies don't pay attention to detail or as much as they should. Quality should come before quantity. Unfortunately this isn't always the case. ...then you have companies *coughnintendocough* who over-market a product. Pokemon. I'm just about sick of seeing it smeared everywhere, and I actualy own Red and Silver. They games were decent, letting me waste time on road trips and such, but enough is enough. Making money is one thing, but watching a parent shell out $100+ on a few Pokemon trading cards made me sick. Eh .. I think I'm done. Nope, I'm not. On a side note, I wouldn't call what Working Designs did as merchandising. I'd call it incentive marketing. A little more for your buck. It would be nice to see other companies take their job this seriously. WD is about the fans, which is awesome. Just had to sneak that in there. Alright, now I'm done. Thanks for your time. - Cipher, no not the freaking Matrix :mumble: P.S. I want a Tonberry plushie. :/ | There's no way in Heaven I'd want a Nall plushie that talked. As adorably cute as Nall was, his voice was enough to make you blow your brains out after several repeated listenings. So while I'd love a normal Nall plushie, I'm afraid that if it had a voice box I'd have to do emergency surgery with a pocket knife until the little bastard was as mute as Chrono. And as has been stated, there are two prime examples of how and how not to market your games - Pokemon and Working Designs. I agree that WD doesn't exactly market their stuff - it's more of a 'buy the happy meal and get a cool prize' type of thing - but the merchandise that comes with the games is exceptionally well-made. I still have the box Punching Puppet Ghaleon came in, just because it's funny as hell to read. Pokemon, on the other hand...well, let's not get into that. And you can't have our Tonberry plush, buddy. They aren't that hard to find, though, so if anyone else wants to know where to get them, feel free to e-mail me. Just spreadin' the Tonberry luv, baby. | Hmmmm....Bill action figure? | | Since you mentioned GP/UGP, I felt the need to write in to a fellow fan. I've been a huge fan since the good ol' Game Players days.. All hail Bill! Huzzah! Then it went to Ultra Game Players, then it eventually died out.. (Well, after UGP, they became Game Buyers before fully dying, but there were only four or five issues.. so it doesn't count) Anyway, Bill, Chris & Fran all went over to PSM, where Bill and Chris still are. Thought i'd mention that, since you mentioned being a fan'a Bill. Ah, the good ol' UGP days... never thought i'd miss that dead horse.. It was dead, right? Maybe Bill just got it really, really drunk.. Just out of curiousity, am I the only person alive who thinks Chrono Cross was a terrible game? You spend the first part of the game as Serge, only to switch bodies, and you don't even get to use Lynx's badass weapon? I felt ripped off. The magic system was original, and well-done, i'll give them that. But, the cast of characters was way too large.. And only a fraction of them ever participated in the story again, after joining your party. There's other reasons, but I won't get into them. Anyway, onto the subject. I hate the fact of games being merchandized as much as they are, especially when most of the merchandise comes out as garbage. I bought most of the FF7&8 figures, only to find that very little moved on them. Expensive figures from Japan, and what was I able to do with them? Set them up. Ooo. That's pretty. Where's the kung-fu grip? And the karate-chop action? GI Joe has karate-chop action!! If I wanted to buy something to display, i'd buy a Barbie. If I go out and buy a Cloud or Sephiroth figure, I want to be able to actually play with them. You ever try playing with the FF7 figures? They actually fall apart. The RE2 figures were done terrible too; the characters were stuck in the worst poses possible, and you were unable to change them. The only time I was actually pleased with an inaction action figures was the MGS series. If you've ever seen them, you'd know why. Such beautiful detail.. If game merchandise is going to keep getting bigger in the U.S., I just hope that the quality picks up. Not only with the figures, but in general. One thing I think they should actually do, because it would be amazing.. Xenogears figures. They would need to do them exactly like the Exo-Squad toys, back in the day. Those were the greatest; you could actually MOVE stuff on your action figure. Plus, the Exo Frame(Their version of Gears) were incredible. Anyone who's ever owned one will know what I mean. Steve | Okay, so evidentally I'm not the last Bill fan standing. I think everyone who read that mag has fond memories of the Cleansing, The Box, and all that other stuff - which is also why I can't find anyone willing to give up their old copies of the mags. C'moooon, there's gotta be someone out there that doesn't want those dusty old magazines cluttering up their room, right? Right? As for the Dead Horse...well, don't ask me. I'm still trying to figure out that damn Box. The FF7 figures were utter tripe as far as the way they were made (more on that later) but the FF8 toys were suprisingly well-done. You could actually play with them without a head or an arm coming off in your hands, which was a vast improvement over FF7's alarming rate of doll decapitations. On the other hand, the Guardian Force figures - at least the one I got - were kinda crap. If a leg gets out of socket or something, forget sticking it back in, unless you have the Incredible Hulk staying at your home. A leg came off of my clear Cerberus figure, and I finally just had to glue it on - my Dad couldn't even get it back into that socket, and he's a big brain-dead redneck cop. Ahh well. It only cost 10 bucks in a Suncoast day-after-Christmas clearance sale, so you get what you pay for. | Nothing cuter than an animated booger | | Hey Brooke! First of all, it's great to see a female as Double Agent. I'm female, 21, and married to a fellow RPG fanatic. At my wedding, I walked down the aisle to the Final Fantasy theme from the FFVIII ending. ^^ Anyway, to today's topic. Give me slimes. Give me thousands of smiling blue Dragon Quest/Warrior slimes. I spend a good chunk of my paycheck each month importing various DQ books and items, and I love it. Yeah, it may be a bit silly, but if it something has a slime on it, I'll more then likely bounce up and down like a hyper dragoon and whimper about how much I want it. I've scared my husband by suggesting that I'd like to make a slime earring just like the DQIV hero wears. But mind you, there are limits to this. For years I've heard rumors of Sailormoon tampons and even Hello Kitty vibrators (oh, the horrors...)and I would NOT want slimes to be exploited in this way. Some things are just, uh, wrong. ~Beth, the queen of bustenhalters | Goodness, so many other females gamers coming out of the woodwork, and literate, sun-dwelling ones at that. Did all you other girls just hide out and wait to write in until I usurped the throne? Anyways, even I would buy a slime, and I haven't even really gotten to play that much of the DQ/DW series (that should get me lynched, if the Phantasy Star thing didn't.) I've seen enough slimies in other games to know how cute they are, and pretty much anything cute and cuddly I'll buy. So yeah, I can see the appeal....although I think a slime made out of real, Gak-like slime material would be even cooler. And I really don't think slimes could be exploited in that way, thank god. Unless it was, like, Slime Breast Implants or something. Ew. | No, Tifa's breasts do not come off | | *MY* favorite game wasn't merchandised to heck. Or rather, my favorite character wasn't...no cheap rubber/plastic action figures whose heads and body parts come off, leading to such Hojoesque experiments as the Megalomaniacal Goth Flower Chick, Aervinniroth... No heinously expensive cold cast vinyl statues to blow a wad on... Only one doujinshi in the entire universe devoted to this very favoritest of characters that did NOT involve pretty-boys... Not even a decent keychain. But I do have a Cid plushie, nyaa! Princess Artemis | Such mutations as Hojo would never have dreamed of have come from the cheap, poor-quality assembling of the FF7 line of "action figures." I say it like that because the name is a blatant oxymoron - you can barely move these things at all without Aeris's head popping off or Tifa's arm spinning to the floor. What action? Since it's so easy to move body parts around, some individuals (don't look at me like that) have taken to sticking different heads on different bodies. Tifa's head on Barret's burly frame is a sight you won't soon forget. Poor Cid did get sadly passed up, though. I'd think if any character had been worthy of an action figure it would have our favorite grizzled pilot, but evidentally Bandai didn't want the kiddies playing with a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, bitter 30-year old astronaut. So I'll have to make do with my keychain and plushie...although the grimace on Cid Plushie's face is frightening. | Almost as cuddly as Stuffie Cthulu. | | The world needs more merchandising. It needs more plushies. And who better to fill those shoes than Bahamut? That's right, Bahamut! The way I see it, our old friend would be cute, cuddly, and would unleash holy terror on anyone who dared make fun of your plushies. Who hasn't had a smile of joy after seeing your biggest enemy wet his pants at the sight of your man/womanliness? Just think how fast they'd run if your plushie suddenly began trying to eat them or blast them with a powerful energy ball. But if you just want to make them lose control of their bodily functions, why not make the ultimate weapon a plushie? Hmmm...this has possibilities... Yeesh. What's next? A plushie Id, who suddenly decides to slaughter you and your entire family? Ugh. --Gandell the Silly Hearted | I want this. You heard me. I really, really want a Bahamut plush. The idea of a completely plush and huggable King of Dragons just tickles me silly - I've actually ran searches before just to make sure they hadn't made one. Sadly though, I believe we're out of luck...but just think of a chibi-Bahamut based on his Chocobo Racing counterpart. Awwwwwwww. Then again, I think a plush, chibi Alucard would be absolutely adorable, as would a Lenneth Valkyrie stuffie. Don't ask me why, but I always figured she'd go quite well as a plush. | I sold my soul for a chocobo | | Brooke, Well, I'd kill you and Spikey for a plush Tonberry. Does that count? -The Neocount of Merentha | If I told you guys I not only co-owned a Tonberry, but also had a stuffie Chocobo, Vivi, and Cid Highwind, would I be hunted down and looted? I also have all of the FF7 and 8 action figures...Well, almost all. Who needs Cloud and Vincent anyways? And for all of you people who have been writing in asking for my opinion on Xenogears, I'll say this - I have Xenogears : Perfect Works. I think that should tell you everything you need to know, since that thing costs about seventy bucks on a good day... | Sure the hat looks stupid on real people, but... | | Brooke, The big Sonic plush toys hanging behind the register at Circuit City a few months back carried a price tag of $5. I'd seen the exact Sonics before, years and years ago, at Best Buy, when Sonic 2 was just released for Genesis. I'd not purchased one, and I was thinking, well, maybe I should get one? I was buying a $100 Vaio mouse at the time; the guy behind the counter said the Sonic dolls were for a promotional Dreamcast deal, and that I couldn't have one. I asked him why they had clearance price tags on them. He said he didn't know. So I ended up not getting a plush Sonic. Which is good, I guess, because I, to this day, have no idea where I would have put it in my already cluttered living space. Videogame merchandising both in America and in Japan, it seems, both begins and ends with Pokemon. The best merchandise -- like a life-size Pikachu -- is of the highest quality, and the worst merchandise -- the ghetto, unauthorized, counterfeit Squirtle plushies stuffed into the crane machine at the Waffle House in Bloomington, Indiana -- is absolutely deplorable. Anyway, forget about real videogame merchandise for a while. Think about VIRTUAL videogame merchandise. You know what I'm talking about. The capsule machines in Shenmue. How badass would it be to walk down to the convenient store on the corner, pop one hundred yen into a machine, and, in a few seconds, have a little figurine of Sonic or Knuckles or Tails or Eggman or Alex Kidd or Panzer Dragoon or Akira or Jacky or Kage or Chao or Nightmaren or Pian or NiGHTS . . . Well, maybe it wouldn't be that great. It would be kind of cool. Either way, I can't wait for Shenmue II, when I can expand my collection, with chracters from even more Sega games. Maybe they'll have an Ecco figurine? In the American version, Ryo Hazuki BETTER say 'Maybe I should get another,' in that same voice. He better say it in the EXACT same way. Damn, Sega better use the SAME sample. Maybe I should get another? Maybe I should get another? Maybe I should get another? ONE HUNDRED YEN EACH. Maybe I should get another? Nah, some other time, okay? Ahem. Sorry. --tim rogers, | I always hoped and prayed they would make an Ecco plush, you know, with the stars on his head and everything - no go, sadly. They did, however, put out a soundtrack, which I haven't bought but have heard tell is exceedingly cool. Ecco's music was amazing for a Genesis-era game, so if anyone wants some good game music, there's your answer. And for the longest time I wanted one of those NIGHTS hats - does anyone else remember them? Verrrrry cool. | "Pull Kefka's string and watch him go!" | | Brooke, To me, merchandise is a-ok, as long as it's in the style of the game it represents. Take, for example, the punching puppet. This works well for the Lunar series, because Working Designs has translated the games to have a more light-hearted feel than most RPGs. Now, the puppet would not be so appropriate for something more serious, like FFT or Silent Hill. In the end, I'll buy anything they make anyway, but it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling when the concept actually makes sense. - Megane | I dunno....it might be pretty damn cool to have a Punching Puppet Delita. You know, pull a string and he stabs his little knife into whatever's handy? Awwww. Same with a talking Daravon doll - c'mon, you know that would be interesting. I personally wouldn't think FF6 would be a big plushie marketing machine, what with that 'end-of-the world' storyline and all, but lo and behold some custom plush maker created an awesome-looking Kefka stuffie - I wouldn't buy it (no psychotic clowns in my bedroom, please) but I'm sure there are thousands of others who would. | The Next Generation | | Brookelyn! (Man, that's lame) I've been asking this question to myself for a while and I want to hear other's opinions, but I've had no real way of knowing what everyone wants. So anyway, before any announcements are made about the game, I want to hear from everyone what they want in the third Chrono game, whenever it comes out. I want to hear suggestions ranging from story to graphics to battle system to whatever extras may be put in. I for one want to see and extras mode like in the PSX Chrono Trigger and interplanetary travel, but I really want to hear what other people want. So how about it? -Kung Fu Dude, who wants to know whatever happened to Toma. WHERE ARE YOU TOMA!? | Know what I want? I want the chance to play as Alfador. Chrono Trigger from the POV of Janus's cat - c'mon, you know you want it. Closing Comments: Okay, that was a good enough topic idea, but I'm going to take it a step further - what do you want in any of the sequels coming out? There's a whole assload of sequels for well-loved RPGs coming out over the next few months and year, so what game are you looking forward to the most, and what would you like to see improved upon from the original? Talk amongst yourselves. -Brooke Bolander, who is looking forward more to the next Harvest Moon game than FFX. |
