Double Agent
Deja-fu - May 30, 2001 - Chris Jones

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. It may take two to tango, but boy, just one to let go. Don't say we didn't warn you.

It just occurred to me that I haven't actually played a game all the way through in more than two months. I need to spend more time in front of a controller, or my qualifications for hosting this column are going to become damned obsolete.

Onward.

I don't know either
I don't know. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I'm MUCH more excited about the GameBoy Advance than the Gamecube. Maybe it's because I already have a PS2 and the GameBoy Advance is just cheaper. ^^; I have a question, though... I know the GBA is backwards-compatible, but how does it handle old, GB games? Obviously GBC games will play in color, but am I hoping too much for Super GameBoy-like color enhancement for the original titles? Like, what happens with Donkey Kong (that OLD one that was released when the SGB first came out that was designed for the GB, but if you played it on the SGB it had a special color scheme to go along with it)? If they stay grey (or green, whatever,) are they at least super-sharp looking?

-- Meowth the Quake Lllama

I have no clue, but I'd think you wouldn't see any more improvement from the GBA than you would from the Game Boy Color. The GBA does allow you to stretch out the square Game Boy screen to GBA dimensions, if you consider that an improvement, but otherwise, what you see is what you get. And the GBA's a pretty sweet piece of technology, but the Gamecube is even more of a fetish item than the PS2, from my standpoint. Speaking of which, I need to go in to EB tomorrow and find out if they've started to take preorders yet.

Fight the power while you can
"In the PC world, few people really like Windows, but it's generally understood that if you want to make serious money, you've got to develop for them."

Except that ain't the case for the console world. And I don't think game developers want it that way, largely to avoid having to kowtow to only one company (though partially just to preserve the current paradigm, which they're used to). These guys have a choice that computer developers haven't had for a long time, if ever: who and what to program for. That's bargaining power, and if they look at the situation their counterparts are in, they'll quickly realize that they'd be fools to give that up.

In short, conventional wisdom states that the gaming companies should make Gates WORK for his foothold, because letting him just waltz in and conquer their territory for his empire is simply a bad idea. Anyone who switches over to the XBox in a heartbeat isn't considering the consequences.

- ChocoMog ZERO

Turning your logic back on itself, doesn't that mean that they'd want to develop for the XBox, to ensure the survival of yet another alternative platform, which would give them even more bargaining power? The XBox isn't going down easy, if at all (not with Microsoft standing behind it) so you might as well establish a foothold now, so you can threaten to yank your next big thing off one platform and on to another if a developer's not treating you right, neh? If the XBox dies, you've just got Nintendo and Sony to deal with, and if some have their way, maybe not even them...

Life gets better when you have fewer choices, right?
Yo Chris,

Since we've been talking about the upcoming console war, which should be interesting to say the least, I've been thinking about another closely related topic.

With Sega dropping out of the hardware race and Microsoft's position looking a bit unfortunate, it may be a battle between just Sony and Nintendo. If it comes down to that, the most successful system will be decided by whoever can nab the most exclusives and put out the best overall games. But what would happen if one side dropped out of the race and we were left with only one set of hardware? Wouldn't this force companies to make better games?

If only one console existed, each company would have to strive to make original and imaginative games. They won't be able to turn quick cash by making a cheap sports game that gets released on four systems, therefore selling lots of copies. If this one console has several companies making sports games (EA, Konami, etc.), we wouldn't see someone like Square releasing a subpar baseball game, just because there's nothing else available. Each company would only release stuff that would get recognized, and we also wouldn't have to worry about a special edition of a game released that's only marginally better, but gamers without a certain system cannot play.

I can see a few downsides, such as the fact that the company would see no need to compete to make a stronger or more advanced console, since there's no direct competition. I also realized as I wrote this that it would basically be a PC, and we know that plenty of crappy, crappy games are released for computers. But do you think that a single console would lead to better games and tighter controls by companies to release less crap?

--The Steve

ChocoMog makes a pretty good argument against this scenario above, so I'll just point out that market forces almost demand that at least one alternatice console be around, and that one'll pop out of the ether if you wait long enough in a one-console world. One console would mean that the console maker would be able to gouge developers on licensing fees, which would create a stable full of unhappy developers, until somebody else with deep pockets decided to capitalize on that unhappiness by making their own, more technologically advanced machine. Equilibrium: it's your friend.

Tri-Ace sues J. K. Rowling for copyright infringement
My personal Jesus,

Okay, random? Here goes. Now I dunno if anyone's ever brought this up before, but I just have to have more opinions on this. Lezard Valeth of Valkyrie Profile. Harry Potter. WTF?! Tell me, there's gotta be some connection here. The Philosopher's Stone? The Sorceror's Stone? I mean, Valeth IS Harry Potter in like, 15 years!! It's insanity! Does anyone else out there feel this way, or have I been eating too many beer bran muffins?

Dragonmastergill

You know, they do say that the books are supposed to get darker as the series progresses... I guess we should all keep a lookout for a light-haired girl named Platina to show up in the next installment.

Best of show. Period.
Chris,

I was reading IGNPS2's E3 Best of Show awards when it hit me: why are there so many genres in gaming? At what point did "First-Person Shooter" and "Action" become separate and distinct? How are "Extreme Sports" different enough from "Sports" as to warrant their own category?

Don't get me wrong, I understand the need for genres as a means of identification; "fishing game" communicates as much information as "mob movie." But in the recognition of excellence-- which, despite their limited scope, is what these IGNPS2 awards are-- distinguishing between genres is inappropriate.

Consider the AIAS awards, given out in March. The gaming industry's analogue to the Oscars, the AIAS gave out separate awards for Action/Adventure, RPG, Strategy, Simulation, Sports, and Online. Imagine the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences giving out Oscars for "Best Film Noir" or "Best Science Fiction". Say what you will about the Oscar voters's taste, but at least they have the right number of "Best Picture" categories: one.

And what purpose do these year-end awards at gaming publications serve, where prizes are given out for dozens of genres on each different platform? Where so many genres are delineated that multiple categories are often devoid of nominees? What person is desperately anxious to find out which game took the prestigious "Best PSX Wrestling" trophy? Maybe this is overly cynical, but I think gaming publications do it for commercial reasons. Giving out 30 best game awards gets your magazine/website mentioned on game boxes and in print ads for each of those 30 games.

The argument I hear in favor of such distinctions is always "You can't compare a sports game to an RPG. You can't say if Chrono Cross is better than NFL 2K1." To which I reply, "Why not?" You can compare anything. Saying that one thing cannot be compared to another is lazy criticism. Besides, every website/magazine/society gives out a "Best Overall" award anyway.

It's counterproductive to the industry to make these genre demarcations, especially in year-end awards. Creating so many categories trivializes the honor, and suggests an equality among genre winners. Only the best game should be awarded-- period-- and the rest of the pack, the "Best N64 Fighting Games" and "Best Dreamcast Adventure Games", should be cast into hell.

--Nick W.

That's a really interesting argument you're making, there. I hadn't thought of it before, but just about all of your points hit home, especially about the commercial reasons for so many categories.

The one thing I would argue against is one category for all games - the Oscars have only one Best Picture category, but many other venerable awards pick a Best Comedy and Best Drama picture. Good comedies often have an element of drama and vice versa, but there's no reason, say, Rushmore should get shafted because it shares a year with Schindler's List. Likewise, FF8 shouldn't be compared with Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, because they're offering very different experiences. But separating games into Best Plot-driven Game and Best Gameplay-driven Game seems a legitimate distinction. More on this below.

I'm not a nerd, but I play one on TV
No offense but after I looked at pictures of the GIA's staff, most of you guys looked like out of shape nerds. Are you guys really nerds or do you just look like them.

-Ben

Funny to say that I'm actually not offended by this, but a few of the other staffers might be. No big deal - the fact is, most of the staff's in pretty good shape. On average, I'd say we're in better shape than most of the people attending E3, or even 20-somethings in general. Hell, Drew's actually a pretty wiry individual in real life - he may be a gaming nerd, but he could also probably beat the crap out of someone, on request. So just be glad he vents his angst via his weekend columns, instead of by becoming a street-crime-fightin' vigilante man.

Er, I mean, in addition to, not instead of.

From here to the Orange Julius is XBox territory, yo!
Hey, Chris,

(Sorry if this is too late for the public opinion topic -- I've been out of the country, man)

Gamespot posted the first long-awaited pictures of Tekken 4 today! You really should see how incredibly rendered the facial expressions are, how well the texture mapping is stretched over each computer-animated face.

http://gamespot.com/gamespot/stories/news/0,10870,2766492,00.html

As you can see, the groundbreaking feature includes seven pictures, showing that one guy, that guy with the tiger mask that makes his head look tiny, that other guy, that one other guy, that one girl who looks uglier and uglier as the graphics get better, that one other guy, and the supposedly evil guy with big eyebrows. The game is going to be revolutionary. Ahem. Anyway.

Look what the people are saying about it!

Look out you ps2 junkes x-box is comming and nothing can stop it. With a 8gig hard drive and games out of this world what are you going to do tell me what are you going to do.....

and then:

while you blow 300$ on a piece of @&%!# like x-box i'm going to be playing metal gear 2 and all the other incredible ps2 games that come out around the release of @&%!#-box. now tell me what are you going to do when your broke and left with a @&%!# system? hahahaha

.......................................................shit.

I mean, I don't take everything Gamespot says as the Truth, though, well, look at this. What follows these comments is the most ridiculously stupid debate on earth, where one person says 'PS2 is better' and the next says 'Xbox is better.' Like fourth-graders pushing each other on the basketball court, except they list their occupations as 'accountant,' 'computer programmer,' and 'graduate student.' It's the kind of debate I'd read snippets of out loud until my ex-girlfriend would yell, 'Stop that, now, or I'm going to throw up all over the place!'

I think it's not just Nintendo whose games attract children, eh? And besides, how is ANYONE supposed to take videogames seriously if the majority of videogame fans (not counting those who read the GIA, of course) are like... this?

--tim rogers, who lists his occupation on ZDnet talkback as 'novelist,' owns a PS2, sees that the Xbox is comming, and has to think long and hard about what he is going to do what he is going to do

I wouldn't worry about it too much - you tend to seem the same kind of competition in the supposedly far more important arenas of operating systems, or makes of cars, or types of beer, or sports teams. All these debates go on all the time with about the same level of maturity, but rarely impinge on civilization because they mostly keep to obscure little corners of the world, like bars, sports arenas, the Gamespot message boards or this letters column. As long as these people don't actually emerge into daylight (unlikely) then we don't have too much to worry about.

The world may never know
I've been trying to figure these things out for awhile now, but I just can't seem to make any words out of them.

"Their games are not 31337 enough for me!!!"

How do the numbers correspond to letters? I just don't get it; I see people throw them in all the time, and the best I can figure out is that 3=e and 7=l...but I'm not even sure on those.

More importantly...why the heck are they used?

-Marc

You've almost got it: 3 is E, 1 is l, and 7 is T, so the whole word is "ElEET", a misspelling of elite. It's based on numbers looking like letters more than any proper cryptographic correspondence. Fortunately, there's only a limited number of words that can fit in this particular corruption of the language, so you just have to memorize a few of the more bizzare permutations and you're set.

As to why it happens... well, powerless and obscure subcultures (read: male teenage computer nerds) often feel a need to invent their own lingo to set them apart and make them feel cool. People who write without capitalization, punctuation or spelling are often attempting the same thing, but 1337speak generally doesn't get mistaken for ignorance or laziness by normal people, just dementia.

Aaaand... the judges have awarded Chris a 9.7 for being a snobbish prick! It's a new record! The crowd goes wild!

This is gonna be one doozy of a sentence...
Chris,

While reading your responses, i noticed a certain lack of flare in your writing. Here, then, are some words that i feel should be used more often.

skirt
beaver
plastic
mountain
cat
jupiter
shoe
james bond
trumpet
mouse
lard
helicopter
polar bear
cabbage
jersey

She was one cool cat, frosty as a polar bear, dressed in her plastic, beaver-concealing skirt, mouse-petite shoes, and that cabbage-colored jersey, leaving me to wish I had the Jupiter-sized ego of a James Bond as she helicoptered up the mountain with that fat tub of lard Peitro, trumpeting laughter all the way.

Next!

Closing Comments:

Let's go with Nick W.'s letter for tomorrow's topic - do you think different genres of gaming deserve their own award categories, special sections, etc., or should all games just be lumped together? Enlighten me. Adios for now.

-Chris Jones, thinks Terry Pratchett could kick J. K. Rowling's ass in a bar fight

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