Double Agent
The Substitute - May 9, 2001 - Alex Annis

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Nuclear chicken wings killed my stomach. Fear them. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Howdy, howdy. I feel like I should say something profound here, but all I can think about is that fact that it feels like it's Friday, but it's really only Wednesday. Go figure.

This Bud is for you, Pikachu
The concept of the arcade died when games stopped relying on obscene challenge to extend playtime. Now the only experiences one can hope to find in an arcade are nostalgia (for the old games shoved in the corner) and disgust at the fact that it costs more to play any game in the building than it takes to call the Psychic Friends Hotline.

It's clear that arcades will never do. Console systems have provided great multiplayer experiences, and pound for pound they're far cheaper and more convenient. But anyone who remembers what arcades were like must, to some extent, pine for something to fill the void.

I think it would be great to have some kind of bar, cafe, or whatever with console systems set up all over the place. Folks could put whatever multiplayer game gets their goat in, grab a few friends or challenge a few strangers, and basically just have a good time. It's not too far off from many things I've seen done already, and it would probably have to be done RIGHT (fat chance) if it were to be at all worthwhile, but hey...

- Zen

The main problem I see with having bars or cafes devoted to gaming is that to purchase and maintain all the equipment would be pretty expensive. From my observations in college, alcohol and video games don't mix well, and the result could be something petty like a smashed controller to an actual brawl over a game, which could result in the gaming system getting destroyed. It may not seem like that much for one instance, but if problems persist the expenses could really add up. A cafe might be a little easier to manage, but the people getting excited in front of the big screen would probably disrupt the rather tranquil atmosphere one usually finds in a cafe.

Personally, I think arcades still have a good amount of life in them, but measures do need to be taken to ensure their longevity. As you mentioned, getting a single round of a game in can be quite expensive, and you don't always get that much playtime for your money. I'd like to see a return to the good old days when all you needed was a quarter to play anything, but as long as mobs of people will pump their change into games like Marvel vs. Capcom 2, I don't think there's a chance for decreased rates.

I dream of Ramza
Hola Alejandro!

Argh, forgot my alt thingie for upside down !. Anyways. What I'd like to see at E3, and I know this is a longshot but it would be awesome, is Final Fantasy Tactics 2. That would be the untimate hidden secret and just the thought of it probably making half the columnests drool. Barring that a CT2, not a CC!, would be nice. I want to see a nice follow up to one of those two games.

Efrate, wishing daily for a sequel or prequel to the story of Ramza.

Having missed out on Final Fantasy Tactics, I would be happy with a confirmation about a re-release. It seems pretty unlikely to me that FFT2 would be announced, since Square will probably start a big push for Final Fantasy X. They've been rather quiet about it thus far and it could undermine their efforts to promote it if the display another highly demanded sequel at the same time.

Grandia 2 for the PlayStation 2
Terrific. Can we kill ourselves now?

It's not like Sony is doing the translation again. Just remove a limb or two, ok?

Resistance is futile
To Mr. McNamara I say bravo,

Sirrah, you took the words right out of my mouth. I mean, c'mon now, I know and you know that shows like Tom Green, Jack Ass, and the rest of MTV's line up have been unjustly labeled as unintellectual. By God, we've got to show the whole damn world the hidden symbolism! But before this can happen, we've gotta stop those damn have nots from spreading those false rumors that some sinister marketing people are taking advantage of our subconsciousness by using the rustic powers of the mook and midriff to milk 'us' for all we're worth.

You see, coolness is a kind of spirituality. Those have nots are jealous of us! They say we are rapidly losing our individuality, but by God that's a false allegation! They're just jealous of our perfect, collective consciousness! All knowing, all thinking, ah, they could never understand, the glory, the power, the vindication of our spirits!

Those have nots are just jealous, I mean, why play some dumb game, with a fake story, and a lame romance. Everyday of real life's an adventure! We can go smoke dope, and get laid, anytime of the day! Hell, every hour of the day! You see, being hip is a state of divine providence, that none of those damn losers can possible understand!

Ice Block, giving one hell yeah for that X-men comment.

Having watched a lot of Tom Green in the past, I can honestly say that the show is completely void of any form of intellectual stimulation. Don't get me wrong, it's entertaining, but you won't come away with it having learned anything. Then again, that's the whole purpose of the show: to provide a half hour or entertainment in which you don't have to think. The show is capable of providing somewhat educational material (as seen in the special about his testicular cancer), but the majority of viewers would probably turn away from it had the majority of the episodes not relied on totally random and obscene gestures.

RPGs, on the other hand, require at least a small amount of thought while playing through them. Even if you're just traveling through a dungeon, you still need to use a bit of strategy to maintain decent health and solve any puzzles that may present themselves along the way. Either that, or you could just load up on potions and ethers and run around until you happen to find the right path. Even then, though, your thinking up a strategy for how to tackle the problem.

And I don't care what sort of divine state you're in, wake and bake is not cool.

Where's Matt Pinfield when you need him?
No amount of ranting about how "most members of the TRL studio audience could make it through a novel" can disguise the fact that TRL - and MTV, for that matter - is the poster child for empty, vapid entertainment. It isn't about what people 'could' do, but what they actually spend time on, and playing an RPG means functioning at a higher level than watching TRL. Even Legend of Dragoon.

This does not make any such judgment universal, but how people spend their time reflects what they deem important and how they define themselves. Looking to be different is probably the worst reason to play RPGs, but I'd rather somebody misguidedly latch onto a subculture than misguidedly latch onto mainstream culture.

Even Carson Daly admits that TRL is a joke but becoming a celebrity by hosting it was an easy choice. For the rest of us, the choice to instead do something even the least bit thought-provoking (like RPGs) is just as easy.

-Ed M.

GIA Agent

Ed basically hits the bull's eye here. Just because a person could do something doesn't mean they will, and sadly, given the choice between a good book and a mind numbing sitcom, the average person is probably going to go for the full frontal lobotomy and use the book to prop up their TV stand.

Jesus lives in Naples, Fl.
I read the column today and someone was talking about Xenogears games. Maybe somebody's mentioned this already; I haven't really been reading lately, having been (pretending to be) busy and all. I just thought I'd make a simple religious assertion:

I don't believe in Xenosaga.

I'm not saying that I don't believe in the Xenogears plotline. In fact, I've shaped my religious creeds around it and I have full faith in Deus and Elly and cute, cuddly Ramsus. I'm a pious little girl. I'm not even saying that I don't believe it's a prequel to Xenogars. What I mean is that I don't believe that there will ever be a Xenosaga. It's like those magazines you read while you're waiting in line at a grocery store. You know, like "THE APOLCALYPSE IS COMING IN 2001" and "GOD'S FACE SEEN IN BOWL OF OATMEAL" and "JESUS HAS A MOBILE HOME IN FLORIDA."

Why do I believe that Xenosaga is a conspiracy?

1. The whole Square/Namco thing is a little ridiculous

2. Neither Square nor Namco is nice enough to make fun se/prequels (except Chrono Cross, which doesn't really count.)

3. You've got no evidence that couldn't be completely forged

4. You're all SADISTS.

I wasn't taken in by Final Fantasy Gaiden (put up on April 1st, the same as the Xenosaga details, coincidently enough) and I'm not going to be taken in by this. Xenosaga is completely made up by you horrible GIA sinners.

The want ad poster doesn't look like anything out of Xenogears... it looks more like Chrono Cross, if you ask me. The trailer music sounds like a remix of the song from Ghost in the Shell. You've got a logo that even I could slap together, lists of people (with all the best ones, such as Yasunori Mitsuda, on both), and a screenshot of Zohar from Xenogears. Oh, god, I'm convinced.

You won't post this, will you? Dogmatic bastards.

--Uncreativity

1. A little ridiculous, yes, but how often does the industry really make sense? I mean, we've had three Army Men games released this month for the PlayStation 2 alone. It may be a popular franchise, but three games in such a short span is overkill. As for the Square/Namco thing, my little theory is that it's a byproduct of the stock swapping between Square, Namco, and Enix. If they're out to cut costs on game development, I see no reason why they wouldn't merge teams for some projects.

2. I thought Soul Caliber was a blast, and despite the fact that Chrono Cross can be perceived as one of the largest side quests ever, it's still considered a sequel.

3. While I suppose it's possible that we could have made up Xenosaga, I doubt GameSpot and IGNPS2 would have both covered it, too. Yes, GameSpot took the bait for Funky Fantasy, but it's a little easier to falsify a magazine report than it is an entire game that's supposedly on display at one of the biggest conventions of the year.

4. You make it sound like it's a bad thing.

A spoony bard no more
Is it me, or is anyone else scared about Chrono Trigger and even FF4's transition to the Playstation? I'm not sure how well they were done in Japan, but I know here FF Anthology suffered horrible lag due to the cart to cd thing, more so FF6 than 5. It made the game almost unplayable in most areas. And I heard that Japan's rerelease of Chrono Trigger wasn't so hot. So will Square take the time to make sure Chrono Trigger and FF4 come out right here in the U.S.? Has there been any official word? Thanks.

Chrono Trigger supposedly had a decent transition onto the PlayStation, so it should be fine. Final Fantasy 4 came out in worse shape, and aside from the new translation Square has planned for it, I don't think they plan to improve the port at all. It's a shame, but something I'm not too concerned with since all I really want is Chrono Trigger.

Detention for everyone
Y'know, when Chris is teaching he always lets us have free time on the playground. It's true. And then he gives us candy n' stuff, and reads us stories, and lets us go home early.

Are YOU gonna give us candy? Or are you one of those mean teachers who makes us do 2,000 word essays on Fei's split personalities?

Negative Creep

Don't worry; I don't plan on assigning any big essays or anything... unless you all misbehave. Don't think I haven't noticed that you've all been inching your desks closer and closer to the front of the room.

Closing Comments:

Speaking of assignments, here's you're topic for tomorrow. Retail stores including Best Buy, Electronics Boutique, and Toys R Us have been putting Game Boy Advances display units up that have met with some mixed results from people who tried them out, mostly over the actual size of the system. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to venture out to one of these stores and test the system for yourselves, then report back with your thoughts. Simple enough, isn't it?

Alex Annis, about to self destruct in 5, 4, 3...

Recent Columns  
05.08.01
05.07.01
05.06.01
Double Agent Archives
Send Alex email, because he's writing the column and you're not.
FAQ? Someday, maybe.