Man, what the hell are you smoking? If you fly north from Canada where the heck do you think you are going to end up? Furthermore, in a donut shaped world you couldn't wrap around the world north and south, only east and west. You are blowing my mind friend, the only possible explanation I can think of is that you are being extremely sarcastic, but I really saw no hint of that tone. You better be drunk or something.

Arthur

I thought I'd defend RPG producers for their "wrapping around the north pole" problem that you criticized yesterday. Start at Canada, aim your jet to the North Pole and go. Assuming you don't turn left or right, and nothing's in the way, you will, of course, reach the Pole. Then what? Do you suddenly stop, unable to go anywhere else? Of course not. You keep going, although you are now (by definition) going south. Continue, you will reach the South Pole, and wrap around to eventually reach your starting point again. You can wrap around N-S just fine, and from your frame of reference, you are not changing direction (it's only from an outside frame of reference - specifically, one far enough outside to see the curvature of the Earth, and that's pretty far outside - that you appear to be changing direction.)

The problem RPG producers are having with spherical worlds isn't one of science, it's one of cartography; we see the movement on the map of FF9 (for example) as going north, appearing on the bottom, and then continuing north. It should instead go north until it reaches the top, start at the top elsewhere, and then go down until it reaches the bottom and reverses the process. But professional cartographers trying to map our world have problems dealing with the fact that it's a sphere as well. Let's face it; spheres just don't translate into two dimensions easily. I think we can forgive people who make games, who are not professional cartographers, for not being able to do what professional cartographers can't do. The only world map that could be an accurate representation of a sphere is one that was itself a sphere. I've only seen this done once (I think it was FFVIII), and most of the time it was more useful to use the flat map.

-- Chaomancer Omega

I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that if the RPG world maps put one polar region in the middle and split up the other one (half on the bottom of the map, half on the top) then it would make sense to have the top and the bottom connected. But that's not what most of them do.

Yo Fritzie,

(You know, I only even read this column once in a blue moon. You must really be something, boy.)

It's too late for the religion thing, but that's the best time to comment on a topic! Thus I'd like to point out that in FFT, at least, the religion was genuinely based around unwitting demon-worship. Or did no one else notice the part where St. Ajora (if you really want to be offended, say he represents Jesus) turns out to be the leader of all the evil demons, and, on top of that, FEMALE? And does this mean that the real Shiva could actually be a goddess without anyone knowing it except Squaresoft?

Okay, on to the REAL topic. Sidequests-- and I'm including as such parts of the game that are mandatory, as long as they have no purpose other than making the game longer. They're certainly fun if used right. Take, for example, Lunar EB(C, since I never owned a Sega CD). This game has characterization and humor dripping out of every orifice, so a sidequest is another wonderful opportunity for such things to one as easily amused as I; yet there aren't a whole lot in that game. On the other end of the spectrum, you have Chrono Cross, whose entire second half of the first disc is spent on one long, repetitive fetch quest, so that when you resume finding actual plot elements you've completely forgotten what's going on. Not to mention that the process for getting an ending that doesn't suck is one no sane person would ever happen to figure out on their own. In most cases, I'd rather play a game that's long because of sidequests than one that's short and without them, but there are exceptions (like CC). It'd be swell if a game could be long and never get off-track, but let's face it, it's hard as heck to write that much plot. When it comes right down to it, I don't care at all whether I'm playing something with a long, well-reasoned, involving, organized, well-told plotline, or Legend of Mana; the storytelling is more important than the story itself. I suppose that's part of why making the ultimate RPG is so hard-- there are very few traits in an RPG you can objectively call 'good' or 'bad'.

But that's OT.

The only person who ever calls you 'Fritzie',

Cantatrix

'Lo.

I think the biggest point we have to clarify here is the fact that there is a difference between a "side quest" and a "fetch quest". A side quest actually has a point, and can develop the story, show character interaction, maybe reveal a few more insightful details about our heroes (in addition to gleaning a helpful item or two). Find-the-lost-boy-in-the-cave fetch quests, on the other hand, are a stupid way to justify "40 hours of gameplay!" instead of "30 hours of gameplay!" on the back of the game box.

Besides, well-crafted, challengingly hidden side quests can make exploring a game a hell of a lot more fun, and reward the observant, persistent player for his... uh, observation and persistence. Fetch quests are just freaking stupid.

-Eightball

I think that sidequests are mostly unnecessary padding and I, for one, wouldn't mind seeing them cut from games entirely. I just don't have time to play through a game to "completion" like I did in middle school. Though some fans may measure the value of a title in hours, I measure it in quality -- you don't see critics lamenting how movie A gave them 180 minutes of value for their $7.50 while movie B only gave them 90 minutes. You see them tell you if movie A and B are WORTH SEEING. Stories can be told in nearly any length of time -- I've read four-sentence-long short stories that are more rewarding than a 10-book, 8,000 page fantasy saga. The point being: I like my games to be focused and not filled with unnecessary padding.

Sidequests, whether optional or not, are usually just unnecessary game hours that distract from the main focus of the game. That's why they're called "sidequests," after all. Of course, in the hands of a good developer I'm perfectly willing to go down a tangential road ... as long as that "digression" is ultimately shown to have some real relevance to the story.

So what do I think should replace sidequests? Detail. Instead of tacking an extra five hours onto the game I may never see, make an already existant five hours twice as rich. Games like the Metal Gear Solid series, Planescape: Torment, Deux Ex, and so forth succeed because they give the player so much freedom. In a sense, this can be like "integrated" sidequests; the casual player can just play through, while the more serious gamer can replay, looking for multiple pathways and solutions and tiny "easter eggs" that the developer took into account. I'd rather discover something new about an area I thought I had all figured out than wade through yet another linear, uninspired dungeon just like all the others -- and I'd like to think fans of sidequests and completing games "perfectly" would enjoy the added depth and replayability, too.

- Andrew

Fritzman,

To be honest, I didn't really expect or intend to start up another "religion in videogames: good or bad" debate; and frankly, I wasn't *condemning* either Xenogears or FFT for their religious elements (even though FFT was much more sublime than Xenogears). Both you and Chris managed to divine my intent, though maybe I wasn't clear enough in my original letter.

Exposes on powerful religious institutions are fine: I mean, I'm Protestant, and the only reason Protestants exist today is because a few people got pissed at the corrupt and powerful religious institution of the day and broke off. But what I wanted to see, really, was characters in which faith was a motivating factor. Even in FFT, Ramza wasn't crusading for God--he was fighting to stop a war and save innocent lives. The only two instances I can remember off-hand of someone praying was Ovelia in the beginning, and the inquisitor when you killed him (though that was more of a death-moan).

I don't want a game *about* religion, I want a game in which religion is presented as an integral part of a character without turning him/her into some fanatic archetype who talks about his/her religion and nothing else. It doesn't even have to be Judeo-Christian (although I would prefer it to be Western-styled; like Islam perhaps?).

But of course, those crazy Japanese...

-Matt Blackie

Well Arpad my man, I don't know about you, but I am sure looking forward to playing "Little Mermaid 2 Pinball Frenzy" http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00004U5IG/qid%3D984610319/102-3381844-9699322 I mean, Daily Radar said "Never have we played a game that so deftly combined the sturm und drang of the Game Boy Color with the Dionysian frenzy of pinball." (http://www.dailyradar.com/reviews/game_review_905.html) So if Daily Radar themselves give such high italicized German praise to a game that is a "Direct Hit," why, we can just forget all about Metal Gear Solid 2 the way I see it!

-Nick Herman

Seeing our little Italian plumber grow really from mushrooms is a nice metaphor for real life.

Hi, I recently played Dance Dance Revolution USA Mix, and loved the game. But being one of the few DC owners left, I've also heard of Samba De Amigo. Which one should I buy?

-Matthew Mao

Hmmm. That's a tough one. It'll require hours of soul searching. Countless previews read. Many days spent researching developers past attempts. Much deliberation.

Think think think.

Hmm.

Think. Think. Think.

Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.

~Ian P.

P.S. Or anything with Mary-Kate and Ashley in it....Naked and covered in jello.