Banally banal - February 18th, 2000 - Drew Cosner
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Banal is a fun word because it rhymes with "anal." Don't say we didn't warn you.
Well, I finally managed to get my hands on a copy of Paper Mario. Supposedly I'm an RPG fan, so I figured I may as well buy a videogame every now and then -- all the better if it's actually an RPG. Of course, thanks to my schedule, I should have it finished roughly in time for me to have already been dead for 20 years, but we won't get into that.
From what I've played so far, I really enjoy it. It has its own quirky gameplay style you don't exactly run across in your standard, by-the-books RPG, no random encounters, and no loading times. I just can't get over that last part. I'm so used to loading times in my RPGs that my initial reaction is still to weigh whether or not I feel like putting up with the load time everytime I come across a save box. It's proof that if Nintendo had made carts more affordable and third parties had been more willing to suck it up, the N64 probably could have been a decent system for RPGs, after all. C'est la vie, eh?
Anyway, you really ought to take a look at the review for the whole story. That said, on with the show.
| Apparently Nintendo doesn't realize the Internet is a vast financial vacuum yet |
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I think it's silly to insist that Sega and Nintendo will collaborate on an
RPG just because of their mascots. Both makers have proved time and time
again that they can not only update original franchises with quality
gameplay but create new and compelling original characters and gameplay
experiences with each generation as well. Which begs the question: why
collaborate at all? To me the answer is clear: not mascots, but online.
Though NFL2K1 and Phantasy Star Online may be first generation console
online titles, they're still both tons of fun to play and -- more
importantly -- neither Sony nor Nintendo have anything else like it. The PS2
is struggling to form an online strategy, any online strategy, and though
Nintendo has great plans for the GameCube, Nintendo has no online expertise
outside of the GBC Mobile Adapter -- while mildly impressive, hardly the
encouraging sign you need to take your next-gen console online.
Sega has announced their intent to bring SegaNet (or some variant thereof)
and their online expertise to other platforms. Though the shiny brass ring
of mascot games is attractive in the short term, in the long term a solid
online infrastructure that every game on the platform can use is just as
attractive. Super Mario Sonic RPG isn't that appealing (too many cooks
spoil the soup, after all), but a Nintendo-designed online RPG with
second-generation Sega knowhow powering it is VERY attractive.
- Andrew
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Yeah, it would certainly be more fun to think that Nintendo and Sega developers got together and started their brainstorming session with something like, "Hey, it would be so cool if, like, Sonic and Mario had to team up!" However, I'm pretty sure there's a more realistic, readily profitable reason for the team-up. And your idea certainly sounds about right to me, especially since Nintendo has admitted interest in online gaming for years now. (Remember how the 64DD was supposedly going to have Internet capabilities way back when?) I'm certainly anxious to see what two of the most skilled videogame developers on earth can cook up, that's for certain.
And now for a double-dose of Andrew.
| Literati |
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"Still, I'd love to see an RPG that really gives a great novel a run for
it's money, and if such a thing ever did happen, I'd be more than happy to
play through as many hours as was needed."
Planescape: Torment on the PC, baby. The best parts of PC and console RPGs
all wrapped up in the most hyper-literate, well-written story in RPG
history. Nothing more need be said.
-Andrew
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The NUFF SAID has clearly been laid down. I can do nothing other than move on.
| Now we really can find out who'd win in a fight between Sonic and Mario |
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I already figured out what the first Nintendo/Sega game will be. Think of it
this way. We already have determined that Nintendo is currently run by an
aged, disturbing nutnut who holds really long grudges. We know that Sega has
been Nintendo's big rivals for over a decade, and now has effectively been
conquered. Most likely, Nintendo will want to demonstrate their new position
as master in the most public way possible. Thus, coming in 2002, we'll all
be playing "Mario Kicks Sonic's Ass." Followed by "Link Kicks Sonic's Ass,"
"Samus Kicks Sonic's Ass," "Pikachu Really Kicks Sonic's Ass," and then
sequels to all of the following. Similarly, if Square ever is forced to
develop exclusively for Nintendo, they'd probably have to make a game where
Cloud, Sqall, and Zidane have to be destroyed by Ness. Disturbing and evil?
Yeah, but it'd probably be good for a few laughs.
-Emperor Seth, who's really hoping for a Smash Brothers 2 now
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I print this letter mainly because of your final comment: Sega and Nintendo characters all thrown together in the format of a fighting game like Smash Brothers would be cool beyond description. I would become the greatest Knuckles player alive simply out of principle.
| Judging prematurely is the coolest |
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Picture this:
You decide one day that you would like to go to a particular
fast food restaurant, and that you wish to order a chicken
sandwich, some curly fries, and a Sprite. It's been quite some time
since you've had a chicken sandwich, and this restaurant is one
of the few places that you know of that still sells really good
ones. (Most other places either stopped making them, or isn't
very good at making them to begin with.)
So you drive down there, place your order, and wait for the food.
It arrives, and you sit down to eat, and that's when you notice
what your meal is.
You are in possession of a bacon cheeseburger, onion rings, and
a Coke.
So of course you go back to the cashier and complain. However,
*they refuse to correct your order*. You attempt to pateintly
explain that you specifically asked for a chicken sandwich,
and that it's quite hard to get a properly made chicken sandwich
nearby, and this is one of the last few places you can get one
that isn't terrible, so you'd really appreciate one if it isn't
too much trouble, please.
But they still refuse. You either take what you were given, or
you toss it out.
And the irony is that you actually *like* bacon cheeseburgers
and onion rings quite a bit. And really, what you got isn't
radically different from what you had in mind -- other than
some swapped meat here and a different vegetable there, it's
actually rather similar. And indeed, you decide to eat it
anyway, knowing that it'll still probably be pretty good...but
dammit, this *isn't* what you asked for!
That's what I felt like when I read this:
http://cube.ign.com/news/31549.html
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Yeah, I have to say that this is a total let-down. Sure, I'm juding prematurely; after all, if it can reach the same level of excellence as, say, Perfect Dark, it would still be an great game. Unfortunately, that's certainly not what I'd been hoping for. I'd been hoping that we'd finally get to see a series known for its rich environments and emphasis on exploration granted the third dimension. Instead we're getting a first-person shooter. They may do their best to work "exploration elements" into the mix, but the FPS engine is best suited for shooting stuff.
I really feel that a third-person perspective just makes for a better exploratory title. After all, it's kind of awkward to make jumps or manipulate environmental elements from the first-person perspective. But hey, if anybody can prove me wrong, it's Nintendo, so we'll see.
| Welcome to the 20th century. Er, wait... |
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"Until now, sounds effects were done in monaural, but in 'X' we've switched to stereo and it's very different."
What is this... 1980? Square has been on the cutting edge of sound technology, shown most recently by the addition of Dolby Digital during The Bouncer's cinematics, and they are just now adding STEREO SOUND EFFECTS to their flagship title?
Wow, that's amazing.... Perhaps Square should also consider enhansing FFX for those newfangled color televisions?
~Alex M.
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Well, in fairness, we are talking about stereo sound-effects, not music. I'm sure the tunes have been in stereo for some time now. But I do agree that it's a little odd that they'd wait until now to implement something like that.
Sorry. Not much else to say. It's just one of those days.
| I like being part of the problem rather than the solution |
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Hey...
I don't know if you all have seen this or not, but it's very important. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. It goes far beyond all previously set boundaries for entertainment and humor. My life is forever changed because of this. Here you are.
http://www.thefever.com/AYB2.swf
-Servbot32
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Ah yes, the most notorious of poor videogame translations. I realize that by linking to this little video, J.Parish and Sharkey will feel that my banal banality makes me the bane of their banal existences, but I'd never seen it before and thought it was funny, so screw them. It's my God-sworn duty as an American to drive a joke so far into the ground that it finally comes out in China, where they retaliate by being even more communist.
You'll note that I'm neither mentioning the name of J. Parish's site nor linking to it because, apparently, having readers is a bad thing. I wish we'd all realized that sooner; it kind of makes all that time we spent trying to earn recognition for this site seem like a total waste.
| Defending the defense |
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Why defend trash like LOD? Simply put, we RPG fans are deluded geeks. We and
our games are supposed to be more intelligent than the average gamer/game, so
if we enjoy something dumb and derivative, it can't be dumb or derivative.
Otherwise, we wouldn't enjoy it. Thus, the need to defend the non existent
integrity of said game.
Now, why some of us do the above, then balk at games which take us down the
road of smart and innovative (FF8 comes to mind) is something I haven't quite
figgered out yet...
~The Lunatic On The Grass (thinking a GIA sticker would look nifty next to
his Mullitia sticker. If he had a car and a printer.)
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Yeah, a lot of RPG fans make their fanaticism a part of their actual identity, so by attacking a game they liked, you are by extension attacking their identity. It's a little creepy that someone would hold RPGs that dearly, but I've turned down social engagements to play games in the past, so who am I to talk?
| People are good because some of them serve me food |
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Drew-
I have two basic theories regarding why RPG fans get so pissy when they see a
game they liked reviewed poorly. The first theory, which works in all areas
of life, goes like this: People= idiotic masses that take up space and get
in my way. The second theory is a bit more pc for all the hippies. Some
individuals, especially RPG fans, seem to think that the term "rpg review"
means "divine spoken word from God almighty that must be true, or else
existence as we know it is destined to be destroyed in a very short period of
time." Some people just can't hear someone's opinion, except it as just
that, and move on.
Garvo. likes the first theory better.
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I'm a fan of your first theory, personally.
However, in defense of reviews, I will say that, generally speaking, they've got something to them. These are assessments written by people who've played hundreds of games, seen just about every form of gameplay, and know what to expect from any competent title. If, say, a review tells me the control is sloppy, that's something fairly objective, and I'm pretty confident that the reviewer is the type of person who would be able to recognize sloppy control as opposed to good control.
So while you may enjoy a title despite poor reviews, that doesn't mean the reviews are wrong. Naturally, there's exceptions to this (according to Next Generation, Alundra 2 had good graphics), but you get the point.
| Goodbye faith |
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Drew,
In the future, please don't put up links like that LoD feature. My eyes
bled after the first page. I'm going to go play MGS and pretend the genome
soldiers are all LoD fans now, maybe I can cheer myself up a little.
-The Neocount of Merentha, who just lost all faith in humanity. Again.
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Whoah, hey now. You're reading a rant-a-thon composed entirely of letters from Legend of Dragoon fans; don't going judging humanity based on its worst specimens. Oh, take that Legend of Dragoon fans. My wit truly knows no bounds.
It's really sad when your sarcasm even turns inwards.
Closing comments:
Well, that was fun. As has become tradition for Sundays, the closing comments will consist entirely of a few sentences asking you to mail Chris. I'm a man of routine, what can a say?
-Drew Cosner, crucified on the cross of rock-and-roll
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