Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I'm drivin' a big lazy car, rushin' up the highway in the dark, I got one hand steady on the wheel, and one hand's tremblin' over my heart. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Two thanks to the good folks over at Penny Arcade today, the first for their kind words and link to the GIA. I'd like to do the usual kowtow and insist that we're not worthy, but... ah, screw it, we are worthy, we rule, and that's all there is to it. Recognition from major cultural icons is simply our just deserts.

Second, they pointed out some very interesting stories about possible changes as to how games are marketed, which would make a great rant for intro, but a better topic for tomorrow. And besides, it's a big col today, so I need to get started.

Onward.

I know it's cliche to ask, but what kind of self-image problems would a woman have to have to keep throwing herself at a man like that? Plus he's an Akira Toriyama-designed man, which means he's doomed to have his hair turn blonde and engage in slow-motion fights for everlasting peace. Best to steer well clear, I say.

Ok, yes, lots of people don't like Squall and Rinoa's romance, fine, I won't argue the point today. Moving on.

I was actually having a discussion about this recently, and someone pointed out that Justin's supposed to be 14 and Feena's supposed to be 15 - but as you say, they don't nearly act like it. I had Justin pegged for about 12 for most of the game, and Feena at right around 17 or 18, from both how they looked and how they acted. I tended to think that Justin and Sue would have made a good couple... in about 10 years. As it is, the romance felt like it was shoehorned in just because all RPGs have to have a romance in there somewhere, and it's never good to see a game bend to convention like that.

Yep... let's think about this for a moment. From all available evidence, Peach's suitors are limited to a bunch of squat, helpless, turbaned guys, a large lizard/turtle thing who continuously abducts her and sticks her in some stone dungeon, and an odd, but human-looking and fairly capable plumber. If you were in her position, who would you take? I think as long as Mario can keep her away from other humanoids, like Link or even Samus Aran, he'll remain her number one squeeze.

You put me in an awkward position here, Eric, partially by removing the part of the quote where I said that the occasional teenager might be strong enough to get the job done. And indeed, there are clearly standouts of young men all throughout history who have risen to greatness, despite being less than 20 years old.

On the other hand, it's also the case that not every teenager in the armed forces is a David Hackworth waiting to happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to belittle their achievements (they're doing more than I've ever done, I freely admit) but the fact of the matter is that at that age, the military is valuable precisely because it instills character and discipline, not because it allows teenagers to stand tall and singlehandedly save the world. Insofar as anyone did singlehandedly save the world in WW2, it tended to be much older guys like Churchhill, who wrestled with dramatic RPG-worthy issues like Coventry, instead of Saving Private Ryan-type issues like "get across this field without being cut in two by machine gun fire." Both require heroism, but only one requires true emotional maturity - the other just requires lots of luck and a fast crawl.

Thanks for the heads up, Myst. Somebody also pointed out that a lot of modem connections are prone to disconnects, which are much less likely on a dedicated line.

Quistis is yet another sore point for a lot of folks, but this time around I don't mind making a quick argument as to why I thought her actions made sense. When she initially approaches Squall, she's upset and vulnerable over losing her job - she wants a shoulder to cry on, and Squall fails that test. Badly. Quistis struck me as the most emotionally mature of the whole group, which meant she'd be the first to realize there was no future there and give up on Squall completely.

Rinoa, on the other hand, was a lot less mature, and had other kinds of baggage associated with her relationship with Seifer... she probably got a foolish schoolgirl crush on Squall, but wasn't smart enough to give up on him. Like I've always said, it's not that FF8 has bad relationships, it's that they require a little more examination than we're used to in RPG world.

End of rant.

Cloud. Barrett. What else is there to say?

Huh... you don't suppose that's where Vivi's "sons" came from, do you?

*shudder*

If you look at Cecil and Rosa's relationship as something that had been ongoing for years, rather than something that's just starting up, then a lot of that goes away - the overprotectiveness, the tendency towards action rather than flowery speeches, the determination on her part to track him down, they all make sense. Bad translation or no, it was a great game for the time and still holds up pretty well.

And your name is kinda tricky... you'd really have to search full throttle to figure that one out.

Not having played the game, I'll take your word on it. Thanks for the info.

Heck yes - I couldn't see what the heck Snake was thinking with regard to Meryl, not when someone like Mei Ling was available. Heck, even Sniper Wolf and Naomi were better prospects, despite their repeated attempts to kill him. Love truly is blind, I think.

Amazingly enough, no - I'm as surprised as you are, but I am not single on this particular Valentine's Day. In fact, I'm so loopy for this woman that I voluntarily wrote her a love sonnet, iambic pentameter and all. (And she liked it, by all accounts, which is when I personally start listening for Rod Serling doing a voiceover, given my history with women.)

Still, doesn't mean I can't make an accurate assessment that today is a marketing push first and a holiday second... but for all of you lucky enough to be in a relationship at the moment, happy VD.

Wait, that's not right...

Closing Comments:

I hope you all read that IDSA document that Mr. Tycho linked to, because there's a test on it tomorrow. Or a topic at least. Tell me if you have any thoughts as to this change in the weather regarding M-rated games, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

-Chris Jones, has his head in the clouds, world on a string, etc.