Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Double Agent is NOT a Miller-Boyett production in association with Lorimar Telepictures. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Man, this near-Armageddon thing's really getting out of hand. Between Mojo's hordes, DQ fans and those pesky Canadian ninja assassins (you can spot them by their battle cries - long streams of Japanese curses followed by "eh?") a perfectly good topic like GBA/Dolphin connectivity kinda gets left by the wayside. This is unacceptable, so after today I'll be toning things down a bit. But you, the readers, seem to want some conflict for now, so conflict is what you shall have.

Onward.

Won't argue the middle two points, but the first and last are interesting. It seems obvious by now that Pokemon mania (my verbal instincts prevent me from using the word "Pokemania"... oops) is over as a driving cultural force, no matter how good Gold/Silver/Crystal turn out to be. However, I'm wondering what happens if you could make a portable Pokemon game as good (yeah, it was good, at least from a design idea standpoint) as Red/Blue and somehow combine it with a deep console RPG. Think about it, you could have a single game that completely dominated both player's portable and home game playing. Even if the game itself didn't appeal to current heavy-duty RPG fans, the copycat effects it might have on the industry could make things interesting.

You work from an erroneous starting point here, SP. Not all voodoo dolls are representations of something - many follow the "build your own god for cheap" take on religion. And I'm not even saying all voodoo gods are evil (check out Tim Powers' novel "On Stranger Tides") but Mojo was clearly assembled by a deranged mental patient somewhere.

I thought everybody knew about this by now, but I still get enough letters in to make it worth a mention here. It went down pretty much as Steve says, except that the survey did mention further stuff, such as what magazines a participant subscribed to, what they used the Internet for, etc. But, unfortunately, nothing related to Final Fantasy games or the upcoming movie. The survey has been taken down by this point, or I'd put up a link here.

I think the important thing to learn here is how far the FF "magic" extends from the source. Sakaguchi is pretty well involved with the movie script, so I'm sure it won't be a complete betrayal of the series. The trailer looks pretty cool, as does the site - the designers may not be game players themselves, but they at least know how to treat our demographic.

However, go much further out, and you start to hit marketing. Probably some sunny personality at whatever PR firm Sony's hired decided that she needed to increase brand awareness of Pringles, saw the stack of names that the web geeks had correlated, and did a mass mailing. The rest is history.

Which just goes to show what I've always said: MARKETING IS EVIL.

"Ah. Nabbed from sadists by terrorists. Sort of a dream come true, ya know?" -Opus, Bloom County

Although I suppose if all the bizarre game characters got together in one giant steel cage death match, all I'd have to do would be eliminate the winner to make the world safe for serious RPGs. Hmm...

The problem with that theory is, the system's abilities are still too far apart for the same game to be on both systems. You could certainly have a "Link's Awakening" type minigame that spawned off of Zelda Cubed (like the catchphrase?) but integrating them in a meaningful way would be difficult. How would it be done? Even Miyamoto's mighty skills might be pushed to the limit.

But how could I sleep at night, knowing the evil that is Mojo walked the earth unchallenged? I mean, they invade our columns, and we fall back. They assimilate entire web pages, and we fall back. Not again! The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they have done!

Plus "Defeated evil demon from the depths of Hell" looks really great on a resume.

I dunno what to tell you, man. I don't speak Japanese, so only your guide can really help me figure out what's going on, and if the site says Zidane's an "Onion Kid", who am I to argue? I only know what the media tells me, you know.

Within the first 100 pages or so I think it becomes clear to most readers who try to seriously grok the book that Gravity's Rainbow may be more than they can chew. It's certainly true in my case. I'm not at all ashamed to admit Pynchon blew me away, and that basically the only way I'm ever gonna finish it is if I have nothing else to do for several weeks on end. In other words, when I'm dead. It's truly, truly ponderous. Also a hell of a lot of fun, but take a look for yourselves, folks.

Good quote, by the way.

Seems pretty accurate to me. I guess the only question here is whether Square's lingering feud with Nintendo will really blind it to the profit opportunities inherent in the GBA for much longer. My vote is no.

Once again I must disagree with the venerable AK. Mojo is defined as a magic spell or charm - basically, a magical power, often dark in nature. Such a word clearly defines the hold Mojo has over his followers. "Lucky Dan", on the other hand, merely sounds like some guy with good karma - the average joe who somehow ended up with the cheerleader girlfriend, in other words. There's nothing inherent in Lucky Dan to describe Mojo's true evilocity. Case closed.

How you can say this without even seeing any GBA/Cube hybrid games is beyond me, but we put up all sorts of opinions here.

And here I thought my Arch Nemesis would help me against a common foe greater than both of us. Much like the Autobots and Decepticons putting aside their differences to fight the greater evil of Starscream's energy source scheme, combined we could have rid the universe of the Mojo scourge. But no, Mr. Freeman's blindness has doomed us all. When the Mojonites come for you in your sleep, remember to curse Justin Freeman's name as you're carried off into the darkness.

Closing Comments:

Before I get a ton of letters about it, IGN reports that Famitsu has given DQ7 a 38, same as FF9. Like I said, this isn't the final nail in the coffin of this debate, but it is getting closer.

Free topic day tomorrow. That is all.

-Chris Jones, needs to lay off the gratuitous references