Teenage Mutant Ninja Agents - July 19, 2000 - Andrew Kaufmann
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of
the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There
is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Luckily, I got blisters on my right hand while
assembling my desk. Guitar playing will not be adversely affected. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Like I said before, I hate writing intros. So I asked GIA agent Nich Maragos to write a prepared
statement for me that would serve as an intro. Wihout further ado, here is Mr. Maragos' statement:
"Good evening. A number of concerned fans wrote letters to me after I
posted my Legend of Dragoon review, and I must say I wasn't expecting
some of what they had to say. So I'd like to address those concerns
here. First: No, despite my last name, I am not from Greece. (Although
some of my not-too-distant ancestors are.) I do enjoy Greek mythology
and hope to visit the country someday. Second: I am afraid that the
theme from Chrono Trigger is not titled "Theme from Chrono Trigger," and
I regret to inform that neither "Theme from Chrono Trigger" nor Chrono
Trigger were choices in the Rhapsody contest. Finally, I am very sorry
that your games were stolen--it's happened to me before, too--and
suggest that you try www.joystickjunkie.com. They have a SNES section
with fairly reasonable prices, and I hope they have the games to replace
what's been taken from you. I hope this answers everyone's questions,
and I'd like to thank Andrew Kaufmann for giving me a chance to get that
off my chest."
There you have it.
| The lost FF? Nah. |
|
I discovered something the other day in a Game Informer magazine. I
thought I'd pass it along. It was a graveyard feature (or something like it)
that had a shot of , get this, "The never completed Final Fantasy VII for the
Nintendo 64."
It showed one picture of this never finished game, which looked like a
battle scene. The backgrounds were just drab, but the characters were these
WildARMS looking guys. One looked exactly like Locke from FFVI. Another
looked exactly like Shadow from FFVI. The other could pass as Celes from VI
or as Terra from VI with blond hair.
If you put this interesting tidbit in, AK, I want the following request
to be in it:
If anyone knows what I'm talkin about and can send a picture of it, that
would be sweet.
Goes to show that Square may not have always had the idea of
non-continuity.
-Scott
|
Unfortunately, the scenes you talk of aren't really that interesting. They
were a demo Square put together to show off their new graphical capabilities.
They used FFVI characters because FFVII was still in development at the time,
and they weren't ready to unveil Cloud and the gang. It was never a game...
just a quick graphical demo.
The pictures were pretty commonly tossed around (they weren't any
big secret), but I'm not sure where you'd find them these days.
| Storytelling structure |
|
I found Final Fantasies 6 and 8 to be almost
direct oposites in storytelling structure. This
message contains a question and is not just a
pretentious rambling.
In FF6, there's a very epic story at the core of
everything, a huge cast of characters, most of
whom don't get much character development, and
very little ambiguity (except for a couple of very
nicely-done scenes with Celes.) The characters'
character development is almost purely reactive to
events in the outside world, and there's the same
"Past Tragic Event Quota" that shows up often in
RPGs. What little (non-Celes) ambiguity there is
comes in the form of an evil character appearing
for some length of time to be good, or vice versa.
The result is a story that's immediately
accessible and easy to get into.
In FF8, there's a small cast of characters who
develop continuously throughut the course of the
game (admittedly, with some characters being put
on the back burner for way-too-long stretches.)
There's an epic story, yes, but it's mostly a
backdrop for character interaction and for the
core personal, romantic story to be told.
Character development comes from character
interaction and rarely from events imposed upon
the characters from without. There's more
ambiguity, with the only cleanly good or evil
character being Ultimecia, who serves as sort of
an anti- deus ex machina to keep the story rolling
along. The result is a story that's less
immediately accessible and is really more about
characters than events, making it harder to get
into. I personally prefer this structure, finding
the other a bit cheesy at times, but everyone has
their own opinion.
So my question is: from what you understand,
which is FF9 more like? I'm getting the
impression it's more like FF6, but having not read
much about the game for fear of spoilers, it's
hard to tell.
Matthew Schuele
|
A great question. To my understanding, it's a combination of both.
I haven't played the game, so my understandings are all seconhand
knowledge, but I believe the characters are more developed, on a human
level, much like FFVII and FFVIII's. But the plot is central to the story,
too, and not just a prop in which characters develop. I'm not saying
FFVII and FFVIII's plots are just a prop, before yall get mad at me!
| An odd image |
|
You are doing well, but you might want to put on some nylon pants with only
one leg and a tank top with DA on the front so everyone will know its the GIA
kicking their ass in the marathon. Wait, the marathon only has one
person....damn!
Anyways, I liked the first ninja turtles, except for the fact that it was far
too hard for anyone to ever possibly beat at the age they were when they
played it. Oh well, kinda reminds me of playing Ninja Gaiden when I was 10. I
always wondered why they made nintendo games so hard? Plus Funko Land charges
too much for them! God, I hate them so much....
Oh yeah, and should you ever play the first FF with just mages to prove you
can win with that party, it shouldn't be counted with just Red Mages, since
you can have them all cast exit, life, and all the elemental 3's. Plus they
can equip the defense sword and Masamune. It would be far easier than any
other party of mages.
Adam
|
I'm trying to imagine myself in these hot pink nylon pants with only one leg
and that tank top... but it's not working. In fact, it's giving me a headache.
Please don't make me think about this anymore.
Boy, I sure opened a can of worms with that TMNT statement yesterday...
but I agree with you. It was hard. I didn't have the patience for it. Ninja
Gaiden I thought was easy, except for this one part on the second to last level...
if I recall correctly, there was this bird thing, or a bat or something, that would
fly toward you right as you tried to jump from one ledge to another, and it was always
just out of range of your sword but would invariably hit you, causing you to fall to your
death. I think that stage led me to break my first video game controller. And
boy did it feel good.
Trying to beat FF1 with crazy weird parties is so much fun! I haven't done it in years,
but that's how I spent most of my later elementary school and middle school days. I
don't think I could ever win it with just White Mages or just Black Mages, but I did
win it with two of each. My favorite crazy-party was 4 Black Belts. It was hard until
you could ditch the nunchucks (speaking of TMNT) and just go barehanded, but once you
became Grand Masters it was all over for Chaos. Ah, memories...
| What's in a name? |
|
AK,
Would a Final Fantasy by any other name play as sweet? Perhaps not. My
question to you is if all the Final Fantasies have unrelated stories on
unrelated worlds with a different battle system everytime, why are they even
named Final Fantasy? This is very clearly illustrated when you compare them
to the Dragon Warrior series. Putting aside all arguments to which is better,
the Dragon Warriors were games that deserved to be sequels. Each Dragon
Warrior was better than the last but was similar enough that it definitely
merited to be called a Dragon Warrior. The only games in Final Fantasy that
are similar enough to seem sequelish are FF5 and FF6. Mystic Quest, FF1, FF7,
FF8, and the game boy FF's are all fine games, but should they really be
called Final Fantasies? Frankly, if FF8 wasn't dubbed a Final Fantasy I
might not have bought it. And, yes, I do realize that Final Fantasy was the
original and therefore FF5 and FF6 should be named something else, but you
get the idea.
Now coming back to Dragon Warrior, maybe DQVII will finally shut all
the old-schoolers up. I myself am a half-assed old-schooler, and if when I
play DQVII I don't go into a Dragon Warrior induced ephoria-like state,
perhaps I will realize that it's just the nostalgia of the Dragon Warriors
that makes me love them and I will realize innovation is really as great as
you new-school bastards try to tell me. Then again perhaps everyone else
will just realize what crap FF8 was and begin frantically trying to trade
their copies for the old Dragon Warriors.
Arthur, who if went by the name King Arthur would have the inverted initials
of AK.
P.S. I realize that I called FF8 a fine game then insulted it; Mystic Quest
really isn't anything special either. And, yes, I also realize that I used
the word realize a few too many times for this to be considered a
sophisticated piece of literature.
|
The cynical reason for each unrelated game being called a Final Fantasy is
a monetary one; people see the name "Final Fantasy" and associate it with
quality. A different, yet also valid, answer is that they contain certain
themes from game to game. The theme of disparate personalities (or abilities,
in Final Fantasy I) joining together to overcome adversity has been a staple
in every Final Fantasy. There have also been more superficial links between
the games, such as crystals in the first five, moogles and chocobos in most,
and of course, those lovely musical themes.
Beneath all the speculation of DQVII vs. FFIX, we haven't really taken into
account whether or not DQVII will be very good. So little is known abou it,
it could, story-wise, blow FFIX away, or be on par with Jim's Backyard
RPG Coded in Q-Basic. Innovate or not, we just don't know enough about it
to speculate that much. Even though it is fun, and has provided me with
a zillion letters. So if you have a thought that hasn't been made yet, go for
it.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to say that Mystic Quest is a really
underrated game. It very effectively did what it set out to do: be a simple,
fun, introductory RPG. I think it was a pretty solid game. Not only that,
it had some awesome music. It's one of the few video games to properly
use distorted guitars.
| Easily entertained |
|
Kaufmann,
Wow, did you just bring back some memories. Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles on the NES! I remember when my best friend bought that game. I don't
remember how old I was, 9 or 10 probably (I'm 21 now, someone else do the
math). Was it a quality game? Well, if quality means it kept two 10 year
olds busy for hours on end with much entertainment and kept us out of his
mother's hair for a while...then yes, I'd say it was a great game.
Oh by the way, your roomie who's an ME in cryogenics is going to
assemble your desk? Better watch out, you may just sit down at your desk and
wake up in the year 2200 just in time to watch the last spaceship leave the
atmosphere as the entire human race (less you, of course) abandons the
planet earth moments before its destruction...but probably not.
Turtle Power!!!
Wulfgang
Is it my turn yet? I wanna be Leonardo!!!
|
I remember spending hours upon hours playing that game... once I got it.
TMNT represented my first experience with videogame delays. Boy, was that
thing ever delayed a lot. I remember calling Babbages every day, sometimes
multiple times a day, asking if it had come in yet. At one point, the clerk
got so fed up he said "Look, I PROMISE we'll call you the second we get it in,
just please stop calling!"
Once it did come in, I did spend hours on it... but I don't know about it
being a quality game, as the next letters say. If quality is measured by
how well it entertained a youngster like myself, then there were a lot of
pretty darn awesome games, since I know I spent a lot of time on some
games that today I wouldn't even use as a chew toy for a pet tarantula.
Hmm... I'm not too worried about Stevo doing something crazy with my desk.
Besides, his job involves industry-related supercooled materials, not
freezing people and inspiring crappy movies like Encino Man. It's a thought,
though.
| Can't argue with this logic |
|
Yes the first ninja turtles game kicked ass. Well except for the
fact that the characters were totally unbalanced, some of the levels
were monotonous it was full of bugs, it was almost impossible to
complete, no scratch that, it was impossible to complete without a game
genie and that other than the TMNT license it wasn't very fun. Except
for those things the game KICKED ASS!
|
I never owned a Game Genie, and as such I never finished TMNT. I also made
the game much harder by insisting on being Michaelangelo, because he was my
favorite turtle, even though he wasn't the best to play as. Oh, well.
| Details, details |
|
AK,
You were right about Lunar: SSSC's release date being May '99, but that's not what JM Stalker was asking. I think he wanted to know when it was originally planned to be released, so he could know how long it was delayed. And, since I'm nothing but a veritable cornucopia of useless knowledge, I know this answer. Working Designs first said the game would be out in February of '97! Of course, that was back when it was supposed to be for Saturn.
-BadMonkey
|
Grr. That'll teach me to take an answer from Vestal without really paying much attention to the
answer he gave. Thanks for the clarification.
| Dingbat |
|
i really like it when you say dingbat
it makes me happy
-zack
|
Readers like Zack just really make my day. All I have to do is say "dingbat,"
and he's satisfied. It makes my job just that much easier. Thanks for
being a reader, Zack!
| Huh |
|
AK
"I don't it'll go on..."
Now then really, is this sort of gratitous error aloud to be in this fine
column? I think not. Why I looks like this column was written by a college
student strung out on a constant flow of coffee, videogames, visits from the
crack-rabbit (Vibri), and R.E.M.
-Figure Four who thinks he might have hit the nail on the head
|
Dude, I have no idea what I was trying to say there. It's nothing close to being
English, that's for sure. The scary part is that I'm even an English major. Your
diagnosis as for the reason for the error is, for the most part, correct. College
keeps you busy, you know?
... would it ruin your letter if I were to point out that you used "aloud" when
you should have used "allowed"? Tsk.
Closing Comments:
Doing DA on a Wednesday. What a crazy feeling it is! Later dudes!
-Andrew Kaufmann
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