I know for a fact that earwax tastes horrible and I cannot imagine leprechauns being partial to earwax flavored jelly beans at all.

Don't ask How I know.

~Ian P.

P.S. Can I call you 'Tamzilla'?

twin,

I read the column yesterday and just got a little curious. Who exactly IS in your Secret Harem? I know telling all sort of defeats the purpose of the "secret" in the title, but I won't sleep until I have the answer. Please...? I told you mine a while ago...

The ever-swooning and swoonable, B

P.S. Can I have Flik back yet? I claimed him LONG before you!

Yes, according to the Big Bang Theory all of the matter in the universe was concentrated into the size of the period at the end of this sentence, and exploded. The universe is expanding all the time and there are two thoeries about this. One says that it will keep growing out infinitely (see the importance of infinity, ATNF) and the other says that once it reaches a certain point it will start shrinking back to the size of a period. Then once it reaches that point it will explode again and the universe will start all over again. Wouldn't an RPG based on this second theory be kinda cool? Well, sorry for making your head hurt for today also, but I just thought it was rather interesting.

--Matt Elder

P.S. I guess paying attention in Physics class had a reason after all...

You...read...Harry...Potter!?!

You're my new hero.

Yo Tami,

In the spirit of all those TV commercials, how do YOU eat your Reese's peanut butter cup?

Xeria

letter.....letter..............hmmmmmmm

I stare out the window as I try to come up with an idea for my daily letter to the GIA. It has to be good, or they won't print it, and I can't face that again. I pick up the phone, and realize that I only have one phone line. I slam down the phone and stare out the window. I see only black. Could the world have ended? No, my curtains must be closed. I open the windows to check, but they won't open, Neither will the door. I realize that the air vents are gone, I'm trapped..... This isn't my office, where am I? What is this? I hear a faint murmur.... I begin shivering. What is happening? The murmuring begins again..... What are they saying? The walls are fading, I'm being blinded. The murmuring begins again, but I can here it clearly this time....

Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff....

No.......NO.... My mind begins to slip, I can't think, I'm falling...... I take my last ounce of strentgh and look out the window, it opens and I see..... Black... They're everywher, putting people to sleep, then slaughtering them.... I...Can't ....Be next...

Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff....

DAMNIT! NO!!!!

The windows were open....They were open....

In response to your topic yesterday about if RPG's could become the replacement for literary novels and the like, I think not. Not even close. No way Jose. Nope, none, nada, would never work. For one thing, if you look at it through reality, there is no real way to bar the costs of getting that to work. It would utterly cost too much to implement with today's consoles. Now if you want to use Final Fantasy One as an example, it would probably be a plausible idea but the intricate'ticity of that title is not very high. Xenogears and FFTactics are probably the ones with the highest degree of text in them but would not work. Xenogears has too many references to God and had some subtle adultry. To get a whole school playing Tactics would amount to a lot of lost grammar ability. Allow me to demonstrate:

Bob: Hi Rick!
Rick: Hi Bob! Guess what? I got a good feeling!
Bob: Yeah! I got a good feeling too!
Bill: We all got a good feeling!

Or something like that.

Also remember that not all people consider RPG's to be worthy of their time. I'm not sure exactly what the RPG market share in the US is but I know it's not as much as the other genres that exist such as platformers and fighters. To give out an assignment such as this would bore many students right out of school (though it would make my everyday life absolutely friggin heavenly!).

It also has to be noted that reading novels is, while the most boring way to learn, the best way to learn. If you want to fit something like A Tale of Two Cities into an RPG, I don't know exactly how well that would sell. While the schools would opt for it, the casual gamer would probably not lift a finger for it as the purpose of gaming is to escape topics that reading evokes.

Still, the concept is interesting...however it will never work. Now if we all escaped to the secret island GIA nation, and created our own democracy.........(or communism...whichever you prefer)

"Flik" Off :)

P.S. I just couldn't resist.

I don't know about you, but we've had games in our schools since I was in the first grade. Do you know what that game was?

Oregon Trail. On the Apple IIe.

Heck yeah. Oregon Trail taught us all that the only thing you needed to make it in life was 99 boxes of "Ammo" and a healthy supply of wagon toungues. Sure, it didn't teach us just what a wagon toungue was...but we sure knew that we needed them. Oh, and also, you didn't need to buy clothes, and when you died, and the tombstone maker asks what you want on your tombstone, just respond:

"Peperoni and Cheese!" And laugh your little 3rd grade head off.

Of course, life has progressed around us, and it has been revealed that it might not be in your best interest to carry around 99 boxes of ammo. But I've never seen anything that's discouraged me from my eternal hunt for the elusive wagon toungue. So, yeah, as long as kids are in school, and classrooms refuse to get rid of old computers, no matter how many new ones they have, kids will be taught the very basics of life by "The Oregon Trail"...and that's why I think the future is looking just fine.

-Aaron Littleton

Post Script- For all of you people out there who haven't seen "Man on the Moon" yet, please do so now. It really is one of the best movies I've seen all year. (And since I work at the theatre and get into movies for free, I've seen a LOT of movies.)

What ever would we do without you Drew Cosner? ( Although you don't ever publish my other letters) I cannot stand the constant retardedness of Tami. All Tami ever does is rave about these stupid Poke'mon. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Poke'mon, but do we really have to come out with such crap as Poke'mon Snap? And what about a third version of Poke'mon on Gameboy? Right like Poke'mon yellow is necessary for the series. Nintendo is milking the hell out of Poke'mon and I'm sick of it. I bought Poke'mon Blue two days after it came out and back then no one really knew what it was. But through the disgusting endorsement of this franchise it has turned into an evil corporation. Only one young mercenary can stand up against Nintendo as it begins to suck the life out of Poke'mon. Along the way he will gain new allies and ..... whoa..... nevermind that last part. Anyway, If it weren't for Drew Cosner as a double agent person (I don't know what you like to be called) all we would hear of is these gay remarks. I don't want to hear some damn turtle or a Poke'mon answer a letter, I want to hear a cold, smartass remark from Drew. Would we want some gay Squall who enjoyed conversation? No! Same with anti-Poke'mon Drew Cosner. I enjoy his remarks witty or not, I'm a Drew Cosner Fan.

PS well um, nevermind......

-temperamental mailman