Gaming Intelligence Agency - Features - 121 Signs You're Obsessed with Square

121 Signs You're Obsessed with Square

On this Valentine's Day, we at the GIA think you should examine your life, and, more specifically, your relationship with your significant other. Ideally, he or she is the perfect match for you -- you communicate, respect one another, and share common interests. Unfortunately...that last item may not always hold true. You may have incredulously noticed that he or she would rather be spending time watching a movie than playing Xenogears!

Is this normal? Thanks to Jonathan Weng, however, you can examine your video gaming life and determine if you're a little too obsessed with Square. Too much of an obsession could lead your honey throwing you out on the street, so be careful!

121. All you do is play video games.
120. You call chickens "chocobos."
119. You compare creatures from one game to another and wonder if they are the same creature.
118. You breathed a sigh of relief when the world didn't end on January 23rd via Lavos.
117. When you play a game over again you refer to it as deja vu.
116. You always make sure your Square games are at the top of your CD rack.
115. You try to design a new airship for your party.
114. You're afraid that Barret or Vincent will run out of ammo.
113. You like archery and prefer to "Charge +20" before letting it go.
112. You sing the Victory Fanfare after winning in sports.
111. You spend more than 3 hours a day in RPG MSG Boards.
110. You mimic Cloud's moves using a meter stick as a sword.
109. You have a Squaresoft shrine set up in your basement.
108. You consistently score over 20,000 points in G Bike at the Gold Saucer.
107. You name your car the "Highwind" or "Yggdrasil".
106. To quell a fever, you listen to Antipyretic.
105. Your e-mail address contains the name of a Square character.
104. When you are sick, you try to cast "Heal" on yourself.
103. You can beat FF Legend with 4 monsters.
102. You can beat FF1 with a party of all mages.
101. You can solve the Final Fantasy number game in under a minute (in FFI, hold down A and press B 55 times while on the ship).
100. You regret a character's past actions and have nightmares of living it over again.
99. You like Carmina Burana simply because it is the source for the lyrics of One Winged Angel.
98. You invent your own battle systems in your spare time.
97. You send hate mail to Squaresoft for not porting some of their games to America.
96. You spend more time playing the piano in Tifa's house than a real piano.
95. You go to the shoe store and ask for "Dragoon Boots".
94. You ask your boss to give you a raise because you earned enough job points.
93. Your grades in school have dropped significantly due to an increase in gaming.
92. You spend much time playing Spit simply because you can play it in Xenogears.
91. You have calculated EXACTLY how fast the airship would have to be traveling to circle the world in 9 seconds.
90. You buy a Kendo sword to practice your Bushido Blade moves.
89. You consider it unholy to change a character's name.
88. You listen to a Square sleeping song every night before bed.
87. You name sports equipment(tennis racquets, hockey sticks, etc.) after swords from Final Fantasy games.
86. Your first reaction to seeing any dragon is to call it Bahamut.
85. Your cat plays with a stuffed toy Mog.
84. You believe you are Crono, and when people talk to you, you don't say anything and expect them to respond.
83. You're jealous of Cloud's strength, Crono's hairdo, or Lucca's intelligence.
82. You play tennis, hit one-handed backhands, and refer to them as "Einhanders".
81. You go to Las Vegas and hope not to get too many lagomorphs.
80. You try to hunt down a FDS just to play games like Appletown Monogatari and Cleopatra no Mahou.
79. You refer to your money as "gil".
78. You make it an annual event to play Parasite Eve on the exact days that the story takes place.
77. You have ever used Square music during a classroom presentation.
76. You wonder if summoned monsters earn profit for their services.
75. You try to convince everyone you know to play Square games.
74. You name your children Erau, Qssi, Dlro, and Weht.
73. Your last request before you die is to have "ERAU QSSI DLRO WEHT" written on your tombstone.
72. You wish to have Aeris' theme played at your funeral.
71. You despise a game (like King's Knight) then somehow force yourself to like it after you find out it's by Square.
70. You dye your cat red.
69. You dress up for Halloween as a Square character.
68. You make up last names for Chrono Trigger characters.
67. You curse Tower Records and other popular music stores for not carrying game music.
66. You like to snowboard and worry about crashing into Mogs.
65. You want the next Star Trek series to feature the U.S.S. Highwind and Captain Cloud Strife or the U.S.S. Yggdrasil and Captain Fatima.
64. You shun people who insult Square.
63. You insult people by calling them "spoony".
62. Someone asks you what your favorite type of music is, and you say "Square".
61. Someone attacks you, and you throw coins at him in self-defense.
60. Your name dominates message board discussions.
59. You madly vote 20 times on every online poll.
58. You carry a small slot machine around with you to attack your enemies.
57. You can play almost the entire Final Fantasy Series' soundtrack on the piano (or any other instrument).
56. You think the Colorado Avalanche hockey team belongs in Midgar.
55. You get an incredible surge of joy by lining up the boxes your Square games came in and just looking at them for a while.
54. You consider having your games taken away to be a worse punishment than death.
53. You've ever wondered if you're half-esper, or perhaps half-cetra?.
52. You think Aya Brea should be in the next Bond movie.
51. You ever get into arguments about whether Frog's Masamune is better than Sephiroth's.
50. Your hair is as spiky as Cloud's or Crono's.
49. Square characters frequently appear in your dreams.
48. You think all casinos should be gold towers with domes sticking out of the sides.
47. You have played through Final Fantasy Tactics listing all the mistranslations, forming a book as thick as War and Peace.
46. You fear your mitochondria will rebel against you.
45. The photo section of your wallet contains pictures of Square characters.
44. You wish your watch had an Active Time Gauge.
43. You wish the 3 tenors performed at the Jidoor Opera House.
42. You go to the opera to find out whether someone named Celes will be performing that night.
41. Just talking about mitochondria in your biology class makes you think of Parasite Eve.
40. More than half of your hard drive space is taken up by Square-related files.
39. You give Square names to characters in non-Square games.
38. You try to come up with national anthems for Kislev and Aveh.
37. You look down upon non-Square fans and refer to them as "Lambs".
36. You get a black trenchcoat to wear, just so you will look like Sephiroth.
35. You do not let friends and family touch your Square games because you fear they will get fingerprints on them.
34. You try to convince your school orchestra to play Square music.
33. You think Star Wars is a rip-off of a Final Fantasy game.
32. You would take a bullet to save a Square CD or cartridge.
31. You try to shift your car into Xenogears.
30. You spread rumors about a method to resurrect Aeris.
29. You've figured out the correct pronunciation for "Beoulve".
28. The job of your dreams is a Square employee.
27. The timer in your FF7 game ran out of digits.
26. You check for updates on GIA more than twice a day.
25. You choose your friends based on game preferences.
24. Talk about Square dominates your daily conversations.
23. You try to sew marbles to your clothes and call it materia.
22. You consider instruction manuals to be holy books.
21. Uematsu, Mitsuda, Nomura, Sakaguchi, and Amano have become household names.
20. You consider Square's release dates to be holidays.
19. You set your Final Fantasy 7 action figures on an altar and pray to them.
18. You refer to your games as "religious artifacts".
17. You reserve your games 3 years in advance.
16. You go to church to pray for Holy.
15. Instead of having "Herculean" strength, one has "Cidolfan" strength.
14. You compete with your friends for games and call it the War of the Magi.
13. You sing along with "One Winged Angel," "Somnia Memorias," "Stars of Tears," and "Small Two of Pieces".
12. You measure your wealth in Square games.
11. You own a bar called "7th Heaven".
10. You stand up and place your hand over your heart every time you hear the Final Fantasy theme.
9. You don't think 3 CD's is enough for a game.
8. You learn Japanese just to play import games.
7. You have cats named Red XIII and Cait Sith and a dog named Interceptor.
6. You have fallen in love with a colorful bunch of polygons.
5. You have read this list, proven that you are obsessed, and boasted to your friends about it.
4. You pray that it isn't really the FINAL Fantasy.
3. You grieve Aeris's death more than that of a member of your family.
2. You get into debates with your geography teacher about whether the world is Square.
1. You once maintained a website known as "Square Net".

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