The G.I.A. wishes you a Happy Holiday

 Protect or pilfer?
Protecting or
pilfering Santa?

   We here at G.I.A. would like to wish all of you, the all important gamers, a joyful holiday season. Hopefully Santa will bring you everything you want, and more importantly, good health and cheer. In fact, G.I.A. agents Kelvin and Larissa are making sure that Santa gets where he needs to go safely and efficiently. Unfortunately, they're also getting first dibs on all the unclaimed gifts.

   Our mascots Kelvin and Larissa are, as always, skillfully drawn by errant secret agent Jeremy Parish.

   As a special treat (the terms "special" and "treat" used loosely) to show you we're still lurking and not totally inactive because of the holidays, we've modified a couple of Christmas carols. Use them with care, and don't get too surprised if people choke on their eggnog in confusion.

Yuffie the Ninja (sung to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")

Yuffie the Ninja was an obnoxiously happy soul
With a weird elbow thing and Materia she stole.
Yuffie the Ninja is an annoying theif they say
She has her fans but she just plans to steal Materia today.
There must have been Materia in that old silk hat they found,
for when they left it out she came and took it without a sound.

Yuffie the Ninja knew that Cloud was out that day
So she said "Let's run and we'll steal some Materia before he runs away."
Down to the village with a shuriken in her hand,
Running here and there all around the square saying
"Catch me if you can."

She lead them down the streets of town right to a waiting Turk,
and she laughed when he said "My Materia is gone! Urk!"
But Yuffie the Ninja had had to scurry away
But she waved goodbye, saying, "Don't you cry; I'll be
back to steal your Materia too one day."
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump, look at Yuffie. Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump, there went your Materia.

Deck the Page (sung to the tune of "Deck the Halls")

Deck the page with lots of news
Fa lala lala, la la la la
Tis the season to follow clues
Fa lala lala, la la la la
Don we now our stylish shades
Fa lala lala, la la la
Troll the ancient gaming caves
Fa lala lala, la la la la

Fetch the exciting news before them
Fa lala lala, la la la la
the only rhyme I can think of here is phlegm
Fa lala lala, la la la la
Follow us in gaming scoops
Fa lala lala, la la la
As we correct others' whoops.

Feature by Andrew Kaufmann.
Special Ops
Check out our other features.
Catch up on older features.