A Final Fantasy 4 Christmas
[01.09.02] » by Jess Edstrom
A Final Fantasy 4 Christmas
(Otherwise titled ‘The Slightly Twisted Tale of A Yuletide
Party FF4 Style’… but that title was a little on the long side, so we opted for
something a little less… insane, just to disguise the true nature of this
story ^ ~ Heheh. Just remember, you’ve been warned.
-Jess Edstrom, Author)
up at the lonely walls of Castle Baron.
taken me a long time to come home, he thought. He stood beyond the gate, ankle deep in a
snowdrift, staring up at the old, familiar stone for quite some time. He was a little uneasy about being here
uninvited. Not only did the castle
itself seem to be glaring at him suspiciously, but so did the two imposing
looking guards at the gate.
you can’t blame them. You’ve only being standing
here like an idiot for an hour. Go in
convinced himself to step out of the snow bank and walk up to the massive oak
doors. He was about to ask to go inside
when a shout from above grabbed his attention.
He looked up, thinking he knew the voice-
promptly attacked by something large, green, and prickly. He poked his head out of the shrubbery that
had fallen on his head to see it was a rather scraggly looking evergreen. He blinked up at the offender, still too
confused to be really angry. But he
tried his best to at least sound upset.
“HEY! Someone had better have a good reason for
pelting me with salad!”
ball of fuzz with large goggles for eyes poked its head over the side of the 2nd
story, looking just as outraged as Kain was attempting to be. “Well, maybe if you wouldn’t stand there, I
wouldn’t- Kain!” A large grin split the
fuzz ball’s face as it disappeared behind the wall. Kain heard something sounding rather like a
siren from behind the giant double door, and inadvertently took a step
backward, laughing nervously.
burst open to let the living ‘siren’ through.
Cid concluded his long whoop of joy by tackling Kain to the ground,
sending them both into the snow bank the Dragon Knight had been standing in
see you, too, Cid… eheh,” Kain croaked as the Master Engineer helped him
about the tree, kid.” He shook his head sadly.
“You just can’t find good help any more.
I tell those yahoos to get me a decent Christmas tree and they bring
back that thing,” he said, gesturing towards the pathetic pine. “When I think about it, maybe it really wasn’t
the best idea to throw it over the side,” he reflected, scratching his
“Um, no, I
don’t think it was. At least, my head
doesn’t think so,” Kain said, trying to smile a little.
trumpet sound floated in the air, and the two guards dropped to one knee. Cecil walked calmly out of the door, looking
around irritatedly for where the trumpet had come from. “Why is it that every time I go
anywhere, that stupid little thingy plays?” he sighed, a little sweat drop
forming above his head.
stepped over the fallen tree, looking reproachfully at Cid. “Another one?
That’s the third tree today. And
last week it was the lights. The week
before, you threw your tools over the wall.
That poor delivery boy is still in traction.”
resisted the urge to snicker rudely while Cecil continued.
“Bottom line, Cid; please don’t
throw stuff over the castle walls any more, okay?” the King concluded
pleadingly. “I’m kinda tired of having
to pay for your law suits.”
blushing madly and hanging his head.
Cecil turned to his oldest friend with a welcoming smile. “Fancy you showing up. And just in time for the Christmas party,
too. Gee, I’d almost think you’d planned
it that way.”
grinned innocently. “Who meee?? Why, whatever do you mean?”
phony. Get out of that snow bank and go
inside before I have Cid drop another tree on your head.” Cecil pretended to
threaten. Kain complied, throwing the
King a quick mock-salute and dodging the feigned blow to his head as he ran
of the Christmas party came up faster than Kain had expected. By six’ o’clock, the guests had all
arrived. Kain had thought it would feel
like the ‘good old days’ of fighting evil with everyone there. Instead, he ended up feeling very awkward
among his old friends, no matter how easy it was to talk to them or how fondly
they chatted with him in return.
ever really stays the same, does it?
Edge showed up.
Okay. Nothing except him.
first words out of Edge’s mouth as he burst into the Great Hall were, “Break
out the egg nog!” and they could all tell it was probably going to be a long
party if he got his hands on any alcohol.
stow the booze!” Rydia hastily whispered to Kain. He wondered why he was the one
elected, but did as told anyway.
crisis averted, and a sigh of relief breathed, preparations were made for
kitchen,” Kain commented offhandedly, staring around the walls of shiny pots
and gleaming cutlery.
isn’t it?” Cecil remarked with pride. He
was absolutely beaming. “And guess who’s
filling in for our chef tonight-Yang!”
master was hard at work already, looking utterly ridiculous in the chef’s hat
and apron, but doing quite a number all the same on the yams. Edward was there, too, playing chef's helper
and baking all sorts of wonderful smelling, teeth rotting goodies.
must have sugar…” he mumbled, turning to open one of the giant pantries.
sounding squawk greeted him when he opened the door, and a red-handed Edge
turned around slowly. Edward tapped a
The Ninja’s mouth was clearly stuffed with something.
Edward glanced behind Edge, peering into the cupboard for a moment. He then returned a baleful eye to Edge. “So where’s all the sugar?”
Edge swallowed noisily.
innocently. “Chocolate? You mean there
was chocolate in here?” He looked down at the wrappers in his hands, and then
hid them away behind his back with an idiotically huge smile.
could only sigh, shoving the Ninja roughly out of his way. “Pig,” he grumbled under his breath.
Cecil thought it best to stay out of the way, and dragged Edge out of the
kitchen with them.
dinner, they all sat around the Christmas tree and told “remember the time
when” stories. Some of them were
serious, and some not so serious. The
best ones were the ones that Edge told.
remember the time when I saved you all from that Behemoth, down in the core?”
he chuckled. “Boy, you guys were all
weak after that storm. Except me! Oh no, can’t keep me down! I gave it a woo and a hiyaa and
cleared her throat, rather unladylike.
“Um, sorry to burst your bubble, hun, but you’ve got quite the selective
memory there. Seems that you were just
as weak as the rest of us, and tried to play the hero. You got a claw upside the head for your
trouble and left me and Bahamut to finish the job for you.”
up, sulking to himself for the next few stories, content to be quiet until he
saw an opportunity to get a little of his own back.
remember the time when Kain tried to kill Cecil? Yeah, I remember that real well,” he
him a glare that could have killed him where he sat. A lot of the cold bitterness Kain held within
him resurfaced in his blue eyes.
Now I remember why I don’t like
“Gee, Edge, that’s funny. I don’t recall you being there at all. Hmm, no, I don’t even think we’d even met you
yet,” the Dragon Knight countered, shoving his past back down under a mask of
Edge stammered a little disclaimer,
but Kain wasn’t finished with him yet.
“As a matter of fact, I don’t even think you have a right to judge…”
“Down, boy,” Cecil interrupted
hastily, tugging on Kain’s collar to keep him from standing up and throttling
Edge. Not that he wouldn’t like to do
that himself right about now, but he had principles to uphold. His job was to protect the stupid, after
all. And sometimes, Edge was about as
stupid as they came.
“Ha! That’s right, be a good little
lap dog for the King, just like…” The Ninja trailed off dazedly, discovering a
silver Christmas tree ornament in his hands.
“Oooh, shiny…” he drooled. Rydia
tossed Kain a wink.
“That ought to shut him up for an
hour or two.”
(Whew, almost lost the humor and
slipped into serious… bad Jess!)
Discussions turned from those of
old tales to Christmas lists. Everyone
was discussing what they wanted or didn’t want, and most of them were pretty
extensive in the department of wants.
Cid’s list, in particular, was fairly long… as was the dollar figure at
the end of it.
Everyone wanted something, so when
it was Kain’s turn, a shocked silence fell over them when he stated his
“I already got mine.”
“You’re kidding, right? It’s Christmas, and you don’t even want
anything?” Edge stared at him as if he’d gone bonkers, his candy cane hanging
out the side of his face.
Kain shook his head. “Nope.
My one wish was to be home for Christmas. Here I am, so I must have got it. Besides, the idea of waking up one day a
year, and being excited about getting a bunch of useless stuff just doesn’t do
anything for me.”
“But isn’t that what Christmas is for? Getting useless stuff?” Edge couldn’t believe
what he was hearing.
“Maybe it is now, but it isn’t what
I was taught. I had a dragon friend
once, and she let me know what family meant.
And now that she and my father are both gone, you guys are all the
family that I have left. Even you,
(You’ll have to read my other story
to know what I’m talking about with the whole dragon thing…)
“Hey yo ho!” a deep voice called
from the doorway. A giant pair of golden
eyes, attached to a blue dragon’s head, blinked at them. “Merry Christmas!”
“Bahamut?” Rydia was more than a little
The dragon nodded, squeezing the
rest of his bulk through the huge double doors.
“And I brought a friend of yours.”
He moved his wing aside, revealing a tired looking man. His black hair was only slightly tousled, and
the last faint traces of shadows played under his gray eyes.
“Hey, Cecil.” Golbez smiled at his
younger brother. “FuSoYa was being a
grouch. After Bahamut fried Santa Claus,
we tried to ask him to play the part for the night, but all he wanted to do was
“Bahamut fried Santa?” Edge
whimpered. Edward wasn’t far behind,
eyes wide and lip trembling.
“Whaaat? He was breaking and entering! No one in their right mind comes down a chimney! Normal people use the door! I thought he was a burglar,” the dragon
“You fried Santa…” Edge sniffled,
on the verge of tears. Edward had fled
the scene seconds ago, and could be heard wailing all the way down the
“Way to go, you overgrown lizard,”
Rydia huffed, getting up to go after him.
“I always thought you were a bit nuke happy.”
“A bit?” Kain smiled wryly.
Cecil took it all in with measured
fascination. “So, Santa Claus does
“He did. But Bahamut fried
him,” Edge said sourly.
“Look, I’m sorry already! Geez!” the dragon protested. “Bah, humbug to you, too!”
“Yeah, just don’t forget who
toasted Kris Kringle.” Edge turned his back on the dragon. “You’re gonna get nothing but coal
from him this year-oh, wait… you… fried him, didn’t you. That means, no presents for anybody!” he
realized in horror. “What have you done,
you wretched beastie!” He whipped out a
ninja star. “You’re gonna get it
now! Just call me-da da da da!!-the
Rosa hid her head in her palm, a
sweat drop bubble forming above her head.
“Here he goes again…”
“Um… what are you doing?” Bahamut
“I’m getting ready to kill you and
“Ahuh… you are a sad, strange
little man.” (Heheh, I liked that phrase.)
Bahamut puffed a blast of warm steam at Edge, causing him to fall flat
on his rear. The Ninja looked up, right
into an angry looking golden eye. “You
wanna try that one again?” the dragon asked, smiling a very toothy grin.
Edge vanished with a high-pitched
squeak and a cloud of dust.
“I didn’t think so.” Bahamut folded
his wings triumphantly. “So! Where’re the leftovers?”
Midnight was drawing near. Everyone was beginning to turn in for the
night, each retiring to their own separate corner of the ‘living room.’ No one really wanted to walk all over the
castle to get to their rooms at the moment.
They figured they were all so tired that they’d get lost or fall down
the stairs or some other stupid thing.
Sleeping bags were called for, and territories called.
Kain would have curled up in
Bahamut’s tail, but found the space already occupied. Golbez had fallen asleep there, and seemed
pretty comfortable. Kain opted to sleep
as far away from the man as he possibly could.
He didn’t know why, but he still felt a little bit of growl creeping up
inside whenever he saw him. Maybe it had
something to do with being called useless on more than one occasion… he wasn’t
sure. He opted for a spot in front of
the fireplace, still a little warm. He
pulled the sleeping bag over his shoulders, and began to drift off to sleep.
“Goddam chimneys… fricking
cold! Grr… don’t they ever sweep this
thing? Brrr… hope Golbez appreciates
this…OW!” A loud thump came from behind
Kain’s head. The Dragon Knight was
awake, but didn’t move, waiting to see what the whatever-it-was… was.
He regretted the mistake a moment
later when the something tripped over him, stepping on him in the process.
“Gah! Damn rug lumps. Someone ought to take it out and beat it with
a good stick.”
Oh, thanks. That makes me feel better…
“Hold it right there, whoever you are.” Kain stood up and flipped the torchlights
on. ( ^ ^ Don’t ask.) The light illuminated a bearded man in a red
suit. He carried a heavy looking burlap
sack over his back. “Santa?” He stared
“Ahh, whatdaya want, you… err, I mean... Ho ho ho!” the old man cawed.
This woke the entire room, and they all stared at
the chimney-soot covered figure. Bahamut
was the first to react.
that guy I nuked!” The dragon cringed. “It’s come back to haunt me! Keep it away, keep it awayyy!!” He held up his claws in a little cross toward
the man. It goes without saying that
seeing the Emperor of Monsters cower in fear like Edward the Scrawny Bard was a
pretty sad sight, indeed.
“Oh, pipe down, you big turkey! I’m not going to hurt you. Or haunt you, for that matter. I just came to deliver these presents to all
these people here.” The old man grinned.
“As for you, you’ve been a naughty dragon, haven’t you? Yes, I believe roasting famous Christmas
icons counts as being naughty… so no presents for you!”
The dragon’s jaw gaped open. Santa continued.
“Nope, but I do have a little something for you
anyway. Here,” he said, reaching into
the bag. He pulled out a large lump of
coal and tossed it to Bahamut. “Merry
Bahamut’s eyes lit up. “Hey!
I can use this for target practice!
It burns real nice.”
The old man hit his forehead with his hand. “No, you dolt, you’re not supposed to like
the coal! Arrrg…” He dumped the rest of
the bag in a pile by the tree, leaving the sorting of the brightly color boxes
to the other stunned people in the room.
He then crouched in the chimney again, and glared at Golbez.
“You owe me, boy-o.
Big time.” And he vanished as if eaten by a vacuum cleaner up the
They all continued to stare for a while, before Kain
finally broke the silence.
“You know, I think this is going to be one Christmas
we’re all going to remember for a long time…”