A Final Fantasy 4 Christmas

[01.09.02] » by Jess Edstrom

A Final Fantasy 4 Christmas

(Otherwise titled ‘The Slightly Twisted Tale of A Yuletide Party FF4 Style’… but that title was a little on the long side, so we opted for something a little less… insane, just to disguise the true nature of this story ^ ~ Heheh. Just remember, you’ve been warned.

-Jess Edstrom, Author)


Kain looked up at the lonely walls of Castle Baron.

It’s taken me a long time to come home, he thought. He stood beyond the gate, ankle deep in a snowdrift, staring up at the old, familiar stone for quite some time. He was a little uneasy about being here uninvited. Not only did the castle itself seem to be glaring at him suspiciously, but so did the two imposing looking guards at the gate.

Well, you can’t blame them. You’ve only being standing here like an idiot for an hour. Go in already, stupid!

He convinced himself to step out of the snow bank and walk up to the massive oak doors. He was about to ask to go inside when a shout from above grabbed his attention. He looked up, thinking he knew the voice-

And was promptly attacked by something large, green, and prickly. He poked his head out of the shrubbery that had fallen on his head to see it was a rather scraggly looking evergreen. He blinked up at the offender, still too confused to be really angry. But he tried his best to at least sound upset.

“HEY! Someone had better have a good reason for pelting me with salad!”

An orange ball of fuzz with large goggles for eyes poked its head over the side of the 2nd story, looking just as outraged as Kain was attempting to be. “Well, maybe if you wouldn’t stand there, I wouldn’t- Kain!” A large grin split the fuzz ball’s face as it disappeared behind the wall. Kain heard something sounding rather like a siren from behind the giant double door, and inadvertently took a step backward, laughing nervously.

The doors burst open to let the living ‘siren’ through. Cid concluded his long whoop of joy by tackling Kain to the ground, sending them both into the snow bank the Dragon Knight had been standing in earlier.

“Nice to see you, too, Cid… eheh,” Kain croaked as the Master Engineer helped him up.

“Sorry about the tree, kid.” He shook his head sadly. “You just can’t find good help any more. I tell those yahoos to get me a decent Christmas tree and they bring back that thing,” he said, gesturing towards the pathetic pine. “When I think about it, maybe it really wasn’t the best idea to throw it over the side,” he reflected, scratching his head.

“Um, no, I don’t think it was. At least, my head doesn’t think so,” Kain said, trying to smile a little.

A little trumpet sound floated in the air, and the two guards dropped to one knee. Cecil walked calmly out of the door, looking around irritatedly for where the trumpet had come from. Why is it that every time I go anywhere, that stupid little thingy plays?” he sighed, a little sweat drop forming above his head.

Cecil stepped over the fallen tree, looking reproachfully at Cid. “Another one? That’s the third tree today. And last week it was the lights. The week before, you threw your tools over the wall. That poor delivery boy is still in traction.”

Kain resisted the urge to snicker rudely while Cecil continued.

“Bottom line, Cid; please don’t throw stuff over the castle walls any more, okay?” the King concluded pleadingly. “I’m kinda tired of having to pay for your law suits.”

Cid nodded, blushing madly and hanging his head. Cecil turned to his oldest friend with a welcoming smile. “Fancy you showing up. And just in time for the Christmas party, too. Gee, I’d almost think you’d planned it that way.”

Kain grinned innocently. “Who meee?? Why, whatever do you mean?”

“You big phony. Get out of that snow bank and go inside before I have Cid drop another tree on your head.” Cecil pretended to threaten. Kain complied, throwing the King a quick mock-salute and dodging the feigned blow to his head as he ran inside.


The night of the Christmas party came up faster than Kain had expected. By six’ o’clock, the guests had all arrived. Kain had thought it would feel like the ‘good old days’ of fighting evil with everyone there. Instead, he ended up feeling very awkward among his old friends, no matter how easy it was to talk to them or how fondly they chatted with him in return.

Nothing ever really stays the same, does it?

And then Edge showed up.

Okay. Nothing except him.

The first words out of Edge’s mouth as he burst into the Great Hall were, “Break out the egg nog!” and they could all tell it was probably going to be a long party if he got his hands on any alcohol.

“Quick, stow the booze!” Rydia hastily whispered to Kain. He wondered why he was the one elected, but did as told anyway.

That crisis averted, and a sigh of relief breathed, preparations were made for dinner.

“So… nice kitchen,” Kain commented offhandedly, staring around the walls of shiny pots and gleaming cutlery.

“It is, isn’t it?” Cecil remarked with pride. He was absolutely beaming. “And guess who’s filling in for our chef tonight-Yang!”

The Karate master was hard at work already, looking utterly ridiculous in the chef’s hat and apron, but doing quite a number all the same on the yams. Edward was there, too, playing chef's helper and baking all sorts of wonderful smelling, teeth rotting goodies.

“Sugar, must have sugar…” he mumbled, turning to open one of the giant pantries.

A guilty sounding squawk greeted him when he opened the door, and a red-handed Edge turned around slowly. Edward tapped a foot impatiently.

“What are you doing?”

“Nufung.” The Ninja’s mouth was clearly stuffed with something.

“Ahuh.” Edward glanced behind Edge, peering into the cupboard for a moment. He then returned a baleful eye to Edge. “So where’s all the sugar?”

“Wha fuga?” Edge swallowed noisily.

“And the chocolate?”

He gasped innocently. “Chocolate? You mean there was chocolate in here?” He looked down at the wrappers in his hands, and then hid them away behind his back with an idiotically huge smile.

Edward could only sigh, shoving the Ninja roughly out of his way. “Pig,” he grumbled under his breath.

Kain and Cecil thought it best to stay out of the way, and dragged Edge out of the kitchen with them.


After dinner, they all sat around the Christmas tree and told “remember the time when” stories. Some of them were serious, and some not so serious. The best ones were the ones that Edge told.

“Hey, remember the time when I saved you all from that Behemoth, down in the core?” he chuckled. “Boy, you guys were all weak after that storm. Except me! Oh no, can’t keep me down! I gave it a woo and a hiyaa and a….”

Rydia cleared her throat, rather unladylike. “Um, sorry to burst your bubble, hun, but you’ve got quite the selective memory there. Seems that you were just as weak as the rest of us, and tried to play the hero. You got a claw upside the head for your trouble and left me and Bahamut to finish the job for you.”

He puffed up, sulking to himself for the next few stories, content to be quiet until he saw an opportunity to get a little of his own back.

“Oh, and remember the time when Kain tried to kill Cecil? Yeah, I remember that real well,” he said.

Kain shot him a glare that could have killed him where he sat. A lot of the cold bitterness Kain held within him resurfaced in his blue eyes.

Now I remember why I don’t like him much.

“Gee, Edge, that’s funny. I don’t recall you being there at all. Hmm, no, I don’t even think we’d even met you yet,” the Dragon Knight countered, shoving his past back down under a mask of sarcasm.

Edge stammered a little disclaimer, but Kain wasn’t finished with him yet. “As a matter of fact, I don’t even think you have a right to judge…”

“Down, boy,” Cecil interrupted hastily, tugging on Kain’s collar to keep him from standing up and throttling Edge. Not that he wouldn’t like to do that himself right about now, but he had principles to uphold. His job was to protect the stupid, after all. And sometimes, Edge was about as stupid as they came.

“Ha! That’s right, be a good little lap dog for the King, just like…” The Ninja trailed off dazedly, discovering a silver Christmas tree ornament in his hands. “Oooh, shiny…” he drooled. Rydia tossed Kain a wink.

“That ought to shut him up for an hour or two.”


(Whew, almost lost the humor and slipped into serious… bad Jess!)


Discussions turned from those of old tales to Christmas lists. Everyone was discussing what they wanted or didn’t want, and most of them were pretty extensive in the department of wants. Cid’s list, in particular, was fairly long… as was the dollar figure at the end of it.

Everyone wanted something, so when it was Kain’s turn, a shocked silence fell over them when he stated his Christmas wish.

“I already got mine.”

“You’re kidding, right? It’s Christmas, and you don’t even want anything?” Edge stared at him as if he’d gone bonkers, his candy cane hanging out the side of his face.

Kain shook his head. “Nope. My one wish was to be home for Christmas. Here I am, so I must have got it. Besides, the idea of waking up one day a year, and being excited about getting a bunch of useless stuff just doesn’t do anything for me.”

“But isn’t that what Christmas is for? Getting useless stuff?” Edge couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Maybe it is now, but it isn’t what I was taught. I had a dragon friend once, and she let me know what family meant. And now that she and my father are both gone, you guys are all the family that I have left. Even you, Edge.”

(You’ll have to read my other story to know what I’m talking about with the whole dragon thing…)

“Hey yo ho!” a deep voice called from the doorway. A giant pair of golden eyes, attached to a blue dragon’s head, blinked at them. “Merry Christmas!”

“Bahamut?” Rydia was more than a little confused.

The dragon nodded, squeezing the rest of his bulk through the huge double doors. “And I brought a friend of yours.” He moved his wing aside, revealing a tired looking man. His black hair was only slightly tousled, and the last faint traces of shadows played under his gray eyes.

“Hey, Cecil.” Golbez smiled at his younger brother. “FuSoYa was being a grouch. After Bahamut fried Santa Claus, we tried to ask him to play the part for the night, but all he wanted to do was sleep.”

“Bahamut fried Santa?” Edge whimpered. Edward wasn’t far behind, eyes wide and lip trembling.

“Whaaat? He was breaking and entering! No one in their right mind comes down a chimney! Normal people use the door! I thought he was a burglar,” the dragon justified.

“You fried Santa…” Edge sniffled, on the verge of tears. Edward had fled the scene seconds ago, and could be heard wailing all the way down the hallway.

“Way to go, you overgrown lizard,” Rydia huffed, getting up to go after him. “I always thought you were a bit nuke happy.”

“A bit?” Kain smiled wryly.

Cecil took it all in with measured fascination. “So, Santa Claus does exist.”

“He did. But Bahamut fried him,” Edge said sourly.

“Look, I’m sorry already! Geez!” the dragon protested. “Bah, humbug to you, too!”

“Yeah, just don’t forget who toasted Kris Kringle.” Edge turned his back on the dragon. You’re gonna get nothing but coal from him this year-oh, wait… you… fried him, didn’t you. That means, no presents for anybody!” he realized in horror. “What have you done, you wretched beastie!” He whipped out a ninja star. “You’re gonna get it now! Just call me-da da da da!!-the Santa Avenger!”

Rosa hid her head in her palm, a sweat drop bubble forming above her head. “Here he goes again…”

“Um… what are you doing?” Bahamut queried.

“I’m getting ready to kill you and avenge Santa!”

“Ahuh… you are a sad, strange little man.” (Heheh, I liked that phrase.) Bahamut puffed a blast of warm steam at Edge, causing him to fall flat on his rear. The Ninja looked up, right into an angry looking golden eye. “You wanna try that one again?” the dragon asked, smiling a very toothy grin.

Edge vanished with a high-pitched squeak and a cloud of dust.

“I didn’t think so.” Bahamut folded his wings triumphantly. “So! Where’re the leftovers?”


Midnight was drawing near. Everyone was beginning to turn in for the night, each retiring to their own separate corner of the ‘living room.’ No one really wanted to walk all over the castle to get to their rooms at the moment. They figured they were all so tired that they’d get lost or fall down the stairs or some other stupid thing. Sleeping bags were called for, and territories called.

Kain would have curled up in Bahamut’s tail, but found the space already occupied. Golbez had fallen asleep there, and seemed pretty comfortable. Kain opted to sleep as far away from the man as he possibly could. He didn’t know why, but he still felt a little bit of growl creeping up inside whenever he saw him. Maybe it had something to do with being called useless on more than one occasion… he wasn’t sure. He opted for a spot in front of the fireplace, still a little warm. He pulled the sleeping bag over his shoulders, and began to drift off to sleep.


“Goddam chimneys… fricking cold! Grr… don’t they ever sweep this thing? Brrr… hope Golbez appreciates this…OW!” A loud thump came from behind Kain’s head. The Dragon Knight was awake, but didn’t move, waiting to see what the whatever-it-was… was.

He regretted the mistake a moment later when the something tripped over him, stepping on him in the process.

“Gah! Damn rug lumps. Someone ought to take it out and beat it with a good stick.”

Oh, thanks. That makes me feel better…

“Hold it right there, whoever you are.” Kain stood up and flipped the torchlights on. ( ^ ^ Don’t ask.) The light illuminated a bearded man in a red suit. He carried a heavy looking burlap sack over his back. “Santa?” He stared incredulously.

“Ahh, whatdaya want, you… err, I mean... Ho ho ho!” the old man cawed.

This woke the entire room, and they all stared at the chimney-soot covered figure. Bahamut was the first to react.

“Ahhh! You’re that guy I nuked!” The dragon cringed. “It’s come back to haunt me! Keep it away, keep it awayyy!!” He held up his claws in a little cross toward the man. It goes without saying that seeing the Emperor of Monsters cower in fear like Edward the Scrawny Bard was a pretty sad sight, indeed.

“Oh, pipe down, you big turkey! I’m not going to hurt you. Or haunt you, for that matter. I just came to deliver these presents to all these people here.” The old man grinned. “As for you, you’ve been a naughty dragon, haven’t you? Yes, I believe roasting famous Christmas icons counts as being naughty… so no presents for you!”

The dragon’s jaw gaped open. Santa continued.

“Nope, but I do have a little something for you anyway. Here,” he said, reaching into the bag. He pulled out a large lump of coal and tossed it to Bahamut. “Merry Christmas.”

Bahamut’s eyes lit up. “Hey! I can use this for target practice! It burns real nice.”

The old man hit his forehead with his hand. “No, you dolt, you’re not supposed to like the coal! Arrrg…” He dumped the rest of the bag in a pile by the tree, leaving the sorting of the brightly color boxes to the other stunned people in the room. He then crouched in the chimney again, and glared at Golbez.

“You owe me, boy-o. Big time.” And he vanished as if eaten by a vacuum cleaner up the chimney.

They all continued to stare for a while, before Kain finally broke the silence.

“You know, I think this is going to be one Christmas we’re all going to remember for a long time…”

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