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Chapter ThirtyEight It was several hours before Tifa regained full consciousness, and Cloud remained in an only half-conscious state even longer. Kit sat back in the corner of their room in sick bay, as Tifa told everyone what had happened in the Lifestream. What she described seemed to confuse most of them, but to Kit's trained mind, it made perfect sense. Cloud's self-esteem had simply splintered until it was easiest for him to accept that he was someone else entirely, someone he admired. Everyone had different aspects to their personalities, and since his had been hidden for so long, they'd split into several distinct presences. It was no surprise that it had been the confident little boy of Cloud's youth that had been the one to take the initiative and help Tifa to put his fractured mind back together.
When Cloud had recovered as well, he almost instantly asked that everyone be called to the Highwind's conference room for an AVALANCHE meeting. Obviously there was a great deal to discuss, given the manner of Cloud's leaving the group, and his sudden return. Everyone had questions, and everyone had doubts. Cloud seemed to want to address them head on.
"Everyone... I'm sorry. I don't know what to say..."
"Don't say anything, Cloud," Red assured him. "All you've been doing is apologizing."
Cloud nodded vaguely, and stared at the floor uneasily. "I never was in SOLDIER," he admitted. "I made up the stories about what happened to me five years ago, about being in SOLDIER. I left my village looking for glory, but never made it into SOLDIER... I was so ashamed of being so weak..."
Kit caught him glancing at Tifa, and glanced at her as well, wondering if she'd told them the whole story. From what Tifa had said when they found her, obviously she'd learned things that he'd kept hidden in the past, and he'd admitted that he'd only been a Shinra grunt five years ago, but Kit got the feeling there might be more. If so, the two of them weren't sharing.
"Then I heard this story from my friend Zack," Cloud continued, suddenly sounding more determined. "And I created an illusion of myself made up of what I had seen in my life... And I continued to play the charade as if it were true."
"Illusion, huh...?" Barret growled. "Pretty #$&% strong for a 'lusion, I'd say."
Cloud nodded again. "I'm physically built like someone in SOLDIER," he explained. "Hojo's plan to clone Sephiroth wasn't that difficult. It was just the same procedure they use when creating members of SOLDIER."
Kit listened with interest. She'd never known the exact details of what made a SOLDIER, other than being exposed to Mako, and certainly that didn't make someone a Sephiroth clone.
"You see, someone in SOLDIER isn't simply exposed to Mako energy," Cloud continued. "Their bodies are actually injected with Jenova cells..."
I wasn't, Kit thought with surprise. Or... was I?
"For better or worse, only the strong can enter SOLDIER," he went on. "It has nothing to do with the Jenova Reunion. But weak people... like me, get lost in the whole thing. The combination of Jenova cells, Sephiroth's strong will, and my own weaknesses are what created me. Everyone knew that."
The Reunion... The members of AVALANCHE had explained Hojo's Reunion theory to Kit when they'd caught up with each other at Cosmo Canyon. All those with Jenova's cells began to come together, to reform Jenova, but somehow Sephiroth was able to control the clones, and make them go where he wished them to. If Cloud was right, and all members of SOLDIER were created the same way, then the only difference was the strong will of the men and women of SOLDIER? It seemed to be a rather uncertain way to build an army, in Kit's mind. The slightest miscalculation, and half your men could go wandering off, just like Cloud had.
"I'm...... Cloud," he said dejectedly, "the master of my own illusionary world. But I can't remain trapped in an illusion any more... I'm going to live my life without pretending."
Tifa smiled at him. "You're sure messed up, Cloud," she told him teasingly.
"That means there ain't no difference from before!" Barret exclaimed.
Kit nodded in agreement. "Cloud, if you're able to see through the illusion, then you are as strong as anyone in SOLDIER," she pointed out. "If you were truly weak, you'd still have no control, even knowing your situation. Before, the only reason you could be used was because you were already confused."
Cloud looked around the room, and scratched his head self-consciously. There was a difference to him now, Kit had seen already. He was less cold, and more shy. Zack must have been the cold, brash one, Kit supposed. Tifa had said, that night at the Gold Saucer, that Cloud was different from the child she'd grown up with. From the smile on Tifa's face, Kit suspected that this was the childhood friend she remembered, finally free to be himself.
"By the way, Cloud. What are you going to do now?" Cait Sith spoke up. "Don't tell me you're going to leave the ship?"
Cloud's face darkened. "I'm the reason why Meteor is falling towards us."
The reminder was enough to wipe the smile from even Tifa's face. He couldn't be giving up now, Kit thought, after he'd come so far...
"That's why I have to do everything in my power to fight this thing," Cloud finished grimly.
"Good!" Barret said. "Then you're gonna keep fightin' to save the planet?"
Cloud shrugged. "It's like you always told me, Barret," he said with a vague smile.
Barret looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh, uh, you mean that!"
"What?" Red said curiously. "I don't understand!"
Tifa and Cloud grinned at each other. "There ain't no gettin' offa this train we on!" they said together, imitating Barret.
"The train we on don't make no stops!" Barret said at the same time. "Er... close enough," he muttered, as they left the room, heading for the bridge to plan their next move.
Just after Kit left the conference room, she found Tifa waiting by the door, watching her uneasily. Remembering the last time they'd spoken, Kit looked away hurriedly so that she wouldn't have to endure that wariness, but Tifa touched her arm gently. "Listen, uhm... can we talk?" she asked Kit.
Kit turned back to her, surprised. "You want to?"
"Yeah... you see..." Tifa blushed. "I'm... sorry about the things I said to you in Mideel. The things I accused you of."
"You had every right," Kit pointed out.
Tifa shook her head. "No, I was just upset, I needed someone to blame... The blame belonged to Sephiroth, it always has, but you're not him, no matter how you're associated with him. I can't hate you for having Jenova in you any more than I can hate Cloud."
Kit smiled. "That wasn't what you said though," she reminded Tifa. She should know - she'd gone over that conversation a thousand times in her head, it had haunted her. "You told me my boyfriend was the one who did that to Cloud, who killed Aeris... and that's true. You said you couldn't understand how I could feel sympathy for him, and I understand that."
"Yeah, but now I do understand," Tifa replied. "After what Cloud and I learned in the Lifestream, I see you had no choice. Cloud had no control over himself, when he gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth, because Sephiroth manipulated the Jenova in him. And now it all makes sense - you followed him, you thought you loved him, because he-"
"No, wait a second," Kit interrupted, shaking her head. "That's not it at all. Sephiroth didn't manipulate me. I followed him because I chose to, because... I do love him." After all that had happened, Kit found it hard to say the words, though the ache in her heart told her they were true.
"Are you sure of that?" Tifa asked. "How can you be sure?"
"Well, I was in SOLDIER," Kit pointed out. "Just like Cloud said, only those with a strong will are able to enter SOLDIER, because they're the only ones who can resist..."
A thought suddenly occurred to her, a thought so frightening that she was unable to finish her sentence. I wasn't made like the others in SOLDIER!
Tifa saw her look of shock. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"N... not feeling well," Kit lied. She'd told no one about the ring she wore beneath her glove, so she still had the excuse of morning sickness at least. "I think I need to go up on deck and get some fresh air," she murmured, heading up the stairs.
"Will you be all right?" Tifa asked after her, and Kit nodded quickly before she left the interior of the ship.
The Highwind was flying full blast northwards, and Meteor hung ominously in the sky directly ahead, the fulfillment of the destructive plans Jenova and Sephiroth had concocted. The reminder that he was capable of such a thing made Kit even more frightened.
Tifa's words and Cloud's speech had brought up something she'd never even considered before. Sure, according to Cloud SOLDIERs were too strong to be caught up by the will of Jenova, but Jenova had taken over her body once. Kit had allowed it at the time, thinking it was her only chance to save Sephiroth, but she couldn't break the control. Could it be because she really wasn't strong enough to resist Jenova's magnetism?
Kit wasn't a normal member of SOLDIER, she'd apparently been just a private project of Hojo's. Sephiroth had said it before, and the flashbacks she'd had only the day before proved he was right. It was entirely possible she might not have had the strong will it took to join SOLDIER, though Shinra's brainwashing had forced it upon her. If that were so, Sephiroth could have been controlling her, he could have been using her for his own purposes. Her hands went to her stomach, still flat although she was beginning to feel the changes the pregnancy was causing in her body. He could have been using her to give him an heir, or even simply for his own pleasure.
She considered it for a moment, then shook her head firmly. He had been so innocent about that matter, almost afraid. That proved he couldn't have been using her, didn't it? He'd not destroyed her when she spoke out against his plans, but instead had given her time to consider. Although she had no intention of going along with a plan that would destroy a world, the fact was that he'd given her that option. More proof. Tifa had to be wrong - Sephiroth did love her, and she loved him.
Yes, he'd given her a chance to think it through, and told her to come to him when she'd made up her mind. If he could love, he couldn't be the purely evil being that everyone else seemed to think he was. That meant she had a chance, she really might be able to turn him from his path. If she could only free him from Jenova...
Suddenly she smiled. Ahead on the horizon, Meteor seemed less like a threat, and more like a challenge. He'd said to come to him, and she would. She would be ready, as long as he kept his promise to wait for her.
She closed her eyes impulsively, feeling the air rush past her as they flew north. Somewhere up there, he was waiting for her. "Sephiroth, can you hear me?" she whispered, concentrating on her words, willing him to hear her through the bond of Jenova. "Wait for me, my angel, just a little longer. I'm coming to you... I promise."
To Chapter ThirtyNine. To the intro. That means it's mine, not yours! |
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