While continuing to bring you the latest in RPG, adventure, puzzle, and rhythm games news, The GIA is hard at work on The GIA Version 5.0, an epic undertaking on level with the Manhattan Project and the Human Genome Project. Reported to be the work of super-intelligent alien beings, GIA Version 5.0 will incorporate every feature you've ever dreamed of; in fact, it will be so magnificent that mortals who dare lay eyes upon it will have their faces melted.

   For example, many GIA readers have been concerned about the possibility of unintentionally viewing spoilers. We've heard your pleas -- GIA Version 5.0's cascading style sheets, huge background images, and heavy use of JavaScript ensure that you will never be able to load the page again, thus minimizing any chance of stumbling across a spoiler.

   Other features of GIA Version 5.0 include:

• Lots of drop shadows!
• The web's first non-interactive polls, where we pick the results for you!
• Drop shadows -- the only feature that really matters!
• More purple. We like purple.
• Sneak preview of GIA Version 6.0.
• Did we mention the drop shadows?

   However, instead of rushing this awe-inspiring masterpiece to completion, The GIA will spend the next several years fine-tuning Version 5.0. Don't rush us -- we -Abel- are true artists, and the final project will exceed anything you undeserving -Lambs- are capable of. We realize that this may come as a great disappoint to those of you who base your lives around web page redesigns, but remember that many of you -Lambs- whined about Xenogears' lengthy development time, then complained that the game felt unfinished once it was released. But because we're much smarter than Square, we're not going to repeat their mistakes. As Victor Ireland once said, "Delays are temporary; mediocrity is forever."

Advance praise for GIA Version 5.0:

"Hanging gardens, shmanging gardens, if this had been around 2000 years ago, you bet your ass it would have been a Wonder of the World." -- Ptolemy

"Brilliant! Astounding! The must-see redesign of the summer!" -- Joel Siegel, Good Morning America

"Please take down this work of unparalled beauty. You're making me cry." -- Michaelangelo

"This is a nice design... FOR ME TO POOP ON!" -- Triumph