Bubbalicious, my dear Buffy - June 3rd, 1999 - Allan Milligan
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Don't say I didn't warn you. :)
So here's the problem. Once upon a time, there was a sheep. A gentle sheep, a brave sheep, a plump and succulent sheep, that was destined to provide many a bite of nutrition for a special feast, months hence. The sheep ate nine hens. Breaking its usual vegetarian diet, it snapped the necks of nine hens with one sharp bite from its sheepish grin if teeth, then, with a mighty heaved, choked back a chicken. Is it right for sheep to eat chickens? Does this give the right for the roosters to eat sheep, in turn? Tell me, people. I really couldn't say. What do ewe think? | Religious beliefs | I'd click on your banners but it's against my religion. Poodle. Poooodle. Poooooodle. ~Ian P. |
Convert. Join the Triune Understanding, my son. Find the balance between mind, body and spirit, between head, heart, and hands. Find the place of perfection between past, present, and future, and there, you shall find the inner power you require to overcome your poodle fetish and join with us in clicking the GIA banners. | Regarding AV's Shadow Madness metaphor... | Here is one mother bird with EXTREMELY ruffled feathers. God knows I didn't raise him that way. Andrew's Mother |
I'd ground him. :) | A satisfied fan | Dear Allan, Well, they've done it again. Working Designs has gotten some more money from me, and for this game I gladly hand over every cent of it. Marvelous, simply marvelous. This is pure gooey gaming goodness right here. Like fresh chocolate chip cookies from the oven. Yep, its that tasty. ( mmmmmm, cookies ) Anywho, lets get down to basics here. I'm about two hours into the game and everything in the game just looks so polished and pristine, its simply amazing how great everything looks. Now i've never had anything against super-deformed sprites, and these are some ass-whipping sprites right here. The towns, the people, everything is just oozing with RPG goodness, just like those cookies. ( mmmmm, cookies ) Also, the music. Now, I don't see why some people have complained about the music. The music is light, and melodic, and just draws you in and keeps you there. Which brings me to my next topic: the soundtrack. This was such a great thing for WD to add, as it puts in the songs ( i don't know if its all the songs ) from the game, and its, quite simply, just ( excuse the pun ) Lunarific. And of course, we have the translation. Now I know, everyone harps on the delays, but when they play the game, all the anger and frustration melts away as you listen to Nall make fun of cats and dogs. The comedy is just as great ( if not greater ) then Lunar:EB. One such incident, of which I think clinched my new love for this game, is when you read a book from a shelf about Dyne and the title is: "Dragonmaster Dyne: The Man, The Myth, The Legend.......Its the reference guide you've been DYNE for" You cannot beat a WD pun. But of course, as with all games, there are a few minor quips. Firstly, Nall sounds TOTALLY different. Now thats not necessarally a bad thing, but it just makes me sad as I won't be able to hear his old voice which I so loved. ( Due to a minor incident involving my Sega CD and a fall of 30 feet ) Also, the cloth map which I was expecting to be fabulous, turned out to be a flop. While nice and all, it wasn't anything like I expected. But other then that, and few sound effects ( stairs are annoying ), this game is absolutly ( PUN ALERT! ) DYNEamic! I will throughly enjoy this game, as will everyone else im sure. - Kevin Strange |
I won't even get into the new delay that's keeping Lunar out of my hands still longer. I'll just grin, grit my teeth, and hope all of you are enjoying Lunar. | True Romance (Nymphomania) | Allan, Oh happy day. After months of pain, sadness, and general malaise, I am in love again, things are beautiful, swell, and have the overall appearance of being just lovely. Marriage is discussed, children are talked of, and I note that it is the beautiful season of spring. Birds chirp, kittens purr, and a decapitated and rotting cow sits joyfully in my living room. What Bliss! But enough, for I have a question to pose to you, and though my love waits for me near our rotting carcass, I cannot resist taking this quick moment to rant a little, and query once. First, I must rant about Lunar and Working Designs, because they piss me so. I have this preorder ticket and every time I go to get the game, it is delayed. It was delayed on the 28th, it is delayed receiving today. "Maybe tomorrow", the young man with attractive breasts told me at E.B. Maybe. Maybe my UPS package with my CDs will come tomorrow two weeks late. Maybe I will grow udders and get milked, too. My question is very simple, and goes back to the lovely feelings that are so magnified in my life now. I know you are of competent age, I know you have college ahead, I know that you are famous and well-known at a level which even I am not. But I have met hundreds of people from online, so how many have you met? Is your fame a deterrant to meeting people, or does it encourage such things. Do you have a girlfriend? What does she think of you being known far and wide? Does it irritate her, is she indifferent, or does it make her so hot that even cold showers and valium can not put her down? Do these questions pry into your life too much? If so, you don't have to answer them. It is pure curiosity. At any rate, I hear the lowing of a cow, and I must investigate. Fare well. ~Denethor Greenleaf |
I can sympathize with your frustration with Lunar delays. Oh, how I can sympathize. And let out a blood-curdling scream, too. I've met a whole lot of people through my column-writing. I've talked to a few hundred people through the column, and lord only knows how many have read DA at some point or another. Some of whom I hear from more often than not. There's a bunch I'd keep tabs on, regardless of my involvement in Double Agent. A handful I actively consider my friends. I don't think DA has particularly hampered my ability to make friends, online or off. We're still a relatively small, specialized site, and, for example, I'm on at least one other fairly large mailing list, none of whose members have the faintest knowledge of, or interest in, GIA. I don't have a girlfriend at present. It hardly seems worth the effort to meet someone, fall in love, yadda yadda, just so I can say "Sorry, nice knowing you" and leave for Halifax in the fall. There's also the issue that I'm an ugly asshole with the personal charm and sex appeal of muskrat intestines, but that's beside the point. Suffice to say that my DAing has, to date, had minimal effect on my sex life. | Nightmares | Hey there DA, 1. Had any ordering nightmare stories? I ordered FF3us from the local 'import' gaming store for 4 years - then the shop closed down. True story. If it wasn't for a friend who had thankfully obtained it elsewhere, I never would have had the chance to play it. |
How about every time I've ever tried working with Electronics Boutique? Does it count that they're lost every preorder and reservation I've ever made? Does it count that they overcharged me for what products they eventually did get into my hands? I can't think of a single company which has proven as consistently incompetent as EB has to me. I'd only ever use cash there, since I'm worried they'd max out my Visa and then pack up and leave town or something. 2. While we're on the topic on underdog favourites, do you have any Playstation ones? One of mine has to be Front Mission Alternative... big mechs, suggestive weapon names, original gameplay. And Front Mission II, of course. |
Front Mission Alternative was pretty cool, though the weapon names were... odd. I mean, what the hell inspired Square to name all the weapons in FMA after euphemisms for a penis? I'm a far cry from a prude, but that's just bizarre. My PSX underdog favourite is probably Carnage Heart, the stunningly complex strategy game where you design and program vehicles of war to defeat armies of enemies. And man oh man, is it hard. It makes Tactics Ogre look like FF Mystic Quest with a Game Genie. Very tough, not for everyone by any stretch, but it's cool. 3. Atelier Marie would be an underdog favourite...... if I could only figure out what to do in the game! I always seem to run out of money, then I can't leave the city! Can you help? If.. umm.. you can't help me, can you please print my e-mail address? |
I wouldn't know, so Yasha's email address is yasha@zip.com.au. Help him if you can, kids. 4. Ever thought about ordering a Sebster Thesaurus? hahahaha! From yasha (spent a good half-hour laughing over that pun!) |
Sigh. | More Amano | Hello Mr. Double Agent: As much as I am loathe to admit it, Mr. Matt Blackie, is right. I adore Amano's artwork, as a matter of fact I have several books dedicated to his art. His style is ethereal, mystical, and elegant, however, it does NOT suite videogames, at least in the West. I find that he rarely correctly portrays the personalities of the characters he is illustrating. Terra is an example of that, and yes, so is Edgar. I did not think the art he provided was appropriate in either game that Mr. Blackie mentioned. However, in his defence, I have to wonder exactly how much information he actually had to go on. The whole issue, in my mind, comes down to cultural expectation. The problem is that his style (most of his drawings are like that) clashes with Western taste. It does not, I suspect, clash with Eastern taste, the original audience. For example, he often draws men with distinctly feminine characteristics (for example, his Vampire Hunter D drawings) that go against the grain here in the West. Remember that his art is meant for a Japanese audience and not us. Many of my asian friends think that the drawings suite the game characters just fine. Its all a matter of cultural expectation and preference; I'm sure that the Japanese find some of our character portrayals a little disturbing. I simply appreciate his fine skill as an artist, then imagine how I would portray the characters. Many artists in your fan art section do exactly that. Blessings and Prosperity Chaana Dar PS. I do not object to those lovely and risque drawings. My personal favorite was that one of Link. Nice! :) |
Good call on the culture gap issue, and, er, I've really got nothing else to contribute to this discussion. :) | Art and Amano | 'ello Allan. I can't think of any witty opening so I'll go right to theletter, k? 1) That disclaimer can be a real annoying. So, here's an idea. Could you,possibly, link to a page with the disclaimer in that blue box at the right?It won't be that distracting. Or at least decrease the font size so it'snot as obvious. |
I'm decreasing the font size, but I need to keep the disclaimer on the page itself, at the top, or it counts for jack. 2) What about the penguins?! They were even more intelligent than thegorillas! |
Penguins are just deformed gorillas. 3) Am I the only RPGer who doesn't really care about who does the characterart for Final Fantasy? |
Yes. 4) I will not debate over the definition of an RPG, because, well, itdoesn't really matter (well, except in the case of that guy's final). Thinkabout it. Which one matters more, the genre the game is included in, or thequality of the game? Sure, most of us here think that RPGs are the bestgames, but that is because the quality of them to us is usually higher thanother games. It really doesn't matter whether a game is called an RPG or anAction game. "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet." I personally like this defintion of an RPG: "A game dat is role-playing." |
That's "A role playing game is a game tat is role playing." 5) OMG! You included Zelda as an RPG! :) |
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Oh, the horror, the absolute, unmitigated gall of myself! How can I do something so contemptible, so despicable, as to actually include a game as an RPG! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH I MUST KILL MYSELF WITH DENTAL FLOSS! Translation: I don't give a shit. :) 6) Get some pants. Here, take mine. Please. You're scaring the children. -- Crono & Dekar, The most terrible horrible no good drug addicted moron who ate an IntelPentium III commercial |
I have no pants. I need no pants. I eschew the need for such petty, mortal concerns. | Specs and muzak | A couple of things I noticed in the last two columns: Minidiscs have nowhere near the capacity of a CD. They can hold about thesame amount of music only because they use compression (MPEG I believe).By comparison, a CD can hold about 170 songs in MP3 compression, or about8 - 9 hours worth of music. If you want to go Max's route to record stuff, check out the soundcardmanual first. And when you actually go to Radio Shack, make sure any 3.5jack (the kind on the end of walkman headphones) connection you buy has_two_ black stripes along the main shaft. This means it is stereo. If itonly has one, its mono. I know this from experience, because I bought a mono convergence adapterby accident (for totally different reasons). Also, on subsequent trips, Idiscovered: 1) Radio Shack employees are barely brighter than shaved apes 2) (At least) This particular radio shack doesn't carry a stereoconvergence adapter. I wound up cutting off the end of a set of oldcomputer speakers and splicing together my own custom part. For anyone who is totally lost by the part name, it has a basic 'Y' shapeto it with a headphone plug on one end and two AV plugs on the other. As for Amano's art, it is fairly interesting really.. but for RPGs, itstotal trash. He also has no variance whatsoever. He did art for a set oftarot cards, and his death looked exactly like Terra from FFVI. Whatannoys me is that it looks like the programmers based the FFVI FMV off ofAmano's art. ---TorgVega Q |
I've really got to print some letters that I have some sort of response to. A pithy comment, a flame, something. Self-contained is Bad. | The gipper is revealed | hello Double Agent, I just wanted to tell u what in hell a gipper is. A gipper is not anit but instead a person. to be more precise a Notre Dame football playerback in the forties he played. but he either became ill or fatally injured one of the two but im not sure. well he died. they made a movie about because it was so damn moving and all. in the movie in the scene where the old gipper is in a hospital bed talking to one of his teammates. as the movie goes he tells his friend that every time the team is down to tell them to do it for the gipper. now in astute assumption skills i believe that "gipper" is the guys nickname because if it was his name his parents should have been shoot right when the child was born for the future torment that the child would receive since this was so moving it motivates the team to victory. so that is what a gipper is mister double agent. just thought u know to know FRom To bored to live |
So, all this time, every time I snidely use the phrase "win one for the Gipper", it's been mocking the memory of a long-dead American football player? Coooooooooool. | The last of the "saving grace" games | WURM: Journey to the Center of the Earth, by Asmik, on NES. Even I amkbaffled by why I like this game so much. It really, really sucks. It'sbasically a cross between a sidescrolling space shooter and an overheadspace shooter with the weirdest fucking boss battles I've ever seen,anywhere, but I LOVE it. I guess it's partly the music, which is quitegood for a n NES game, though mindlessly repetetive in some parts. Butreally, I think it's the fact tat it had scenes and a plot at a timewhen that was basically unheard of in video games, and although the plotwas weak, it INTERESTED me. Of course, that was because I was a littlekid and hadn't seen the actual good plots that would come in thefollowing years, but I still have a special place in my heart for WURM.I'm guessing yuo haven't played this game, and until you do, it's hardto understand just how much I like it in spite of itself. I mean, if Iever get the chance, I want to buy the rights for this game from Asmik.Eeg. SaGa. Yes, the ORIGINAL SaGa. But hold up...it's not because of themusic(good), the battles(dubious) or the originality(not bad) that Ilike this game, it's because of *gack* THE PLOT. Now, to the naked eye,SaGa has considerably less plot than Final Fantasy 1, and a lesscoherent one at that, but I personally think it has deep undertones thatsort of got buried in the general crappiness of the APPARENT plot.Someday I want to learn Japanese and play the Japanese version to see ifit's any better...ah well. See, to me SaGa is a SPIRITUAL game, with acool theme. And this is what makes it important to me...until VERYrecently, even the best RPGs had barely a smacking of theme. There was,what, Illusion of Gaia? Of course, people SAY that games like FF4 had atheme, but in my opinion the theme of FF4 equates to the theme of BubbleBobble, which says something about you having found the true power oflove and friendship if you beat it with two players. Anyway, I know itseems like a copout to not explain what I think SaGa's subtle theme isafter all this hype, but you'd all laugh at me and say I wasoveranalyzing it. And maybe I am. Â_Â And finally: LAGOON. Lagoon isn't that bad in the gameplay departmentexcept for two things: It's ridiculously hard, and you have to berubbing up against the enemies in order to hit them. Oh, and it has alevel cap you reach some time before the last boss. I HATE that. Anyway,the gameplay isn't really a shining star, and the plot sports a fewinnovations for the period but is mostly unremarkable, but this game hassome of the best music I've ever heard, ANYWHERE. I consider it to be atleast parallel to the better Ys tunes. I have literally played this gameto near the end after losing my endgame save, just to hear a particulartune from one of the later levels. I would pay a substantial amount ofmoney for a Lagoon soundtrack, but I don't think there exists such ananimal. Sigh. Anyway, why won't some of you damned interner MIDI abndMOD makers make Lagoon music? It's Lagoon! It sucks! The music rules! - AJ |
Curious choices. For the record, the most popular suggestions for games that meet the "saving grace" test were Earthbound and Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, each receiving about ten times as many votes as any other title. Scary, innit? Closing Comments As all of you no doubt noticed, I've been fairly quiet in terms of my responses to letters this week. Well, aside from ripping into SNES Enix games. I'm not feeling depressed or lost or anything. I've just had a paucity of good, printable letters that require any sort of additional commentary from me. Frankly, I'm feeling a tad superfluous at the moment. So, to celebrate the unveiling of the handy-dandy disclaimer, and to break the trend of self-contained debate this week, it's time to get a bit silly. Okay, a lot silly. Tomorrow, it's the Second Coming of Lame Letter Day. Yes, kids, it's time for the gloves to come off for one glorious day, where I post up the lame, the absurd, the nonsensical and the stupid, and trash them publically, thereby sinking to their level, but amusing a hefty chunk of my readership with the same stroke. At times, I feel like a flypaper for morons. Tomorrow, you'll see why. s- Allan Milligan
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