Double Agent

Days like this, I hate myself.

I used to be notable for being the Iron Man of the letter column world. Way back when, before GIA was a twinkle in anyone's eye, I updated the letters column at RPGamer every day, without fail, seven days a week. When I started GIA, with a few flubs here and there, I held onto that distinction.

But over the past few months, I have become what I feared most: I've become AK. Andrew Kaufmann is my friend. He's my bud. But, we are not a couple.

Anyhow, homosexual implications aside, AK has a major flaw, that he admits to freely. Namely, he's lazy as hell. His tenures as letters guy have been marked by an onslaught of absenteeism. My goal, once upon a time, was to not let that happen to me. Well, it did. I've screwed up but good here at Double Agent. Is it time to throw in the towel?

No, it's time for me to get my ass in gear. I've got someone covering for me on weekends, for chrissakes. This is not rocket science. I have been a bad agent. I'm used to being a bad person, lots of readers tell me that regularly, but at least I've been consistent up to now. So here is my pledge: there will be five Double Agent updates from me each and every week until August. No whining, no excuses, and I'll blow off an offer of sex with Catherine Zeta-Jones if that's what it takes.

If I fail in my quest, I will do the unthinkable, and release a real photo of myself. THEN I will hold a contest, asking people to mock me. I will publish the results, and give a prize to whomever humilates me most effectively.

Double Agent will be on track again. My remaining sense of self-worth depends on it.

Flashback to the very first DA

I was going through your archives while waiting for an update (Damn E3rules, I live here in LA and I can't go), a guy asked if you could hook himup with Larissa and you said and I quote "Let me put it to you: even if youdid manage to secure a relationship with a passel of pouty pixels likeLarissa, I'm afraid it's not Kelvin you'd have to worry about, but Karen.Think it over." Does that mean Kelvin is also gay? Just wondering.

-Kit

Kelvin isn't gay. Larissa is. Kelvin actually fancies himself quite the ladies' man, hitting on Andrea and Tami on more than one occasion, and trying to brag about his sexual exploits to AK. Alas, his boasts were with little basis in reality. Poor old Kelvin. He tries very hard, and he's very impressive until he pulls off that codpiece, at which point... well, you do the math.

Off-topic pleas and rants

Dear Allan,

Now Allan, ive known you for a long time now, and ive seen you make some, lets say....rash and sometimes inappropriate decisions on a few occasions. And we all know that you sometimes have random bouts of insanity. But to actually say that Hawkeye, that lily-livered arrow-shooting pansy ass, is better then Gambit you must have been hit on the head four to seven times and then been bitten by a rabid wolverine! What the hell has possesed you to say such horrid and untruthful statements such as these!? Now, i suggest a nice 2 week stay in the nice, warm walls of a local mental ward with the tight, wonderful white jacket. Drew will take over.....we like him better anyway. :)

- Kevin Strange

P.S. Just kidding about us liking Drew better.....no one likes Drew.


Okay, it's time to recap. Yesterday, as with today, I asked you, the readers, to vote in a Contest of Champions 2 ballot. CoC2 is an upcoming comic book series which will contain battles between Marvel Comics heroes, where the results are decided by reader voting. The match of the week is between Hawkeye and Gambit. I say that all of you should vote for Hawkeye. Let's look at them for a moment.

Gambit is someone with all the advantages. Psychic powers to compel women to sleep with him, and coerce others into agreeing with him. Superhuman agility. The ability to charge up inanimate objects with energy, so that they will explode violently if they are lobbed at anything else. He lives in a mansion. And what does he do? He spends much of his time standing on rooftops and bemoaning his fate. Cry me a river, buddy.

Hawkeye is a superhero because he really wants to be. He has no powers. He uses a bow and a wide array of trick arrows. And you know what? He does the job. He's lead two successful super-teams. He's single-handedly defeated entities that can and have obliterated entire worlds just for something to do. When his wife was killed, died right in his arms, he turned around and kept on saving the world, because it needed doing.

Hawkeye shouldn't just beat Gambit because he's more skilled. Not just because he has more experience, and has taken down foes that have spanked Gambit like a baby. Hawkeye should win because he's the better man. He's the hero.

(As of now, I'm taking Gambit vs. Hawkeye discussion off-column. But hell, I had to defend my hero. :)

And now, content!

Hey Double Agent,

I know you don't want to hear any more debate on Xenogears so I am goingto ask you about Final Fantasy Tactics. I finished the game recently andI love it, it is truly one of the best games I've ever played. Oneproblem ...

I didn't quite understand the entire story.

Call me Slow Joe but there were a lot of characters and supportingcharacters for my poor head. Sometimes, the game would make reference tosome King or Leader and I have no idea what they're talking about. Sooo, in a nutshell, could you describe the bare bones of the plot?

Much appreciated,

S@int 7

columnist, [Mind Games!] (tm)

p.s the university you've chosen is a fine one. Congrats!


Okay, summarizing FFT. Tough one, but here's my best stab.

We start off with a bit of narration. According to traditional history books, in the FFT world, there was a struggle for control of the throne, after the old King died. The two forces vying for control of the throne were symbolized by black and white lion crests, ergo the conflict was called the Lion War. According to traditional history, the war was ended, and peace restored, by a hero named Delita, who later became king, and all was ginchy.

FFT's story shows how the son of a nobleman, Ramza, was actually the hero who saved the world. In the midst of the Lion War, there was a bigger problem, with the Lucavi, ancient demon thingies, being summoned forth by Zodiac Stones, in an attempt to take over the world during this time of conflict. Ramza discovers this plot, and defeats the Lucavi. Meanwhile, Delita saves the world, essentially by killing off everyone important, and then being left as the only guy left standing to claim the throne. The story ends with the future historians learning that Ramza was, indeed, the one who actually saved the world, despite the Church's attempts to repress such information, and all is happy with the world.

How's that for abbreviated? I cut it down to bare bones here. If you want more detail, or have specific Qs, I'll try and answer them. Hokay?

Caring about Mana

Allan,

You know, I had a funny thought. I hear people demanding left and rightthat Square confirm a translation of Legend of Mana; I hear peoplegriping and complaining about Square's release schedule not containingit, but... I really don't care about it.

I mean, I couldn't care less about Legend of Mana. I'm probably not evengoing to PLAY it. I'm more excited about SaGa Frontier 2 and Star Ocean:The Second Story. Is there something wrong with me, or are there otherpeople out there who don't see Legend of Mana as the be-all, end-all ofthis year's RPGs?

-Matt Blackie

Secret of Mana was, for the time, a rather big hit in the RPG industry in the US. It wasn't any great shakes in Japan, but there was nothing like it in the US, and it captured a lot of peoples' hearts. Then there was the much-touted and never-seen Seiken Densetsu 3, which a lot of people were eager to get. Denial of games only builds anticipation, as the FF series has taught us well. So, along comes Legend of Mana, and yeah, there are a hell of a lot of people who want it. SaGa Frontier 2 is a sequel to a game that was roundly thrashed in many quarters. Star Ocean 2 is the sequel to a game that no one in the US played, much less hyped. LoM is playing to an existing audience whose last experience with the series was very, very positive. I'm sure there are others who aren't pumped for it, like you, but there are a lot of people who are, myself included. It's high-profile, and free of negative associations. Prime hype material, mark my words.

FF Anthology is limited

You said in your E3 update that the FF Anthology is "limited Edition." Does that mean the Anthology is limited, or the version with the extra soundtrack CD is? I really want the Anthology, and I hope it's not limited.

The Anthology is limited. I don't have an exact quote for how many copies will be printed, but it's less than a normal Square release. And each copy will come packed with the soundtrack, which will contain selected tracks from the two games, since there's too much music to fit it all on one CD. Right-o?

Chips 'n bits

The judge claims that a system with one chip running at 400Mhz andanother running at 200Mhz runs at the equivalent of 300Mhz. This is sowrong I don't even know where to begin. If this were the case, then a500Mhz Pentium III with a non overclocked Voodoo2 running at 92Mhz,would run slower than the equivalent of a 300Mhz chip. 'Off course',this is poppycock. When it comes to chips and bits and Mhz and so on,you can't just add things up and take averages. Different chips dodifferent jobs so one chip running at 200Mhz may be doing far more thananother is capable of doing at 400Mhz. It depends on the chips and howthey are used.

-The Bad Guy

My apologies to Bad Guy, as I deleted his second paragraph, for space considerations. Plus, the essence of it is covered in the last section of the col, so I think it's all good. But I did want to get his clock speed point made.

Left in the pot

Dear Allan:

As far as I know there is no release date for the pocketstation in the US right? Well, I have just rented Ridge Racer Type 4 and in the save and load menu there is a section for the pocketstation. Yes, this is the English version. Is this a sign that it will be released soon in the US or did they just forget to take in out of the game?

-LukeM_2

I suspect that, with the Pocketstation's release in question, rather than totally out of thw question, most companies will opt to keep related options in the games, rather than editing them out. Better to have a useless feature than to lack one that may be of use if the PocketStation actually does come out, no?

Blind justice

Fool is me for not wanting to put down a few hundred dollars for a system,sight unseen. Fool is me for being wary of a company with a history likeSega.

Blind brand-name loyalty can certainly be a bad thing. However as long asyou take time to look at reality every once in awhile, it's a useful tool.Taken in moderation, brand-loyalty just means that a company has beenfairly consistent in delivering good products, and you trust them tocontinue to do so in the future. I would certainly consider buying a tvfrom Sony or Mitsubishi long before a would consider buying one from somecompany I've never heard of based out of china. You should always doresearch before buying a product, and one kind of research is the way thecompany has treated you in the past.

This should not be your _only_ criterion. I tried out the Dreamcast atE3, and will keep an eye on it. However Sega hasn't produced a viablesystem since, well, ever. Whether it's because of the hardware ormarketing makes little difference to me, if it doesn't have the games Iwant, I don't want the system. Sony has a system in the works with betterspecs, and although Sony has a very short record in the area of consolesystems, it's a very good one. I will at least wait to see the PSX2 beforemaking any decisions. Nintendo had a very good track record, but has beenslipping. Although not exatly disapointed with the N64, I wasn't asimpressed as I should have been.

If Dreamcast would do me the favor of dying horribly and save me thetrouble of deciding, it would be nice =) However if the Dreamcast doeswell, and Sony and Nintendo both come out with total crap, I'll get aDreamcast. I'm just not expecting that to happen =)

(Re: Microsoft, I worry about giving them this toehold in the consolemarket. Maybe nothing will come of it, but Bill Gates started witha lot less in the PC market)

As for "the judge" I agree that Nintendo is in trouble, though not for thereasons you say. The 200 Mhz graphics processor in the N2000 will not"balance out" with the 400 Mhz CPU any more than the 150 Mhz PSX2 graphicsprocessor will slow down the 300 Mhz CPU. The two chips have differenttasks, and which one is going to be the "slow" one will depend entirely onwhat the system is trying to do at the momment, and how the programmertold the system to perform those tasks. Although not so much in consolesystems, grpahics processors tend to have less to do than the main cpu. Acomputer with 4 megs VRAM is pretty good, but you'd laugh at someone whotried to sell you one with only 4 megs of RAM.

Nintendo's problem is that it will be out last. Playing catch-up is nevergood. Based on the stats released so far, the N2000 looks better than thePSX2, but cpu speeds aren't everything. And even if the system is better,if the other guys already have all the developers and all the customers,you're going to be in for rough times ahead. Sony is going to be in thesame position with the Dreamcast. they've got a better system, but theyneed to combat the head start the Dreamcast has.

It's hard to figure the right time to release the next gen system. Tooearly, and later systems that have more development behind them may blowyou out of the water, too late, and everyone may be too commited to theearlier systems to migrate to your system en masse.

In my opinion,the Dreamcast looks good, and a lot of people will probablybe swayed over to it early. Sony did well at breaking into the market withthe PSX, and I think they'll do an equally well job breaking into the nextgen market. Whether they will catch up to Sega, or surpass them uterly isstill up in the air at this point. Nintendo is going to be hurting. Theyneed to make sure the rest of the specs are as good as the CPU speeds,and they need to get lots of developers over on their side now so they canstart working on a really good starting lineup, and if they want theJapanese share, they're going to have to get somebody to start doing RPGs for them again. The 100% backwards compatibility is going to be a big plusfor the PSX2, and if Nintendo doesn't have a lot of games to combat thaton release day or soon thereafter, they're probably doomed.

Whew. Life isn't complete without a long letter, ne? So, let's see what I can add here.

First off, I agree with the principles of rejecting brand name loyalty, or brand name hatred for that matter. Quality is quality, and quality is what matters. By the same token, being informed is important, and it's no crime to be wary of the latest product from a manufacturer that has proven to be unreliable, if not outright bad. The same principle that makes people give movie license games a wide berth is also what make people wary of the Dreamcast - Sega's last successful system in America was the Genesis. That was a long time ago, and with several sunken systems and peripherals in the graveyard now, it's a tough sell for any Sega-brand system, especially one whose raw statistics are already overshadowed. So I'm not sure the DC *can* secure the foothold it needs. It's fighting an uphill battle here.

I won't even try and judge the probable success of the N2000 or the PSX2 yet. We have stats, sure, but stats count for little. Games do. Until I see a comparative listing of publishers and/or titles slated for these systems, I can't judge their odds. Sony has the advantage of recent success, but Nintendo's probably (hopefully?) learned their lessons from the N64. And hell, let's face it, Nintendo IS video games to many people. I'll have to see the games. There's no other test for a game system.


Closing comments

Quite a span of letters here. There was a really good system wars-related one which I cut at the last minute, but it'll be in tomorrow's column. Which, by the way, will be updated early. Like, five or six o'clockish. This time for sure, he said in his best Bullwinkle voice. See, I need to get to the movie theatre early. But not in the way you expect.

You see, the Agent has a day job. And a night job. I work at a movie theatre. I serve coffee and popcorn. I also do lapdances, but the managers frown on that sort of thing. And, with the premiere of Star Wars imminent, all hell is breaking loose. I'm working from 7:30 PM tomorrow until 1:00 AM Wednesday, which covers the trio of just-after-midnight shows of SW. The premieres. Hooray. :\

Please note that my update on Thursday will be hurried, since I'm doing a double shift that day. And Wednesday's update will be early. But I'll get them done. Blood oath, people.

Now, all I need to do is find time to *see* the goddamn movie.

- Allan Milligan

 
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