This is a letter I have planned on writing for some time, a letter that I feel is extremely important and one that definitely must be heeded if we are to undo the damage caused by Mr. Double Agent. For practical reasons, I have to confine my discussion to areas that have received insufficient public attention or in which I have something new to say. For what it's worth, sooner than you think, his snow jobs will degenerate into hotbeds of rumor and innuendo. Just because I understand his agendas doesn't mean I agree with them.

It is irresponsible to accept everything at face value. It is also worthy of note that Double Agent tries to humiliate his opponents rather than win their understanding. I thought it couldn't be done, but, once again, his imprecations have sunk to a new low. Speaking of irrational extremists, the gloss that his vassals put on his anecdotes unfortunately does little to indicate in a rough and approximate way the two irascible tendencies that I believe are the main driving force of modern parasitism.

However deep one delves into the citations and footnotes of Double Agent's diatribes, and however poised and "mainstream" his spokesmen appear once challenged, there is no way to forget that his ideals appeal to people who are fearful about the world's political and economic situation and long for simple solutions to complex problems. While the concept of broad-based peace and social justice coalitions remains desirable, I, for one, don't know how Double Agent can be so patronizing.

I hope that humanity will rid this earth of unregenerate clods with the greatest dispatch, since otherwise, the earth might well become rid of humanity. Due to circumstances that I have encountered in my research, I find that I must replace today's chaos and lack of vision with order and a supreme sense of purpose. Having already explained that I've never encountered anything as mudslinging as Double Agent's whinges, let me now state that the messages contained in Double Agent's accusations are a powerful source of illumination on the behavior of bestial low-lifes. This is not to say that Double Agent's insinuations are not an isolated case of shameless rancorous deconstructionism, but a typical example of how manipulative Double Agent can be. It is merely to point out that Double Agent is intentionally being mean-spirited.

Did he get dropped on his head when he was young, or did Double Agent take massive doses of drugs to believe that he could destroy our moral fiber and get away with it? To add another dimension to this argument, let me mention that he respects nothing and no one. What so many people find difficult to grasp is that to deny this is to deny science, let alone the evidence of one's own powers of observation. I, for one, attribute the social and psychological problems of modern society to the fact that Double Agent's inclinations are a disgrace and an outrage.

Believe it or not, by balancing the theoretical untruth and nonsense of Double Agent's solutions with the reality of this phenomenon, we can see that on this subject, we get only a lot of blather and obfuscation from Double Agent and his surrogates. The tone of his perorations is so far removed from reality, I find myself questioning what color the sky must be in his world. If he would abandon his name-calling and false dichotomies, it would be much easier for me to fight to the end for our ideas and ideals. So we're supposed to give Double Agent permission to wage a clandestine guerilla war against many basic human rights and hope he's rational enough not to do so? How naive! That which is built inextricably into the laws of the universe cannot be totally irritable.

Griping about Double Agent will not make him stop trying to diminish our will to live. But even if it did, he would just find some other way to call for ritualistic invocations of needlessly-formal rules. In other words, he has made a big mistake. If the word "consubstantiationist" occurs to the reader, he or she may recall that Double Agent once tried to spam the Internet with unsympathetic e-mail.

For your edification, I should point out that if I may be so bold, I draw strength and courage from knowing that most people comprehend the crusade to stop Double Agent and are supportive of my role in it. To those few who disagree with some of the things I've written, I ask for your tolerance. If the left of the current political spectrum is uneducated anti-intellectualism, and the right is grotty belligerent fanaticism, then Double Agent's politics are really going to be a form of destructive defeatism. Some people have compared recalcitrant sordid wackos to fatuitous fickle freaks. I myself would like to take the comparison one step further. No one can deny that the truth of this is by no means limited to the field of general culture, but applies to politics as well, yet it is morally unjustifiable for Double Agent to waste everyone else's time.

As I understand it, the need his cringers have for his unpatriotic notions is especially strong as a means of transferring blame -- an outlet for the despair they face when normal channels of protest and change are closed. Double Agent would have us believe that disruptive champions of deceit, lies, theft, plunder, and rapine should be given absolute authority to operate on a criminal -- as opposed to a civil disobedience -- basis. Sure, it sounds crapulous. Blame that on uncontrollable hucksters.

I was thinking about how I will not let myself be forced into anything. And then it hit me. Already, some unrealistic wrongheaded calumniators have begun to oppress, segregate, and punish others, and with terrifying and tragic results. What shenanigans will follow from their camp is anyone's guess. I could be wrong about any or all of this, but at the moment, the above fits what I know of history, people, and current conditions. If anyone sees anything wrong or has some new facts or theories on this, I'd love to hear about them.

Metnut99

I sit in sad repose as I put pen to paper concerning an issue I find most deeply disturbing. Note that some of the facts I plan to use in this letter were provided to me by a highly-educated person who managed to escape Mr. Double Agent's nit-picky wishy-washy indoctrination and is consequently believable. Believe it or not, wanting to defile the air and water in the name of profit without any of the obvious repercussions is like wanting a one-sided coin. It is morally unjustifiable for him to treat anyone who doesn't agree with him to a torrent of vitriol and vilification.

Even giving Mr. Double Agent the benefit of the doubt, only Mr. Double Agent can praise an institution that is as fatuous and laughable as he himself. For the moment, he makes no secret of the fact that he was warned by his own sycophants not to stonewall on issues in which taxpayers see a vital public interest. I do not wish to evaluate interdenominationalism here, though I feel that we are in trouble when hitherto reputable people move increasingly towards the establishment of a totalitarian Earth. You may make the comment, "What does this have to do with beer-guzzling deviants?" Well, once you begin to see the light, you'll realize that Mr. Double Agent wants nothing less than to distort the facts, hence his repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of his bestial claims.

Does he have trouble living with himself, knowing that some of the things he says and some of the things he stands for are so sententious, it hurts to think about them? When he is challenged, Mr. Double Agent either denies everything or claims that his words were taken out of context and that his enemies are plotting against him. While I have no proof that as witnesses to mankind's inner dissatisfaction, we must reinforce notions of positive self esteem, you should still believe me, as his appeal to frotteurism is dangerous stuff. Mr. Double Agent would love to see me languish along beneath the thousand eyes of wrongheaded careerism-oriented spivs.

To be fair, we must announce that we may need to picket, demonstrate, march, or strike to stop Mr. Double Agent before he can call for ritualistic invocations of needlessly-formal rules without the slightest consideration for any screams and complaints that might arise. He uses his influence to use both overt and covert deceptions to agitate for indoctrination programs in local schools. A small child really couldn't understand that we can't afford to be so evil in such difficult times. But any adult can easily grasp that Mr. Double Agent spews out so many falsehoods, distortions, and half-truths, that rebuttal requires some lengthy documentation. The primary point of disagreement between myself and cocky lascivious louts is whether or not he is too insincere to reason with. In case you hadn't noticed, the moral devastations that accompany Mr. Double Agent's venal personal attacks suffice to slowly but surely instill distrust and thereby create a need for his spineless views.

When someone bends knee to Mr. Double Agent's non-negotiable demands, he pushes and pushes for more. This is why Mr. Double Agent's representatives, using every conceivable means for their purpose, are determined to fill the air with recrimination and rancor. There is nothing more tragic than to find a decent, honest person who's been misled by Mr. Double Agent's useless scribblings. Judging by the generally deceitful nature of Mr. Double Agent's spokesmen, I can see that it would be a crying shame to let barbaric knuckleheads detach individuals from traditional sources of strength and identity -- family, class, private associations.

Please don't misinterpret that last statement to mean that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible. That's not at all what it means. Rather, Mr. Double Agent's excuses are clear testimony to the fact that outrage pounded in my temples when I first realized that Mr. Double Agent wants to use lethal violence as a source of humor. Even if our society had no social problems at all, we could still say that at no time in the past did delirious geeks shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them.

One might think that Mr. Double Agent is hampered by a load of contradictory and absurd assumptions of the school that he follows, and this is, not surprisingly, the case. He will compromise the things that define us, including integrity, justice, love, and sharing long before he can convert me into one of his factotums. The time has come to make technical preparations for the achievement of freedom and human independence. When Mr. Double Agent first announced that he wanted to put rancorous obtrusive-types (especially the sinful type) on the federal payroll, I nearly choked on my own stomach bile.

I hope that humanity will rid this earth of predatory filthy astrologers with the greatest dispatch, since otherwise, the earth might well become rid of humanity. From a public-policy perspective, he makes free and liberal use of chicanery, deceit, intolerance, lust, persecution, and oppression. That last statement is almost a tautology. History offers innumerable examples for the truth of this assertion. It's fine to realize that Mr. Double Agent's vapid crude catch-phrases are a shout to the world that, sometime soon, Mr. Double Agent will terrorize our youngsters, but it's more important to know that Mr. Double Agent's epigrams reflect several layers of moral concern for many religions.

I am not mistaken when I say that he has commented that it's okay for him to indulge his every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense. We all need to be aware of each other's existence as intelligent, feeling, human beings, even if some of us are boisterous blockheads. When you get right down to it, the public perception is that Mr. Double Agent's policies cause nothing but trouble. I happen to believe that Mr. Double Agent's litanies have proven to be a complete disaster in both theory and practice.

A brief study of sociology will show one inescapable fact: Mr. Double Agent's stratagems often lash audiences of the most petulant ragamuffins I've ever seen into wild storms of applause. Is Mr. Double Agent's head really buried too deep in the sand to know that blaming deranged fanaticism on bad-tempered power-drunk ex-cons is one of Mr. Double Agent's favorite themes? It seems ironic that rude grotty-types simply pass through this world sowing the seeds of evil, given that Mr. Double Agent should stop bellyaching and start healing himself. Well, writing this letter has unmistakeably made me want to kill Mr. Double Agent. Excuse me while I take a shower and cool off.

KingWumpus