Okay.

All right, here's what we're up against today.

In the Deep Thoughts cornah, we've got three letters, long ones, about Final Fantasy Tactics, and the church thereof. I left off my own commentary because, really, it's not needed at all. Be warned that we wander a bit into the realm of real history, which is technically off-topic for this site, but what the hell, says I. It all springs from an on-topic discussion.

In the Agent cornah, we've got a bunch of good letters, one truly atrocious pun, and a long, angry letter that I disagree with almost completely. What else is new, ne?

And in the bottom left cornah, there's a strange sort of greenish fungus growing onto the wall. Ewwwww.

I'm going to Hell for that pun, aren't I?

Bonk is a good mascot who starred in pretty good games (for the time, at least), who sadly had a name which didn't port too well to international markets. Find me a resident of the UK who won't cripple themselves laughing if you start discussing how he went around and bonked people. Just try. And, more to the point, Bonk suffered the ultimate of indignities. He was the lead spokesman for the Turbografx-16, he was their mascot, and he ended up starring in a Gameboy game. THAT is humiliation. That's why he's hitting the bottle nowadays.

As for the Bust-A-Move info, thank you. Everyone and their kid sister (hi, Annie!) wrote in to tell me that, duh, the instrumental tracks were available through the option menu.

I guess it's closer to FF7, then. The emphasis is clearly on the story, and development. But overall, it's got a much more traditional RPG feel than FF7 or especially Parasite Eve did, so take that into account. Picture FF4 with deeper gameplay and the occasional bit of FMV, and that's the sort of feel you'll be getting into.

Hey, I never said it was cleverly renamed. But to me, translating a word into another language counts as a very mild form of concealment. But renaming's probably the wrong word. Mea culpa.

The Level -1 trick in the original Super Mario Bros. can be reached via the method described in this FAQ, courtesy of GameFAQs. Love that site. Everyone should. And yes, it does work. I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's not a lot of fun, really, but it exists.

Sounds like your battery is, indeed dying. And since the Squaresoft that published that game has long since been shut down, I'm afraid you're kinda screwed. To my knowledge, there's no way to get it replaced or repaired. It'll only get worse.

This is probably the most compelling, and depressing, rationale for pushing Square to put FFIV back into the FF Anthology. I doubt their plans will change, but it's frustrating to watch the save game memory die slowly before your eyes.

First off, welcome to Double Agent. Always glad to see a new face. I piss off so many old ones that finding replacements is a valued thing. Hee. :D

Second, I think at this rate, we're going to see about four or five more major FF7 debates crop up, and then FF8 will be released. At which point we'll have an ungodly amount of debate and argument over that, leaving FF7 at the wayside, until at last someone comes out and says"Man, FF8 sucks, why couldn't it be more like FF7?" At which point I will scream bloody murder and tear off my own nipples.

As for the questions... 1) In theory, sure, such a project could create the great RPG of all time. Not likely, since most of the crew will probably be inexperienced, but in theory, sure, it's all good. I'd call it Bleeding Gut Wound.

2. I rent or borrow about every RPG that's released each year, though I confess I've skipped over Quest 64 and Legend of Legaia thus far. I generally only buy about three or four, but I've got some very generous friends who'll lend me games for ludicrous amounts of time, and vice versa, so my pool of games is a lot bigger. It occurs to me that I'll be screwed come September, when said friends will be thousands of miles away. Hmm.

My eyes are bleeding. All that text, so few paragraphs. Pain is overwhelming me, like watching a Facts of Life reunion special... Tootie... augh!

Okay, barring my annoyance with the lack of paragraphing, I find your logic sort of lacking. You heard that FF8 is going to be pushed as including more adventure and action in it, therefore you're ready to kill them for bastardizing the purity of the original game? That's nonsensical. It's going to be the same game. The last game I can think of which dropped any significant amount of text or meaning through translation, on purpose mind you, was Final Fantasy IV/2 US. This isn't the anime translation business, where companies often cut out major amounts of content to allow for syndicated distribution and broadcast on major networks. Video games are very seldom hacked to bits intentionally. Losses in translation are due to poor quality of the translation, something we'd all like to see fixed, not an active desire to "talk down" to the audience.

FF8 may well be pushed more for its adventure aspects than the theme of love. Okay, so what? It's the same game. They aren't about to make it into an action game. There will be no cartoony atmosphere added. The text won't live up the original, but that's due to lack of skill and care, not intent to dumb things down. Square is going to advertise whatever aspect of the game is going to appeal to the widest possible audience, and Love doesn't sell video games. This is not Japan, and replicating the advertising and sales techniques that appeal to Japanese consumers will simply not work, not now, not ever. We're two entirely different cultures.

I don't know where you've developed this attitude and belief that game companies are insidious, evil entities that go out of their way to dumb down games in translation. They don't. They will publicize them differently according to what audience they're shooting for, and the translations usually need a lot of work, but there's only one translation house that makes a habit of radically changing game text, and it's Working Designs, not Square.

Closing comments

Sachiel Kuromin wrote in to provide some links to the PSX utilities he mentioned in his letter about Bust a Groove yesterday. For the record, the PSX utilites can be found right here, plus there's an FAQ over here. Lastly, some documents explaining how to use PSXVideo and the XA ripper program can be downloaded here. There's other places to find 'em, but he figured he'd show where he found them. Thanks, guy.

Special, ooey-gooey thanks go out to Clyde Hudman today, so I'm plugging his new site, Gameaholics Anonymous. He's a lot smarter than I am, so you'll probably learn something there, too.

And remember, tomorrow is Q&A Day at Double Agent, which, if my luck holds out, will also include an important announcement. Announcing what? Am I pregnant? Getting married? Made of balsa wood? You'll have to wait and see, won't you?

- Double Agent