Double Agent

I had a list.

A big, long list of Things To Say before I got underway with today's Double Agent column. A massive list.

However, upon reviewing the list, I discovered that none of the things on said list actually needed saying.

Hoom.


A proposal of a different sort

Depite my overprotection regarding my sister and boys, I would approve of you marrying her. I'd actually be pleased with it. I know nothing about your morals, reputation among women, or what you look like. But you have good taste in videogames, comics (Sandman and Transmet), and you like ferrets, my animal of choice. You're officially one of my heroes. So on behalf of my sister, I offer a marriage proposal. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Eviloctopi


Well. Um. I daresay I'm not alone in this, but something strikes me as deeply unkosher about marrying someone I don't know's sister, sight unseen. Hell, does she have the faintest idea who I am? I'm some ex-readers of this column could come up with dozens of good reasons to retract the marriage proposal, and I shudder to think how massive a list the now-legendary Emma could generate.

Suffice to say that I'm pretty damn scummy. You don't want me as an in-law. Nobody does.

Pay it no mind

This "Another Mind" you talk about....since you're always bashing it, and it's been coming up as of late....could you give us a little more info on it?

All I've seen is one movie of it, showing this Japanese girl, looking stoned as hell, staring out into nothingness. From what I've heard, it's some kind of simulation game where you play as this Japanese girl who is trying to regain her memory.


Another Mind is, by all accounts, the worst game Square has ever produced. It was a late '98 PSX release by Square, in Japan only. I've heard precious little in the way of hard info about the plot. What I have seen and heard are tales of horror about what it plays like ("Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective with worse acting and less plot"), sales (30 000 copies), and review scores (average score is roughly 22%). It's FMV and nothing else, not even a stab at having decent or even cursory gameplay. It's a game without so much as an ounce of charm or originality. It's the archetypal Shit FMV Game, and ranks up there with Sewer Shark and Night Trap for badness. I'm half-tempted to import it myself, to see if all the reports are true, to see if it truly does deserve its reputation as one of the worst games ever produced, but I just don't know if I could take it.

Bleem! hacked yet? Wait five minutes...

Actually, the Bleem! emulator won't cause a massive increase in piracy. Why? Because it's EASIER to pirate games on an actual Playstation. As of right now, it's impossible to play pirated games on Bleem!, just like it's currently impossible to do so with Virtual GameStation. Now, obviously, somebody will eventually come up with patches for both emulators to allow you to do just that, but in truth, most people who are interested in playing pirated PSX games already have a modded PSX. And it's far easier to mod a PSX than it is to crack the code of an emulator & create a patch for it to play CD-R games. And that's ignoring Sony's anti-modchip coding. There's something else any would-be hacker would have to bypass if they wanted Bleem! to play pirated version of newer PSX games. So Bleem! is not likely to cause a huge upsurge in piracy. It appears to me that you did the same thing here that you did with the MP3 debate: you printed a response without doing your research & getting your facts straight.

Lord Magus


Bleem! does not currently allow the playing of pirated games. Virtual GameStation isn't supposed to play CD-Rs any longer, though I've had no trouble playing them with my copy (v1.2). Japanese games are off-limits unless you use an unofficial patch, which I found after about three minutes of web searching. The former is stated explicitly by the developers of Bleem!, and I've tested the latter two facts myself. I have my facts perfectly straight.

But if you honestly think Bleem! won't be hacked to allow the playing of pirated copies, you're delusional. If Virtual GameStation could have patches to allow it to play Japanese games within about three weeks of its release, do you think Bleem! will remain pristine and unhackable, in the face of the vastly larger PC hacking and piracy scene? Not bloody likely.

Sure, it's a cinch to get your PSX modded. Or pick up a Game Enhancer. But it's also easy to pick up an emulator, and download patches that will bypass any protection scheme Sony comes up with for free. Moreover, Bleem! itself can be (illegally) distributed for free, since it's software, allowing lots of PC owners who wouldn't bother shelling out a hundred bucks for a real PSX, plus ten or fifteen for a mod chip, to download it free of cost, and play copied games. THAT is an instant market for piracy, right there. Will it be a huge upsurge? Probably not. Will it make an impact? Hell yeah.

Clarify

Double Agent Allan,

Here it is. What I meant (dramatic pause) by epic fantasy.First of all, let me say this. Xenogears is nothing but epic. It'sjust not epic fantasy. Yes, it's a tale of fiction...but by mydefinition, it's not fantasy. My definition goes something like this:

1) A large, complex story

2) A medeviel-ish setting, with no high technology

3) Your fair share of wizards, swordsmen, and other people like that

4) A heaping helping of elves, dwarves, gnomes, trolls...youknow...those type races.

I think you can understand what I'm getting at now. I have neverreally played an RPG that has pulled this off. I have played some thathave come pretty darned close, but not completely.The original letter that I had written explained this a lot moreclearly, and it even had an excellent little touching part at the end,but the Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills, I guess. See ya.

Nobody comes to visit me on my little cloud...

-Aaron Littleton


Thank you, Aaron. Personally, I classify those elements you named as elements of high fantasy, a term which I picked up someplace. High fantasy is what you describe - swords and sorcery, alien races, the works. But beyond that is the addition of epic, which simply describes scope. Hence, I'd describe, say, the Dragonlance series as epic high fantasy, whereas Robert E. Howard's Conan series would be simply epic fantasy.

Fantasy fiction, by its definition, has a very broad scope and breadth of approach, and I find that classifying it still further helps make discussion of it clearer. For example, much of FF6 isn't science fiction, contrary to popular belief. Why? Because the technology there is based on Esper power. Magitek. Magic does not exist, it's fantasy, therefore Magitek would be Science Fantasy, not Science Fiction. It has no basis in reality, but has technological trappings.

So what the hell's my point, you ask? My point is that everyone's definitions of fantasy differ, and that is why you're unlikely to see what you consider a true epic fantasy game, Aaron. An epic fantasy could entail a massive orgy, in some eyes. But since no one agrees what fantasy is, the disappointment remains.

Beginnings and Pongings

Double-Agent:

In your breakdown of videogame homesystem generations, you're forgettingthe most important one!

Prior to the Atari 2600, prior to 1977,my little sister and I were completelycaptivated by the one-game-only, first-of-its-kind system...PONG!

Unless memory is failing me (which ispossible), PONG was a separateproduct from the ATARI 2600 andpre-dated that "first cartridge-based,multi-game system."

CraigInMN...2!


Argh. You got me. Okay, the *first* generation of game systems is the original Magnavox Odyssey (1972) and of course, the classic home version of Pong ('74). After that, bump up my generational list a place each. Pong's always a bit dodgy for me, as it seems more of like a prototype of what a video game console would eventually be like than one itself. I think of Pong as being the Lisa to the Atari 2600's Macintosh. Be that as it may, between it and the Odyssey, there's an early generation there. Point, set, match to Craig.

The logical explanation shines through

I was in one of the many many orgies you always mention when it hit me. Irealized why Square has bad translations. Their games always take place inanother world so it is only natural that they would have different spellingand grammer than us. Except for Parasite Eve.

Spuzzz


It's just so crazy, it just might work. Good call, Spuzzz. You get a gold star.

Levels of hype

I recently had an experience in which I was given a response to I letter that I found to be unsatisfactory to me. I would like to tell gamers that when they write a letter, they must be ready to read the opinions of another gamer. Although at times your opinions will differ, both of you are entitled to them.

My letter was about hype in videogames, and I feel that in the scenario I had with liking FF7 after thinking it would be bad, and disliking Zelda TOoT after thinking it was hyped to be a great game. In my opinion gamewise, FF7 was better. I am comparing these two in the sense of which I got more enjoyment out of, not based on genre. I urge others to not let hype effect their decisions when buying a game, but rather look at a game that they will enjoy more, even if it involves comparing two very different games.

Dan Chruscinski


This, I agree with you on. Really, it goes without saying that listening to sheer hype is an extremely bad idea. I mean, I used to be told over and over again that Mortal Kombat was the finest game ever made, but hell, I never liked it. Not when it was cool to like it, not when its popularity waned, and not now. In the final analysis, it's best to try any game with as open a mind as possible. It's pretty much impossible in some cases, but two situations inevitable result from highly-hyped games. Either they can't measure up to the reputation they've got, or they end up being as good as you expected, at which point you usually tell others as much, and become a hype-spreader yourself.

On the other hand, there's hype, and there's being an informed consumer. Ads and previews can be enticing, but when it comes down to shelling out the cash, trust two things: yourself, and trusted review sources. Finding a reviewer whose views on entertainment you generally agree with is a crucial thing as a consumer. For those who can't afford to try everything, knowing what you're getting into is important for making sure you get bang for your buck. Don't pay attention to the score, but read the text of the review. Try and gauge their reaction to various aspects of the game, and figure out if you're likely to react the same way. Comparison between different games is dangerous, to me. I enjoyed both Bomberman '94 and Metal Gear Solid, but for very different reasons.

So, in summation, trust not in hype. Trust in those people whose views line up with your own, and above all, be informed before you buy. The details, the nitty-gritty, the body of the game are what matter, not the catch phrases.


Closing comments

Whew. Busy day in the gaming world. I've got a new Deep Thought posted up, doing a detailed comparison between the FFTactics Glabados Church and the Pharisees, from the turn of the century. I'm a lot harsher on the influence of the Catholic Church over European history than he, but that's not really germane to this column, and it's an interesting comparison in any case. Good stuff.

Second, the requests for the FF4 and FF5 FMV clips are getting to be too much for me to discount any longer. So, dazzling one and all, I'll be finding a mirror site for them ASAP, and posting them up within 24 hours.

And that is all she wrote.

- Double Agent

 
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Going back to the future, without a DeLorean in sight
Deep Thoughts
TheGreyOne compares FF Tactics to the Pharisees
Bring it on!