Double Agent

I am the Oracle, my children. I am wisdom and light.

You know, I really wish Square would put out the FF Collection already. I am anticipating its release more than any game in recent memory. And you know why? Because there's a whole lot of questions being asked about it that I can't answer for certain until it's out. Like, can you play the games sans FMV? Will there be clear differences between the solo FF6 PSX and the Collection FF6 releases? It's really not clear at this point, so I won't made educated, and possibly wrong answers anymore. I just don't know. We'll have to wait for a few more weeks. Be patient.

By the way, informal as this column is, I would like to say that yes, I can be serious once in a while. I can do "hard" journalism. So stop laughing at my attempts to get into journalism school. You know who you are.

Speculation gets shot down in flames

Hey man,

Long time reader first time writer. (ugh...) Anyway, I was just wonderingif you had heard anything about the theory about FFIX being a direct sequelof sorts to FFVIII. Now that the game is out, I assume one would be ableto determine if it is or not. I'm anxiously waiting to hear the verdict.

Thanks

KMAC


Our much-hated FF8/FF9 speculation has apparently come to naught. From discussions from those who have played the game, it apparently shoots our previous theory down in flames, then puts the flickering embers out with a chilly stream of urine.

Cinematic combat

I'll be quick and to the point. What do you think about summon spells. Ithink they're pretty annoying. In FF4 and FF6 they were okay, all they didwas flash a picture on the screen. But FF7 pissed me off. every time I castBahamut Zero, I lost 30 seconds of my life. Which adds up to... 30 seconds.Gone. FF8 is even worse. Let's see.... Eden. They blow up the galaxy. Thespell is a feakin' 1:30! I mean, I understand that Square is trying to maketheir games more like movies, but even the battles are becomingnoninteractive. What do you think?

-Legion007, who ate his own foot on national television


Gloriously pretty as the battles in FF7 and FF8 are, I have to concur. Sure, summon spells are spectacular, supposedly end-all-be-all sort of attacks, but good god, do they really need to take THAT long every single time?

One feature I wish future FF games, or any other game with excessively long attack or spell motions, is a Zip Mode, sort of like Ogre Battle. The default option remains to watch the battle in full, spectacular motion, with camera swings and 30-second spells and all that neat stuff. But Zip Mode can be enabled in option screens, where all attacks are done quickly and sparingly, glitz-wise. You slash, damage is registered, next attack. You gesture, the spell name is announced, and the result is applied. No fuss, no muss, a bone thrown to those who absolutely hate flashy combat, and a nice way to cut down on time spent in piddly combats.

A PocketStation is what?

I WANT SQUID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you

-Logick


You know, I used to think that I wanted squid, too. I can understand where you're coming from. There are days when I come home, depressed and sore and feeling used from a hard day working the streets, my nostrils ringed with white and my eyes bloodshot. I look at myself in the mirror, I feel the glue on my false teeth beginning to tear away, and the track marks on my arm seem to glow red and bloody in the dark. Right then, I want nothing more than to slurp down a squid, feel it slip down my throat, smooth and supple. It's a sensual thing, eating a squid. Erotic, in its way.

But the feeling passes for me, and it will for you too, in time. Squid is not the real answer to your problems. It's just a symptom, a simple answer for a complex problem. Don't say "I want squid." That only perpetuates the problem. Ask yourself instead why you want the squid, and your key to true happiness will well up from within.

Constant Creidings

Greetings, Double Agent!

I'd really like to find lyrics for some of the songs on the "XenogearsCreid" CD, but my web-searching so far has yielded absolutely nothing. :|

Could you possibly post a request in hopes that some readers know of aplace to get the lyrics?

Thanks!

-Cope


Consider it done. I have no idea how to get 'em, so if anyone does know, send it in toute suite.

Replacement parts

When you go on your vacation who will be doing the column for the next week?


Schedules are still in flux, but it looks like good old AK will be my faithful fill-in from March 2nd until the 10th (I get back on the 9th, but honestly, how chipper are you at the end of a week-long whirlwind tour?) In case he's called away on some emergency, like fulfilling the fantasies of countless gorgeous women, which happens to him a lot, Brian G. and Fritz will be on hand to throw in their cookies. Or whatever.

Geography lesson

Hey!

I have to know! Where are you guys based out of?? I have a basicunderstanding that you are Canadian, and if that is true I finally have mynational hero, and a reason to be proud to be canadian. (Celine Dion,Shania Twain, and Alanis Morisette weren't doing the trick...) Also, fromyou dossier I figure your just over a year older than me, making you notonly a hero, but a peer hero! Wow im just so excited,

uh jeez nevermind all of that just answer the first line..k?

Oh, and if it will help i'll call you... fucko (Never heard of it beforereading you column... guess I learnt something!)

- MistaSopz


Okay, here's the deal. Andrews K and V are both originally from Texas, but Vestal currently attends Stanford, in California. Brian M. hails from New York. Tami is also New York by birth, but attends college in Miami. Andrea is from Michigan, Fritz is from Oregon. The Big Lick lives in Toronto, Ontario, and I'm a resident of Ottawa, capital of Canada.

The GIA itself is based in a giant satellite in geosynchronous orbit around the Earth, which we can access through personal teleporters we keep in our closets. Inside, we have substantial computer resources, an armory, a brothel, the exploding head chamber, and a trophy room.

Better criticism than complacency

Beware. Here be'eth a rant. :)

I'd like to take a moment to examine that oh-so-controversial debateabout FFVII.

Now, I myself am not a fan of FFVII by all means. I feel that its mainthree characters are badly done, and that their depiction is bothexaggerated and insincere. The game in consequence, with all its superbmoments, left me cold in the end. However, examining FFVII for all itsstrengths and weaknesses in a strictly logical fashion, I would give it4 or 4 and a half stars out of 5 (depends how particular one wants toget over all the plot holes.) The minus one-half star is, of course, forthe weakness of the characters' depiction.

It amazes me to see the strain of letters and articles that are producednowadays in defense of the game, whose basic viewpoint is, summarilyexpressed, WILL ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE CRITICIZING THE GAME SHUT UPALREADY. I, for one, find this position unacceptable. I agree withpeople who defend FFVII if they get miffed when someone says somethinglike "the game sucks because the Materia system sucks!" This kind of"criticism" is repugnant, because it judges the game in an unfair wayover only ONE of its features. But, on the other hand, I find that theattitude prevalent among the defenders of the game is "If you findANYTHING wrong with the game you ought to shut up." This viewpoint isequally repugnant.

I know that when I finished FFVII I found myself disappointed with it;but the overwhelming attitude of people had been, at that early point,that it is the best game in the existence of video games. I especiallyfound the preoccupation with its characters absurd (mainly because Ifound the main three characters absurd), and this is why I finally spokeagainst this particular feature of the game. I spoke my own opinion; anopinion which ought to be valid as of any person's (and there wereplenty of those in those days) that deemed the game the best one onearth.

The enthusiasm of then is transferred, I think, to the overt irritationnow on the part of the defenders of the game. Suppose someone writes acompletely fair article, that weighs the pros and cons of the gamefairly? Will the defenders of the game dismiss it as injurious becauseit did not find the game UTTERLY PERFECT? I suspect that at least somemight. People have the RIGHT to a negative opinion, if it is validlyexpressed. This fact ought to be remembered. I have my own favorites;but I never claim any of them are utterly perfect games that peopleought not to speak against. In fact, I could make a list of each game'sstrengths and weaknesses myself. To love a game, I don't need it to besome pinnacle of perfection.

Equally absurd is, I think, people who are complaining ahead about thefact that people MIGHT find FFVIII imperfect. I know that I, for one, amawaiting the game with an anticipation to have a liking for it;ESPEICALLY since FFVII proved to me unsatisfying on a certain level.When criticizing FFVII, people are criticizing Square, that's true; butthe formula here is not FFVII=Square, and I can't see how criticizingFFVII will have a bearing on FFVIII, unless the two games turn out to betoo similar (as some people are afraid they would).

To sum up this whole thing, people who are complaining about the factthat people are criticizing FFVII seem to think that "just smile andnod" ought to be the motto over either FFVII or Square. Something whichjust can't be acceptable.

-Tamerine


Okay, point taken. However, in this column at least, two major sources of "Oh, for god's sake, stop reaming on FF7 already" sentiment have been tapped.

First off is a backlash against casual FF7 bashing. I'm not talking about criticism or dispute. I'm talking about writing long letters and tossing in lines like "All games with FMV, especially that piece of shit FF7, suck" or the like. This is extremely irritating because it's a supremely arrogant attitude to take. It's bashing a game without basis, putting it forth as hard cold fact when there's mountains of evidence and sentiment to the contrary. It's dismissive and high-handed, and that irritates a lot of people.

Secondly, the fact of the matter is that, given the way I handle a lettercol, constant conflict is the order of the day, and sometimes it gets to be too much for everyone, readers included. And that sentiment is expressed by people saying "it's a good game, fine, now SHUT UP!" It's not as dismissive, it's just frustrated, and I understand the feeling. I'm responsible for it, but I understand it.

Negativity isn't inherently bad. Smiling and nodding is. I think we both can agree that balanced discussion, positive and negative, is the ideal situation. It just doesn't come as easily as we'd like, and it can get frustrating sometimes.


Closing comments

Okay, late update tonight, since I was out all night. As an aside, I have Silent Hill in my hot little hands for the next while, so don't be surprised if I slide a few references to it into the next column or two.

Oh, and a special thanks to Prometheus for coming up with today's column title.

- The Double Agent

 
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