Okay, I'm calm now.

After my little tantrum yesterday, I now feel a lot better, mostly because there was a hell of a lot more variety to the letters, and no one called me fucko, which always brightens my mood.

One person sent me a virtual flower bouquet today, which was much appreciated. Gold star for you, miss.

The question mix is back to normal now, to my relief and hopefully yours as well, so we cover a fairly broad list of topics today, in decent depth, so today's col should be fairly informative. Oh, and we've got a new Deep Thought up today courtesy of Daniel Seltzer. Give it a look.

Oh, and in celebration of Valentine's Day, I'm asking all of you to write me letters about, you got it, love and romance. How you'll tie that into video gaming, I haven't the faintest idea, but hey, give it a go.

Ever play the drums? Bongos? It's sort of like that. Getting the hang of PaRappa is either instant or it takes a while to get the feel for it. You're apparently in the latter category. My advice is to play it a few times, and get to anticipate the button presses required, so you can really concentrate on hitting each button on the beat. You've got to listen to the music, and sync your button presses with it, not the instructions at the top of the screen. Keep at it, listen to the beat, and you'll get it eventually.

Judging by inteviews, I suspect that you're correct. To the chagrin of many, the cinematic in cinematic RPG has been played up still further from what I've seen of FF8, and it looks as though it'll be a quintessential triumph of presentation and plot over, well, everything else.

Well, on one hand, it wasn't the above games that gave Sega half the market share of the US at all. It was the well-stocked collection of sports games that the Genesis boasted at the time that accounted for most of its sales. However, none of the above were totally washouts in terms of sales, so what did happen to them, you ask? They just sort of faded. They could support their own sales, but not enough to form franchises, so they were set aside in favour of more successful products and lines like the Sonic and Virtua series, and new titles with gameplay innovations.

Oh, that's right. I'm as much a natural playboy as I am a natural woman, namely not at all. I'm a triumph of snide over substances.

A worrisome prospect, if you ask me, but possible, I suppose. However, I'm unsure of the FF Movie's release date - it will take about a year and a half, I estimate, to bring FF9 onto the market, barring the distinct possibility that it'd be for the PSX2. Consequently, there's a very real possibility that the movie might beat FF9 to market, which would screw up your plans. Perhaps Square will release the movie, see how it performs, and if it does well, announce FF9 as the truly Final fantasy.

I disagree. The bad translation may not have been part of the original game, but it's there now, and if it in any way impairs the enjoyment of the game, or distracts from it, then it can and should be criticized for it. I'm not expecting Hemingway here, but it's not too much to ask for text to be gramatically correct, clear, and spelled correctly. If it's changed, that's another issue, since it generally will only be noticed by those that played the original as well, who are a distinct minority of gamers. But for the bulk of us, who play it through as the only version we ever set eyes on, I think it's reasonable to ask for, and receive, a clear and consistent storyline.

But the game quality isn't solely determined by translation quality, and you're right, nobody's going to pass on a fantastic game because of crap translation. But it's something that can go wrong, often is wrong, and can be fixed, so maybe if we tell the companies loud enough, they'll do something about it.

Lunar is currently set for release in late March or early April. If you can wait that long, I highly recommend it. It'll get here eventually, and if it's as enchanting as the Sega CD versions, it'll be worth the wait. The Lunar games don't really seem like much in screenshots or movies, but when you really sit down and get down to it, they absorb you.

I wouldn't pick up an N64. Zelda is fantastic, but beyond that, there's zip for an RPG or strategy player on the system.

Thousand Arms and Shadow Madness both look promising, so I'd keep them in consideration. They're both due out sometime this spring as well. Still, in the short-term, my suggestion is to get Wild Arms or Suikoden to tide you over for a while, and by the time you're finished, Lunar should be out, which I highly recommend you buy.

Well, I'm afraid FF8 is going to be on the minds and keyboards of many a game player for the next few months, especially now that the game is actually out and able to be discussed. Of course, there are those of us (like you and I) who aren't playing it for several moments. And we are, in a word, screwed. There is no escape from FF8 discussion, I fear, so buck up and I guess we'll have to take it like Humphrey Bogart would - right upside the chin.

Um... I really don't know. I'll say PSX, simply because it has Gran Turismo, which rocks my world.

Oh, certainly. Tons of Japanese ones, lots of ones for PC, or in other countries. For consoles, though, in the US, I'm pretty widely played. From Double Dungeons to Lord of the Sword to Shining Wisdom to Xenogears, I've done my time. I've probably missed a few, of course, but I can honestly go through the list of RPGs reviewed in the RPG Critic section of Working Designs' homepage, and say "I've played that" to every single game listed there, which ain't shabby.

Hey, I've gotta show off SOME time. :)

Yes yes yes. Maybe I'm just a sicko, but I love throwing the chickens around in Zelda. They give such a satisfying cluck when they hit their fellows. I wish all RPGs would let you do as much.

The most egotistical? Well, I'm certainly in the running, but in the end, I think the answer can only be summed up in one word: Kaufmann.

AK, you see, has a sort of a... god complex, you could call it. He's all to eager to rush up and stick his nose into other peoples' business, and try and lord his charms and skills and attributes over everyone around him. This manifested itself once in the form of his taking Glick hostage, and threatening to kill the Big Lick unless GIA was instantly and permanently converted into an REM Shrine of Wonder, with special memberships extended to all loose-moraled attractive young women.

He eventually calmed down (he didn't really realize how expendable Glick is), but it taught us all a valuable lesson, and solidified AK's spot as the magillah of self-importance at the GIA hud.

Oh, if only I could. Still, one nice trend of today's letters is that several people did, in fact, comment that they loved FF Tactics. No dissenting voices. It was pure love for a great game. God, it's great to see that once in a while.

Closing comments

I have nothing left to say.

- The Double Agent