The llama is still at large.

There's a bit more information regarding the llama incident from yesterday's column below, and a few questions for me to answer, even. Amazing, no? Anyhow, you may notice something amazing and groovy in the blue bar at the side: yes, friends, it's amazing, it's stupendous, it's the amazing Double Agent Archives, and they're open for business! Every DA column from the preview in late October, clear up to yesterday's column, is there, and ready to read, super-sexy as it gets. Thanks go out to Andrew K. for his hard work in getting those suckers all done up pretty as you please. Moreover, the blue bar now lists the five most recent columns, instead of the last three. Who says I don't love ya?

Lastly, a thought for the day, since we've had a paucity of good debate for a little while.

What the hell is Sega of America doing? I've got nothing against Sega of Japan, or Sega of Europe, or even the games that Sega of America releases, when they feel up to it. But SoA has a long, storied history of totally botching potentially viable properties and systems in North America. They sunk everything from the Sega CD to the 32X to the Nomad to the Saturn, and I'm looking at coverage of the Dreamcast with a growing feeling in my gut that it's going to be shanked up the ass in America come the fall. Press for the US launch of the Dreamcast is sparser than copies of Penthouse magazine in a pediatrician's waiting room. If Sega of America has the faintest hope of making the Dreamcast a success in America, they've got to get off their asses and start plugging it, and soon.

I want the Dreamcast to be a success. I want it to carve out a niche for itself. But I have zero faith in SoA's ability to launch and sustain a system at this point. Does anyone else see any hope for the Dreamcast in North America? Does anyone else see a golden era ahead, one that I'm too bitter and cynical to notice above the mound of unsold copies of Sewer Shark that fill the used game slots at every pawn shop I visit? What is Sega of America doing? What should they be doing? Tell me.

The FWAK is currently available at the AGFF (alt.games.final-fantasy, a Usenet newsgroup, for anyone that's wondering) homepage located here.

Timed hits does sound a lot like Mario RPG's system, doesn it? On the other hand, Sabin's Blitzes in FF6 were clearly derivative of fighting game movements (quarter-circle forward for a fireball et al). It's just a way of sprucing up combat a little, and in any case, only appears to be part of Squall's limit breaks, so I wouldn't get too upset about it. As for Black and White skills, I doubt it. If Square has gone to all the effort of creating a new system for gaining and using magic, they wouldn't undermine that by giving certain characters ready access to spells. I mean, why use a character who can Draw spells out of enemies, then cast them, when you can have Miss Mage '99 just belt a few Fire2s off from the get-go?

Okay, as near as I can tell, Link's Awakening takes places sometime after the conclusion of Link to the Past, after Link has journeyed across the sea to sharpen his skills and increase his powers. Consequently, the series order would be as follows: Zelda: TOoT (N64), Z: Link to the Past (SNES), Z: Link's Awakening (Gameboy), Legend of Zelda, and finally Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link.

I'll tell you what, Kevin. If that llama ever comes around again, I'll be sure to tell you. One-on-one with the llama, Kev. Can you handle it? Can you cope with the pressure? Those things don't give second chances, and I don't want to lose a second partner. Are you a bad enough dude?

I suspect you are, so, in good faith, I admit you as the first member of the GIA, Cleveland Auxiliary Chapter (CAA! for short). A special membership button, information packet, and sock with lots of pennies tucked into it will be sent to you before long. You'll be on-call as a reserve member, not involved in day-to-day activities like the core staff, but will be sent on specialized seek-and-destroy missions when needed. So buck up, Kevin. You've got a shining new life ahead of you. Get shades.

Er... could you be a little bit more specific? The Dragon Warrior games used a lot of enemy recolors, and "flying-cat things" doesn't help? Whereabouts was this? Early on in the game? In the endgame, where you're heading off to attack Baramos? I'd like to help, but I need more info.

Extra points to anyone that can point me, and ET, to a DWIII monster/item list.

Very well, Ben Mo. It's your decision.

However, if you, or anyone else, enjoyed PaRappa, and don't wish to soil yourself with the touch of his duly appointed successor the lamb, I suggest the following: play Bust a Groove. Yes, you heard me correctly. This is one of the most bizarre, yet amusing games I've ever played. Gameplay-wise, it's like a more sophisticated version of PaRappa. It has more depth. Sadly, the characters aren't nearly as memorable, but it has its own charm, and I suggest anyone that liked PaRappa give it a fair shake. It's good people.

First off, GIA's focus is indeed on news and game coverage first and foremost. We do, however, maintain a nifty-doodle fan art section, have a somewhat silly letters column, and have toyed with the idea of having fanfics here. We shift with what our visitors seem to want. For example, a lot of people seem to want a stronger backing of Vault coverage, so we can be a truly all-in-one gaming site. Ergo, we're pumping up the Vault in the coming weeks, so you can do all your shopping at one spot. So while fanfics aren't our main focus, it is a possibility. Time will tell.

In answer to #2, they have not been rereleased. I suspect that Square has drawn the line of nostalgia at FF4, and decided that the earlier FFs are too old and antiquated to rerelease without substantial upgrades, which would take up lots of time and money that they'd rather spend elsewhere. Alternately, they may be planning a Final Fantasy Classics rerelease compilation, and just aren't talking about it. We don't really know.

Lastly, in response to you, and several dozen others who have asked me about RPGamer and what I think about recent happenings there, here is my official answer: I think it's business. Specifically, None Of Mine. I run my site. They run theirs. I'm friendly with a few of them (Thor, and Lorelei, whom I really need to return email to), and not so friendly with others. But at the end of the day, I frankly get sick and tired of being asked what's up with RPGamer every so often, because I DO NOT WORK THERE. Do you understand? I've moved on. My suggestion, if you're confused/concerned/annoyed with the rapid staff turnover there, is to talk to *them*. Not me.

This is the last letter about RPGamer I am going to print in this column. This isn't the forum to discuss it. Discussion closed.

No, damn you and your evil hooves! I'll never back down from you! I'll bow to your demands over my sidekick Kevin's body, you hear me? I will prevail! And I'll personally stock a Kinney's shoestore with your remains, I assure you. Watch yourself, you bastard.

Closing comments

Well, I'll let you know how Kevin pans out in single combat with the llama, and with any luck, I should have more semi-serious questions to peruse tomorrow-like, all right? Sort of a slow day in the Hard Game Question category, really. Ah well. I print what I got. Have a good one.

- The Double Agent