Return, master! Return to questions #51 throughg #75! Click here!

Bomberman, of course.

She loses them in poker games. Samus is an extremely skilled bounty hunter and warrior, but damned if she can score anything better than two pair. She loses her shirt, her pants, her dignity, her weapons and her energy tanks, and comes back for more. Brilliant, she ain't.

Uh... you mean, that one Metroid once again survived to plague the galaxy? It's called setting the scene for an easy sequel. Metroid is popular, ergo there will be sequels to it developed and released, and hey, if a plot works the first time, why not use it again? Nintendo's never been overly obsessive about coming up with new plots, and Metroid is just another example. Gameplay's the thing, and marketing's what makes it happen.

Scurvy.

Because nobody programmed one.

Auto-Potion is the development of a reflex action, not a conscious decision and excecution of a skill like the normal skills are. It simply teaches the character to, when hit by any attack, so reach into their pockets, pull out the first bottle they set their fingers on, and drink it right quick. If it really came down to it, you could stick a bottle of urine into a potion bottle and the Auto-Potion guy would down it, no questions asked.

Yes. They were then hit by a falling satellite, thereby removing the least skilled game player in human history from the face of the Earth, thank all that is holy.

Because he sucks. He always sucked. Captain Kirk was a dim-witted, arrogant, stupid, ludicrously lucky man with a libido that could only be stopped by nailing his scrotum to an anvil. He should have died eons ago, and the fictional world of Star Trek is vastly better off for his being killed off in such a humilating and final manner. May crows eat his bloated corpse, and make nests in his rib cage.

FF7 guns' range, impact power, and so forth are direction related to how hard one can pull the trigger. The harder you pull, the faster the bullet is pushed out of the firing chamber, and the harder the resulting impact. This is also why low-level guards can't hit very hard, even using guns: they're too weak to launch the bullets at anything close to lethal speeds.

They're mover and shakers in the political world, though that takes place off-camera. Hence the nickname, though they're most immobile during combat.

Masturbating.

Badger mating calls.

Because they're kinda busy saving the world.

Because the Wild ARMs world is encased in a cosmic eggshell, which rests on the corner of the shell of the great A'Tuin, the Galactic Turtle. It could crack like a walnut, in theory, but that's a whole other food group.

Because God is evil, therefore his servants will be evil. Benevolent RPG gods are about as common as spunky teenage heroes with poor dental hygiene. It's a basic law of gaming - God is Evil and Nefarious, and woe betide any who tries to depose Him.

Because they're ashamed of their weight problems, and hide to prevent others from noticing their obesity.

Surprise factor. When people see a spoon, they think "mmmmm... soup", but "good god, a spoon! I must defend myself against this mortal threat!" They don't take the spoon seriously, and get killed because of it.

Cards are routinely made out of steel plates where he comes from, and if he sharpens the edges a little, it's not that hard to kill someone with them.

Mog named him after his late mother.

Faster than a speeding bullet.

He can clamp his shoes into special locks in the floor near the steering wheel, sort of like with ski boots and skis: you have to press them in a special way in order to connect or disconnect them, and they hold really, really firmly.

Because they're morons. They take their intellectual cues from Captain Kirk, what do you expect?

It was easy, because 21st century humans, like most Star Trek characters, are morons.

It teaches a warrior superior bladder control. If you can endure cataclysmic bladder problems, getting whomped by the Imp Du Jour is nothing.

Would you go into battle carrying a piece of scrapwood? To hell with Materia - give me a bloody sword any day.

Because they are the final story of a given world. The end of all the conflicts, battles, wars, and disasters that the given world will ever have to endure. After the game is done, the story for that world is done.

FWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

Sorry, just had to get that out. Let it never be said that I'm completely sane. One hundred friggin' bleedin' sufferin' sucotash questions, and I answered them all for you, the little people. Well, okay, most of you are bigger than me, and could probably kick the hell out of me without much trouble, but dammit, it's just an expression. Leave me alone.

Anyhoo, that brings the 100-question weekend to a close, so send in the usual batch of questions, rants, raves, and panties at the usual address, and I'll give 'em a spin tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to have myself a hard belt of scotch, thank you kindly. Ciao.

- Allan Milligan, Double Agent, ceritifiable maniac and swingin' bachelor (hint hint, ladies :)