Let's keep it short and brutal.
For those just joining us, now would be a good time to check out yesterday's column, which is linked to in the blue panel to the right. Basically, I was sent a batch of one hundred letters by Jonathan Weng and I, being the idiot that I am, accepted the challenge to answer every single one of 'em as part of the Double Agent column, stretching over the course of this weekend. The first fifty questions and answers were posted last night, and the second fifty are right before your eyes.
Got it? Good. So let's have at it!
51. Who is Crono's father? (CT)
Mr. Domino. Nothing can resist Mr. Domino...
52. If Crono never feeds his cat, how does it manage to survive? (CT)
His mother feeds the cat. Duh.
53. What's the point of a giant cannon that can only face onedirection? (FF7)
For shooting down fat pigeons.
54. Why are the dwarves the BIGGEST people around? (FF4)
They eat hearty, down beneath the surface. You have to, if you drink lava to wash it down.
55. When Leviathan sank Cecil's ship, how did his people end up spreadout all over the world? (FF4)
Currents in the FF worlds run in radically different ways than they do on Earth. The area where the ship went down was a "current nexus", where several currents run out from. Each member of the party got caught in a different current, and was swept away in a different direction from the nexus point. There are several current nexii on the FF4 world, and it was just happy coincidence that the ship sank at one of them.
56. If Rosa could teleport the party out of the Tower of Zot afterdefeating Valvalis, then why couldn't she do it before? (FF4)
She could, but had lost the right to do so in an unseen game of strip poker with Valvalis. After Valvalis died, the fact that Rosa had lost the bet became moot, and she got them out of there right quick.
57. ?sdrawkcab klat smoorb lla od yhw (FF1)
Just to annoy you.
58. Why are there 3 towns on both sides of Coneria Castle, each townthe same as the other? (FF1)
It's all the same town, of course. It's simply that the tile-based engine didn't quite like the idea of creating a several-square town area, wrapped around the castle sprite, so they symbolized the area by having individual "town" squares".
59. How does a shark attack you on your ship, and how would you runfrom it? (FF1)
Watch Jaws for the answer to the first question. To run from it, you take a long, blunt pole, push the blasted thing off, then row as fast as you can.
60. Why does Stom get progressively weaker? (Crystalis)
He is overcome with jealousy over the size of your... sword, and can't bring himself to fight you any longer.
61. How does that man at the Jidoor auction house manage to afford topay 1,000,000 gp per model airship or robot imp? (FF6)
He's a crack dealer.
62. If Aeris can survive infinite hits from Cloud's sword and all youneed to do is use a phoenix down to bring her back, why does she diepermanently from one blow of Sephiroth's Masamune? (FF7)
Sephiroth lathered the blade with Aeris-Off before he made his big entrance. Kills good-natured half-Ancient Ones dead.
63. Why does Cid have to jump OFF his airship to throw a bomb? (FF4)
He doesn't throw the bomb. He holds it the entire time he's falling, and has to trigger it manually to ensure that it goes off at the proper time.
64. Why does the comet of Super Nova grow and shrink to fit the size ofthe planet it's destroying? (FF7)
Because it's made of elastic. Big, flaming, resilient elastic.
65. If you can't hold a metal sword equipped in the Dark Elf's magneticfield, why can you still hold one in your inventory? (FF4)
Because items in your inventory aren't in your dimension. The inventory screen is a representation of the storage inside a magic box that all FF characters carry with them, a magic box that connects to an alternate, storage dimension.
66. Why does a weapon disappear after you use it? (FF Legend)
It breaks. So you throw it away.
67. Who do monsters only sometimes leave meat? (FF Legend)
Sometimes they're diseased, or the way you kiled them has otherwise made the meat inedible. Games don't have much time for allowing you access to damaged goods. When you're trying to save the world, you don't carry around knickknacks.
68. Why do you have to buy and use up punches and kicks? (FF Legend)
I will never understand this. Ever. It's a stupid, illogical conceit of the game that I won't even try and justify with a bullshit answer. It's just stupid. Gah.
69. Why do animals that you beat carry money and items? (many RPGs)
Animals, unlike townspeople, understand the importance of your quests to save the world, and go to great lengths to make sure you are provided for appropriately, so you can succeed in your task. Therefore, they sneak into shops at night, stealing money and items, so that when they are slain by the righteous heroes, they will be giving not just their life for a good cause, but also a monetary contribution.
70. How do you carry houses and cabins around with you? (many FF games)
See the above answer about the Inventory Dimension. It is a large, but strange dimension, that can only allow the existence of 99 items of any one kind, but these items can be of any size, shape, or weight.
71. Since polygons minimize detail and are designed to operate in 3dimensions, why are they still used in the entirely 2 dimensional FortCondor battles? (FF7)
Because that's the style of FF7: polygon characters overlaid on 2D backgrounds. Switching that style in mid-game doesn't make a great deal of sense, to be honest.
72. Why do skeletons leave meat? (FF Legend)
It's called meat, but it's actually chewy and nutricious bone marrow.
73. Why is the World of Continent not pitch black, considering nosunlight could shine through the three worlds above it? (FF Legend)
The light of your glowing personality shines bright enough to illuminate it all.
74. Does anyone else think Final Fantasy Mystic Quest looks very SuperGame Boy? (FFMQ)
75. Why does everyone choose to be medieval when they HAVE thecapabilities of technology? (Crystalis)
They feel that technology is dangerous and corrupt, slowly making them complacent and weak, like Communists and other thugs. Consequently, they will usually choose to live in a simpler way, with fewer attachments to the material world, and more emphasis given to personal strength and skill. This is the only path to inner peace.
Go to the grand finale! Only 25 more to go! Go team!!