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26. What the HELL is an onionkid? (FF3)

Onionkids are the base class in FF3 (Japanese version, natch). They are so called because, like an onion, they have really bad skin that peels off really easily. Quite an incentive to change classes, isn't it?

27. WHY doesn't Square port all their games to America?

Because it wouldn't be financially feasible. If it came down to it, Square could probably hire enough translators to localize every game they produce. However, the cost would be high, and you know, not every Square game is a winner: Soukagi, for example, has been uniformly reamed in Japanese gaming magazines. Likewise, many games wouldn't do well in the US, regardless of Japanese success. Tokimeki Memorial is a massive hit for Konami in Japan, but it'd almost certainly flop in the US. Square could encounter the same problem with games like Another Mind. Bad sales are Bad, of course, so Square instead releases games that will probably turn a solid profit.

28. What is the point of knowing a character's blood type? (FF7)

The Japanese apparently place a great deal of importance on how blood type affects personality, apparently. Type O tend to be iconoclasts and legendary heroes, for example. I think they also do it just to confuse Americans.

29. How come Barret never runs out of ammunition? (FF7)

He uses Bad-Ass Brand (tm) bullets, which are roughly the size of a grain of sand apiece, but hit with the power of a falling anvil.

30. Who is Gogo, and why is he living inside a Zone Eater? (FF6)

Gogo is an expatriate member of Cirque du Soleil, who felt that his talents were going to waste at the circus. Furthermore, his health was failing, so he moved inside a Zone Eater for the waters. Of course, there are no waters inside a Zone Eater. He was misinformed.

31. How do they impose a handicap in the battle arena(and if Dio canhalve someone's HP and MP at will, then why doesn't HE go fight Sephiroth)? (FF7)

Dio is an immensely powerful entity. He is, however, a consummate slacker, and his powers diminish dramatically when he leaves his sanctum - in this case, the battle arena. If he could con Sephiroth into popping down for a turn in the arena, the world would be in safe hands, but Dio can only achieve these results within the arena's perimeter.

32. Considering its name, why is Ultimate Weapon so weak? (FF7)

It is the Ultimate Weapon. Well, in design, at least. Too bad it was built by the lowest bidder...

33. Why does the party not see what is behind the door in the Creator'sroom? (FFLegend)

Behind that door lies all the secrets of the universe. But, sort of like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, to look upon the true power and wisdom of the Creator will cause a normal person to melt like a candle. Would YOU want to see that happen to your party?

34. Why did they build the Death Star with such a glaring weak spot?(Star Wars)

The Death Star's original plans were in design for several weeks, until Darth Vader discovered that the design chief was, horror of horrors, not a caucasian male. He immediately discharged the designer from service in the Imperial forces, and as a result, the gaping flaw that later lead to the destruction of the Death Star was never noticed or dealt with. (Aside: name scenes in the Star Wars movies where non-white male Imperials are shown. Just try.)

35. Why do your fighters run wild and out of your control in theColosseum? (FF6)

Battle fever. They just can't keep it inside any longer. They've gotta fight all night, and party every day.

36. What kind of scores does that guy in Gold Saucer who's alwaysplaying G Bike get? (FF7)

Actually, he rarely scores any points at all. He's a shockingly bad player, but is too proud to ever let anyone realize this, so he keeps at it, in the hopes that he'll someday crack the top five scores.

37. Are there any nations in the world of Final Fantasy 7(you know,ones that might have armies to fight back against the Shinra)? (FF7)

Aside from the rebel force that's guarding Mount Condor, no.

38. How is Celes, a military general, able to sing well enough to foola crowd into thinking she's a famous opera singer? (FF6)

Celes is actually a well-known performer within the Empire, reknowned for her excellent singing voice and strong sense of lyric. Songs of hers such as "I'm a Slave to Gestahl's Love" and "Leafer Stew" are very popular in the Empire. She thinks opera is dry and dull, the musical style of the doddering and snotty, but is quite the pop diva.

39. If Deep Thought can look into the future, why doesn't it find outwhat answer it WILL get seven and a half million years later?(Hitchhiker's Guide)

Because Deep Thought doesn't *do* easy things like that. It does Deep Thoughts, hence the name. It's too easy.

40. How do dictionaries deal damage to enemies? (FFT)

The dictionaries are abnormally heavy, which means that the force required to pull them open is quite immense. The displacement of air caused by wrenching open the book causes a sort of vacuum "punch" to be created, which is what damages the target.

41. Scientists say the universe is expanding. How can an infiniteuniverse expand without room to expand to? (see: The Restaurant at theEnd of the Universe, chapter 19)

When necessary, it just borrows space from its Uncle Simon. No problem.

42. What do you get when you multiply six by nine? (see: The Restaurantat the End of the Universe, chapter 33)


43. If President Shinra's vacation home only costs 300,000 gil, whydoes it cost 200 to play an arcade game? (FF7)

Arcade games are a rare and expensive commodity in the FF7 world, and only the insanely rich can ever hope to play one. This is also why there's only one game manufacturer around: nobody plays 'em, so they don't make enough money to keep producing them.

44. Is there any child more rebellious than Relm? (FF6)

Of course. They're just rebellious in a less life-threatening way (i.e. deliberately playing where they're not supposed to, versus attacking a giant octopus with a paintbrush).

45. What's the point of the airport in Junon if there are no otherairports in the world? (FF7)

There are also small landing pads on the upper plates of Midgar, where you never get to travel during the game. The airport is there almost entirely for shuttle flights for Shinra officials. There are no passenger flights.

46. If the Enterprise boldly goes where no one has gone before, thenwhy are there people everywhere they go? (Star Trek)

They're *supposed* to go where no one has gone before. They try to do so. But it's kinda hard, apparently, so that's why it's their "ongoing" mission.

47. Why are there balloons on the way to Great Glacier? (FF7)

They're remnants of the legendary Ice Clown culture that once thrived in the northern reaches.

48. Why does Shinra even bother to hire MPs so weak they wouldn't be able to beat a few hopping rabbits up North? (FF7)

Because they don't need to beat on rabbits up North. They need to beat on civilians, which are considerably weaker than Northern rabbits, which were extensively experimented upon and genetically advanced by the Ice Clowns, eons ago.

49. Why do the Light Warriors have to buy potions one at a time? (FF1)

They're a bit slow. They've mastered how to say "Want Sword", but haven't quite figured out how to pluralize properly, the poor sods.

50. How do fighters manage to swing swords through thin air and dealdamage to enemies? (FF1-6)

Magic. If they can yell "Fire!" and something bursts into flames, they can sure as hell carry the impact of their weapons across a few measly feet, don't you think?

Tune in to Double Agent tomorrow for the heartstopping conclusion to our 100-question weekend extravaganza! Watch me as I take all comers in my Circle of One! Hoo-ah!

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