Boo.

Well, it's October 31st, Hallowe'en to you and me, and what does that mean? Well, for me, it means it's time to write a new column. Inventive, no?

For the record, no, I'm afraid I didn't go out trick-or-treating. I didn't crash a party and I didn't even hit the late show of Rocky Horror. No, this Double Agent made three critical errors in planning his All Hallow's Eve. First and foremost, I was hampered by my inability to find a decent-looking WW1-style gas mask to complete my costume. D'oh. Second, I discovered that when you rinse with Listerine, it's best to actually follow the instructions and NOT swallow it. Ech ech ech. And lastly, I failed to truly account for how goddamn lazy I am. Oh well. All the more time to devote to this column, right?

In GIA news, we're hard at work even now. Most of the team is hard at work developing the layout of the site, so J. Parish can do more of his graphic design thang. We've received a number of requests to join the team, and while we've got a full roster at the moment, we appreciate all the offers. Still, if you really want to help us, our only request is this: spread the word. Especially once we formally launch, but the more readers we get, the better off (and happier) we are. So tell your friends. Tell them about the speakiest gaming organization going. Tell them so I can stop plugging the site in the column, if for no other reason. ;)

Anyhow, for a site that doesn't exist, we had a decent passel of letters, including a missive from the one guy we all thought we'd escaped for good...

RPGMaster! returns You thoght you could escape me Mr. Milligan, fearing the fact I know morethan you...more than all of you! Well never, never. I don't understand whyeveryone is excited by the lousyest looking RPG ever Tales of Destiny.C'mon this is the playstation (I mean, it's not the N64, the best systemever but still good)! I mean we have games like FF7(No better RPG exists,ecept maby FFMQ, 'cAUSE 7 was too long) and Parisite Eve (Aya should havehad bigger breasts..ya!!!)! THere is no excuse for this. I mean what's agame if it does not look good. In short: ToD blows the pigs anus! Man!!!No what other game sucked more than your grandmother? Super Puzzle Fighter 2Turbo...don't even get me started on that. - You Friendly Neighborhood RpgMaster!

Well, RPGMaster!, it's certainly... um... interesting to hear from you. If the person who told him about GIA could please send me their name, home address, and physical description, it would be appreciated...

You know, I was going to chew RPGMaster! out for his little commentary, but somehow, it feels like kicking an infant poodle with leprosy using titanium-spiked boots: really messy, really degrading, and more trouble than it's worth. But never let it be said that I discriminate against letters from any quarter. Equal opportunity for everyone here at GIA.

I still can't believe anyone doesn't love Puzzle Fighter, though. Lunatic fringe indeed.

The Love Connection Hey Allan, I'm the greatest Pokemon player of all time. I've got MAD SKILLZ (hee), but I have a question for you.My friend says that that he can get a special Pokemon by connecting his GameBoy Pocket (only the red one) to his nipple. Is this true? I gotta collect 'em all. So is he right? - PokeGod

From Pokemon fever to Pokemon delirium. Man, this is a weird one. In any case, PokÚGod, the answer is a firm No. No Gameboy product of any kind will attach to anyone's nipples, much less pull game data out of it. Your friend is yanking your chain, big time.

RPG battle arena Welcome back into the seat of answering all those dumb-and-stupid-and-just-a-tad-better-then-my-dog-could-come-up-with letters (for RPG Master) and those very-interesting-challenging-questions-gosh-I-wish-I-had-a-printer-to-print-and-laminate-it-on-my-wall letters Agent Allan ;) Anyway, about that Slow-Poke gear stuff, of course the 2nd law of Anime tells that Mechs are the fastest thing on earth, but as much as I know, that law isn't always the case. If you take Escaflowne, in flight they are the fastest, I agree, but on foot, they barely can swing those swords around. They made the battles go faster for that reason, else it would take 3 episodes in real time ;) If you noticed, anything that can fly in Anime is always speeding at the speed of light anyway. As for the battle system, how much RPGs actually don't have two parties facing each others, looking at the other in the white of the eye waiting for their turn to attack like waiting for the green light before crossing the road. All of them as much as I saw, except Tales of Destiny, but that was a new system. Square always had "round-battles" in their RPGs. So, that's all for today. Cya around. - Gohan, kicking RPG Master in the butt for a mention in this letter.

Yeah, it's true, Escaflowne mecha tend to be pretty slow on the ground. They are, however, incessantly cool-looking, which makes up for their relatively tortoisey tendencies. I suppose the same argument can be made of the Gears in Xenogears: they're weighed down by the sheer weight of their coolness.

More seriously, you're right, combat in RPGs have long been a turn-based, polite affair. Tales of Destiny's battle system is great fun, yes. Parasite Eve's combats are fairly smooth-going, active affairs as well. By and large, though, the "taking turns at murder" method is still going strong. It's a staple of console RPG design, stretching back to good old Dragon Quest/Warrior numero uno. So, question of the day: where would you like to see RPG combat systems go in the future? Should they take a more strategy-oriented bent? A back-to-basics approach? Active battles, a la Tales of Destiny?

Is gameplay important? Hell yes. I'd like to point out something to you, and then ask for your (and anyreaders) opinion on it. Check out this survey that Square recentlytook, asking about what people's thought the most important part of agame was: http://www.squaresoft.com/results.html Do you know what the startling thing is? Gameplay only ranked firstin *one* genre: strategy. For EVERY other one, it was beat out byGRAPHICS. Is it just me, or is there something fatally wrong there? Ugh. I've long been trying to defend Square's 32-bit RPGs, sayingthat while they don't have the greatest gameplay, the rest of theexperience still makes them good (basically arguing that a game ismore than just gameplay, which has made me sort of unpopular incertain circles). I now take it all back; this is getting serious. While I think Square's type of games have a place, it would appear tobe that they are hurting the public's perception of the industry. You may say that I'm unfairly picking on one company, but it makessense that people who would take that survey would be Square fans. Anyway, enough of this rambling: I'd like someone ele's take on this. Oh, and by the way: glad to have you back in action. Stephen Keller and the evil gnomes that live in his head

I read, I saw, I cringed. I like nice graphics as much as the next guy, but the results of that poll are ridiculous. Graphics are nice, but do not make the game. The only saving grace of the poll is the strong showings for the importance of Story and Gameplay in the categories of RPGs and Strategy games, respectively. While I think graphics are given undue attention by too many gamers (and companies), it's nice to see that most RPG fans are there for the story, and strategy fans for the gameplay and replay value.

I do take issue with blaming all of this on Square. The prizing of graphics over all other aspects of gameplay is an old and tried fault in game players, and is neither exclusive to Square nor does it reflect very accurately on what they do. Simply put, there are idiot game players out there by the thousands who can and will buy games simply on the basis of pretty pixels. Just ignore them. I sincerely doubt these sorts of surveys have any impact on Square's development policies. Don't sweat it. They don't care, so why should we?

Gender gapAllan, Why are there, like, NO females working in GIA? It gives the impression that only guys enjoy gaming. while i admit that we females are quite lesser in number sitting in front of the PSX, engrossed in Final Fantasy (insert number here), we do exist. and as a matter of fact, a handful of us have net lives too, and we do try to make them as kickass as GIA =). In fact, i think my own letter has just inspired me...off i go to create GIA: the female version... hee hee! sincerely, Lorelai

No females working at GIA? Pshaw. Even discounting our undercover agents, there's always AK, right? More seriously, while we certainly acknowledge the female faction of RPG, strategy and puzzle game players, the lack of such on staff isn't a statement of any kind. This place came about as a result of some friends sitting around in an IRC channel and saying "Hey, let's make a site." Statistically, it was more likely that all of us would be male, but we weren't discriminatory by any means.

GIA: the female version? Well, hey, don't let me stop you. It'd be nice to see a *good* female-focused gaming site out there. Cough cough. :)

The color of virtue Being a student, I have long wanted a Grip so I could eat and play gamesat the same time, thus eliminating breaks in my gameplay. However, Inotice that more and more games for the PSX are using analog control. Doyou know if Ascii has any plans to make an analog Grip controller? --Nich Maragos

ASCII does not currently offer an analog Grip controller, and when asked, told me that an analog-compatible one was "under consideration." Short answer: don't expect one any time soon, but my guess is that they'll bring out one in time for FF8's release. If I hear anything more, I'll update y'all on the developments.

So another Double Agent column draws to a close. If your letter didn't make it into the column, expect a personal reply within the next few hours. In the meantime, feel free to ask me anything (any puzzle game questions?), hope you had a happy Halloween, and see you all tomorrow!

- Allan Milligan, Double Agent