Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Congratulations. You will have the honor of delivering the Easter eggs this year. Don't say we didn't warn you.

I find it amusing how schoolbuses and hazardous wastes require the same grade driver's license. However, since this promises to be a long night, I'm not gonna sit here wasting our mutual time with my private inner musings, so ... Enough talk -- have at you!

Squeezy cheese

Aah, the power of Erin... When exactly did the pun become so well-loved? It's a rarity for my local paper to go a day without a pun in the headline of some story on the front page. But we're not here to talk about newspapers, this is a gaming forum. We can still talk puns though. For instance, Xenogears, despite its often reading like an English as a Second Language textbook, had quite a lot of puns in it. Do you suppose Xenosaga will continue on with that tradition? I can already think of one pun for the game; the ships that carry your A.G.W.S.s around the galaxy could be called Baskets... And in case that one didn't leave you writhing mentally (or physically, depending on your tolerance for bad puns), I have the following. Cloud, in Kingdom Hearts, has that single bat wing. Does this make him a One-Winged Devil? "Veni veni veniras, ne me more facias. Sefiros! Cumulus!" Bart Double Agent girl This haiku says she is neat And she has some cheese

Ah, it pleases your worship to say so. I am but the poor Agency's officer; but truly, for mine own part, if had I all the cheese of a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of your worship.

But I hadn't thought of the One-Winged Devil thing.... clever boy. I lie, writhing and prone, before your superior puntastic intellect.

Michiru 120% Spoiler Fest! (FFX, FFVII, Paper Mario, L:SSSC and just about ever other RPG spoilers)

Funkmasta Erin, For this Free Topic Friday, I have not one, but two things to discuss. Both are rather longwinded (or, rather, I am), so bear with me. In Wednesday's column you, in one of your responses, mentioned an FFX spoiler. Of course, I have no truly practical qualms about this, as the entire game was ruined for me by a few fast-typing and loose-lipped morons in the PSO lobby. ...And I don't even have a PS2! Bah! Anyhow, the FFX spoiler isn't what's on my mind. You clearly marked that spoiler, but another quite large one went unchecked--your mention of Aerith's death in FFVII. Not that I don't know about that event too, even though I have not yet played the game. (Next on my list, right after Xenogears!) I think it's fair to assume why you didn't mark this spoiler: pretty much every RPG fan on the planet already knows about Aerith's untimely demise. The product of the Internet, I dare say. And, of course, it's easy to argue that if someone doesn't want to see such spoilers, they shouldn't be reading sites like the GIA. Yet you mark the FFX spoiler. Why? Is something considered more of a spoiler if it's from a newer game, and because (probably) less people have experienced it? I suppose so. But where do we draw the line? What IS considered a spoiler, anyway? You mentioned later on in that same column on Wednesday that Magus joins your party in Chrono Trigger. Again, like FFVII, this is a game that either everyone has played or everyone knows about, from beginning to end. What I mean is that it is possible, likely even, that a person could stumble upon that day's Double Agent, a person who has played FFX, and not Chrono Trigger. They could be shocked and amazed at the CT spoiler, but not bat an eyelash at the FFX one. So if you bother marking an FFX spoiler, shouldn't you mark them all? Or, as is more practical (and sane) in my eyes, shouldn't you just say the hell with marking any of them? After all, ANYTHING could be a spoiler. Is something a spoiler if you see it coming (i.e., it's incredibly obvious)? For example, anyone with eyes can see that Nash is going to turn traitor in Lunar Silver Star Story. But if I tell my friend who is about 10 hours into the game that this event occurs, is it spoiling anything? He's already being all weird and secretive with Royce. Even the most inane things could be spoilers. Take Paper Mario. Mario saves the Princess at the end. Spoiler? What if maybe, just maybe, I thought as I played through this game that, in the final confrontation with Bowser, Luigi (with evil dead eyes) would show up at Bowser's side, and there would be a bloody battle between brothers? And that Peach would throw herself in front of Luigi's deadly fireball, saving her moustached lover at the cost of her own life? If I truly believed that, then the ending of PM would be a major spoiler. Okay, so that would never, EVER happen. Except in my RPG cliché-addled imagination. ^_^ I don't mean this as an attack against the way you do things, Erin, I'm merely curious why "Tidus' ties to sin" is a spoiler and "Aerith's demise" isn't. Now onto topic two! I missed the earlier discussion of video game prices, so I'd like to say now that $50 doesn't seem like much for such, hell, religiously beautiful entertainment (at times). But how about paying $70? Lunar 2 EBC was my Christmas present from my boyfriend in December 2000. (By the way, it was supposed to be my early birthday present. That July. *smirk*) It was a feat to convince my boyfriend that the $70 price tag was justifiable, even for such a great RPG. Even barring all of WD's included goodies, I believed it was--God, I love Lunar. But the extras were that much more appealing. I'm a sucker for included game soundtracks, and I *do* wear Lucia's Pendant. But my boyfriend doesn't get it--he frowns on these kinds of extras, and particularly on WD's inclusion of them, when they don't offer an "extras-free" version. (Though they just released that LSSSC fan edition, so I suppose they made up for that one.) The imminent Arc the Lad Collection is another triumph in the WD Omake Era. Especially since they could probably justify the $70 or so, considering it IS four games. But the extras for this baby just blow me away. To the point of near hilarity. I mean, THUMB BUTTON COVERS?! So, I think these extras are more than great, and I love WD for shelling them out. But does the average gamer (or the average gamer that would buy Lunar or ATL in the first place) think the same way? Or are these extras (and the higher prices attached to them) unwelcome for most gamers? ~Michiru

As far as the spoiler matter, you pretty much nailed my policy with "Is something considered more of a spoiler if it's from a newer game, and because (probably) less people have experienced it?" FFVII's five years old, CT seven (how the time flies, eh?), while FFX has only been out a few months in the States, and hasn't even seen its PAL release yet. Springing spoilers on people for a game that's still forthcoming in much of the world is not only unfair -- it's out of the question: I'd be flamed into the Phantom Zone. DA's principal demographic, however, is RPG fanatics who've not only played every noteworthy game in the genre; they're particularly fond of dredging them up for allegorical purposes. Marking every single spoiler would be a massive exercise in futility, since it'd necessitate me marking up the better part of every column for a group of people who're already 99.9% aware of things like Aerith's death.

Regarding the omake matter.... As long as I'm not paying $50 extra just for thumb button covers, as far as I'm concerned it's all good.

You need a magical vacation...

Erin - The thought of yet another free topic day has me all gooey inside. Well, not really. But I am getting a little pissed at this general gaming slump the world seems to be in. I mean, nothing groundbreaking is coming out, and while I think I'm gonna pick up Maximo and Frequency (just to remix Fear Factory, something I've dreamed of for years...) there is nothing that really grabs me and slams me in front of the TV in the works. Even FFXI seems like an eh. Even though I am indeed going to buy it, just like a million other things. But dammit, I want the Lunar or Link to the Past feeling again. When a game takes you and forces you to keep playing, like a novel you can't put down, or a movie that you will not get up and go to the bathroom during, just because. Oh well, enough general ranting. I want Magical Vacation. It came out in Japan already, Nintendo PROMISED it to us, and yet, Secret of Mana 2...er...I mean Magical Vacation, seems to not be forthcoming. Now, I may have contradicted myself just there, but even though I want Magical Vacation, I don't think it's gonna be a crazed non-stop mad dash to beat it, just to see the story. I want one of THOSE again. Peace, Ray Stryker...would be appeased with Lunar Legend, Golden Sun 2, or a 4 player Bubble Bobble on GBA...

I'd been feeling l'ennui myself, Stryker, until GTA3 and Pikmin effectively reaffirmed that there was life in the industry yet. A veritable Mentos freshmaker after the fashion of Link to the Past (for me, in any case) Pikmin in particular reminded me that the trick bag isn't yet exhausted -- most assuredly, it has a long, exciting future of MP stealing ahead of it. Yes, there may be something of a lull at present, but c'mon. Nintendo's back in the game, Sony's still shacked up with Square, and MS has brought a whole new game to the court. Like so many little blacksmiths, I'm confident we'll all be singing Happy Days Are Here Again in the not-so-distant future.

I grieve

I feel like talking about what is, in my opinion, the most overrated of game "features" - New Game + (and all its varients). I've been wondering in silence for about seven years why it appeals to people, because I just don't get it. Well okay, I understand that some players enjoy New Game + simply because they like being godlike (the same type of people who get all their characters to level 99 with max stats). Okay, that's fair enough, tho I don't wanna be a diety. As for the other arguments I've heard... well, for those who want to experience the glorious plot again without going through any effort... well, what's the point of playing a game, then? I've been known to be moved by video game plots but let's face it, the vast majority of games are still paper-thin without the actual, ya know, gameplay to pad them out. Nothing kills the impact of a battle that's meant to be epic like winning it in one hit; most games are easy enough the first time. Then there are developers who stick extra shit into the game that can only be accessed using New Game +. Adding "replay value." I think it's a pretty feeble and, quite frankly, insulting way to try to get players to spend more time on their games. If a game is good, I'll replay it sometime. But I'm not particularly impressed by the cute little "secrets" that can only be unearthed by going through the same game you just played for an extra 5-10 hours. Memo to game developers: If it's really that special, put it in the game proper. Restricting access to special scenes and enemies and such only hurts your product, since players won't see it if they didn't like the game enough the first time to want to play it again with any vestige of challenge surgically removed. And while I'm ranting, I'd also appreciate it if people stopped making a big deal about "multiple endings" as seen in the Chrono games. Fighting the final enemy over and over at seemingly random times when it makes no sense plotwise to do so does not create "multiple endings." It creates fun, WaCkY little scenes where the designers get to show off how clever they are and how much random weird stuff they can come up with. Multiple endings are when the player's actions over a complete quest affect how things turn out. Most games not called Tactics Ogre don't have this (well, to be fair, Chrono Trigger's "main" ending did have a few significant variations). No, "multiple endings" are not an excuse for New Game +. -Toma Levine P.S. Totally random comment - I was browsing through the DA archives today, and just the links reminded me how Allan Milligan came up with some of the greatest column titles in recorded human history. "You're clever bastards, you are. Always stealing my cows." "In a perfect world, you'd be dead already." "Light and frisky, like a calico cat whose skeleton has been ripped out." I hope you don't mind if I go cry myself into a daze of nostalgia now.

Cry away; these hallowed halls themselves weep, unabashed, for their former master. And lemme tell you something -- along with the constant pings and rattles from the furnace, they've made it damned impossible for me to get any sleep.

I have to say that I largely agree with you on the matter of New Game+. When I've beaten a story-driven game, it is, as far as I'm concerned, over. Immediately starting the quest anew for a trifling handful of "extras" with a band of characters that can knock Magus' punk ass down with one whack is somehow cheapening to that initial sense of closure. I've never put more than 3 hours into a CT New Game + -- but interestingly enough, I have finished the game at least 3 times, lending weight to your argument that New Game + is not about to lure anyone into a second playthrough on its own merits.

A conspiracy unmasked

Erin, Many times in this column, the subject of Final Fantasy XI has been brought up. This is quite understandable, as the very nature of this game is bound to polarize the gaming community and set them at each other's throats. On one hand, you have those who believe that the entire online venture is ahuge mistake, that Final Fantasy is not suited for online play, and that the game is destined. Other gamers have decided to place their faith in Square and Sakaguchi, and eagerly look forward to an massive world filled with classic FF imagery. But now, we have learned that one of those classic images has been defiled. It is hard to imagine how the FFXI team, which also worked on FFIX, could show such little respect for the traditions of the FF series. While I believed that FFXI would succeed before, I now see that it is doomed to fail. For they have... http://www.thegia.com/psx2/ff11/media12/ff11cg04.jpg ...unmasked the Black Mages. Now, as you all know, the Black Mage has been a mysterious character since the very first Final Fantasy. They have appeared in all three previous incarnations of the Job System (FFIII, FFV, and FF Tactics). And in Final Fantasy IX, the return of the traditional Black Mage in the form of Vivi was one of the greatest moments in gaming history. But now, these little Taru-Tarus wear the striped pants, blue jacket, and pointed hats of the Black Mage, but their faces have not been shrouded in darkness! Their eyes do not glow yellow with their infinite power! They are abominations against the traditions of the FF series, and I am deeply ashamed with Square for doing such a thing. - Alexander Krizak, who plans on dressing up as a traditional Black Mage, going to Square's offices in Japan, and personally reminding them what a Black Mage is supposed to look like...

I got quite a few of these letters this week. I dunno what's more dismaying: the letters themselves or the fact that I anticipated them.

To begin with, it's one thing to hide the face of a black mage when they're being represented as some kind of otherworldly, separate species, but, what? Did you blink and miss Rydia, Lulu, the entire cast of FFVI? Implicitly human Black Mages have been free of the traditional trappings more often than not. Hell, you cite the first Final Fantasy as the canon that insists Black Mages must shroud their faces like so many Afghani women, and yet, after undergoing Bahamut's class change, not only is a Black Mage's face revealed, he ditches the striped pants, blue jacket, and pointed hat in favor of a dorky robe! BLASPHEMOUS.

I have no problem with Square mixing up the formula -- hell, I'm happy with what nods to the past they have included. When such a big-to-do is being made of a character's race and the uniqueness that race brings to an office as is the case with FFXI -- and more specifically, the Taru-taru -- it seems only natural to want to show off their distinctive facial attributes to help make their species' take on the Black Mage formula unique.

Guys. Don't be asinine.

Promoting pedophilia

Ahrnn, Seeing as I missed the boat on the topic the first time through, I'm going to attempt to convey my feelings on the "new look" for the Zelda series in as direct and concise a manner as possible. Imagine the male population's reaction if they released a new Tomb Raider in which Lara looked like this. In the world of "bish collectors" and piles upon piles of fictional crushes, I've only had one. Despite all the clamor about Sydney and Squall, the fine bishounen Link is the only one I deem worthy of a second glance. And maybe a third. Why must Miyamoto make me feel like a pedophile? --Kate Sith Duchess of Wee Ceramic Kittens trying very hard not to admit that those chubby Italians are starting to look pretty damn good...did I say that out loud?

Miyamoto's not trying to make you feel like a pedophile; he's trying to discourage the real-world trend of grade-school-age girls chasing after older men.

Let's face it, Eidos relied largely (and I do mean largely) on Lara's physical attributes to push Tomb Raider on its target audience, while Miyamoto's trying to maintain Zelda's cross-generational appeal, and hopefully bring some young blood into the fold.

Song of silence

Erin, I sent this indentical letter a while ago, but it was off topic at the time. Do I get another chance? :) Being a home theater geek, one of the things that caught my eye when reading a preview of FFX was that it supported Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound during FMV. This was not at all surprising- The previous two editions of FF supported the less-advanced but still amazing Dolby Surround, and home theater systems are selling like hotcakes. Sony has provided the hardware and marketing to push surround sound in gaming, and it only makes sense for top developers like Square to uzilite it in its flagship titles. So why is it that when I recieved my copy of FFX, no Dolby logo graced the cover or disc art? The instruction manual mentioned nothing of it either. Sure enough, when the FMV came on, impressive as it was, was certainly not in 5.1 audio. The feature had quietly been cut, with no fuss from anyone in the press. The Japanese version had support for it, I'm sure. So why would it have been changed at all? You guessed it: The english voiceovers. Perhaps it would take too much time to mix the voices into the soundscape. Unfortunatly that doesn't make sense when you consider that it was pushed forward twice, totalling two months that they could have had! Another theory is that Square EA didn't have the resources to work with Dolby Digital. The only other game they've done in 5.1 was The Bouncer, which was mixed in Japan, I believe. In any case, it was a major blow to surround sound fans. Even worse was that no one seemed to notice, maybe blind from the unexpected early arrival of the game. I hope that Square doesn't do that to their fans again, at least without an announcement of some sort. 5.1 is a very important feature on DVD movies, why shouldn't it be true of game software for consoles which support it? ~Alex M.

The prevailing theory here at the GIA is not that Square EA wasn't suitably equipped to work with Dolby Digital, but rather, that the 5.1 support (which was rather half-baked to begin with; limited not only to FMV, but FMV as replayed in Luca) was cut when people complained of the inconsistency.

Looks like Square showed their asses.

Hey you

OK, here's my beef. I'm about 25 hours into FFX, and I'm completely enamoured of it... except for one teeny-tiny thing that's really starting to grate on me the more I think about it. Where's Tidus? Oh, sure, you say, Tidus is...that...guy... who narrates the whole thing and who you play as, right? Wrong. That guy is just someone you give a name to. No one in the game ever refers to That Guy as Tidus. They usually call him "hey" or "you" or in extreme cases, "kid" or "newbie". Now, back in the day I could understand making people name their own heroes. Heck, back in the day, the heroes didn't even have those default names; they were just extensions of the player. But with the advent of FF6 and cohesive storylines in FF games, it was just ridiculous to keep that "name-your-character" thing. I could name my hero Kefka and nothing would be the matter with it. Even in CT... you could be hearing about Magus through the entire game, but once he joins your party, poof! His name's Bob! FFX is just plain ridiculous in this aspect... it means that no character can call Tidus by his real name. And many, many voiced conversations are stilted because of it. YO SQUARE! Time to wake up! Nobody *wants* to name these characters Bob any more. The same way Wakka and Lulu are their own person with their own personality, so's Tidus. You don't "play" him like you used to. Tidus is Tidus, not Bob. Let everyone else in the game admit that! In FF12 I will be looking forward to characters who can keep their own darn names! --Cidolfas, who strongly suspects that "whistle if you want me" scene with Yuna was largely because she didn't know his name.

I've little to say to this, because, on the one hand, I completely agree that the freedom to name a character, thus rendering his/her name unspeakable, is stupid, but on the other hand, I'm far too embarrased to confess that I'm still quite tickled with naming all the members of my party after talk show hosts.... Except for Magus, of course: Magus is Jimmy.

It's time for another Good Idea, Bad Idea

Good idea: Making the X-Box's controller smaller: http://www.thegia.com/news/0202/n22a/xbox07.jpg Bad idea: Putting your *signature* on a keychain (especially when your savings account has more 0's and 1's than the internet): http://www.thegia.com/news/0202/n22a.html I'll admit though, the Japanese X-Box LE looks pretty cool... DarkTetsuya

You don't think anyone could bear Mr. Gates enough ill will to try forging essential documents with a token of his very love, do you...?

Those Japanese controllers look mightily good to me -- I breathed quite the sigh of relief when NCSE's report that all Xbox peripherals would have a USB ID making them region-specific was amended to exclude the markedly more wieldy joypads.

All in all, the Xbox seems to have made a pretty good showing on exotic shores ... score one for the Americans.

Itemize it why don'tcha

Mehlos-san, I hope you have your spoiler tags ready, 'cause this letter is loaded. Not to beat an unsent horse here, but I'm writing in about FFX2. More specifically, this is a list of points to consider when imagining what the game may hold. So, here goes: 1---The characters will start off weak. We have precedence for this, as Auron, Lulu and Wakka have all made previous pilgramages, yet retained none of the talent they would have needed to survive a pilgramage. 2--With Lulu being pregnant, I hope we will not be seeing her in the field of combat. It is too easy to lose a child while saving the world. 3---Auron has been sent to the farplane. Unless they travel to the Farplane and retrieve him, he should also be absent from the party. 4---Tidus may or may not return to the party. No matter who's holding him or why, I'm sure they can probably rescue him early in the game, but it all depends on whether he has been brought back as a human or as the aeon, Zanarkand. 5---New playable characters should be introduced. Hopefully, they would be characters we already know, such as Shelinda, Gatta, or Jecht. Personally, I'm hoping for a guado. 6---Yu Yevon's destruction freed the unsent Jecht from being Sin. He could easily return to life. 7---Keep in mind that Tidus knew nothing of the war the real Zanarkand was involved in 1000 years ago. Nobody in-game thinks this is odd, but it is because the Zanarkand Aeon, of which Tidus and Jecht were parts, was modeled into a peaceful version. Never forget that Tidus is NOT from Zanarkand, but rather the Zanarkand Aeon. 8---Remember that pillar of water that had something to do with the Zanarkand Aeon? Well, there were other such pillars in the Farplane. This suggests a greater connection, and the idea that Auron entered the Zanarkand Aeon via Guadosalam. Expect to travel within the Farplane, which may even turn out to be vast. And of course, the guado will have something to do with it, (they can "smell" the Farplane, after all...that has to mean something). 9---Spira might also be an Aeon...this is not hinted at, but would seem an obvious plot-twist. 10---The mystery of the pyreflies will almost assuredly be near the center of the plot, as will the Farplane, spheres, and probably the guado, as well as the good ol' aeons. 11---As for a villain, there are few existing characters who could fill Yu's evil shoes, unless a character turns out completely different than when we saw them in the first game. The people holding Tidus might not even be evil, as far as we know. 12---Nobody, not even Wakka, knows how Lulu animates her dolls. Expect this power of hers to become a plot point. 13---At least all of the aeons which were bound to Yu Yevon at the time of his final death have lost their fayths. New fayths might be able to replace them, but I like to think that this wouldn't work, as the individual fayth's psyche determines the makeup of the aeon, so a new fayth would become a new different aeon. There have to be other aeons out there. It doesn't seem very difficult to become one. Perhaps we could see some old favorites that didn't make a showing the first time, such as Odin or Leviathan, (to be honest, the lack of a water-elemental aeon disappointed me); I think Chappu would be a perfect Leviathan, myself. 14---If Yuna does not seek out other aeons, which is possible considering what she's been through, she may take up another class. With Lulu carrying a child, Yuna would be well-suited to become the next black mage. 15---Yuna will probably be seen in a blitz sphere at some point. She is learning to hold her breath, and blitz is the best reason for that. 16---For those of you who still doubt that FFX will have a direct sequel, your evidence is on the start-up screen: "FFX Project: 1999-2002." Shipment and translation do not usually count as part of a videogame project, and neither would the International version. The team has admitted to still being at work, but, oh gee, I wonder on what, hmm? 17---The first game hinted at a fifth element: Holy. It existed in one spell, but was never listed as an element, although it did count as one, (use it against a Wraith and you'll see what I mean). To keep things fresh, Holy and Dark could be introduced as a new pair of elements. Earth and Wind wouldn't hurt to be added either, but they have not been hinted at. Maybe we'll see Alexander and a truly Dark Aeon, (I haven't checked this out yet, but if anything in the first game had the Dark elemental attribute, it would be Anima)? 18---The Sphere grid will not only look different, but the paths of the returning characters will not necessarily contain the same abilities they once did. For example: Seymour's ability to cast a spell on all targets, (which could be a Special like Doublecast, or new versions of the spells), and Belgemina's ability to heal aeons, (which could be a spell, but would probably be an item such as FFVIII's G-Items). 19---Didn't you think it was odd that the first game only had three explorable towns? It would be an obvious step to introduce more locations. Make time in your vacation itineraries for Zanarkand and Bevelle, folks, as well as some new locations. 20---Equipment will be downgraded alongside S.Levels. The Celestial Weapons will most likely still be in your posession, but get ready to earn a third item to recharge them again. Naturally, there will be a convenient plot point about that plant in Macalania losing its power or something like that, to keep you from starting off with a fully charged Caladbolg. ...Sorry, but I have to stop here. I don't turn 21 until late June. ~Beowulf_VII ~Live and Let Live

I figured enough time and thought went into this that it deserved to see print....

Qtip sold separately

...Is there a 'Super GBA' converter type thing yet? You know, play GBA games on a *TV*? Say yes. Please say yes. Lie to me, Erin, whisper bitter sweet falsities in my tender ear. ~Ian P.

Thankfully, I don't have to get anywhere near your tender ear -- the existence of such a device lets me off the hook. The going rate of these gadgets is pretty steep -- but none so steep as trying to bribe an agent of the GIA to attempt ripping off a WideBoy AGB for you at the next E3.

Qtip sold separately

Erin - Something that's been on my mind for a while about video games. We have games spanning all sorts of genres, but one which is severely overlooked time and again is humor. When was the last time you played a *funny* video game? Sure there are exceptions like Incredible Crisis, and that's not to say that there aren't jokes in any RPGs, but, I haven't seen a game which is truly funny, from start to finish, like a movie would be. True, we don't want games to be more like movies, but that doesn't mean that we can't have any really funny games, right? Something I'd love to see is a parody of a game, like a Mel Brooks movie. How about a parody of the Final Fantasy series? I mean, there's enough material there to work with... what do you think? --Brian W.

I think Drew can deal with it.

Closing Comments:

Game history is not without its parodies -- the likes of "Pyst" have merely proven them to be a less than successful venture. Then again, the likes of "Pyst" weren't exactly the pinnacle of craftsmanship.

I hereby commit this conundrum -- as well as your very welfare, readers -- to Cozy's capable hands. Let him know if you think this industry is ripe for the satirizing ... or perfectly capable of making a fool of itself.

- Erin Mehlos