Double Agent
U Rappin' Awful - January 31, 2002 - Erin Mehlos

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Milkyway Midnight is like dark, sweet love. Don't say we didn't warn you.

This edition of DA, I'd say, is the worst I've ever done, and though I may lack clairvoyence, I'd put money on its defending that title for many months to come.

Let's just get it over with....

Bustin' rhymes and dis'in' heads

Parrapa is a game that changed the way we play,
Make fun of it my friend and you'll go astray,
That little guy knows how to bust a rhyme,
Disrespect his skills and your commitin a crime,
Let the guy flow, for he knows what he's doing.
How about a kick or a punch to respond to your booing,
So keep making fun and soon some day you'll see,
You'll say, "Hey man, Parappa's cooler than me."

MC Kramer-"Bustin Rymes like there's no tommorow, because if theres no tommorow they can't make fun of you "

PaRappa does deserve its props for more or less defining the rhythm genre. It paved the way for the likes of Samba de Amigo, Dance Dance Revolution, Gitaroo Man, and Rez. We owe PaRappa. But it must be recognized that he's been eclipsed by his progeny. And so, I'm sorry to have to be the one to break this to you, but I'd say that by virtue of my getting ... oh ... 3 on-topic letters today, the little guy is as good as disrespected. But, hey, if you want it more plainly, here's someone who can put it to you in your language of choice:

Get down with your bad games


Since this is all about Parappa and stuff, I figured I'd give you my input in the form of a rap. Also, its like almost 3 in the morning, so I'm REALLY bored.

*cues lame rapping beat noise*
Uh, uh, oh yeah! Central-side in the hizouse!!!!!!
*cue audience screaming*
DJ Twinkerbell's going to tell you what the dealy is yo. Awwwwwwwwwwww yeah...

There's a new sequel going down in the streets
Parappa wants you to groove to new funky beats.
Like a bad addiction, I come back for more
But I didnt know what was in store.

What good is a music game when it sucks
And not the good kind of sucks, its the
L to the izame, B to the izad kind of sucks.
Oh yeah, it sucks.

Characters being bland,
Same control in hand,
I wanna pop a cap in its face,
Puppy-bits all over the place.

The music is maddening,
Sometimes saddening,
Rarely gladdening,
Mostly baddening.

Parappa's gone and done me wrong,
Has to face the rap, my crappy song.
Pup won't get my Benjamins, no way.
Screw him, there's Rez to play.

I'm out, yo. Peace and word.
*fade lame rapping beat noise*
*fade audience screaming*

Did I mention it's almost 3 in the morning?

-Shane, ever so sorry he did this

Well, I suppose there's little I can say to this that Stryker can't say in fewer words....

The hell indeed

Erin -

The hell are you devoting a day to PaRappa 2 anyway? I mean, the first one was mad cool, but the second is apparently not different enough to matter.


Ray, he don't believe, but he used to love him some DDR..

I find a certain irony in a bunch of RPG fans decrying a game for failure to revolutionize. I mean, seriously, guys. We played DWVII. Hell. We liked DWVII. And I cannot think of a single element of DWVII that wasn't in some way hackneyed or regurgitated; entirely old hat. Very like our much-maligned friend PaRappa here played an integral role in the evolution and popularization of the rhythm genre, DW played an integral role in the evolution and popularization of the console RPG. Over a decade later, DW is still going strong with relatively little innovation.

I guess part of the reason I assigned this topic was I wanted your opinions as to why a lack of innovation is positively damning (there's diction you don't see often) in some genres, and "nostalgic" in others. But, well. What can you do.

Waiter ... a little love for the EU table, please?

Dear Erin.

I know this is a Parappa column, but as I will not be able to buy it here in Sweden for a few months, I canīt really comment on it. And thatīs the issue I wanted to adress, someone wrote in about the Chrono series (which you could import if you were able to pay around 70$ for it.) He said something along the lines that Konami at least treats Europe with respect. I found out today that the release for MGS2 has been pushed back to march 8th in Europe and to compensate for that, they are going to send an extra DVD with a making of and other stuff. Thatīs good public relations in my book.

And now that FFX is coming out in june(!) I realise that the FFs, SaGa2 and Front Mission 3 were almost the only games we got from Square during the PSX era.

While Konami arenīt as big a company as Square, they know how to treat their customers with respect, or maybe thatīs the reason.

/ Forklift Onion

ps. excuse the bad grammar.

Dear Ms. Erin

this has nothing to do with the topic but after reading the last e-mail about the Chrono Break speculations I feel that it must be said...


it brings tears to my eyes to see that although you live in such blessed country (gaming-wise) you still remember that there are much less fortunate people in that "other" piece of land over the Atlantic.

I know the suffering that importing may cause. I had to import almost everything I've got, and that includes: a US Playstation 2 console, Final Fantasy X/IX/VIII, Metal Gear Solid 2, Devil May Cry, Chrono Cross, Xenogears and even a god damn Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within DVD!

and of course lets not forget that by importing you almost double the price for everything thanks to delivery and customs fees (for my latest importation I had to make a deal with the devil, get three bank loans and sell my cat to slavery just to make up for the costs)

maybe one day I'll immigrate to the land of the free but until then I, and all of my follow Europeans, salute you

Jordan Roffman, who's the #1 costumer at

Well... no problem.

Breaking tradition - or not

Erin -

As anyone who's ever played both Chrono Cross and Chrono Trigger can tell you, CC is Square's way of seeing just how many jaws could hit the floor at once. Everything that was known and loved about the CT world was burned away in the same wall of flame that engulfed Kid's drawings. Yeah… that was a surprise. So while the name of the next Chrono game may seem a bit odd, we should be thankful Square didn't decide to call it "Let's Fuck With You Again!" While CC was a great game, it rendered the world created in CT unusable in any future game. Thanks to the revelation of events at the end of CC, the timeline of the two games has become so complicated that any sequel wouldn't make sense. It seems a sure bet that Chrono Break will borrow a page out of the Final Fantasy playbook and create a whole new world and new characters.

As for why Square has copyrighted 'Chrono Brake' in Japan and 'Chrono Break' in the US, that's simple. In English, 'brake' just doesn't look as cool as 'break'. The word 'brake' might confuse people who haven't heard of Chrono Trigger (and believe me, they're out there) and get them to thinking Chrono 'Brake' is a racing game. It also might remind some PS2 gamers of the last racing game that was released by Square, Driving Emotion Type-S. And that's the last thing Square wants anyone to be reminded of. Plus, when it comes to the time continuum, brake and break mean similar things. Brake would be to stop the timeline, and break might mean to break the flow of time. When one looks at it that way, it seems that the newest installment of the Chrono cannon will be one that might involve actually stopping time.

Imagine the possibilities. Procrastination with none of the drawbacks.

Lazy Bastard

Dear Erin,

First off, sorry about the Eric thing last time. I just want to say I hope that they straiten out the Chrono Trigger story line. And if we are lucky they'll pull a Highlander. You know what a Highlander is in industry talk right? That's where everyone involved agrees to just forget the first sequel ever happened and moves on with the real story line. Sigh, oh well.

The neat thing about a franchise built on the concept of time travel without any regard for causality is that anything you might decide you dislike at a later time can be easily rectified. Talk about revisionist history.

If a herring....


Yesterday, Rob Silvers brought up an actually good point: how could Lavos evolve ape into man if man was already man? Well, I thought and thought until I turned something on and realized what the hell they were talking about in Chrono Cross. Evolution, for the most part, is not merely limited to obtaining opposable thumbs--we humans have evolved from the ancient times of the Romans to now, in that we have learned that there is quite a bit beyond the heavens and under our own skin. When they said that Lavos changed ape to man, what I believe they meant was that Lavos was like the "Forbidden Apple of Knowledge," giving humans the ability of higher thought (and thus ability to use magic).

Also, about the third installment, Chrono Break. The premise of this game may or may not have been explained in Chrono Cross; After reviving Kid, she recieves a letter from Lucca explaining that she always feared that someone from the future Crono and friends destroyed with Lavos would somehow come and kill them, taking revenge for all those lost in the future that never was. In other words: we never actually SAW Lynx kill Lucca, now did we?

-Lee, "Food for thought"

Lavos' alleged hand in the evolution of mankind could easily be taken to mean that it was responsible for the magic-using privileged power elite of Zeal.

Anyway.... your guess is as good as anyone else's as to how they may or may not tie Chrono Break into the fragmented events of CC.

Oh well

hey Erin,

you know, .hack kinda sounds like something that'd "blow gamers' minds" - at least in the sense that it's a fairly unique undertaking; and WD is rigged for anime voice acting far better than anybody else I can think of...


Dude--we gotta talk about this .hack thing.

I don't really get you're playing someone playing a game? Could be interesting...

Jackson, who hates suggesting topics but oh well

Look, this isn't the time or the place to discuss this....

Closing Comments:

... how about we do it tomorrow instead?

A lot of the GIA staff are pretty excited about .hack -- and pretty dejected about how slim the chances of it finding its way to North America look.

What are your initial impressions of this offline online RPG? Intrigued by the unorthodox concept and equally unorthodox presentation? Think something so reliant on separate media could ever set foot on American shores despite the obvious difficulty of a localization effort? If it did, would you shell out for a serialized game?

- Erin Mehlos

Recent Columns  
Double Agent Archives
.hack my box