Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. The best though, is your thoughtfulness to other furry friends and people, by picking up after me so that others don't have to see me do my duty. Don't say we didn't warn you.

I think I got more letters in response to this game-lending thing than I did from those wanting to heap their love/hate/indifference upon FFX yesterday, which I found somewhat surprising until I really stopped to consider what a topic of passion it really is: what could incense a gamer more than the wanton destruction of their collection?

Nonetheless, a few residual FFX-related items continued to trickle in, so we'll start there....

International panic

I saw this article at the GIA and I have some questions about it. I haven't bought FFX yet and it looks really cool so I'm dying to find out a few things. It says the English voice acting will be there but if you choose English voice acting, will that make everything else in english too? The article also mentions about the entire Japanese voice acting cast being interviewed. Does that have english subtitles? With all the other extra features I would be tempted to buy this, but if the answer to the first question is no then unfortanetly I'll have to try and wait for a FFX international stateside edition which I don't really see happening but would stupidly wait for just in case anyway. Pendy the DQ/DW guy http://dqnn.alefgard.com

There seems to be a lot of confusion and general hysteria surrounding the upcoming release of FFX International.

When I initially heard about the inclusion of the English voice acting, my response was "Well WTF? The single DVD prevented them from releasing a North American version with both Japanese and English VA, yet they've miraculously crammed both on there together for International? ' the hell is up with that?"

What's up with that, in fact, is this: FFX International features the English VA ONLY, subtitled in Japanese. Whether or not an option for English subtitling will be included I'm not wholly sure, but, despite the sphere grid's inclusion of English, unless you read Japanese, the game's not going to be any more use to you than the average import.

Just buy the damn English version already, Pendy. You know you want it.

Sterling Guado

So am I the only person who thinks Seymour's voice sounds like Winnie-the-Pooh? I keep expecting him to say, "Oh bother" every time I defeat him. Aside from that, and Blitzball and those damnable sphere puzzles, FFX is the class act yesterday's column portrayed it to be. It's made me such a happy little drooling fanboy. Wondering if Dark Flan really *is* edible, J. Parish jp@toastyfrog.com

"Seymour sounds like Kaa!" I sez to my friend. "Kaa?" he sez. "You know - Winnie the Pooh," I sez.

Believe it or no, the same had ocurred to me - they share a generally soft & phlegmmy vocal quality which, in both cases, successfully churns my stomach.

And for my part - I think "Dark Flan" simply refers to the fact that it's slathered in dark rum. So yeah, eminently edible, Rikku. Have a bite.

Candid dissatisfaction

I'd just like to point out to all those who made fun of Nintendo's GameCube with the old two button joke (Play and Win for those keeping score) that FFX might as well have been based off those two buttons. I'm only about an hour and a half in and I still don't know why they bothered putting the controller logo on the back of the case. You just don't particularly need it. So far the things it's asked me to do have been insulting at best and demeaning at worst. I sure as hell hope there's some gameplay in here somewhere. :P A lot of people seem to like FFX, so I'm assuming that these are the same people who thought that those old PC games which were just fmv driven choose your own adventure games were the best thing since sliced bread. Weren't RPGs suposed to be about immersing yourself in a world and choosing your destiny? I remember when non-linear plots were considered the ultimate goal for any gamer. What the hell happened? Did we all suddenly decide we needed a movie rather than a game? Perhaps my attention span isn't want it used to be... or perhaps I just can't force myself to drop the controller for 45 minutes while I *cough* play *cough* a game. *shrug* -A confused and disgruntled rpg fan

Inarguably the least interactive FF to date, I feel Square did what was necessary to tell the story they wanted to tell. Certainly not everyone's going to like it - but comparing it to the likes of Night Trap and Sewer Shark is going a bit far, I think - I personally resent the implication that I enjoyed such a universally crappy "genre." The Sphere Grid is a definite candidate, in my book, for the top spot in FF character customization, and the tag-team mode of battle a welcome departure from the traditional ATB. Far from overlooking gameplay, Square, in my opinion, is finally remembering they need to add it in somewhere, giving us a FF with characters we can not only customize, but care about. So ... ner.

Separation anxiety

Agent, I was forced to finish FFX last night after you announced yesterday's topic. I was kinda procrastinating because I really didn't want the game to end. I did finish but, unfortunately, I didn't finish in time to write you a letter. So, here's a belated take on FFX (and a little game lending story for good measure). With only a few exceptions, videogames have been pretty mediocre in the story department for the past couple...well, forever. Always sticking to tired cliches, game stories, for the most part, could not compare to great literary works such as Lord Of The Rings (the books: I've yet to see the movie). But I am speaking in the past tense for a reason: FFX is the first game to bring a tear (or two) to my eye upon its conclusion. I couldn't believe I didn't get a happily-ever-after ending. This is a videogame! What happened to the tired, cliched ending? I know its "just a game" but I actually feel like I lost a best friend. Even now. And It's been four hours since I completed the game. In sum, FFX illustrates how well a videogame can tell a story and, more fundamentally, convey a message. smorange, who lent out a "First Edition" copy of FF Tactics only to have it returned with an ugly green stripe down the side bearing the cryptic words: Greatest Hits.

I'm aching for a second playthrough already - four days after completing the game I still feel like something's missing in my life.

Oh, and about that copy of FFT ... you didn't lend it to Sarah, did you?

Hold your fire....

Only one... This isn't going to have as much resonance now as it would at this time last year, but maybe we can remember the days of old when games were unfindable etc. Somewhere around a year and a half or two years ago, a friend of mine happened to be rooming with a gamer who had much more money than I did and the collection to prove it. I made a perfect fangirl ass of myself every time I visited, trying not to drool too much on their rug. (Um...over the games, I mean.) Still, though I barely knew the guy, he was nice enough to lend me what was then a pure snot of a game to get a hold of: Final Fantasy Tactics. This, of course, was back when you had to cough up a couple major organs to get a copy of FFT on Ebay. So I borrowed, and I played, and for some unknown reason, perhaps fate cashing in for something I did terribly wrong in a previous life, I got frustrated at the beginning of the learning curve and stopped playing not too far into the game. And didn't return it right away. Not good in itself, but I also left it in our basement's rec room area for a couple of weeks. Where, to my utter horror, someone in the house managed to spill something - something orange and very sticky that apparently came in gallon jugs - over the open jewel case. (Actually, it was probably DayQuil. Not that that knowledge makes any difference.) So, I naturally panicked and spent a couple of hours being absolutely ridiculous, trying to clean off the case, insert, disc and instruction book. The case and disc were nicely washable. The instruction book and insert were not; even after sticking tissues between all the pages, they stayed wrinkled and orangish, and the back pages of the book started to grow some sort of black mildew. Quite nasty. Yes, the game would PLAY, but suffice to say the thought of returning it to Ubergamer in such a condition made me queasy. Being an utter coward, I didn't even return it in person. I wrote a sycophantic OhmyGodIcan'tbelievethisI'msosososososorry note and returned the game to my friend to return to her roommate for me. I never heard back, but no mysterious accidents befell me between that moment and the eventual rerelease of FFT as a Greatest Hit, so maybe all's well that ends well. (Or maybe that escapade with buying FFT for an exorbitant price just before its rerelease was announced was some sort of cosmic retribution. Who knows.) And that's my somewhat lame but still relevant story. Never lend me games. That is all. Sarah

I'm glad someone had the courage to own up to the other side of this issue - hopefully your anecdote inspires some sympathy among we wronged collectors; tempered the ire we harbor for those who've destroyed one of our precous gems in the past.

I know it's changed nothing for me - you returned my Zelda:LttP manuals & maps held together with Scotch tape, damn you, Sandi!

Gaming in the workplace

Erin, Here's a horror story for you. Long, long time ago in the days of NES I used to work with someone who had a Nintendo but didn't have that many games for it. We got to talking about our games. I lent 4 games to this woman. 4 games! Super Mario 3. Tetris. The Legend of Zelda. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. A few days after this she was fired. I never saw my games, or her, again. But I did, eventually, buy used copies of the games. And that is my horror story. AF

That was another fun thing friends tended to do with my stuff - leave it on the floor of Wal-Mart co-workers' cars....

Do you have any idea how high the employee turnover rate is at the average Wal-Mart?!

Trading post

Erin, Not too long ago I lent a mutual friend of mine my copy of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater (its condition almost new but played many a time), and he in-turn HIS a copy of SaGa Frontier 2 (which was in a blank CD case with not even an instruction manual). At first, I enjoyed the game on a... mild level. Then, when I started to get towards the end of the game, I started to hate the damn thing. Everything, from the horrific encounter rate, the unusually difficult monsters, the characters have little to no character development, the fact that combat uses range attacks but NOTHING MOVES... things like that. To make things worse, I never saw said mutual friend again. In other words: I traded Tony Hawk's Pro Skater for THIS. -Lee P.S. What? Rikku's breasts DO jiggle. Win a fight with her and see what I mean.

Sounds like you got shafted, my man.

Anyway... I guess I was too distracted by those bizarre hand gestures to pay attention elsewhere. Too bad I loaned someone FFX ... otherwise I could go see what you're on about.

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned

Fencing Maester Erin-- First off, I think Square is going to be with sony a long time? Why? Look at the Playstation "PS" logo. Flip it upside down. It looks like the Zanarkand Abes blitzball logo! Then look at the Playstation 2 green and blue LEDs when it's running: Yuna's eyes! But on topic: My worst loaning horror story is Jet Grind Radio. See, my little brother decided to land the game (which was mine) to his friend, which wouldn't have bothered me (would have printed the paperwork), IF HE HAD TOLD ME. Well after frantically searching for a month, the twerp comes over and I hear my brother yell "Don't let him see that you have his game!". So I grabbed my fencing foil and threatened the little bugger. I got it back, and threw it into the DC to finish the game (only a few levels left) and it didn't work. Well, I pulled it out and looked at the bottom..hahahahahahahaaa...I don't think anything could have saved that poor disc, the thing looked as if they used it as a base on baseball of something. Well, being the introvert I am, I didn't tell anybody, nor do anything, I figured I'd rent it or something later. In the end I bought it for $20 at best buy. Then they did it with Tomb Raider Chronicles, caught them before he got my FFIX and now have all my games in one holder hidden away from them. Hideko- "Super Fencing Male Daria" who thinks it's awesome that Erin fences..and needs to beat Jecht and the rest of the game before school starts.

Now it's my turn to fess up to my sins: I've done this to my sister. Loaned her games to my friends - yes, my friends, who - honest to God - left Wild Arms lay in a litter box for a month and may as well have put PaRappa's box through a wood-chipper for how many pieces I got it back in.

But I suppose that since I persuaded my friends to loan my sister, who returns anything remotely book-ish marinated in dog piss, their strategy guides, it's pretty even Steven.

"... tales of game lending woe and feline urination"

While I never had a friend actually wreck one of my games, I do have some bad stories in a similar area. The first one was in 7th grade. I lent my friend my copy of Wizards and Warriors for the NES (just the cart, not the box or book), and thought nothing of it, since we lent and borrowed all the time. Since we didn't live near each other, all our trading took place at school. Anyway, when he gave me back my game, I put it in my bag, and forgot about it. Now an important thing to know is our cheap ass school didn't have enough lockers, so some of us had to just use a coat rack in the back of a classroom (the school was in an old elementary building), with no locks or anything. Well, I got home that night, and my game wasn't in my bag. Never saw it again. And since it was in my control when it was stolen, I couldn't even blame my friend for losing it (I know for a fact he didn't take it). To this day I still have the box and instructions, but I never replaced the game. I did download a rom of it (which is legal, seeing as I own the game and never gave it away or sold it), but never really bothered to play it. My other story involves the same friend. I was spending the night at his house and as was usual I brought several games, systems, etc along to keep us occupied into the wee hours. I brought them over in a big travel type bag, and for the most part everything seemed alright. Unfortunately, at one point in the evening, we caught one of their family cats crawling around in the bag. Turns out he was also peeing. All that was ruined was my previously 'mint condition' Revenge of Shinobi box and instructions (not the game), as well as an Ultima book I brought along. Thank heavens my Genesis wasn't in the bag at the time. I did replace the book, but not the game. I sold the game years later to Funco or BRE or some other mail order used game buyer, cat-peed-on box and all. Let this be a lesson. Never leave an open bag in a house with a strange cat! -jd4 I think we all have tales of game lending woe and feline urination. Two sob stories from me, both involving someone borrowing something. I let my friend borrow the original Legacy of Kain from me after I had beaten it. He eagerly took it home. Then, three months later after annoying the hell out of him to have it back he brought it to school. I opened it up to have the instruction book fall out in three seperate pieces with tears and holes in it. What the hell? Was he attacked by a lion? Did he use my instruction book as a shield or something? And he was laughing as the thing fell to pieces. Thankfully the game was only mildly scratched. I really wanted to kill him. Next story involves my family "borrowing" my brothers cat. The cat is living with us until my brother can get an appartment where he can take it. Anyway, this feline monster has had it out for me since we took him in. The thing hates me and this really showed when he decided to take a piss on some of my boxes in my room. After college last year I had packed up my Saturn and put a bunch of games in a box. Well, I left this box of games in the corner of my room all folded up and nice with only a small crack in the top. A couple of days ago I stepped in my room and saw that the top of the box was completely soaked with piss. I opened it up to find that the cats smelly yellow urine had seeped into the cases of three of my games, Panzer Dragoon, Shining the Holy Ark, and my lovely LOVELY mint condition Panzer Dragoon Saga. AHHHH!!! I wanted to kill that damn cat. My mint condition Panzer Dragoon Saga.. RUINED. (I know this isn't a game lending horror story, but it still REALLY sucks). Anyway, I have a nice pointy spear-like stick with the cats name on it. He'll get what he deserves.

There was only one significant animal menace to game and/or game hardware at my parents' house: a runty cockatiel named Cybil, probably weighing in at well under 2 ounces.

And yet she's destroyed manuals, controllers... hell, probably even small towns ... through wanton chewing and defecation.

No more, though. My games have nothing to fear at the house these days save my "brother" - a blue heeler puppy too stupid to find its way out of a Piggly Wiggly bag - and my sister herself: last month Mom was kind enough to send Cybil home with us.

Now if only I could get the goddam bird to forget the Andy Griffith theme and pick up the Hymn of the Fayth....

Seeking recompense

Lending horror storys, eh? Well, one time I lent a copy of Castlevania SotN to a friend who, without permission, gave it a friend of his who the SOLD it. I was reasonably pissed, much more so when my friend refused to replace the game. Lucky for me, I eventually ran into a used copy (thought the disk skips). As for redemption, I stole Armored Core 2 from him, so it all works out. Well, except for those Trigun DVDs he owes me. That bastard. -Sideshow Jeff

They never replace them - even if you demand it of them.

Instead they just accuse you of being uptight, anal-retentive, etc., and choose to blissfully ignore what a powerful enemy they've just made....

Moving day

Erin- How about the time I lent my friend my beloved Secret of Mana cartridge, and then he promptly MOVED TO ANOTHER STATE a few weeks later. I'm sure it was really conspiracy to separate me and my SoM cart. - xmatt

Ah, reminds me of how I lost Soul Blazer....

'Twas a long time ago... I loaned it to my gamer uncle... who loaned it, in turn, to the people who lived downstairs, whoever the hell they might've been. And then ... they moved.

And it was years before I discovered eBay....

The cardinal rules

The cardinal rules of lending games: 1. Lend in a spare case. They don't need your manual. 2. Surpervise the lending if they can't afford to replace it. 3. Trade. If you can't get something that is either worthy to you or so worthy to them they fear when its gone, then proceed to Step 4. 4. Tell them to head to their local Blockbuster or equivalent. Really, if they can afford a PS2, but not a rental, and then can't keep your game in the same condition you lended it, you shouldn't even be thinking about letting it happen in the first place. KZ Agent Mehlos, Yes, I'm back. Closing the office for Xmas gave me almost two weeks of solid gaming (FFX and Wizardry 8). By the way, everyone who has been busy staring at Lulu's "assets" really needs to check some Wiz 8 screenshots. Trust me, it's hilarious. Anyways, the golden rule is: Never lend anyone anything you can't bear to lose. That's it. Why? Because even the most reliable, well-intentioned, good-hearted person will occasionally lose or destroy something, purely by accident. And if it's your stuff they destroy, you will hold it against them forever if it's something you liked. Or can't replace. Whatever. I mean, if your dog pissed all over your ICO manual, you'd have no one to blame but yourself, and that would suck, wouldn't it? Of course, there's the whole issue of why anyone would have a dog, but I'm not going there. Orin the Lawyer - Not to be confused with Auron, although it sounds the same, and we're both badasses

The bottom line tonight, I suppose, is simply not to lend your games to anyone - even nuns - because it'll inevitably end in heartbreak, bad blood and bitter words. And the spiral of death continues....

Closing Comments:

For tomorrow...

DWVII got unfortunately swept under the carpet in all of this, and I had briefly entertained the thought of making tomorrow its long-overdue day of reckoning, but on second thought, immediately following FFX may not be the ideal time. We must mourn, sirs - we must mourn!

It's been a few weeks since you've had a free topic day, guys, so in the time-honored tradition, make Friday your own, and hopefully we'll get to DW first thing next week.

-Erin Mehlos, not to be confused with a letters host too lazy to keep up with her own traditions....