Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. Everybody's working for the weekend. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Never have I spent before and, I hope, never will I spend again a day so utterly immersed in golfing. To avoid a bridal shower hosted at our house, I went for 18 holes at a local club, then 18 more holes of putt-putt, and finally an hour or two of watching the U.S Open. I hate golfing, really--it's too sedentary a sport even for a vidgame journalist like me--but the sheer magnitude of golf saturation was at least an interesting experience.

This has all been an effort to bring you the most shocking moment in Double Agent history: the column's first death arising from fatal ennui in the intro.

Oh, and by the way: because shocking moments tend to be plot-related, it goes without saying that there are spoilers in this column. Specifically, spoilers for Final Fantasy VII, Silent Hill, Final Fantasy IV (hey, there could be some people playing it for the first time in Chronicles), Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy Tactics, and most painful of all for me, Suikoden II. My own punishment for not playing the game by now, I guess. But first, a few loose ends.

You're right. Video games do of course have developed plots and characters, and there's a list as long as my lower intestine of games that would make excellent fodder for movies. Why, there's one coming out in just a few weeks--perhaps you may have heard of it.

Unfortunately, he's also right. The same movie I just mentioned, Final Fantasy, is by all accounts a gorgeous but dumbed-down, simplistic version of the games we all know and love. I was loath to take on this topic, even just for one letter, because I don't play the Tomb Raider games and have no intention of seeing the movie, but it's pretty clear to me that they're not playing it very close to the source material there either. I can barely believe I'm writing these words, but not even the Mortal Kombat movie's storyline was as bizarrely compelling as the games'. There's just something about a game to movie conversion that almost invariably makes the game come off badly in comparison, especially to a movie critic whose job description doesn't include knowledge of any movie's source material.

The problem isn't with the critic. It's that the movies just aren't good enough. When Tim Burton's Batman came along in '89, the comic saw unprecedented sales because there his interpretation of the idea was so well done that it made people want to go back and see the character in his "purest state," so to speak. I agree that Wilmington's comments may have been out of place and born partly of ignorance. But a Wing Commander or a Final Fantasy movie just doesn't do the basic job of making an outside audience care why someone thought it would be a good thing to adapt to another medium, and until we get a movie of that quality, we can't really point the fingers at the critics.

I don't know. Dollars to doughnuts it's not Square, since they're not in the business of manufacturing hardware, but I didn't come up with any information on who their partner is on this deal. Looks pretty chintzy to me, though, so my advice is not to worry too much about it.

I'm not sure what you're suggesting here, unless you're laying on the GameCube sarcasm pretty thick. Given that you specifically mention hooking a GBA up to a TV screen, next-generation consoles, and the like, I'll just assume that you are.

And in my opinion, the GBA sounds like actual music. But before you decide to trust me outright, bear in mind that I've had no problems with the screen or lighting either, though Circle of the Moon and Unlit Room are the only games I own.

Fulfilling someone's fantasy

Hmmm. Think Chris is just shy or...? ~Ian P. P.S. Most shocking moment in a video game? Hmm. Probably when Ashley Riot told me to stop staring at his ass.

Um. I'm going to answer some "shocking moments" letters now.

Got a lot of letters about the Aeris death, and I printed these two as a representative sampling because it was hands-down the most popular response as well as because it's a very touchy subject for me.

You see, I always sympathize just a tiny bit with people when they complain about no spoiler warnings. I first learned that Aeris died in FFVII several months before the game's American release, when IGNPSX (then known as PSX Power) used the phrase "Aeris resurrection rumors" as the headline for their letters column one day. Right there in the open on their index, without so much as a by-your-leave. So I spent all of disc one wondering, "Does it happen now? Is it now? Is it soon? When does she die, anyway?" which rather ruined the impact when Sephiroth finally did get around to it. Sigh.

You know, it occurs to me that a disturbing number of these shocking plot moments involve lethal-caliber violence towards women. Don't worry, I'm not about to go off and claim that video games in general are misogynist or anything ludicrous like that, but it makes you wonder. For example, one of my own most shocking moments is Sniper Wolf's ventilation of Meryl in MGS. It's a brutal scene, and I still wince even after playing the game some 17-odd times. But in that same game, Ocelot gets his hand unceremoniously lopped off--and while that's plenty shocking, it doesn't register as one of the most memorable things in the game for me. Is it because Ocelot's a villain, or because he's a guy? Just something to think about.

Good answer. Coincidentally, one of the two saved games that Square was letting people start off on at E3 was just before this very scene, so I got to see it complete with excellent new translation. And, showing I haven't gone soft yet, I managed to beat Golbez there with all of my party members alive.

But enough about Square RPGs. Next!

That's interesting. For some reason, I never picked up on Lisa actually being dead the whole time--I figured she just finally ran out of whatever medication she'd been taking to slow down her body's deterioration. Either way, watching her change into corpselike form was very, very disturbing indeed. I'm half wondering if one of those faceless nurses we see in the trailer isn't her.

Thought for the day: Dark Cloud is some sort of 3D Actraiser. Not as out-there as it sounds, really ...

Getting a PS2 on is nothing compared with turning it off. It drove me insane for a while, thinking I had to flip the switch in back of the unit, but it's a little-documented fact that holding down the reset button for a few seconds will cause the machine go to into sleep mode. Useful bit of information, that, and not enough people know it in my humble opinion.

Cool. I got my copy of Street Fighter II on SNES that way, many years ago. One of the more pleasant surprises on this list, to be sure.

This letter was my most shocking moment of DA today. I mean, I know there are shocking moments in games I haven't played, but I didn't ever think someone would send me one. That sort of thing is supposed to happen to other people, not me. Sniff.

Closing Comments:

I got into a debate today with fellow staffer Zak McClendon about whether or not there's such a thing as a totally unmarketable game. I said that Sony managed to convince everyone that PlayStation 2 was the system to get despite a weak launch lineup; he countered with Shin Megami Tensei PSX screenshots and pointed out no one but current MegaTen converts would buy a game that looked like that, no matter how good it was. So I leave it to you. Is marketing really all you need to sell a game and, more importantly, can you sell just about anything provided a good enough ad campaign? Email me and tell me what you think. (And here you thought you were going to get a Father's Day topic.)

-Nich Maragos, a demographic all his own