Double Agent
This just keeps getting worse - June 3, 2001 - Drew Cosner

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this column are those of the participants and the moderator, and do not neccessarily reflect those of the GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive material afoot. I'm going to get so much crap for the first 2 letters in this column. Don't say we didn't warn you.


Same disclaimer as the one in yesterday's intro applies. Tomorrow thar be finals, time is of the essence, blah blah blah.

This letter is crap because it doesn't have large breasts

Dear Drew, (Who is not the Drew who makes Lego porn, @ http://drew.corrupt.net ...or is he?) [I wish I'd thought of that brilliant idea myself, but no. -Drew]

Princess Jemmy compained that the characters in Xenosaga that we've seen so far all have unrealistically exaggerated figures, that would have to be acheived with surgery in real life. You replied "I prefer women who are hot in games to women who are not hot in games." So, you're saying that women are not hot unless they have breast implants? Did you, perchance, once work for a certain "gaming" publication that starts with "P" and ends with "CXL"? (Or possibly Incite?)

In all seriousness, there's really no reason to think that all female video game characters must have giant breasts unless you think: 1. All fictional women must be attractive.
2. Only women with giant breasts are attractive.

It's not as if the characters even need implants so that fans can make sexual comments about them. The common gaming rabble on the internet releases an inevitable barrage of sexual comments at every female video game character since Lara Croft*, even ones designed like Joanna Dark and Oni's protagonist, who are clearly not flaunted as sex objects. I'd cite examples of comments about those two, but I can't remember any, and I don't think I need to back up this point - it seems that the only game women that don't draw innuendo are the likes of Relm and Eiko, and that's because they're each not ten years old.

Anyway, I'm getting off topic, so I'll cut to the chase: Did you actually mean to say that women aren't attractive unless they have giant breasts? Also, you demand "hot" women in your games, but you sneer at the person who thinks Mario and Peach should "get it on" and call the idea immature? Would you think more highly of the concept if Peach was hotter? Do you "prefer" not to play Mario games, because the Princess doesn't have breasts like the Xenosaga women's?

I realize I'm being rather harsh and critical, but I've always found this column to be a refreshing break from the typical "I want the Tomb Raider nude code!!!!1" attitude of gamers on the web, and after the response to the "Mario and Peach" letter, the "hot women in games" comment struck me as rather hypocritical.

-Paul Segal

*Ok, I'll be fair. Unrealistically proportioned women go back at least to the Dark Queen from Battletoads who, ironically, is a Rare creation along with Joanna Dark.


This is the most critical letter I've gotten in a while, and I appreciate that. Good work, Paul. It's good to see some people can dissect my lame comments without resorting to calling me gay in capital letters.

Anyway, while there was definitely a strong "I'm tired and joking around" degree to my statement yesterday, I do stand by what I said. Both the male and female characters in games are intended to meet essentially universal ideals, and frankly that's fine with me. I've never been one to get all upset because the guys in underwear ads are "unrealistic" and all of that; that's why they're models and I'm not. Anybody who wants to devote enough time and money to working out, getting facial reconstructive surgery, etcetera can look as well, it's just that most people don't have that ambition in life, and that's just well and good. No need to get all indignant about the fact that other people out there who've made the sole focus in their life being attractive are, coincidentally, more attractive than you.

As for your Mario/Peach comments, I find the whole notion repugnant because they're highly stylized in a cartoon fashion. That's just unappealing in my book. And, honestly, the idea of seeing videogame characters nude also lacks any appeal for me. Even that kissing scene in the Spirits Within trailer struck me as a little, well, weird for whatever reasons. Something about it being CG, I dunno. (Oh, and by the by, that Mario/Peach letter was accidentally left in from a previous column. Oops.)

I guess what I'm saying is that while I'm not going to start the next Girls of XenoSaga shrine, I'm perfectly happy being pandered to; you're going to be looking at these characters for 40-200 hours, depending on whether the XenoSaga team goes with the same game time mentality this time around, so they may as well look nice. Games are all about being drawn into an idealistic world of adventure and non-everyday-suckitude, and idealized game characters are part and parcel to the gig. And to be honest, on another semi-related thought, I have to say that those XenoSaga characters are really kind of creepy looking, especially after seeing those pictures of the dolls in Chris's column the other day.

Finally, in light of characters like Lara Croft and Rynn, the girls in XenoSaga really aren't that bad. Or to put it in different language:

You gotta watch these letters from Satan

HAHAHAHAHA.... Xenosaga characters knockers arent big...

-Satan


You know what's great about Sundays? I can print stuff like this and it's Chris's problem.

Long time no see, Ian P.

"People around here would buy toilet paper with little crosses embroidered on it if they sold it."

Hmm. I'd buy that too, but for entirely different reasons.

~Ian P.


What? I don't know what you're trying to say, Ian. I don't get it.

The local majority

Drew,

I have to agree that for the majority, decisions as large as the ones you mentioned (segregation and women's suffrage) should be made on the national level. However, I feel that if one wants true change in the system, local government is the way to go. Our recent presidential election proved that to me. It's almost a chain of command, where you vote for the mayor or city council member whose politics you agree with the most, and if they get elected, they are more likely to help out those higher up on the chain with similar politics, and so forth. I'm not saying don't vote for the president, I'm just saying work for change in your hometown and you're more likely to see results.

Besides, if the system sucks that bad where you live, run for office. Jello Biafra did, and he almost made mayor of San Francisco (and if you don't know who that is, go whip yourself with a wet noodle).

-Banjax. If you were running for mayor, he'd vote for you.


I think that when it comes to making your voice heard, there's a lot to be said for local politicians. However, where actual policy is concerned, I still think that the national government is a necessary tool. Local politicians can and will reflect the ideas of the community, which is important, but when the community gets weird, we need the Supreme Court around to keep things in perspective.

And yes, I know who Jello Biafra is.

If only you could all be so considerate

Sir,

I was going to write a witty letter stating my view, but damnit guys, I don't want you to have to code HTML longer than you have to. Plus I'm sleepy.

I just think, screw medieval or futuristic; I want to see some more RPGs set in modern real-life locations like Parasite Eve. That'd be cool. If I'm gonna slay an ogre, and save a world, I think it'd feel a lot cooler if it was my own.

Mike Drucker


Yeah, I'm a fan of modern, real-world RPGs, as well. The only problem I have with them is the artificial limitations that need to be applied: if there was a game where you could go anywhere in the world and do anything, it would be about 3 million DVDs.

Probable misinformation #1

Hey Drew,

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to XenoSaga as well. XenoGears was one of the few games I've played, where several times I just had to drop the controller, and yell, "Now what the Hell does THAT mean!?"

I think people were upset about the original because they didn't beat it. I swear, even in the last scene, I was floored. I caught myself saying, "Ahh...so that's what the intro was about."

One thing I did notice about XenoSaga, was it's intricate, futuristic details. One of the sketches for a city looked gorgeous, with it's mesh of technology and steel. Not many games can capture the feeling of the future like Xenogears did...and I'm sure this one will follow suit.

And what's up with that Shion Uzuki? Same last name as the almighty Citan? I think not. I think it IS Citan :) So, he/she's some shape-shifting, genetically created creature...that would explain how he knew so much in Xenogears...he'd been around since the beginning. :P

Terminator


That's an interesting theory. I'm sure it will be circulating the Web like crazy soon enough. After all, Namco just said she wasn't related to Citan. Just glad to add fuel to an almost certainly erring fire.

Grunge is dead

Dear Drew,

Overall, I hope Xenosaga will usher in more futuristic RPGs. I've been a fan of RPGs as long as they can keep a good story (sorry, Final Fantasy VIII), and since Xenogears was such a blockbuster, innovative, and most importantly, FUN, title, I am looking forward to the sequel.

The only problem with things of that nature is the instant something becomes marketable, millions of cut rate clones will follow. One can compare this to the surge of Alternative "Grunge" Music in the early 1990s. Instant hit bands, such as Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, etc., became popular with their flagship albums and made the genre popular. Then, many clones, such as Candlebox, Blind Melon, Stone Temple Pilots, came in, with mixed success, though some thought of them as innovative. Then we had cute rate bands told to "make alternative grunge albums" in order to make money. Bands such as the Chainsaw Kittens and Dig come to mind.

The only thing I am worried about is if Xenosaga becomes popular, and maybe even Sega churns out a few Phantasy Star Games (finger crossed for that one), clone companies will flood the market. After all, every genre of games, from fighting to action to puzzle, has done this, with mixed results.

We'll have to wait to see what happens.

Charlie

P.S. Speaking of great game companies people ignored, Culture Brain comes to mind. Hell, they published "Magic of Scheherazade, a game with an Arabian setting featuring action AND RPG command battles, flying carpets, huge bosses, a robot professor named Gun Mecca, and had casinos when Nintendo was a bit hard about questionable content in games. Not a lot of companies can brag about that.


I can see where you're coming from, but I doubt that would happen, really. Futuristic RPGs have been around, and have been popular before. Games such as Final Fantasy VII and Shadowrun. However, the norm continues to be "dragons 'n knights," and as long as that's a quick-and-ready formula, companies will keep using it. It's going to take more than XenoSaga to change that fact.

Huh?

Drew,

You say that saying censorship is wrong is forcing your ideas on to other people, but isn't making a law for censorship the same thing? Even on a local level? And you say that since we can't have them have access to porn(the parents responsibility, in my opinion) that it is perfectly right for the government to censor violence, again, a parental responsibility. Wrong! Then you say, "Freedom is letting people make their own decisions, and if a particular city wants to outlaw violent games to minors who are we to stop them?", um......no....... Freedom is letting individuals make decisions for themselves and who or what they are responsible for, including children. Democracy isn't founded on freedom, I'm sorry to say. So there!

Noah, too cool and mature for a little message after his name.


This is an interesting rebuttal, save the fact that I didn't say any of those things. Let me use your same strategem: Remember when you were talking about how riding around on motorized stilts would be way faster than buying a car? You're such a moron.

Day 2: Fusion

To be honest, I always thought it was a little more reasonable that I just killed a dragon with a laser rifle then my a crummy dagger or sword.

-Sean


While this letter is obviously intended as a joke, it does raise an interesting point: whose to say a fusion isn't possible? Final Fantasy VII certainly pulled it off pretty well, I thought. You had your robotic bosses, your genetic munipulation, and dragons and swordplay all thrown in together. I'm totally down with that.

Probable misinformation #2

Dear GIA,

I was watching the Metal Gear Solid 2 Trailer and found something very interesting. One minute and thirty-six seconds into the movie it shows Snake walking down a hallway about to turn a corner. On the wall infront of him is the shadow of what appears Vulcan Raven, with his big gun from Metal Gear Solid. Am I the only one who sees this?

-The Kasier


I'm doing my best to propagate insane rumors today. So how about this theory, folks. Anyone? Anyone?

When technology and magic collide

Surprisingly, it was the futuristic aspects of Final Fantasy VI that first got me into RPGs. That tagline "When technology and magic collide" caught my eye and I decided to buy the game. I have worshiped Square ever since.

Don't get me wrong. I look forward to fantasy settings in games too (Vagrant Story comes to mind), but since I have always been a science geek, I have a special place in my heart for games that have computer networks and spaceships. In fact, I have to say my favorite RPG was Final Fantasy VII. Its amalgamation of magic and science really made it a memorable experience. (This is coming from a self-proclaimed "old-skool" gamer who played and relished FFVI, Chrono Trigger, and Secret of Mana.)

Lastly, some games have technology in them while still keeping with a "swords and sorcery" theme. Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross both had stories which revolved around scientific advancements (CT around time traveling machines, CC around the computer system FATE and Time Fortress Chronopolis) yet still had plenty of wizardry and impossibility. I haven't heard any complaints about either of these RPGs. Maybe if people looked at XenoSaga in the same light, they won't be so quick to dismiss it as a defilement of RPGdom.

-Amphitrion


Yup, I'd tend to agree. Although, since you got into RPGs with FFVII, the RPG intelligentsia dictates that I not respect your opinions. They're really overbearing sometimes.

Closing comments:

Okay, a lot of my arguments are weak and stupid because I'm so rushed. Sorry about that. But at least it gives you something to rant to Chris about. So go do that.

-Drew Cosner, cramming like man has rarely crammed before

 
Recent Columns  
06.02.01
06.01.01
05.31.01
Double Agent Archives
I contact the Agent because I'm a badass!