If you can figure out what this is for... -
April 27, 2001 - Chris Jones
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed
within this column are those of the participants and the
moderator, and do not necessarily reflect those of the
GIA. There is coarse language and potentially offensive
material afoot.
4x speedup on 4 processors, baby! Life is good.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
The column and the site have both gotten a fair amount of email lately about a 5 billion dollar lawsuit recently launched by family members of one of the Columbine victims. A lot of the letters have been well written, and the topic would seem to be a fertile one for the column, but I'm probably not going to do much discussion on it.
Basically, there's nothing to be gained from discussion at this point. There's solid scientific evidence suggesting that games are only influential if really little kids play a lot of really violent games - the more violent bits of FF7 probably didn't even register on the Columbine shooters. Very few people on this column will seriously claim otherwise, and while it's great to get self righteous and pissed off, it's better to get that way over something that actually could effect you.
And most importantly, this thing's only really dangerous if it gets attention. No attention, no media circus, no public outcry, no swayed jury, no chance in hell.
Onward.
| As the otaku say: baka! |
| Chris Jones
You'll probably get a lot of this but, your stupid. In the wizard
the game that barton played in the movie the Wizard with the power glove
was Rad Racer and not Super Mario Bros. Not that bad a blunder except
that Rad Racer was a early Square game. Pre-FF too. c'mon Chris your
better than that.
Chris Reed
BigBabyJesus and Dr. Gonzo in PSO
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Yep, I screwed up. As penance, I'll make myself watch the entirety of The Wizard this weekend. Still, having it come from someone who can't differentiate between your and you're eases the pain a bit... and as someone else wrote in, wasn't it actually Lucas who used the Power Glove?
| Shadow boxing |
| Hey CJ,
ON controllers (since I missed writing in last night), no one mentioned sidewinder. Not generally a console controller but still nice. The sidwinder pads, especially the models from 1-3 years ago, are quite good controllers, with usuable analog triggers, and a nice button placement, despite the 6-button weirdness used by sega since the 32X days. But they do grade the size of the buttons which is nice, and usually the 2 furthest left, a and x I believe, are not used so much as to be too big a problem. The legs for resting the hands are quite nice, but a bit lenghty. It is a nice confortable controller, and has served me well bleeming the heck outta my old bashed up copy of FFT. Nintendo though always seems to have the best design, especially the SNES pad which the PSX is based off of it seems. That little sucker was the best controller ever.
Also, in lieu of the power glove comments, what about that little laser screen to punch with that Nintendo had way back when? You could only use it for like 3 games but it was great! I mean, no where near the quality of the power glove, but still. You did little jabas and a laser sensed it and then translated it to a punch, after an abnormally slow waiting time and frequent misses, but if you box Mike Tyson yer not going to be all that accurate anyways! And the super scope was cool also. Any controller thats a bazooka no matter how pointless it is out of maybe 5 games, its a bazooka!! That deserves a mention!
Efrate, wondering if there are any other old Nintendo whores out there who still remember all this crap.
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I'm trying real hard to remember if it's a good thing or a bad thing that Nintendo-mania no longer rules the land, and companies can no longer make a fast buck by selling crazed preteens any piece of crap that looks or sounds vaguely "rad" and has something to do with Nintendo.
Probably a good thing.
| Realism I |
| Heya Chris,
This really doesn't have anything to do with controllers, but I felt the need to speak out about it, since it's been on my mind for a while now.
The characters in the FF Movie: am I the only one who doesn't like the designs? They're too realistic, too 'normal'. That's not what I want, and I have the feeling that's not what a lot of others want either. It's fine and good that Square has the capability to do this with their CG, but I look at it this way: if I wanted to see characters this realistic (not to mention starring in a plot that doesn't sound all that revolutionary), it could've been done with REAL actors. My point is, the real magic of making a CG movie like this is the fantasy element. Things you couldn't do in a normal movie with real actors. Colored hair, convincing magic spells, flawlessly beautiful men and women, that's the magic of CG.
I myself would've loved to see an FF Movie with just the CG quality and styling from FF8 - it looks 'realistic', but has enough imaginative styling to capture a sense of 'fantasy'. It takes you to a place you've never been before, to see things you've never seen before. However, as far as I can see, the FF Movie isn't showing anything style-wise that I haven't already seen in Aliens, Blade Runner, Terminator, or other movies in the same vein. In fact, the seemingly singular appeal of this movie is that it was all done in CG. Now, maybe I'm just off my rocker, but what reason is there for me to get excited about a CG movie that approaches the realism of real actors and has a seemingly 'standard sci-fi plot?' I'd be much more impressed with a fully-CG movie that took advantage of the capabilities for more imaginative purposes. Seeing characters that look so 'standard' and 'normal' really grates on me, especially when we've seen what Square is capable of with their in-game CG.
I like to read a book, play a game, watch an anime, see a movie, not to seek out re-hashed reality, but to immerse myself in non-reality. But it seems Square's servin' up a big helping of uninspired reality. Hope they don't choke on their own portions...
-- Tenken, currently hooked on 7 O'Clock News
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First off, from what I've seen there's plenty of stuff in the movie that couldn't be done in live action... at least, not as seamlessly.
Beyond that, it's just a difference of opinion that we see popping up again and again - some people dearly want fantasy situations, flashy designs, gloriously unrealistic plot twists, and some don't. It's not something that's going to be settled anytime soon, although I will point out that pure realism in CG is a worthy goal in and of itself, if only because it'll make the unrealism that much more powerful, in contrast.
| Realism II |
| Chris,
I know this is off subject, but my opinon on games and realism is that I
don't think they should always be realistic. I mean, I don't know about
anyone else out there, but when I read a novel or play a videogame I do it to
"lose" myself in said medium. I don't mind ultra-realistic games. But
sometimes I don't see the point that you are trying to make about them.
"Obviously that's the attraction for some people, but I'd have liked to see a
kid balance homework, a girlfriend, and slaying a dragon all before dinner."
Why? Homework? Girlfriend? (well this one I can see why...) If you want all
of this realistic stuff... then go out into the real world. Realistic
stories that common (i.e. someone having everyday problems in school and
such) get boring and tedious I feel. If something is realistic and sets
something fantasy-like or at the very least plausible but unlikely then you
have an interesting story in my opinon. In any sense, that's how I feel. It
may not be everyone's opinon but I felt it needed to be touched upon.
Milks
Hates Survivor and other "reality" shows... surprised?
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Look, I'm not trying to say that actually doing homework is necessary in a game, I'm just saying I'd like to see a little more of the mundane come in to games. It's no secret that I want games to have more artistic punch, and having realistic characters with realistic concerns is part of that. It's not so much that a hero has to be from the Jersey suburbs to be real, but anyone, anywhere, likely has to go through as much day to day crap as the rest of us. Taking note of that fact, even if just in passing, makes the extraordinary stuff that much more important when it does happen.
| More Power Glove stuff. |
| For shame, Chris!
Everyone who actually owned the sheath of joy that is the Power Glove
knows that it had a number of setting for controlling various games --
including Super Mario Bros.! Quoting from ye Holy Power Glove Manual:
PROGRAM 12
Use this program to play SUPER MARIO BROS. With the flick of a
finger, you can speed-up or slow-down Mario to meet the challenge.
To enter PROGRAM 12, press: (PROG) (1) (2) (ENTR) (ENTR)
Like NES
Command: Glove Moves:
Up Lift hand
Down Lower hand
Right Short right
Right hold Long right
Left Left
Left hold Hand further left
(A) Bend thumb
(B) Bend 1st finger
(B) + left or right (fast) Bend middle finger
Move Mario left or right slowly Bend last 3 fingers
I don't know about you, but I bent my middle finger quite a lot
when the Power Glove was involved.
- Che Fox
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Never actually having purchased a Power Glove, I had no idea it was set up like that. And intellectual curiosity aside, I'm now very happy I never did get one. Yeesh, what a pain in the ass.
| Old news, boss |
| Hey Chris,
I can't believe that nobody mentioned this about the Dreamcast's controllers in yesterday's column: THE CORD COMES OUT OF THE WRONG FREAKING SIDE!!!
Just thought I'd make sure this travesty was brought to light.
Vince XII, who thinks the Dreamcast VMU D-pad is the best game controller ever.
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Lots of people wrote in about that, but the fact in and of itself isn't that interesting. What did you think the cord clip on the underside of the expansion slos was there for, anyway? I doubled my cord back, clipped it in, never worried about it again. Simple.
| Pages of text |
| Especially the recent Dragon Warrior VII stuff has me wondering. What
exactly do they mean when they say "17,000 pages of text"? As it
normally might appear in a book? If so, what size book? Cheating like
with school papers; big font, size, triple spacing? Not to mention
whether the text is meant as the Japanese text or an estimation of how
it will end up translated. Anyone?
Joshua Slone
|
I have no idea, all I know is that I've been getting tons of email from people reminding me that I doubted DQ7 would ever be released in the US back in January. So to all concerned:
I was wrong.
But jeez, you'd think they'd be grateful, considering that nearly everything else I've said about the game has been wrong - by predicting that it wouldn't come out, I actually caused it to come out here!
What? Everybody needs their rationalizations...
Closing Comments:
Drew shows up tomorrow, so tell him all about DQ7. Or all about how irrational my stance on the game is. Hey, I'm a big guy, I can take it.
No, but seriously, I have no idea what that 17,000 pages of text thing means (I know it's a long game, but I didn't think it was that long) so anybody who can shed some light on the subject, feel free. Later, amigos.
Chris Jones, still wonders how DQ7 will play in a post-FFX world
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