The First Annual GOAL Awards

For

Outstanding Achievement in

The Field of

Finding Left-handed People!

Disclaimer: This award will not make you smarter, stronger, shinier, less hairy, and will probably not make you happier or more attractive to the opposite sex. Federal laws prohibit flying on an airline with the award, or setting it on fire near pregnant women. The award should not be used as a dietary supplement. Do not taunt the award, because it once killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.

It is my great pleasure to welcome [insert name here] to the Gamers Of America League, or GOAL. Here at GOAL our primary goal (ha-ha) is to recognize individualism and the unique achievements that separate the truly excellent from the merely good. And by correctly providing the most answers to my left handed trivia question, only [insert name here] has proven themselves worthy of entrance into GOAL. Truly, [insert name here] has shown a grasp of gaming knowledge that only one person and one person alone could possess, and [insert name here] has proven his/herself to be that person.

In honor of this momentous feat, it is my privilege to award [insert name here] the coveted title of "Gamer [insert letter here]". Our original intention was to provide the contest winner with an opportunity to select their own letter, but once [insert name here] proved themselves the winner, it became clear that only the letter [insert letter here] was appropriate for [insert name here]. [insert name here]'s distinct qualities match up perfectly with [insert name here], and it is not only inconceivable that any other letter besides [insert letter here] would have worked for [insert name here], but that we could have admitted anyone else other than [insert name here] to GOAL. This match is so unique, and [insert name here] so peerless, that he/she will likely be the only person admitted for the next decade to GOAL. All applications are appreciated, but truthfully, no one else really has the chance of matching up to [insert name here]. Gamer [insert letter here] may be the last of our breed. Thank you for your attention, ladies and gentlemen, and good night.

-Gamer X "welcome to the family!"