Rei and Momo: Who's on First?

[12.22.99] » by Fred Delles

Author's note: This idea came to me a couple of weeks ago, when I was listening to a couple of albums by the band "The Who". Right off the bat, I thought of a spinoff of the old Abbott & Costello classic "Who's on First?", and I then realized some wacky names: Watts from Secret of Mana, and Kid from Chrono Trigger. Then, the phrase "Who's on first, Watts' on second, and a Kid's on third" quickly came to my mind. Don't even ask how. No, The Who isn't from any RPG. But many other characters mentioned are! 8-)

The All-Stars vs. SeeD game at the Genmel Arena was a total sell-out. Over fifty thousand fans, all assorted through the RPG worlds, packed the massive stadium. It would be a major disaster if the refs screwed anything up. Many people had the same foresight as Rei, purchasing and bringing massive, rotten vegetables to chuck at the losers.

Momo stared at the program of the All-Stars vs. SeeD baseball game.

"Never heard of these all-stars. You've got the program; tell me the names of the players," Rei asked.

Momo adjusted her glasses and stared at the infield in the distance. She stared at the lead singer of The Who, Pete Townsend, who was the first baseman. She also noticed the dwarf Watts from the Mana World on second, and Kid, a lithe, pretty blonde female teenager from the Chrono Cross world on third.

"Um… a Who's on first, Watts' on second, and a Kid on third." Momo concluded.

"Well, who's on first?" Rei asked.

"Exactly!" Momo replied.

"Who!?"

"Who's on first, Rei!"

"Have you been sniffing wacko weed lately!? I asked you! What's the name of the first baseman!?"

"Watts' the name of the second baseman!"

"I asked you that! Stop acting like a damn kid!"

"She's on third!"

"I don't want to know who's on third!"

"Who's on first, dammit!"

"I ASKED you that friggin' question!"

"And I GAVE you the friggin' answer!"

"Stop kidding around!"

"Kid's on third!"

"What's the name of the kid!?"

"Watts is Watts and Kid is Kid! Don't confuse them, Rei!"

"You're really confusing ME, Momo! And I'll ask you again: Who's on first!?"

"Who!"

"AAAARGH! Who's the name of the first baseman!?"

"Just like I said: Who!"

"THE FIRST BASEMAN! Are you dense like the second Ryu!?"

"No, but I'm gonna bite your furry head right off if you keep asking me these stupid questions! Who's on first, Watts' on second, and a Kid's on third!"

"Can it, Momo. You're really starting to act like a little kid here!"

"Third base!"

"Third base!? What do you mean, 'third base!?'"

"Kid's on third, Rei!"

"The NAME of the kid, Momo!"

"Kid!"

"Kid is Kid!?"

"Yeah! The name of the kid on third base is Kid!"

"Now we're FINALLY getting somewhere!"

"Definitely!"

"Okay, I'll give you the question again: Who's on first!?"

"Who's on first, Rei!"

"What's…"

"Second base!"

"I wasn't ASKING for second!"

"Who's on first!"

"I ASKED you that!"

"The person on first is a Who, and the person on second is Watts!" Momo clarified.

Rei by far had reached the end of his rope over the conversation of the All-Stars in the field. "I still don't get it. We get dragged here, and we don't even know the people in the field! What's who? Some friggin' kid! She throws it to who? What gets it next? Some STUPID kid! Triple play! Inning over! Where's the nearest insane asylum?"

Momo digested all Rei's monologue. "Rei… that's the most intelligent thing you've said this entire game! No, really!"

"Aw, screw it," Rei snarled. "Gimme the name of that team's pitcher!"

"Silence!" Momo yelled, remembering Silence from the SaGa Frontier worlds.

"Don't shut ME up, Momo! You left the bazooka at home!"

"Silence is the pitcher!"

"Well, the pitcher seemed silent. Crono-like?"

"She is Silence!"

"Quit repeating what I said Daravon-style! I asked you for the pitcher's name!"

"Silence, Rei!"

"I'm not shutting up until you give me the pitcher's name!"

"I'm not TELLING you to shut up!"

"Then why do you keep telling me to shut up!?"

"I'm not, Rei! The pitcher's NAME is Silence!"

Rei paused. "…Yeah. Well, who's the team's catcher?"

"Guy."

"Who's the guy's name?"

"Who's on first, and Guy is Guy!"

"This is more complex than that damn Peco. Or maybe you didn't hear me. I'll ask again: What's the guy's name?"

"Watts is the dwarf's name!"

"A Dwarf? What's-"

"Second base!"

Rei's anger rose at a geometric rate. "Lemme ask that question AGAIN, Momo. Give me the name… of the guy who was the catcher! And if you don't, YOU are the one who will eat bazooka!"

"Guy! The name of the catcher is Guy!" Momo squealed.

Rei would rather get clobbered by Balio and Sunder than stand another minute of conversation with Momo. "…Yeah. I'm outta here. Call me when you want to be picked up. All that talk is making me go back to Wyndia for some grub," Rei stated. After stealing a hot dog from a vendor, he ran off.

"Grubb? Wasn't he the manager?" Momo said to herself. Luckily, Rei was long gone. (Note: Grubb is a character in the game Septerra Core. -Fred)