The Rain Never Touched Me

[08.21.01] » by Ersatz Sobriquet

The Devil loves me. He must. When I look back at my life, I see I've done so many wrongs. Killed so many people as if it were nothing. And I was never once caught. He must be watching over me. The Devil. How else would I have gotten away with such heinous crimes? But I don't want that anymore. I don't want such evil looking over me anymore.

I've lived a life of ignorance and ruthlessness. Whatever I ever wanted to do, I'd do it. If I wanted anything, I got it. Why? Cause when you're an assassin, you can do whatever you freakin' feel like. And trust me, I took that thought and ran with it.

And then, one day, I run into this kid. Who beats me. Me! I mean, I'm all powerful. No one ever came close to defeating me. No one. Six hunters once tried to collect a bounty on my head east of Treno, and they didn't come close to stopping me. If there was a way to capture the scene of how these

six young men went running around with these pitiful weapons trying to stop me, that would always bring a smile to my face. But this little punk. He stopped me! He actually beat me. I guess it was his heart more than anything that defeated me, as that knight puts it. His heart. Hah! That's bull.

So what am I supposed to do now? We're about to fight this nut case of a guy, somebody named Kuja. I personally think I could take him on by myself. But what does happy-go-lucky here want to do? Fight him as a group! Okay, I have to admit, the kid does somewhat have heart and all, but c'mon. These

evil guys go down so easily. I should know. You just gotta play it dirty and do what you have to do. Kick'em in the crotch if their a guy, pull their hair if their a girl. That was probably the reason I lost to that kid. I wasn't fighting the way I normally would in a match.

Heh. You know how it is. You do something for what seems like an eternity and you start to notice certain traits even before it becomes apparent to other people. So there I was, looking at this little runt standing in front of me holding a nice double edged dagger. Cute, I thought. Kid must have money to be able to have an expensive piece of weapon like that forged for him. I thought I could just toy around with this Zidane character. How many little runts like him did I knock with one blow before? But, I was going to be nice this time, you know. Let him get in a few quick blows... make him feel like he's doing something. Then, WHAM! Fool's on the ground looking up at me, wondering where his mommy went while I'm rummaging through his pockets, taking everything he's worth.

Heh. That's the way it was suppose to be. Suppose to be. Must of let him get in a few too many good hits in before I knew how much I was hurt. Guess that's my own fault on that one.

And what do I do after that? I actually agree to join this guy! Help the type of people I trip up for fun. I mean, look at these guys. This cook type... I don't know, thing walks around with it's tongue hanging out all day. The drool! It's sickening. And I hate it when whatever that thing agrees to what someone is saying. When it starts shaking it's head, drool fly's everywhere! I was about to do everyone a favor one day and put the slobber machine out it's misery, but I just saved the team from a Behemoth while we were at Memoria. The rush from that kill made me feel kinda good.

Then you have the knight guy and that rat thing. Don't even want to get into all of that. Bunch of toys, if you ask me. You tell them to jump, and they'll start suggesting heights that would be high enough. Why Zidane let that little kid with the flute tag along, I will never understand. And that other girl, that princess. Why is she even here? I would have sold her to some kind of pleasure joint a LONG time ago. If she thinks cutting her hair will banish her past and allow her to start anew, well she's been reading the wrong script. Zidane says he just want's to help her. Shoot. I think he just wants to be helped. That's why he shouldn't be in charge. He's still a kid. Too many times he let his emotions get the better of his judgement, something a leader should never do. And this rag-a-tag team he assembled is the worst. I'm still trying to figure out just why he let me live. I should be dead now. I think that would have been a whole lot better than being with these fools.

...There I go again. Why is everyone so evil to me? Why can't anyone be my friend? Or, should I say, why won't I let anyone be my friend? Even that girl, Anna that actually liked me about five years ago. Why didn't I ever let her get close to me? I always push. Never really letting things just... be.

Anna. I met her in a field close to Dali. She was a beautiful woman. Someone like her shouldn't even consider the thought of being with a assassin like me. Heck, she shouldn't think about being with an assassin, period! But, she saw something in me that she really liked. Something I'll never understand. I

should have stayed with her. I could have avoided living the life I'm living right now. But I knew I was going to bring trouble to Anna and her family if I stayed. It was so amazing that she wanted to be with me even though my past was so spotted with sores and welts.

I need to begin to understand that people are good again. Anna showed me that. But my past. It's hard to forget one's past. I was led to believe that I was evil. That people are evil. Which makes me sick, to think that there is something more, something different about life and about people that I

haven't truly known all my life. I've killed so many already, it's hard to imagine it being different. Screams are the only things I know is real anymore. The ambient sound a person makes as I puncture their flesh is the only real thing I can truly believe in.

I curse my parents for what they had done to me. I will never forgive them, and I am in no way sorry for what I did to them. They deserved to die. Especially the way I killed them. A little kid who just wanted some affection and love from two abusive parents isn't asking for too much. They never helped me. They never thought I was going to amount to anything in life. Curse them.

My whole life seemed like a big fluke. After I killed my parents, I had to run away from there. Didn't want anyone to know it was me. But he saw. This kid who lived down the road from us. I knew he was going to rat on me, too. He had to be quieted. Permanently. And from there, I had to continue to

cover my tracks until I became so good at what I did, I decided to do it for a living. Killing. The underworld pays big for "talent" like mine. How fast can you pull someone off the street in broad day light, stop their breathing and continue on like nothing happened, all under a minute? I know I can.

All those deaths up till now. I should be Death's personal sidekick. He probably considers me one, anyway. But being with these people who are all trying to find redemption in one case or another makes me think. What am I fighting for? To pay off a debt from a lost battle? Or trying to right all the wrongs from my past? Heh. What am I talking about? Being philosophical is not my thing. All I know now is winning this battle will look good for me. All the freaks chasing me will truly be fearful of me and might even quit. I could settle down. Start my life over again. Maybe even find Anna again. Start something up. Again.

Heh, heh… Hah, hah! Being with these people is starting to make me soft.

My life. My weird, nightmarish life. It's like being in a rainstorm. Everything that could and should go wrong... doesn't. Instead of it being cold and dark, it's warm and you could almost feel the sun on your skin. The wind that howls like there's no tomorrow isn't that loud. You see everyone

run for shelter from the rain. But me? I'm walking along, rain never touching me, actually avoiding me. It's like it's trying to help me do whatever I want to do, and hopes that I do it right. Do it right. Might as

well do it right. The rain won't avoid me forever.

Fin