Everything You Know

[05.01.01] » by Nik

I'm inspired to threaten him with words or violence but when I look at him I feel already gone, knowing this cup is filled with something not quite right, but it's right for us, right for him, and i'll drink I'll Drink the drink and proclaim that I have done my duty to husband and land

I'll hold the cup to my lips and my brain repulses, my nostrils protest, but I will drain every last bit and look unassuming when I drop to the floor

when I drop the cup

or will it roll from lifeless fingers my lifeless fingers once or twice entwined with his living strong long fingers

I've pressed them to my lips and shown more than decency at his request for purity and more than sparingly have I gone about the ways of a wife he wants me to be a mother not a wife so I try, I try and owain he tries so hard

No one knows the truth and the fact of arranged marriages and convenient walks with a stranger's strange father, the emperor, my own father all too pleased when the tie means land, more land, more crops, more money, no more dingy days for Mama and me, make Papa proud, darling. Make him proud and love this knight. Can you love this knight? I see the way you look at him, you hide your eyes and blush, you pretend that you aren't falling so hard

Fantastic demise this falling did do, it's poetic, I think. I have to do it that way, I have to do it his way. I love him and i know that this is right he doesn't love me and owain isn't his but he said do it do it and no one will talk no one will say we aren't in the afterglow of romantic union and no one will accuse me of having clockwork instead of heart and no one will accuse you of being unfaithful no one will know that owain and elayne and cyan are not truly a triangular system a woven web from three no we're not we're not family that won't be said it won't be said. everything you know is wrong about us or me or him or the golden sun son of mine (but not his) and here's elayne the Pretender and I'm good at these stories I live in them or lived in them until this opportunity of the Purple Potion, the elixir nectar or the ambrosia of the free and that's me I'm free or I will be you'll see.

This sensation is comic melting and I find a tiny spark of laughter crackling up my throat and I'm trying to roll my eyes to see it I can't see it my eyes are in the back of my head I see nothing, what does that mean? but it burns, it burns bright boiling blood and i smell ammonia and beside me some puddle of little boy so I'll tuck him into the bed, surprise, we're both dead

he's dead and I'm dying and we're pleased to meet you, O Royal Retainer, my sir, dare I try to run my weakening fingers through your raven locks? nay, nay, not you and i or you and me JUST ME it has always been JUST ME AGAINST YOU. the boy against the girl but you won you own my heart regardless of how stupid I was regardless to the fact that I knew it was suicide Guard My Heart protect it from whatever it has never gotten don't let the secret show drop me drop me drop it dropping my cup my cup my cup
my

Afterthought: the way Elayne (or Elaine) died in the game was sickening, and without the Wrexsoul adventure you'd never really know more than the fact that she died of poisoning, and that Cyan felt a little too responsible for what he had or hadn't been in her life.