He Might Have Been A Child

[03.17.01] » by Mike Brooke

            Two months had passed since that day. Vivi looked up at the starry sky, wondering where Zidane might be. He wondered, then, if Zidane was peeing under the same stars. Vivi chuckled at this thought.

            Two months had passed since the Lifa tree, and still no sign of Vivi's favorite person in the world. The little black mage had never lost faith that the blond haired scoundrel was alive out there. And Vivi also knew that Zidane would return sooner or later, and finally put a smile on Garnet's face.

            Vivi just wasn't sure he'd live to see it.

            The black mages back at the village had said that they 'stopped' after just a year or so. They stopped. Vivi had already far outlived what any of his kind, although there were a few of the newer ones left, living back at the village with the genomes. How long could Vivi really last? The little black mage would have frowned, if he had any real features, then. Would you have had the maturity to face and accept death at his age? How could you?

            Regardless, like the tick-tock-ticks of Uncle Cid's favorite pocket watch (which could be heard clearly from three full feet away) the days passed by, and Vivi was never sure when he would stop. When he would die.

            The little black mage (who felt old, that night) turned his head and saw Eiko standing beside him quietly, behaving with unusual patience. At first he was going to simply turn his head away and ignore the girl, but she looked him in the eyes, then. Few people ever did that, most children were too afraid (wouldn't you be?) of him (a smaller version of the monsters that had destroyed their city, their friends, their family) and his big sad yellow eyes that glowed like flashlights behind the brim of his hat. The adults, they were too tall for him. So it was odd for him, to be looked in the eyes.

And he said to Eiko, "Hi." He'd felt determined, at first, but trailed off slightly as any confidence he'd felt before slid right out of him and dissolved into the cool night air.

            "Cid says we oughtta go to bed," she said, in her motherly way.

            Both of these 'children' were far matured beyond the point where they needed to be reminded to go to bed, with the occasional exception of Eiko when she was too excited to know any better. Vivi knew this, and he sometimes resented the way people treated him like a child, just because he looked like one. In his lifespan, he was probably near the end. He was an old timer, already, and he even felt it occasionally.

            But it made Uncle Cid and Aunt Hilda feel a little better to do these little parental things, like bedtime reminders, so Vivi let them and felt better for it.

            Eiko took Vivi's hand, realizing he was too contemplative to go in to bed on his own. Vivi went with her, not really questioning why he was moving, his head turned so he could look out at the stars until he was pulled in and an attentive guard closed the door behind them.

            The guards didn't have much to do, anymore.

            Eiko lead tired little Vivi down the stairs, through the roomy halls, down the giant corridors, all on the way to Vivi's room. He'd been given the old guest room. He asked for it because he had memories there, memories of when they'd all been together, before the Lifa tree. The regent and his wife were waiting there, smiling warmly, waiting patiently to bid their little 'nephew' and Eiko a good night, and sweet dreams.

            Vivi was their 'nephew' because he was beyond the point where he needed or even wanted a mother and father. That was a phase of his life long gone by then. Besides, nobody could ever replace his Grandpa. Eiko didn't have something like 'uncle' or 'aunt' to call them yet, because she did need parents. She did want them. But she wasn't really comfortable yet with the idea of the regent and Hilda being her parents. She didn't call them mother or father yet.

            Hilda hugged Vivi and kissed him on the cheek. "Have a good night," she said.

            "And sweet dreams," her husband added.

            Vivi would have smiled, then. "You too," he said.

            Eiko grabbed him, then, and she squeezed the life out of that poor little black mage, giggling all the while. She kissed his cheek too, and said, "G'night Vivi! Seeya tomorrow." And she grinned, and let go, and blushed a little. Vivi would have smiled then, too.

            And Vivi told her, "I can't wait. Sweet dreams, Eiko."

            "C'mon, Cid, Hilda! Time for me to go to bed!" Eiko grabbed their hands and led them away, skipping.

            Vivi opened the door to his room, his room that was so very large and well furbished, and he walked up the low-but-elegant flight of stairs to his bed. He took off his hat and hung it on the headboard of his bed, then changed into a large tunic as his nightgown, folding his clothing neatly and placing them beside the door for the maid to get in the morning. He scurried back up the stairs and jumped into bed, climbing under the many sheets and blankets that had been lying perfectly on the bed. This was truly climbing, too, because he was sleeping in Lindblum castle, where all the beds were so comfortable that you could lay down in one and never even think to get up, even if Gaia were to shake itself to pieces beneath you.

            Vivi closely clutched one of the giant red pillows and resolved himself to sleeping. But he couldn't, not really, so he spent half an hour just staring at nothing (the room had no windows) and wishing he could sleep, or that he would think of what he needed to do so badly that it kept him awake.

            Vivi's door opened without a sound, but he had been looking at it, so Eiko's efforts at stealth were all for naught. Slowly and apparently unaware that she'd been seen, Eiko gently closed the door behind her. She crept in and up the stairs, fighting a giggle as she reached the top.

            "Hi, Eiko," said Vivi, not showing a single hint of being tired. "What're you doing here?"

            "Silly, I've come to sleep here. I couldn't sleep, and I figured you probably wouldn't be able to either, so…here I am! Maybe it'll help to have somebody else, huh?"

            "Maybe," said Vivi, softly. He was a little embarrassed when she climbed into the bed with him, and it almost seemed perverse. When it came down to what mattered, he was so much older than her…and she had truly become a child to him, despite her maturity. But the little black mage was nothing if not innocent, so his own apprehensions were a little on the silly and perhaps even childish side. Eiko probably realized all of this, but Vivi wasn't sure.

            The little summoner snuggled up to Vivi, and he forgot to care about such paltry things. Soon, the two were asleep, painting dreams on their pillows.

*                  *               *

            When Vivi woke up, Eiko was already gone. He felt a little saddened by this. But when he looked over to a simple clock that sat upon his nightstand, he realized that he should have been up by then, too. He slept in later and later, those days.

            Soon, Vivi was dressed in a nicer, newer version of his old clothes that Hilda had made herself. He looked himself over in the mirror, worried that he might not look perfect for his holiday at Alexandria.

            When the little black mage was satisfied that he looked decent, he scurried out the door and through the halls, searching quietly for his adopted family. They were breakfasting in the dining hall, Cid and Hilda quiet but Eiko very enthusiastic about practically everything around her, and appropriately loud about it too. Vivi would have smiled.

            He quietly sat down at the table, foregoing any kind of fanfare. Vivi ate quietly. It was odd, seeing him eat, because he didn't really have a mouth. The food just went into him where one might have been, disappearing as though he'd taken a bite. It was odd. Just odd. He himself marveled at it occasionally. He ate in front of a mirror, once, when he was young, so he could see what it was like to the people across from him at mealtimes.

            The meal was quiet with the exception of Eiko, who chattered on about all the adventures they'd had only months ago as if remembering them for the first time, though she was sensitive enough to leave out all the parts involving the regent and his wife's problems. Soon, it was time to go.

The little group walked through the palace cheerfully, and found themselves in the airship. Vivi was beginning to feel really excited about seeing Steiner and Garnet and even Beatrix, too, so soon he was chattering excitedly right along with Eiko about 'old times.' Cid and Hilda took turns piloting the Hilda Garde III, indulging in a bit of nostalgia themselves.

            The airship was received appropriately by Alexandria, and Garnet (which was what really mattered) with Steiner and Beatrix by her side.

            When Eiko saw the princess (queen, really, but for the time she was still timid and it was hard to call her anything but 'princess') she squeeked out a sound of glee, then shouted "Dagger!" and charged the princess, grinning. Garnet nearly fell over onto the big red carpet under them when Eiko jumped at her as if to tackle, but she caught Eiko and lifted her up, and carried her.

            Vivi would have grinned like a lunatic, then, if he could have. If he'd had a mouth, its corners would have been curled up so high they'd touch the ears he didn't have.

            Steiner approached Vivi, bowing in what was an only slightly 'pretend' and playful manner, because he truly did esteem the little black mage above all others he had ever met as a man. "Master Vivi," he said, humbly, "it is my pleasure to receive you here in Alexandria after such a long time."

            "It's our pleasure," added Beatrix.

            The day went on much like this, uneventful until the sun was beginning to set – which was early that night, because Gaia's winter was fast approaching.

            They were all sitting in the library of the castle, discussing newer things since that they'd exhausted the old, and Vivi nodded off in the big plush couch he was sitting in between Steiner (who wore a very nice but simple suit that he had changed into after the reception) and Beatrix (who was wearing a lovely and elegantly simple gown which she had likewise changed into).

Beatrix gently brought his little black head to her lap, and whispered to her lover, "He's been tired all day…I'm surprised he lasted this long."

            He nodded, looking very concerned and perhaps even a little grave. "Our master Vivi has grown very old, by the standards of his kind…older even than we could ever have hoped for. I fear he shall not be long in passing on."

            This was on everyone else's mind, too, and Eiko cuddled up to Garnet, looking so sad. It felt as though the shadow of Zidane was hanging over them too, now that the group had begun to reckon with Vivi's extreme mortality.

            But the night continued on, more subdued and less joyful than before, with Beatrix faithfully holding Vivi close. He didn't wake even when the rest had gone to bed there in the castle, in guest rooms, and he was put in his.

            The poor little black mage was near the end of what we know through our own experience, and this was obvious to everyone who cared for him, and he knew it too. When he woke, the next morning, he would have cried. That is, if he had been given any tear ducts when Kuja engineered him.

*                  *               *

            It had been another two months since the small reunion; four since they'd left Zidane behind. Vivi recognized that he would never see his friend again, and he would have cried so many times. But he couldn't. He merely hung his head, incapable of reckoning with the inevitable.

            Eiko snuck into his room nearly every night, and they slept together, and the regent and his wife obviously knew this by then. But it was innocent, and Vivi needed the company, so they said nothing about it so as not to embarrass either of these children(?).

            Vivi had grown so contemplative and easily distracted over the past few weeks. He barely ever spoke to anyone, and he didn't do much anymore, except for walking around outside, sometimes with others, sometimes alone. Finally, the day came when he had passed through it without saying a word to anyone, and people wondered if he had ever even been there.

            At least I don't have to just 'stop' like the others…I guess I get a more natural death.

            Steiner showed up one day, clad in full armor. "Master Vivi," said Steiner, softly but still somewhat official sounding. They were alone in the Lindblum courtyard, as Steiner had found Vivi during one of his daily walks. "I'm going to check on how things are going with the black mages and the genomes, to see if they need anything from Alexandria, for the queen. It would be an Honor if you would come with me."

            Vivi would have smiled, then. Or maybe not – he felt so distracted by something beyond his senses, as always, and expression was simply beyond what he felt like dealing with.

            "I'd be glad to, Sir Steiner," he said. "I have been wondering how they were doing over there, but news of the village in Lindblum is…rare."

            Thusly, the two embarked in the Invincible, which had become the Alexandrian flagship – a true icon to the people. They were at the village in what seemed like an instant, and when they disembarked from the airship, Vivi was half-certain they would find that they had never left Lindblum. But they had landed just outside the forest that bordered the village on all sides, and this gave them an opportunity to walk, an enchanter and his knight.

            It's all changed so little. Not really at all. Is my life really that short? When my memories of a place are never given the chance to change?

            "Master Vivi," said Steiner, suddenly, sounding very unsure of himself, "I…I have treasured our time together. And I know that the others would say the same if they were here."

            "Thank you, Steiner," said Vivi. "I too enjoyed it…although I wish it could have been just a little longer, if that isn't greedy of me."

            "Oh, not at all," said Steiner, smiling in a low-key way. "I think we all wish for a little more, when…when we've reached the end."

            "That's good to know," said Vivi. And they went on through the wood in silence, until they reached the black mage village, which was now primarily populated by their genome counterparts. Really, there were only two black mages left at all in the whole place, and they were waiting with their chocobo at the entrance to the village when Steiner and Vivi arrived. The two were given such a happy greeting as two lone black mages could give, and soon they were all inside taking tea together at the inn.

            But Vivi was tired, already…in fact, Vivi looked almost entirely gone.

            The conversation continued, but Vivi finally stopped responding to anything, even when he was asked a question. This alarmed Steiner quite a bit, but the knight was not truly surprised. He lifted the little black mage, and put him in one of the beds of the inn. Vivi seemed not to notice even this.

            "I…I wonder what it's like. Being a soul out there…communing with the planet," said Vivi, softly. "I hope there's people to talk to…people like you, sir Steiner."

            Steiner was quiet for what seemed like forever. "I am sure there shall always be some one to converse with, master Vivi," he finally said, still very sad.

            Vivi actually responded, "I'm glad to hear that. But still, I'm going to miss you all. Say goodbye for me to little Eiko, and Dagger…and to Zidane, when he gets back. You know he will," said Vivi, wistfully.

            One of the black mages took Vivi's hand, and squeezed it slightly. "I'll see you soon," he said, solemnly.

            The other black mage took Vivi's other hand, quiet and glum.

            "I…wait. One more thing," said Vivi. "I know what I have to do before I go." Vivi's hands seemed to glow. Everyone there knew, then, that he would have smiled – though they weren't quite sure how they knew. It was apparent, then, that his hands were glowing. And soon, all of him was. Soon after that, it became apparent that he was slowly fading out. "Take care of them," said the dying black mage, the young little mage, as he faded into nothing. "They're your sons too."

            And finally, he faded out entirely. Gone forever. It was a full ten minutes before anyone looked away from the clothes he'd left behind, the only mark he'd left on the now-empty bed. Eventually, though, Steiner did turn around. The enigmatic statement that was Vivi's last made sense, then.

            Five little black mages, dressed exactly as Vivi had been when he first met up with Zidane and the rest of them, were standing quietly, respecting the solemn silence – although it looked as though they had very limited awareness of why exactly they were being so quiet.

            The two elder black mages turned, too.

            "I'm Vivi's son!" said one.

            "We're ALL Vivi's sons!" they declared, proudly.