(not)

[02.08.01] » by Carme

He wasn't looking her in the eye when he said it, but that was alright. He really did love her, right?

"Rinoa Heartilly, would you be my wife?"

So he'd opened up, he'd smiled, but his voice was still deadened, and yet hesitant(not confident). That was alright, too. He must have been incredibly nervous. Maybe that was why he was covering up with that emotionless voice. He wasn't -really- like that. He was different when they were alone, of course. Of course. She knew him, knew his feelings; it was the knowledge of being with and loving someone for years, she told herself.

So she giggled, laughed, and threw her arms around the neck of the boy(not in control) with the dark chocolate hair(not blond).

wife of a seed commander(not a rebel)
clad in black leather(not white)
eyes of ocean(not sky)
dark ebony knight(not white)
love?(love...)

She pulled back to say yes. Later at the wedding, before leaving, sweet, naive Selphie told her she'd never looked happier, more beautiful. She hugged the girl, a bright smile on her face, and watched her go.

***

The boy(not in control) she'd linked her name with, like she'd linked their rings on her necklace, was actually shy, embarassed that night. But that was alright. That was the way things were. You accepted him while trying to change him. She'd made it her mission to change him and in turn he'd changed her(not accepting all), bit by bit. For the better? She smiled, an angel, no, sorceress, with her knight(not equal) and now husband(not friend). After all, it was her that'd started it, long ago, the day she wanted a dance with the stoneface(not lively).

***

The years passed by like a legion of soldiers, marching to the same beat, frowning in unison, dressed in identical uniform. Two children, both like him. Steady income from SeeD, nicely furnished house, no more adventuring(not action); they didn't go out on missions anymore. Predictable? Stable(not wild)? Maybe.

***

For their twenty-ninth anniversary, they dined at a small, elegant restaurant(not a picnic on the beach) in Deling where there was only the rarest and most expensive on the menu. She thought the sauces were all too sweet or too salty and the meat overcooked, but it wasn't particularly bad. One thing she'd never understand though: what was the point of paying 800 gil for some kind of roasted Oilboyle? Just because something was a delicacy(not fast food in the Ferris Wheel on the beachside) didn't mean it had to taste good. Her father and her husband were more alike than they'd admit. She noted that the commander across the table had chosen the same dish as the general had nearly forty years before. Through the candle, sitting on the other side, she could see him eat in silence but with a smile(not a confident grin). He hadn't picked up on the fact that she'd been to this restaurant before(not observant), even when she ordered everything without looking at the menu the waiter had offered. She prided herself on having a memory that would stand the test of time like the mountains to the north in Trabia. Her last visit had been decades ago, back before she became a Forest Owl... But Daddy's little girl would rather have had no table manners, a hot dog, and a model train set instead of the dolls she recieved that day.

When they were done picking the pricy dinner apart with the silver forks and knives, he pushed a box across to her. Inside was a platinum ring with a Griever head, complete with what looked to be water crystals for eyes. They had probably been harvested off the coast of Centra down south. She looked up, saw the gray-speckled brown hair(not blond) and the dark blue(not sky) eyes beneath, heard him speak.
"..never said it, not once, but you knew it all along..."
"I love you too, Squall," she responded.
"Take it, Rinoa," he said softly, slightly apologetic. He wasn't a romantic kind of person(not roses and kisses), but that had always been okay, because he was right. She did know that he loved her. Knowing what the other person was thinking had come naturally after a short period for them. "It's to replace the copy Zell made for you, when he intervened because I was too blockheaded."
Carefully, she plucked the ring out of the box and slid the Griever ring next to her battered wedding ring. "I'll put Zell's copy away in a safe place when we get back home," she said, fingering the nickel ring where it still hung on a chain around her neck. It had sentimental value, after all.
Nearly thirty years of peace(not sparks), a supportive husband who'd never betray her(...), two sweet children, what more could she ask for?

***

(are you happy)

She didn't like talking to herself. Silly questions, not worth answering, silly comments. Silly, childish, always questioning, like her old self. All those years, never bothering to answer. Not worth it, of course. Of course they weren't worth answering.

(are you happy)
(are you happy)
(are you happy)
                     water(not fire)
                     ebony(not gold)
(are you happy)

Didn't want to answer, didn't want to think, didn't want anything at all anymore.

Am I happy?

(never a reply)

***

2/07/01
Um... I seriously dislike the thought of a SeiferxRinoa pairing, but there ya go. I suppose this isn't one, he's mostly there as an idea. Lalala. :p I'm just wondering whether it's better to be stable and wonder what could have been or go after everything, you know?