PART ONE: HOW THEY GOT THERE
Enter the generic grassy looking area. Pikachu and Mewtwo are in the grass. Mewtwo is overanalyzing the world he is in. Pikachu is standing there like an idiot.
"You know," Mewtwo begins. "I always wanted to be the popular one."
"I mean, I have all the potential to be the popular one! I'm stunning, I'm cool, and I can beat the crap out of anybody that wants to mess with me."
"Chu chu Pikachu!"
"Also, I'm the only intelligent one. I can actually speak English!"
"I mean, look at you! All you can say is your own name. For god's sake, how self centered are you?"
"Pika pika! Pikachu!"
"You're just too damn popular, that's your problem. If I took you out of your spotlight, and put you on the street, I'd bet you'd learn how to say something other than 'Pika pika!'"
"Pikachu! Pika! Eeeeeee!" Pikachu smiled and started giggling.
"Oh, my God. That's it. I can't take this anymore! I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago..." Mewtwo thought for a second. "I know! There's this organized event going on, where everybody from the different video game universes are going to send their most annoying character to this cell to linger for a few days, and then die. Sounds like the perfect fate for you."
With a wave of his hand...and another wave, and a third wave, Mewtwo cast Teleport...on Pikachu! PIKACHU was sent to Box 5 on BILL's PC! No, seriously. Mewtwo sent Pikachu to the cell. But it seems as though the tables will turn...
"Oh, gee!" Ash shouted. "Another Mewtwo!"
Mewtwo turned at him, not scared at all. "What, you thought there was only one of us? But you used your MASTER BALL on the other Mewtwo!" Mewtwo laughed. "HAHAHA! Where's your precious master ball now, bitch?"
Ash looked confused. "Oh, before I used the MASTER BALL, I did the Missingno trick and got 99 of them. I still have 98."
"Oh, no." Mewtwo tried to run, but was caught in the master ball.
"All right! MEWTWO was caught! Do you want to give a nickname to MEWTWO?"
"No, no, no! Don't give me an alias! I'm happy with Mewtwo!" Mewtwo's voice was muffled from inside the MASTER BALL.
"How about Trixie?" Ash decided.
"NO!!!!! I HAAAAAATE TRIXIE! YOU ****ING IDIOT! IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE ****ING EARTH BADGE, I'D RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!"
Ash was confused.
As the Xenogears landed in the completely destroyed world, all of Fei and Elly's friends ran like complete idiots (who swings their arms like that anyway?) to them. No one had started moving before Chu-Chu had. Chu-Chu, happy that they had finally returned, bounced over to them.
"Hello!" Chu-Chu shouted. "What happened to chu?"
"We defeated a true villain to mankind and became one with God, who was the villain. What about you?"
"I sat on my ass and pretended that I was vital to the chutory. When in acchuality, I'm just a secondary character that is there chu be cute."
"And cute you are!" Bart said. "So cute that you repel me! I can't even pick you up, you're so cute."
"But you're also annoying," Citan said. "In fact, the muraphasmic technicalitismic psychosupercomputer has staturated a maximal level of annoyance in your cerebrum."
"Chu really should speak in English," Chu-Chu said, in a high pitched and annoying voice.
"Throughout this whole mission," Rico began. "I wanted to strangle you. Fortunately, my brother, Antonio, convinced me not to."
"We really need to do something with him, actually," Billy said. "He's going to take credit for destroying God, when in actuality, he didn't help us at all with our deicide!"
"Hey, none of chu can heal gears with magic!"
"That damned magic spell? That sucked! It was useless in times of great need."
"Yeah, well, what are chu going to do about it?"
"I have a plan." Citan pushed his glasses up. They fell off. They broke. Citan looked up at the sky. "It's not fair. I had all the time I needed. I could read books forever! And now this happened? Lenscrafters will DIE for this travesty!" Everybody looked at Citan with fear, confusion, and concern for mankind. "But anyway, I have a plan. It's quite simple." He sat down, and cried for a few minutes, since his glasses were broken. "We could send Chu-Chu to this prison cell where he could linger and die with other unnecessary cute characters."
"Chu would do that to me? No! I won't let chu."
"You haven't got a choice, you freak," Fei said.
"Yeah? Well, chu need to get a haircut."
"That's it!" Fei grabbed Chu-Chu, and pulled her into the Xenogears. "When I return, I will be without a little pink ball of fluff!" The Xenogears lifted off.
"I still can't believe Nall survived that heart attack," Alex said. What, you don't know what I'm talking about? It's all about a slightly imperfect murder.
"Yeah, well you're just lucky our parents allowed us to stay with them until our house gets rebuilt," Luna added.
"I baked the cookies extra soft!" Alex's Mom said. "Just the way you like it! Er, them! Oh, that sounded too weird!" She left the room, frantically.
Alex made a mental note to leave the house as soon as was physically possible. Then, the door opened.
"Hello!" Nall shouted. "My presence has come to bless the house!"
"Shut up, Nall," Alex said. "I hate you."
"I know you tried to have me killed," Nall said. "But, I'm not concerned. Because you failed!"
"Have I?" All of a sudden, Alex's father leaped out of a cabinet with a net, and grabbed Nall.
"Hey, what's going on?" Nall shouted.
"Shut up, demon of all that is evil!" Alex walked over to the net. "We will take you to a prison cell with other annoying characters, where you will remain until you expire."
"No! No, please don't! I promise I won't make any more sarcastic remarks."
"That's a promise both you and I know you can't keep."
Nall sighed. "Touche."
Terra resided in her new house. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. She opened the door. It was Mog.
"Mog? What do you want?"
"Kupopo!" Mog said. "I think you know what I want."
"No, believe it or not, my psychic powers are not of a level great enough for me to dive deep into your mind and discover the answer to the question I just asked."
"Kupo? I want the moogle charm!"
Terra scoffed. "You want the moogle charm? Well, you can't have it! I sold it!"
"Well, then why can't you buy it back? Kupo."
"Because when you sell something, it vanishes into non-existence! Duh."
"Oh." Mog stood there for a while. Terra became annoyed. Finally, Terra spoke up again. "What odd or unusual actions must I commit in order to successfully cause you to exit from the premises?"
Terra sighed. With nothing to do, Mog had returned to cute and stupid mode. Those who have played FF6 may remember that at the beginning, Mog did nothing but sit there and say...
...until all the moogles were wiped out. Then, he had an objective. To kick Kefka's ass! And, with Kefka's behind having received the force of an accelerated foot, Mog had only one thing to do; get the Moogle charm back. However, with this objective failed, Mog had returned to cute and stupid mode.
"Well," Terra said, thinking to herself for the purpose of the understanding of the audience, "I guess there's only one thing left to do. There's...
"...a cell where they're storing annoyingly cute characters until they linger and die! I've heard it three times, I know you'll do it, and I'm downright sick of hearing this lame, uninspired, story idea!"
"It's not lame," I said. "It can walk."
"Shut up!" Terra said. She cast Ice 3 on me. I was frozen. I just thawed out.
PART TWO: THEY'RE FINALLY THERE
All of a sudden, Nall, Mog, Pikachu, and Chu-Chu all found themselves in a prison cell. It was rectangular, with two crappy beds on each side of the long way. The ground, walls, and ceiling were made of salad rock. The bars were made of Jell-O. No, just kidding. They were made of metal. Obviously. All bars are made of metal. Except...those really crappy prisons the mountain people put you in. But, let's not get into that.
"Oh, my goodness! Where am I? Who are chu?" Chu-Chu panicked.
"I'm Nall," Nall shouted in his enormously high pitched voice. "And we're in the exact place all these people have been talking about sending us too!"
"Oh, no! I'm going chu die! I don't want chu die!"
"Will you shut up, you annoying ball of fluff?"
"Hey, chu're the one who makes annoying lame jokes about pop culture!"
"Yeah, well, I have some use in the battles! I resurrect people! All you had was the crappy forest dance!"
"I can fight! Chu can't!"
"Everybody shut up!" Mog shouted.
"You shut up, you sorry excuse for a cat!"
"Chu are a cat chu!"
"I'm a dragon, you genetic reject!"
"PIIIIIIKAAAAAACHUUUUU!!!" Pikachu cast FLASH! A blinding light flashes the area!
Everybody fell on their feet. When they came to, they were somewhat under control.
"Sorry." Nall got up, and brushed some dust off of himself. "I guess this is a bad way to introduce ourselves."
"You damn straight, pussycat!" Mog shouted.
"What are you talking about? You're a cat!"
"No he isn't!" Chu-Chu shouted. "He is a mouse. Chu are stupid."
"And chu are not a dragon!"
"Yes I am!"
"No, you are not!"
"YES, I AM!"
"NO, YOU ARE NOT!"
"EEEEEEEEEE!" Pikachu cast THUNDER! It doesn't affect ROCKS!
However, it did get everybody off their feet again.
"Sorry again," Nall said. "Apparently, we're not going to get anywhere until we acknowledge a few things. We'll go around in a circle." A long pause. "I guess I'll start first. My name is Nall. I AM a flying cat..."
"Hallelujah!" Mog shouted sarcastically.
"...with the ability to turn into a dragon under certain circumstances." Nall took a deep breath, and waited for unusual angry shouts from the cute characters that are usually so nice. "Okay, Mog, it's your turn."
"Thank the lord!" Mog shouted. "Righty then. I'm Mog. You call me Mog. If you call me anything else...I'll slug ya!"
"Mog," Nall interrupted. "We're trying to avoid conflict."
"Hey, is it your turn to talk? I think not! Anyway, I'm not a mouse, and I'm not a cat! I'm a moogle. Anybody call me anything else, I'll slug ya!"
"Chu know what is interesting? A slug is a thing. But thanks chu Mainchustream America, it has become a verb also! Weird, huh?"
Suddenly, Nall became TLC. "A slug is a guy that thinks he's fine..."
"Shut up!" Mog shouted. "I'm finished."
"I'm Chu-Chu. I'm part of the legendary Chu-Chu tribe, yes I am."
"Pikachu! Pika pika pika! Pikachu chu chu!"
"See? Now nobody's arguing." Nall looked around, and grinned. "We've reached a state of balance." Everybody suddenly realized that there was a guard posted at the bar, presumably to prevent them from escaping should they suddenly discover that there is a way to. Escape.
"Oh, don't mind me," The guard said. "I'm just here to make sure you don't escape."
"Yeah, we kinda guessed that, you idiot!" Mog shouted.
"I actually have a question," Chu-chu said. "Isn't Mog uschually a little nicer?"
"I ain't a wimp, fluffball!" Mog shouted.
"The close quarters must be changing his personality," Nall concluded. "We seem more or less unaffected."
"Okay, who understands Pikachu?"
"I chu!" Chu-Chu said. "He said that he is developing what he aschumes to be a temporary form of claustrophobia. He feels that this will no longer affect him once he is out of the prison."
"All that in two syllables?" Mog asked. "You must be one crazy fluffball."
"You're not very creative with put down names, are you?" Nall asked.
"Hey, was I talking to you? Shut up! See my pinky? See my thumb? See my fist? You better run!"
Nall gave a look of utter boredom. "I am not impressed."
"Pikachu! Pika pika! Pika pika pika pika pika chu chu chu chu chu chu! Pikachu! EEEEEEEEE! Piiiiiiikaaaaaaaaachu!"
"What'd he say?" Nall asked.
"He said, 'Ditto.'"
"Oh, you have got to be ****ing kidding me!" Mog shouted.
"Calm down!" Nall said. "Does anybody have any valium?"
"I do!" The guard said, pulling a bottle of valium out. "And you can't have any!" He dumped them all in his mouth. He began drooling. "Mmmm...addictive..." The guard slouched over and looked at Nall very narcotically. In his chair. He had one. Did I forget to mention it? No, you just weren't paying attention!
"Okay," Mog said, checking the scenery, even though there was none. "We've all introduced each other, now what? Screw you guys, I'm exiting this joint."
"Chu don't appear to be wrapped in one," Chu-Chu said.
"It doesn't take a genius to know that Pikachu just said something to the effect of, 'That was lame.'"
"How are you going to exit?" Nall asked.
"Right here!" Mog responded, and walked into the wall.
"Damn, chu are in denial!" Chu-chu said.
"Chu-chu!" Nall said. "You never swear."
"Oh, shit! I swore!"
"There you go again!"
"My head!" Mog shouted, grabbing it.
"What about it?" Chu-Chu asked.
"It hurts, fluffball!"
"There you go again," Nall interrupted. "The same insult!"
Mog gave a look of sheer frustration. "Do you know what happens to a wiseguy when he gets punched in the face?"
Nall maintained his fearlessness. "What?"
"The same thing that happens to everything else."
Nall paused for a second, then burst out laughing. "Do you know what the funniest part is? You probably didn't even mean to parody that movie!"
"X-Men, of course! The blockbuster film based on the popular comic created by Stan Lee and this other guy."
"Stanley what?" Mog asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You said his name was Stanley. What's his last name?"
"No, you don't understand. His first name is Stan, and his last name is Lee."
"You mean syllables, not names, right?"
"No! His first name is Stanley, and his last name is Lee!"
"Oh, so his name is Stanley Lee?"
"Hey, I knew all along, idiot! I was just testing you."
"Chu are a goddamn jerk, Mog! Oh, no! I swore again!"
"We have to get out of here!" Nall shouted.
"He said we have chu get out of here."
"Well, THAT'S original, fluffball!"
"Would you stop calling Chu-Chu that! Call him something more original, like Freddy Prinze Jr."
"No! I like fluffball."
"Well, I don't!" Nall shouted. Nall charged Mog, but since he can't fight, was knocked back with recoil.
"Ha ha ha! Wimp!" Mog punched Nall in the face.
"Stop fighting!" Chu-Chu said.
"Shut up, fluffball!" Mog threw Nall at Chu-Chu.
"Ow! That hurt like a bitch!" Chu-Chu started bouncing up and down and hit Nall.
"Hey, Mog was the one that had the intentions!"
PIKACHU cast THUNDER! Critical Hit! Enemy CRAZY MOB fainted! PIKACHU gained 32 exp. points! PIKACHU grew to level 134! PIKACHU is trying to learn GETALIFE! But, PIKACHU can't know more than 4 moves. Delete an older move in order to make room for GETALIFE?
PART THREE: THE "ESCAPE"
Eventually, everybody was back up on their feet. The guard, still high on the valium, was enjoying every minute of it. Sure, he couldn't talk, but he could drool.
The first one up was Nall. "All right, everybody. We're not getting anywhere. So, we need to get one thing straight. The only two ways we're going to get out of here are if we escape, or die from starvation."
"Well, obviously!" Mog shouted.
"Chu know, chu really need chu shut the hell up!" Chu-Chu shouted. He then realized he had swore again, and covered his mouth.
"Pikachu," Nall interrupted. "Is there any way at all you could dig through the rock?"
"Oh, REAL subliminal, you idiot!" Mog shouted. "The guard is hearing our every word!"
"Mog, look at that guard, then look back at me, and repeat what you just said without laughing." Mog looked at the guard. He was slouched over in his chair, drooling, asleep.
"Fine, you've got me on that one. But it wouldn't work anyway. Pikachu can't hurt rocks at all!"
"That's chu..." Chu-Chu pointed out. "But the guard is asleep. Why don't we just bend the bars and get out of here?"
"Easier said than done, fluffball!" Mog shouted. "You can't just bend bars."
"Well, couldn't Pikachu just attack the bars with Thunder?"
"No," Nall interrupted. "The thunder would just pass right through..." Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over Nall.
"Holy crap!" Chu-Chu shouted. "What is that?"
"It's a light bulb, fluffball!" Mog shouted. "What does it look like?"
"A light bulb," Chu-Chu responded.
Mog sighed. "That was a rhetorical question-"
"Don't say it!" Nall shouted. "Don't even say it! Because I have an idea!"
"Would you keep it down?" Mog asked. "You might wake the guard up."
"Mog, Chu-Chu, Pikachu, just think about Thunder and metal for a while."
"Why?" Mog thought for a second. Suddenly, the idea came to him. And Chu-Chu. And Pikachu.
"See?" Nall pointed out. "All we have to do is wake the guard. Ahem..." Nall cleared his throat. "OH, MY GOD! THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY BED!!!"
The guard jolted up. "Whuauduifd..." The guard looked around. "Huh? You woke me up!"
"Yeah, I guess I did, four eyes," Nall said.
The guard looked confused. "I don't wear glasses."
"Quiet, four eyes! Get in here and kill my spider!"
"Look, kitty, if you're looking for trouble, you're about too-"
"Just quit with the metaphors and kill the damn spider, four eyes!"
"All right, that's it!" The guard walked over, placed his key in the lock, and unlocked the cell.
"Now, Pikachu!" Nall shouted.
PIKACHU cast THUNDER!
The metal became electrified. The poor guard, caught in the shock, was electrocuted and sent into a non-valium coma.
"Sweet!" Nall said. They all opened the gate, and ran out. Suddenly, they found themselves outside.
"What?" Nall looked around. "I expected more resistance."
"Kupo...po!" Mog said.
"It seems that we are all back to our old selves," Chu-Chu said. "Because I am not chuearing!"
"You're not through yet!" All of a sudden, the fantastic four found themselves confronting Fei, Terra, Alex, and Mewtwo.
"We're going to make sure you don't escape!" Terra stated.
"Hey you, Pikachu!" Mewtwo stated with a hint of sarcasm and a dash of laughter. "I left the Pokeball, and I ran for it! Pretty simple, huh?"
"You won't take us without a fight!" Nall shouted.
Fei laughed. "You guys can't fight! If you could, we wouldn't have placed you here in the first place!"
"Pikachu can fight!" Mog stated.
"Not as well as I can!" Mewtwo readied a fighting position.
And for a few seconds, it seemed that all was lost. All, of course, meaning the cause. And the cause was the escape. And thanks to these people, it seemed like they would not escape. But then, fate stepped in.
"Excuse me," Fate said. "I seem to have lost my way. Where am I?"
"In an area that has no specific meaning or importance," Fei responded. "Yet we can effortlessly get here and wherever we want."
"Oh, I see." Fate walked away. Then, all of a sudden, Mewtwo was caught in a ball. A master ball.
"There you are! Ash said. "I was wondering where you went. Come along, Trixie."
"Don't call me Trixie!" Mewtwo shouted, his shouts muffled by the master ball. Fei, Terra, and Alex were still there, however.
"Well, we're down to three," Fei stated. "But we're not stopped yet!"
"Alex!" Luna shouted. "There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you! Why is Nall still alive?"
"We were just about to solve that problem, dear," Alex responded.
"Well, hurry up!"
"Okay!" Alex turned back. But they were gone. All six of them.
"Hey! Where did they go?"
"Fei and Terra are probably chasing them," Luna responded. "Don't worry about it. They'll surely die. Besides, I need something else."
Luna made a gesture that, because kids may be reading this fic, cannot be described.
I'll bet you think that there's a chase scene going on. But there's not. All that's left is Nall, Chu-Chu, Mog, and Pikachu, with Fei and Terra on the ground, fainted. And smoking.
"Thank you, Pikachu!" Nall said. Pikachu giggled in happiness.
"So, what happens now?" Mog asked.
"Now? The interesting part of this story is over, so we're just going to end it."
THE END. THE...ABRUPT END. HAHAHAHA!