Fujin and the Speech Therapist

[07.06.00] » by Uncreativity

"WHAT?"

"Now, it's not my policy to expel students for something so minor," Cid continued. "But certain skills are important in Garden, and imperitive if you decide to become a SeeD. That's why we've called in a specialist."

"PSYCHIATRIST?" Fujin had been through her share of shrinks. As if it were her fault that they rigged the ink blots to look like muilated bodies and phalluses and Seifer Almasy.

"No, this is about your communication problems. We've called in a speech therapist to--"

"COMMUNICATION, SUFFICIENT!" Fujin interrupted angrily, jumping out of her seat. She didn't need some fancy-ass "speech therapist." It was probably just another damn shrink anyway. Where did they get off saying she had an agression problem, anyway? The next quack who said Fujin had an agression problem was going to get a good kick in the groin...

Fujin and the Speech Therapist

by Uncreativity

Fujin stomped into the room, and sat down in the more comfortable of the two chairs. She crossed her legs, flopping her redundantly muddy boots on the coffee table.

The therapist, who had politely opened the door for her, looked displeased.

Still, he wanted to make a good impression. "Hello," he checked the name on his file, "Fujin. I will be your speech therapist, Dr. VanDora."

She did not reply, but pulled a large sack of caramels out of her items and started to munch on one.

"...Can you say something?"

"LIKE...?"

VanDora rubbed his chin. Aside from being rather loud, she didn't seem to speak that badly. He checked the file again, but it was rather vague about exactly what *kind* of speech impediment the young student had. "Would you mind repeating after me?"

"MIND, AFFIRMATIVE." Fujin was not about to cooperate with some undercover quack.

He ignored her rude answer. "Can you say, 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck of a woodchuck would chuck wood'?"

"COULD," she replied, unwrapping another caramel and throwing the plastic onto the floor.

He waited for her to start talking for quite a long time before it occured to him she wasn't going to. "So do it."

"NEGATIVE."

"I need to listen to you talk."

"WHY?"

"So I can learn more about your speech impediment and decide on a course of action to fix it."

"FIXING, UNNECESSARY." She was just as sane as everybody else, damnit! Why did stupid Cid and the stupid Garden have to keep picking on her? What did she ever do?

"But if you don't, you will be kicked out of Garden, am I correct?" He assumed by her less-than-amiable scowl that he was. "So you'll have to cooperate..." he smiled patronizingly. "So how much wood, Fujin?"

"ENOUGH."

VanDora frowned. He was starting to understand his patient's little speech "impediment."

Fujin glancd at her watch. "TIME'S UP!" As if on cue, a car drove up outside of VanDora's office and started blaring the horn. "RIDE."

"But you were an hour late!" the doctor protested. Fujin merely shrugged.

Honk, honk. "Fuuuujiiinnn!" Seifer shouted from inside the car. "Let's GOOOO-O!" Honk, honk, hoooooonkk.

Defeated but still annoying, the therapist stood in her way. "Okay, you can go, but take this book." He handed her a thin paperback copy of Really You Now Good Speaking! by some guy named Professor Daravon.

She grabbed it and shoved him out of the way.

"TWIT."

* * *

"Whatcha got there, huh? Whatcha got, whatcha got?" Raijin leaned as far forward as his seat belt would allow.

"BOOK." She threw it over her shoulder, and it whacked Raijin right between the eyes.

"OW, ya know?"

"If it's any condolence, we think it's really stupid they're sending you to this guy," Seifer attempted to placate his friend. "I mean, if anybody has communication problems it's Raijin here, 'ya know?'"

"HEY! That's not true, ya kn--" Raijin bit his tongue.

Fujin didn't even smile.

* * *

"HARDBACK, BETTER." She yawned. "MORE DAMAGE."

"Tell me, have you ever said a sentence with more than two words?"

"NEGATIVE."

"Why?" Fujin shrugged, and VanDora snickered. "...Do you want to know what I think?"

"NEGATIVE"

"I think that you can talk perfectly normally... or you could, if you so wished."

"SO...?"

"So you're wasting my time, Fujin."

"AGREED! LEAVING NOW." She made her way to the door.

"Hold it!" She froze in her tracks, irritated that it could never be so easy. "You'll still be expelled from Garden unless I write you a good report..."

"BRIBE?" she suggested hopefully.

"I'm going to make you talk," he replied obstinately. The Doctor reached into his desk and pulled out a walkman. "I have some vocabulary tapes here, and you're going to listen to them."

"BRAINWASHING!"

"It's not brainwashing, miss, it's just to help you--"

"SUBLIMINAL BRAINWASHING!" Fujin protested, crossing her arms.

"So you won't listen to the tapes?"

"NEGATIVE!!"

"...that's too bad." VanDora smirked. "I guess I'll just have to write that expulsion recommendation now."

Fujin sighed, and yanked the tape player out of his hands.

* * *

"How ya doin', ya know?" Raijin asked as they drove back to Garden. Fujin had been more moody than usual lately, and he worried about her... or rather, he worried about his shins. "How ya feelin'?"

"ENNUI."

"Okay... Seifer?" Raijin glanced at his hero for a little clarification.

"Don't ask me."

"So, uh, Spring Break's coming up, ya know? We gotta decide where to go, ya know?"

"STOLID."

Raijin glanced at Seifer again, who felt a little better, because knew this one. "She says she doesn't care... besides, we're goin' to Timber."

"But Timber's so boooooring, ya know?" Raijin whined. "Why would you want to go there?"

"INAMORATA."

"Sei--"

"Don't even ask."

* * *

"Why don't you just do it? I KNOW you can talk! I've heard you talk! Why won't you just say one !(@*ing sentence?" VanDora screamed.

Fujin sighed, guiltily considering giving in. After all, all it would take were three words and he would get off her back.

"Do you think you're 'cool?' Do you think it's 'hip' to talk like an imbecile? Don't you know that your peers and your instructors are laughing at you behind your back?" Maybe her impediment wasn't cool after all. Maybe they were mocking her...

No! It WAS cool, and so was she! They could force her to come to a speech therapist, and they could expel her from Garden, but they would never break Fujin's spirit! Fujin would fight it tooth and nail until the very end!

"WRITE."

"What?"

"LETTER, PASSING."

"If you think I'm going to write you a passing letter, you're crazy, little lady."

The 'little lady' remark clinched it. "ARE." She handed him a piece of paper and pencil off of his own desk. "OR ELSE."

"Or else what?"

"DIE." Fujin drop-kicked Dr. VanDora in the chest, knocking him to the ground with the greatest facility.

"I won't be intimidated!" the doctor squeaked.

"WRITE." She dug her boot into his stomach.

"Just say one sentence! Just three words!" he groaned.

"WRITE," Fujin repeated, drawing her foot up to his trachea.

"Hold it right there!" someone yelled from the entrance. Fujin hopped away from the doctor and batted her eye innocently, wondering how the police got there so fast.

But it just happened to be Seifer Almasy, and not the police, so she returned to her previous spot.

"You don't have to be here another minute!" Seifer exclaimed, looking quite proud of himself and waving some papers in one hand. "I went above Cid's head, straight to the Gardenmaster! You can talk any way you damn well please!"

Fujin stepped off of her doctor and glanced at the papers. They seemed to be in order. "REALLY?"

"It's all right there."

"SEIFER..." It would have taken a lot of effort to talk to the Gardenmaster. Nobody ever saw the Gardenmaster, without shelling out quite a bit of gil. "TROUBLE..."

"Don't worry about it."

And it was irresistable. Fujin threw her arms around Seifer's neck. "THAT... that's the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me!" she bubbled.

And then instantly pulled away and clamped her hands over her mouth.

"She talked... she TALKED! I WIN!" VanDora sang. "I wi-hi-hin!"

"@~#*," Fujin said. Sometimes life just wasn't fair.