Brother and Sister

[04.19.00] » by Bryan A. English

"SelphieÖ are you in here?"

"Yes. Go away! I told Irvine I didnít want to talk to anyone! Now go away!"

Zell stood at the doorway, searching the room for his friend. The dark made it nearly impossible to find someone who didnít want to be found. He was tempted to do as Selphie asked, to turn his back and walk away, but that would solve nothing. His friend was hurting and needed someone, or something. And was too afraid to ask for the help she needed.

"Selphie, Iím not going away! You can threaten me all you want, smack upside the head as much as you want, but Iím not going anywhere. I stood by you in the Missile Base, and Iíll stand by you now. This battle wonít be any easier than the one with that damn spider back in DolletÖ" He hoped she would hear the iron in his voice, not the tremble of fear.

"We lost that battle, remember? Quistis had to rescue us. Even Squall failed that battle. Picture perfect prissy Squall. Stuck up, sanctimonious Squall. Maybe Squall could have saved Trabia, but he was too busy trying to save Balamb, his home. He could have come with usÖ he could have helpedÖ" The words were bitter, but the tears were not.

"SelphÖ can I come in?"

"No! Go away! If you stay here for much longer, I wonít need to beat you up to get rid of you, youíll hurt yourself. Everything I touch falls apart. Trabia, my memories, the Festival, and I donít want that to happen to my friends!" By now Zell was in the room, looking for his friend. His heart broke at her words. They werenít true, he knew that. But what mattered right now was what she believed.

"You arenít a failure! Squall did what he believed was right. We all did. Galbadia had launched against both Gardens, and we had to try to save both. We did what we could. We did our bestÖ"

Selphieís cry was that of a wounded animal, primal and torn. "Our ëbest?í Our best wasnít good enough. Squallís, and Quistisís, and Rinoaís best was good enough, they saved Balamb. I should have never tried to save Trabia. You and Irvine and one of the others could have done it. And Squall could have saved Balamb by himself, I couldnít have screwed that up. Not even if I tried."

"You didnít screw up Selph. There was nothing anyone could have done differently. The missiles launched before we could stop them. Trabia couldnít become mobile in time, they couldnít avoid the blast. Trabia was bombed, we need to move on."

"I canít! My friends are dead! My professors, my classmates, my old room mates. The little kids wanting to be SeeDs, the old ladies in the cafeteria. The annoying girl down the hall from my old room, the cute guy in my GF class. Even the damn monsters in the Training Center are dead! Everyoneís dead!" By now Zell had found Selphie, hiding between the bed and the wall. Her body rocked with her tears, a violent downpour that threatened to drown Selphie.

"SelphieÖ weÖ" That was as far as Zell got. He placed his hand on Selphieís shoulder. She shook his hand off and tried to crawl further away, into the wall.

"Go away! Zell, I failed! Iím not good enough to be a SeeD! I donít deserve friends like you and the others, not even Squall. I donít deserve anything! IÖ I donít even deserve to liveÖ" The words were soft and meek, but hit Zell with the force of a thunderbolt.

"SelphieÖ what are you thinking about doing? Please, tell me!" Zell fought against the tears, pushed them back into his eyes, forbidding them to be spilled.

"Why, so you can run off and tell Quistis, your wonderful RA? Or maybe Rinoa and let her comfort me and baby me. Or maybe IrvineÖ he could get me drunk like all of his dates and show me how big of a man he is. OrÖ Squall! He could come in here and ignore me and I wonít do anything to myself Iíll be too busy trying to get to know his dumb ass!"

"I donít want to lose youÖ I havenít had many friends Selph, and you are one of the best Iíve ever had. Kind of like a sisterÖ"

"Shut up! I donít deserve to hear these things! Donít lie to me, donít lie to yourself! They arenít true. Iím a horrible friend. And a bad student, an even worse SeeD. Iím fat and terrible in a fight. My clothes are ugly and too small. Leave me alone!" The sobs coursed through her small frame like a train, slamming into her again and again.

"Iím not lying! I would never lie to you! Tell me what you are going to doÖ please?"

She turned her tear streaked face towards him. The dark hid her tears, and his. "IÖ know this place whereÖ where Malboros live. Iíll fight them off untilÖ And at least itíll be proved once and for all that I donít deserve to be a SeeD." The image of the monster loomed in her eyes, its attacks ravaging her body.

"You deserve to be a SeeD! More than I or anyone else I know! Selphie, I canít bear the thought of losing my best friend!"

"I thought that stone wall Squall was your best friend." The scorn in her voice lashed like a whip.

"HeÖ he is. And so are you. All of usÖ you are all my best friends. Rinoa, Irvine, even Quistis. I love you all. We have all been through so much together, and I know we have much more in front of us." Zell wanted to let her know how he felt. That he truly loved her, loved them all. They were the siblings that he looked for his whole life. The reason he fought.

"WhyÖ why me? I am such a failure. A total waste of money and training and space. They could put a good SeeD in this room. Maybe even FujinÖ" Zellís words were hitting her. She couldnít escape the fact that she truly cared for the others. She loved them in a way she didnít know possible. She wanted to believe Zell, but didnít know how.

"You are no failure! You have helped us out so many times! And just think of how much youíve helped Laguna!" Zell hoped it was the right thing to say. Laguna was a touchy topic for Selphie.

"Sir Laguna? IíveÖ Iíve helped him?" Zell wasnít sure, but it seemed as if her eyes glowed with hope.

"Beyond measure. It was your strength that saved him when we visited him. Selphie, can I ask you something?"

"Go aheadÖ ask."

"If I leave you tonight, do you promise not to hurt yourself? Not tonight, not tomorrow, not the next day, not ever?"
"ZellÖ"

"Promise me. Because if you donít, Iím not leaving. And Iíll call in the others if I have to to watch over you tonight."

"IÖ promise. But only if you agree to one thing too."

"Anything, as long as it keeps you safe!"

Selphie launched herself at him. She needed to feel warm, strong, loving arms around her, needed it more than she could express. Zellís werenít the arms she would have chosen, but they were warm and strong, and obviously loving.

"Stay here tonight. Hold me like a brother would. IÖ never had a brother, so I donít know what that would feel like, but Iíve always imagined. Keep me safe tonight. Please?"

Zell didnít answer, but rather wrapped his arms around his sister and cried into her hair.