Let Me Go

[02.02.00] » by Loa

Please let me go…

Oh I hope upon worldly hope, that my life will end; that the pounding heart that I hear in my chest will simply burst, or tire, or both and I will just succumb to the loneliness of death. There at least, with some dark shadowy glimmer lays my salvation. I'm sick of this life, and the things I have done. Haven't I paid for my deeds long enough. I want to cry, but am reminded I cannot… Why I don't know. Maybe I am too tired? I've been sick of my life for far too long… And truly, would anyone care if I passed into oblivion, like others before me? I am nothing more than a bastard of history, with no name, and no one who ever cared. Why did I step down this path in the first place? What drove me to these barren depths? I don't want to continue… The castle is crumbling around me though… I'll die soon. Endlessness will come. But why can't it come faster?

A giggle resounds around me. It's maniacal… and I realize with a start that it is my own. Why, now, on the brink of my ultimate and final release am I haunted with sanity? For years I have driven that foe back, with a sharp tongue and a haunted mind, but now, when I am about to be enveloped in the darkness. Why should my old friend come rescue me now? Or could you even call it rescue? It sounds more like another hellish reminder of my mistakes…

I hear a shadowy voice from beyond the darkness that alights around me. It wraps me in warm sheets and coos at me, as if I was a child. Oh… That damn half esper child. Her and her… What was that last thought…? My mind is cloudier now. I can barely breathe. I can feel the foundations of my home, the home where I became a God, begin to finally shatter. Seconds now give way to a black hole of nothingness, one where I know my fate is falling into. Should I pray? As I was taught years and years ago? By my mother… What happened to her? Where is she now? Can I see her again?

"Mama…" my dry voice is like a dead dry leaf being crumbled in a child's hand.

Apparitions swirl before me… Mama… She is here. After all I had done to her… After…

"Don't leave…" I whisper once more. But my mother looks at me sadly…

"My son… Even I cannot save you." She whispers in my ear.

I finally succumb to tears, and as they pool about my disfigured form, one that has been subjected to too much, formed into the shadow of a God, but an imperfect one. I was defective from the start. Just like the toy I destroyed when I was but six…

Oh, to return to those days and perhaps start fresh! Maybe, to feel love and not hate, to be sane, and not on the brink…

It's too late for those thoughts now… My mother is leaving me. She is gone…

I am once again alone in the now suffocating darkness. And in the darkness the souls of the many that I have killed call me. They want their revenge and they will get it, putting me through a thousand deaths, they promise me, again and again. Torturing me for destroying them, and their families…

I cannot resist. I guess I deserve this… Is it time? Please let me go now. Release me from pain… Or do I deserve that as well? I Kefka… The evil sick psycho… Oh, dear lord, where did I go wrong…? Can't trace that far back… Perhaps, foretold by the stars? Ah… No matter. I supress a giggle… Bad habits die hard… Just like me…

I'm going now… No one can follow me now… I am condemned to an eternity in Hell.

I deserve it.