Pirate Fabio FAQ

Pirate Fabio was born one fateful night when me and my associates were very bored. We'd spent the afternoon at Nuway, buying the ugliest clothes we could find, and some of the guys bought skirts. Because of our boredom, we picked up another friend who wouldn't mind wearing a dress, and we went out to Crossroads Mall. The guys all wore skirts, and whatever other ugly things they could find, and I wore my ugliest pair of bellbottoms. Fortunately for the people viewing this, we did not take a picture. ;)

While at the mall, we were going by a bookstore, when Dennis yelled "Hey! Let's go read the romance novels!" That sounded like a very stupid thing to do, so we did. While gushing over books covered with roses and ribbons, one of us discovered a real treasure. A book written by Fabio, which also had him on the cover dressed in baggy, ripped pants and carrying a sword. The title was "Pirate", but the way the title and author's name was situated on the cover, it appeared to read "Pirate Fabio". This struck all of us as very funny, especially Andy, who tried his best to say, as deep and sexy as Fabio would be saying it, "Arr."

After that eventful night, I had not forgotten about Pirate Fabio, which seemed like it should have been an action figure. I went to Meijers sometime during the next week, to look for a cheap and appropriate figure to victimize - er, customize. After a little searching, I found a Hercules: The Legendary Journeys action figure that apparently wasn't selling well and so was on clearance. Perfect!

When I got Hercules home and out of the box, I painted an eyepatch on him, which was the easy part. It was much harder to mix paint to somewhat match the skin tone of the action figure, so that I could paint his legs so he appeared to be wearing ripped pants. But after a few attempts, I got a fairly close match, and Pirate Fabio was finished.

Pirate Fabio graced the back window ledge of my car for awhile, but I forgot that he was there at one point. He was left lying on top of his sword, and the heat coming in the back window apparently softened the plastic a little bit, because when I pulled him out again, his sword was bent quite badly. It never has quite straightened out yet. And not only that, my rabbits got ahold of it and gnawed on it a bit, so now it has gigantic tooth marks. Definitely a man's weapon, hmm?