Chapter ThirtyFive


"So that's how it happened," Cid muttered, shaking his head as he ground the butt of his cigarette in the ashtray on the table before them. "That $#&%..."
Kit sighed. "Yeah... that's how it happened."
She'd spent the last several minutes hearing what had happened to AVALANCHE since her departure, and in turn explaining to Cid, Barret, and Red what had happened down at the Temple of the Ancients, and in the town of Mideel during the last few moments before Meteor was called. She'd expected them to be angry, to get upset with her, but it seemed what had happened in the last weeks had sobered all of them. Their eyes were lowered, their voices hushed.
Red nudged her hand with his nose. "It's not your fault, Kit. He'd have done it whether you were there or not," he reasoned. "In fact, it's a very good thing you were there to buy us some time to stop this from happening."
"Can we?" she asked bitterly. "What can we do? The crater's sealed, with the Black Materia and Sephiroth inside, no one can take it back - and even if they could, it's unlikely they'd have the power to send the Meteor away. What else is there to do?"
"Whatever we can," Cid growled. "I dunno about you all, but I'm not gonna sit back and let my planet get #$&%ed up. No way, not my planet."
"Don't you mean our planet, Cid?" Red turned to Kit, cocking his head to the side thoughtfully. "You said 'what can we do'. Does that mean you're coming with us again?"
"I don't know," Kit said, frustrated. "I don't deserve to, certainly."
"Why do you say that?" Red inquired.
She just shook her head. How could she explain to them that even after all this, she hadn't made up her mind?
"It's not like we're pissed off about it or something," Cid commented. "Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't been there? Yeah, maybe there was some way you could have stopped it, but maybe there wasn't. Probably things would have gotten even more screwed up. Don't worry about it."
"It's not just that," she stated. "There's lots of reasons."
"So are you going to let us in on any of them?" Red asked. "Or are we just supposed to guess?"
She suddenly slammed her fist down on the table so hard, even Cid flinched. "Can't you guess?" she asked angrily.
After a moment's thought, Red nodded reluctantly. "Oh."
"Even if there wasn't him to deal with," she continued, "what good could I do you, anyway? You're out there trying to save lives, and the only thing I've done for as long as I can remember is take them. You all have your skills, your good points..." She put her head in her hands miserably, thinking of what had happened in Costa Del Sol. "All I know how to do is kill, and escape death myself."
The others were silent, apparently unsure of what to say, until Barret finally spoke up. "Escape death... that might jus' be the most useful skill in the world now," he muttered. "What with Meteor, and Sephiroth, and Shinra... We're all tryin' to escape death. If you can do that, then you'll help us plenty."
Barret had said next to nothing the entire time they'd been in the bar, and Kit looked up at him curiously. His face had grown grim, determined. Even more so than it had been when they'd last talked. "I'm not talking about simple survival," she admitted. "Only days ago, a friend of mine..." She choked up at the thought, and had to cough before continuing. "My friend Mara died, taking a wound meant for me, in Costa Del Sol. What if the same thing happened again? What if I inadvertantly get one of you killed?"
The determined look on Barret's face didn't change. "It don't matter. We're all soldiers... not SOLDIERs, like you an' Cloud, but we're fighting a war. Sometimes people get killed in wars. It don't change a thing, we keep on fighting. Y'see, there ain't no gettin' offa this train we on. It don't make no stops. It didn't when Sephiroth killed Aeris, it didn't when Cloud flipped out, or when Tifa left. This ain't gonna end till the planet's safe, or dead." He punched the wall with his good hand. "Even the planet's stuck on this $#&% train. And that means everyone on it. There's gonna be casualties no matter what. I could be one of 'em, pretty easy."
"Then what good would I do?" Kit asked. "I'm just another person..."
"If you're good at stayin' alive, then we could use your help," Barret said. "Someone's gotta stay live to see this whole thing out, an' I want that person to be on our side. If we all go down, the planet dies. If somehow you can stay alive in the middle of it, the planet's still got a chance."
"He's right, you know," Red spoke up. "Kit, you're in this already, because of your involvement with Sephiroth, and your involvement with us. If you don't help one side or the other... Well, wouldn't that just be running away?"
Kit had been thinking the same thing herself, but there was one more thing to consider. "What if your side isn't the one I choose?" she asked him.
Red smiled sympathetically. "I don't believe that," he told her. "Aeris said she saw into your heart, and it was good. Remember? I trust Aeris."
"I wish I could," Kit muttered.
Cid shrugged. "Just do it," he commented. "We're as good as screwed anyway, so what's the difference? I trust you, at any rate. When Jenova took you over, you didn't stick around and let her use you to beat on us - you fought her."
"Cid's right," Red agreed. "Even without Aeris's assurance, the fact you rejected Jenova proves you're not on her side."
"And what about Sephiroth's side?" Kit asked. "What about the father of my son?"
That silenced them. "I don't see how Sephiroth's side an' Jenova's side are any different," Barret said finally.
"They're different entities," Kit explained. "They have similar goals, but only because Sephiroth's goals have been given to him by Jenova. He practically worships her... all he wants is to please his 'Mother', and do as she commands him. If someone could break her hold on him, maybe we..." Her voice trailed off as she came to the realization. "I do have to come with you. I know him, and now I've become acquainted with her... I might be the only one who could do it."
Red nodded. "Good. I'm glad to hear it."
"Welcome aboard," Cid said cheerfully. "Again. I figured you'd come around."
She smiled at them, despite her misgivings. "Thanks..."
"One thing though," Red commented. "Kit, what if you can't break her hold on him? What will you do then?"
She hesitated, her very soul shrinking from the thought. She had to be able to do it... she had to.
Barret spoke up in her place. "Well then," he said grimly. "She said she was good at two things, stayin' alive and killing. We'll deal with that if and when it happens, but..." His face grew darker as he regarded her. "You might find a use for both those things. You prepared for that?"
This time, she didn't shrink away from his firm gaze. "No," she answered. "But as you said, we'll deal with it if and when it happens."
But it won't, she silently vowed.
To Chapter ThirtySix.
To the intro.
© 1998, 1999 by Andrea Hartmann.
That means it's mine, not yours!